


A Triangle of Setters

by zirkkun



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Friend-Insert, High School, Hinata's POV, Japanese Character(s), Kageyama's POV, Karasuno, Kenma's POV, Love Triangles, Major Character Injury, Multi, Multiple Pairings, Multiple Relationships, Old Married Couple, Original Female Character Replaces Hitoka Yachi, POV First Person, POV Multiple, POV Original Character, POV Original Female Character, Past Relationship(s), Rant, Rant Fic, Rants, Self-Insert, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Sugawara's POV, Summer Camp, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, aoba johsai, oikawa's pov, past emotional abuse, vent - Freeform, vent fic, volleyball tournaments
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-02-25 04:47:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 91,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21910186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zirkkun/pseuds/zirkkun
Summary: (An old work; written when I was 16)A wish to try become someone new, blocked only by an aching, inescapable past. Who knew this would be shattered alongside a cracked tooth?A new manager helps Hinata and Kageyama study for their exams, only for them to fail. Nothing new. She plans to head to the Tokyo camp with the rest of the team while those two stay back, but her plans change when some roughhousing leads into broken bones. Forced to go to Sendai to get her tooth repaired by emergency, she meets a person who, without fail, annoys her on the spot. He's too familiar, despite being completely new. Yet, this interaction will have far more power than either of them realize -- bringing a chance to change a broken past.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou & Original Female Character(s), Kageyama Tobio/Original Female Character(s), Kozume Kenma & Original Female Character(s), Nishinoya Yuu/Original Female Character(s), Oikawa Tooru/Original Female Character(s), Sugawara Koushi/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	1. My Apologies

**Author's Note:**

> This is an old work of mine from 2016, but I'm fixing it up to fit my standards of today. The rough draft is approximately 100k words, so this is actually, to date, the longest fic I've ever written! Originally, each chapter was about 10k words each, but I'll be breaking them down into more sizable bites, as well.
> 
> That being said, this fic is a very personal one that is close to my heart. I originally wrote this to get over a horrible, demeaning relationship I had in high school, so the OC protag composes a lot of the negative emotions I had at the time. I suppose you could call it a "self-insert," but I'm so disconnected with the character emotionally at this point that I can't really consider her that anymore. Frankly, while re-writing it, I'm actually not liking her as much as I used to. Guess that shows how much I've changed as a person!
> 
> I know this isn't my best work, but it's definitely my most personal one. I debated for years whether or not I should post it, but I finally decided it would be better to post it here than let the rough draft sit around collecting dust. I hope you enjoy what I've written, and please feel free to note any typos or continuity errors you notice while reading! Sometimes, while fixing things and cutting scenes out, I skim over things by mistake.

"I'm so, so sorry!"

Before me was a black-haired boy: he was a year and grade younger than me. Despite fully knowing that, I stood opposed to him, bowing passed my own waist. I couldn't see his face at this second, but I could only assume he looked baffled. I could feel myself shivering and shaking, my eyes jammed shut in embarrassment.

"You're making a scene," he muttered. I hesitantly cracked open my eyes, glancing to either side of me. People stood, unmoving, presumably staring at the strange-appearing duo before them -- that being me and my _kouhai_. "Just stand up already, will you?" he hissed.

I straightened out slowly, my heart thumping against my chest, far too aware of all the eyes glued to me. I made an effort not to turn my head either direction. "What are you even going on about?" the black-haired boy continued, grinding his teeth together.

"I --" I croaked. "I heard you failed your exams, and I was your tutor! I've failed you, and I'm so very sorry, Kageyama- _san_!"

"Stop talking like that, you sound like an idiot," he complained. His navy eyes diverted away, jaw clenched in frustration. "Look, it doesn't matter, I'll deal with it myself." He fumed with anger as he stared at me with an inexplicable amount of fury. "Goodbye," he hissed suddenly, taking no time to storm off. I stood, watching him walk away, feeling defeated and confused about what it was that I'd said to him that was wrong. The guilt wasn’t left to linger for more than a few seconds before laughter broke me from those thoughts.

"What did you say to Kageyama, Yoru- _senpai_? He's so mad! I mean, not like that takes much but..." A ginger boy crept up behind me, proceeding to continue laughing like a maniac.

I bit my lip. "I just apologized for his failed exams, since I was both his and your tutor," I sighed. "Now he's going to miss the trip to Tokyo because of the makeup exams and it's all my fault, Hinata- _san_."

"Oh, I see." He shifted in his stance, a fake smile still pasted onto his cheeks without fail. "I hate to tell you now just after you said that, _but_..." Hinata let loose a nervous breath before announcing, "I failed my English exam."

"What?" I gasped. "Oh no, I'm so sorry, I'm a terrible tutor..."

"No, no, don't say that! You're not a bad tutor, we're just bad students, see? I'll admit I gave up halfway through the test because I _really_ didn't know what I was reading anymore."

"But what about Tokyo? Won't you guys have to stay back now?"

Hinata placed his hand on my shoulder briefly. He stared, eyes soulless. "Please," he begged, "don't mention that. I don't want to think about it."

I let out a hesitant and hasty apology. Yet, as quick as a mere gust of wind, his usual grin came back. Hinata gave me a swift pat on the shoulder before dropping his arm back at his side. "Don't worry about it. Not your fault. You go with the rest of the team. You passed your tests, didn't you?"

"Yeah," I answered, honestly and yet regretfully. "I got about a ninety-two to ninety-five on them all."

Hinata seemed momentarily pained, despite the remaining smile. "Ah," was all he had to say on the topic. "Well, then you head out with the club, okay? We'll be fine, promise."

I bit my lip. "But, Hinata- _san_ \--"

"Nope, don't worry about it!" He grinned especially wide. "We'll root for the team. You just head out and support us as the best manager you can be!" His brown eyes held a determination with a source that was unexplainable to me. "C'mon, let's head to practice. It'll clear our heads." He looked concerned when I didn't make an effort to move, to which he took my wrist and started dragging me along. I couldn’t help it -- I really did feel terrible about what happened. I know they both had said at this point I shouldn’t worry about it, but deep down, I knew it was still my fault they had both failed.

"Hinata! How did you do on your exams?!" A black haired boy with slicked back hair, save for a stray blond tuft at the front, called out from the other side of the gym as the two of us entered. Yuu Nishinoya, who was a second year like me, but was in class 2-3. I was in class 2-5, which was for advanced classes.

"Oh, Nishinoya- _senpai_! Yeah, I failed my English exam! Scored a twenty-one!"

"Really! Insane! Haha, I passed all of mine!"

"What! No fair!" Hinata complained.

"Mhm, so did I!" a bald second year chimed, standing at Nishinoya’s side, both showed off their test grades, papers in hand: a whopping forty-two and forty-three, just barely above the failing cutoff of forty points.

"Nishi- _san_ , Tanaka- _san_... you barely passed," I noted.

"So? We passed, that's really all that matters! We get to go to _To-kyo_!" Tanaka sang loudly. 

"Don't rub it in!" whined Hinata.

"Hey, Hinata! Get changed if you're going to practice!" Daichi, the team’s captain, shouted. He was pulling out a cart of volleyballs from the storage closet, sporting the usual practice jersey with his sleek black school jacket to match his buzz-cut hair. The orange-haired first year accepted the order and ran to the locker room.

Practice went as it usually did. Kiyoko, the other team manager, and I were standing off to the side, as usual, taking notes on making small talk while the team practiced loudly. Kiyoko asked about my mood, saying I seemed more out of it than usual, but I brushed the comment aside. I didn’t need to fork other people into my unnecessary complaining.

As the boys were taking a water break, I noticed Tanaka had decided to stroll over towards the duo of frustrated first years. He grunted to get their attention, distractedly chugging down a bottle of water. When the bottle was empty, he slammed it against the wall with a loud gasp for air. "You two, you only failed one test, right?" he asked. Hinata and Kageyama exchanged glances before nodding. "Well, if you finish the tests right away in the morning, you can get to Tokyo by the afternoon." Both of the boys' eyes lit up instantly. "But," Tanaka continued, "my sister'll have to pick you up. So the safety of the trip isn't guaranteed!" He declared it so proudly that it, frankly, sounded a little eerie.

The practice ended as the sun just began to fall: six P.M. sharp. Kiyoko had to leave earlier than usual, so I promised her I'd clean up the gym by myself while the boys were in the locker rooms. It left me standing alone in the sunset-lit gymnasium, slowly collecting up stray volleyballs and piling them into the same cloth cart Daichi had pulled out earlier. The last orange-, green-, and white-colored volleyball fell from my palm into the basket.

Part of me wished I could do what they could, but sports were never my strong point. I've been extremely physically incapable of sports since elementary school -- and I’ve never worked on improving. Volleyball was easily one of my worst sports, being disheartened by the rawness on my arms the ball caused. It was strange how merely watching all of these boys practice passionately made me feel differently. The only reason I took the position as manager, believe it or not, was because my friend had convinced me into doing it purely because she liked one of the guys on the team. A silly motivator, I know, but I figured it would fill my otherwise empty time. When I asked about the offer, Kiyoko seemed a little hesitant to bring on a second year, since I would have to find another manager next year with half the experience a first year would have when they graduate. But when I ended up being the only option left available, she let me join the team.

I picked up one of the volleyball from the cart, spinning it around and silently watching its colors twirling. The open gym displayed itself before my eyes, feeling far larger without the nets strung up. No one else was around. With this realization in hand, I carefully tossed the ball into the air, attempting to serve it overhand as I'd seen some of the players do. But as it was, it didn't go very far nor very high; I very well may have smacked it with the bristles of a paintbrush. The ball tapped the floor softly, as if it had just been set down.

What was I doing? I needed to finish cleaning up and go home.

"Oh, Yoru- _senpai_!"

I flinched, flicking my head toward the voice in the doorway. There stood Hinata, staring excitedly with sparkles in his eyes. "That was a good serve! You shouldn't have been so hesitant, though. It would have been a lot more powerful if you really put your all into it!"

I felt heat creep up my cheeks. "No, it was nothing. Don't worry about it. I just dropped the ball," I lied hastily. I could feel my heartbeat racing with every step. Great, exactly what I didn't want to happen, happened. Now I just wanted to go home.

When I picked up the volleyball and turned around, Hinata was right behind me. I nearly dropped the ball again, having not expected him to pop up so close to me so suddenly. He smiled and laughed softly. "Hey, have you ever played volleyball before?" he asked curiously.

"Um..." I gripped the ball tightly in my palms as they began to build up a sweat. "No, I mean, not besides anything in a Phy. Ed. class. I've never been very good at sports."

"Well, no one starts out as good! You have to build up your skills!"

I shifted. "You're one to talk. You have an amazing talent and very little volleyball experience, at least, when compared to your team."

As soon as I said it, I thought Hinata would have been upset. But, instead, he just chuckled and scratched the back of his head. "Well, if that’s what you think, then why not play with some of your friends? That's what got me continuing to play volleyball. None of them were really good at or interested in volleyball, but they were there to support me!"

"What do you mean?"

Hinata's eyes sparkled excitedly as he quickly grabbed my wrists and exclaimed, "Wait here, I'm gonna go grab Kageyama." With that, he ran back off through the exit.

I tried to tell him no, jogging towards the doorway he ran from. This ended up being useless, as within seconds I could hear Hinata yelling to his friend, loud and clear. Somehow, he managed to drag the black-haired boy -- who still held his permanent scowl -- back into the gymnasium.

"We'll both play with you!" chimed Hinata.

"What? No, you really don't have to do that. You guys should probably just go home and get to rest," I argued.

"Don't worry about it!" Hinata smiled. "We'll be fine! Right, Kageyama?"

He seemed flustered. Kageyama averted his gaze and mumbled a "sure" under his breath. I shifted in my stiff stance and bit my lip, Hinata gently patting my shoulder. "C'mon, you guys, it'll be fun!" he insisted.

The two of them set up the volleyball net once again, Kageyama far more reluctantly than Hinata, and dragged out the cart of volleyballs that I had just finished gathering up. Hinata threw his Karasuno black jacket to the floor, stretching out his arms. Kageyama didn't bother taking his off and instead just rolled up the sleeves. I was reluctant to join. Hinata continued to insist, trying to rally the both of us far more than we were willing and able to be. 

"Are you really sure this is a good idea?" I pressed. Frankly, I was just trying to find any way out of this that I could. "I’m really not good at sports. I know you said playing with friends changes that, Hinata- _san_ , but… well, you two are the only ones on the team I've really talked to -- and that's only because of the study sessions. I don’t think I really fit in as trying to participate like I’m part of the team."

"You are part of the team, though! You're wanted here, and you can easily have as much fun as we do," Hinata conned. "I'm sure by playing a little you can understand. And you should talk to us more! You're so quiet, it's really saddening! I'm sure everyone in the club wants to be friends with you, so don't be afraid to say hi!"

"That’s probably not a good idea. I always screw up in conversation," I noted reluctantly.

"Don't worry, Kageyama's socially awkward, too."

"Huh? I am not, you little shit!" Kageyama snapped, going to smack Hinata in the head, but he narrowly dodged the attack by diving below his arm. Kageyama's blue eyes flared with rage. I laughed nervously.

"Hehe, maybe you two would make a good pair! 'The Socially Awkward Duo Who Can't Talk to Others!'" Hinata teased. I realized it was more directed at Kageyama, but I couldn't help but wonder what it is that he actually meant by that. It had to be nothing. 

"Oi, what are you suggesting, bastard?!" He ground his teeth together, voice shaking as he went to grab Hinata by his skull. Kageyama had a blooming redness across his cheeks that didn't fit his furiously scowling face. The orange haired boy continued laughing quite loudly as he spouted off more nicknames.

"'Couple of Silence!' 'Socially Awkward Companions!' 'Royal Duo of Derp!' 'The King and Queen of Failed Converasa--' _ack!_ "

Kageyama snagged Hinata's shirt collar as he finished the "royal" nickname, twisting it upon mention of the "king and queen." He looked to be choking him. "Kageyama- _san_! Let go of him!" I squeaked, my demands too scared to sound enforced.

Hinata struggled breathing before landing with a thud on the floor, gasping for air as he stared back to his teammate. " _Don’t_ ," Kageyama demanded, "address me as 'King' or 'Royal...' _ever_ again."

I held my place, frozen. Hinata stared, eyes wide, at Kageyama, who was heaving heavily. He glanced to me, meeting my eyes for no more than a second before turning back out from the gymnasium. Kageyama plucked up his school bag that he had tossed by the doorway, threw it over his shoulder, and slammed the metal door behind him as he left. Hinata still lay on the ground, awestruck and blank. I scooted to him anxiously, unable to find words to say. Slowly, he pulled himself upward, reaching off the ground and standing back upright. His breathing was still heavy; it seemed he couldn’t find the right words, either. "Hinata- _san_ \--" I started, but he stopped me.

"I'm sorry." Hinata mumbled. "I went too far... way too far. I should have known he still hated being called 'King of the Court.'" He shook his head. "I thought he'd gotten over that by now... I guess I was wrong."

"King of the Court?" I asked cautiously.

"It was what he was called in junior high. That was the only name I knew for Kageyama at first. I don't think he’d be okay with me saying why he was called that, but I do know that when he came to Karasuno and people called him that, he got really mad." He paused, pursing his lips. "But he's never gotten _that_ mad before."

I fiddled with the end of the fabric on my shirt restlessly. I had my conclusions, though, they're likely not viable. "You don't think there's something more to it, is there? Like, rather than just being called 'King of the Court,'" I asked.

Hinata blinked, tipping his head a little ways. "More? Why would there be? I mean, that's all he said there was wrong."

I bit my lip. "Sorry, nevermind. We'll sort this out with Kageyama later."

Bit by bit, a smile pulled up and across his cheeks once again. Nodding once more, he blurted, "Alright. Why don't we play a little volleyball and then leave for the night? I mean, we did set up the net already. I can walk you home, too, if you want!"

"You don't have to do that, Hinata- _san_ , but thank you for the offer --" My voice was cut off into a squeak as he gripped both of my wrists again, making direct eye contact with me. My eyes shook, unable to keep it: the contact scattered.

"Don’t worry about it I would rather walk home with you than leave you all alone at night."

Not much was accomplished through practice. Well, not much positive, anyhow.

"Okay, so, what else to do instead of bumping the ball back and forth..." Hinata held out a frustrated silence in thought. Until this point, that's all we had been doing, the exchange usually broken quickly by my own failures. It had started to become boringly repetitive. "Maybe I could show you how to spike! Uh, or, well, I could _try_. My setting isn't that good. Uh, how good are you at setting?"

"I don't know, but probably nowhere near as good as you're hoping me to be!" I posed, but he just gave me a pouting glare.

"'Probably!' Don't say 'probably' like that. You can do something if you put your mind to it, so you don't have to assume everything will end negatively! I can't say I'll be able to hit any toss you throw me, but I'll try! So you should try giving me a toss, too."

I bit my lip. "I... I can _try_ , I guess."

He threw up his hands in excitement. "Yay! Okay, okay, so, what you do is when I jump at the ten-foot line, you've gotta toss it in front of me with all you've got! That'll be a 'first tempo' attack!" He animated his words with such joy and excitement, using hand motions to describe each action even though I had absolutely no idea what he was talking about. Before even waiting for my confirmation, Hinata sprinted off to the back of the court. I scrambled to grab a volleyball. "Ready?" he prompted.

"Ah -- um -- yes!" I answered. Hinata sprinted as I tossed the ball into the air. However, when he jumped, the ball was still above me. I wouldn't be able to set it in time for him to hit it. And sure enough, he was mid-fall by the time the volleyball tapped my fingertips. He still tried to spike it; the ball ground itself into the net.

"Try jumping if it's too high! That's what Kageyama always does," he suggested. "One more!"

Hinata threw the ball back quickly, sprinting to the court's edge again. "Ready?"

"Yes!" I confirmed, throwing the ball at the same time as he started running, just as last time. Just as he leaped, I did too, pushing the ball towards him as fast as I could. But it didn't hit his palm at all: in fact, it nearly hit his face as he went to smack it with his palm. Hinata lost coordination with his jump and nearly tumbled wholly into the net. The end of his foot was caught and tangled, which set him off balance yet held him in place, the net refusing to rip.

"Are you okay?" I blurted. He was furiously attempted to untangle his foot, hopping with one leg planted to the floor. Hinata loosened it almost immediately, but he still lacked balance, and ended up fumbling with his footing before completely collapsing and knocking us both onto the ground. Now, this wasn’t the first time I’ve fallen on my face. Not to mention I’ve been smacked with volleyballs _constantly_ lately, so I didn't find it worrisome.

...until I felt a distinct crack in my mouth.

" _Senpai_? Are you alright? Oh God, your face!" Hinata rambled on -- I wasn’t paying attention. I lay frozen, conscious of something broken within my mouth. Was it a tooth? My jaw? I couldn’t tell, but something was wrong. I wasn’t hurting, I wasn’t in pain, but I was scared.

Hinata, seemingly growing desperate for a response, shook my shoulders. That’s when the pain started to settle in. "Ow, ow, ow, oh shif, ffck..." It was very hard to speak, as if water was filling my mouth from the inside -- sputtering, even. Hinata suddenly choked on his breath.

"Yoru -- you -- your mouth is ... there's so much blood."

I blinked, panicked.

"Your mouth is bleeding! And... oh my God, your tooth looks _really_ badly cracked. This is my fault! We've gotta get you help. Uh, Kageyama is long gone. Uhh, so is everyone else. Um. Um." His head flicked back and forth. "I've gotta do something, uh... crap, crap." Hinata sat upright, helping me up. My head spun as I wobbled forward; Hinata had to stabilize me almost instantly. Why was I so dizzy? "Crap, this is bad, this is so bad, I'm so sorry, crap, crap..." The first year kept mumbling on and on; I couldn’t keep up. He slammed open the metal front door, dragging me outside. By now there was little sunlight, but I assumed it was only sometime around seven o'clock. My tooth smacked the upper jaw of my mouth and I winced. "S-sorry!" blurted Hinata. He was fumbling around outside, frantically looking for someone or something that would help us.

"Hinafta... why nof... call someone?" I suggested, still struggling to speak.

Realization rose across his face. "Oh! Yeah! I can do that!" The happy thought fell flat within a few moments. "Uh, crap, um, my phone is in my bag by the door --"

"Go gef itf," I told him. "I can sitf."

He seemed hesitant, but quickly ran inside the gymnasium, sprinting back just as fast. I was sitting on the concrete steps, soon rejoined by the frantic ginger, who was tapping away at thing on his phone. My eyes and head wobbled and spun while sitting upright; I couldn’t find much other choice than to lean into his shoulder, lest I were to pass out. He suddenly stiffened with a quick, small yelp that reminded me of a skittish dog, but didn't say anything.

"Sugawara- _senpai_ ?" Hinata asked sheepishly; he had called the team's vice captain. "Cool, um, are you doing anything right now?" There was a short pause. I vaguely heard the third year's voice on the other side. "Well, um, Yoru- _senpai_ ... her mouth is bleeding and she has a broken tooth. Like, it's super bad. I tried to spike a ball and tripped into her from the net and this happened and I don't know what to do and --" His tempo kept going up and up. I heard Sugawara cut him off, trying to calm him down. Hinata took a deep breath, finalizing, "Okay... okay, alright, okay, thank you, Sugawara- _senpai_ , really! I'll stay with her until you get here. Later." He shifted his arm down and ended the call with a sigh. "Sugawara will be here soon. Three minutes, tops, he said," explained Hinata. I merely grunted in response.

Wind dusted the air as crinkled leaves bounced against concrete and grass. I shivered as a breeze of cold brushed passed my arms. Despite the fact it was merely one gust of chilly air, Hinata then latched himself to me in a hug. "I'm sorry," he mumbled, surprising me from his sudden outburst. "This is all my fault!"

My heart raced. _This is not romantic_ , I told myself. _I don’t feel anything here_. I let the thought sink in, repeating it consistently as time paced. It felt almost like he was an innocent puppy curling up to me, like I wanted to keep him close as if he were my own. Yes, that was all. I'll just say that, solving any and all problems for the future before they even happen.

"If's nof your faultf..." I mumbled, swallowing a bit of the blood that had been gathering rather grotesquely in my mouth.

"I won't be able to make this up to you, will I?" he muttered, ignoring what I had just said. "I broke your tooth, knocked you senseless, failed my tests when you studied so hard with me, teased about you and Kageyama when you were asking for serious help, and forced you to play volleyball with me, and... gah, who am I kidding? There’s too much. I'm sorry, really, I just..."

"I saidf already, if's nof your faultf," I repeated, more sternly this time.

The silence echoed again. We didn’t speak another word for a long while.

"Sorry I took so long! Yoru- _chan_ , are you alright?"


	2. My Apologies Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yoru gets a bit closer to Sugawara as they talk to each other, bits and bits of her past slowly coming out.

Sugawara was jogging up to us at a brisk pace, panting almost as if he had ran the whole way here. As he approached me, kneeling down, he prompted, "Let me see your tooth." I swallowed down the blood still pooling in my cheeks before cracking open my lips.

Sugawara gripped my jaw softly; his hands were so soft that I thought he was wearing some kind of silky gloves, but when I glanced to him, this was evidently not the case. "Ah, geez, that is a really bad crack," he spoke, voice hushed in pain. "I don’t think there’s any dentist’s office open at this hour of the night, so we’ll probably have to get you to an emergency room. Not that I know if they’ll be able to do anything..."

"Huh? What do you mean you don't know?" blurted Hinata in a small panic.

"Don’t fret, Hinata, we’ll work something out." Sugawara dropped his hand off of my chin, a reassuring grin stretching across his cheeks as he turned his attention back to me, soft brown eyes glistening with confidence. "We’ll head to the hospital between here and Sendai, it should be about twenty minutes away. That sound alright?"

I, not really expecting to be prompted to speak, merely nodded. Sugawara ruffled my hair a bit before saying, "Don't worry, it'll be okay. I promise." He flickered his gaze back to Hinata. "Make sure you have everything, I’ll drive us there."

"Oh, uh, I'll grab it all, one second!" Hinata sprang up from his sitting position, sprinting back to the gym only to turn around the second he made it to the doorway. "Should I take down the net, too?"

"Don't worry about it. I'll get it in the morning."

"Okay." The first year sprinted off. Sugawara sighed a small laugh. He gingerly took me by my arm as he helped me stand up once again.

"Dizzy, too, huh?" He shifted his grasp on me once I had begun to stumble. "That must have been some crash." I grunted in confirmation. "Well, I know I've said this plenty already, but don't worry too much about it, Yoru- _san_. I know it probably hurts like hell, but it'll be okay soon. I'd have some pretty nasty words to say if I took my parents' car to bring you there and they didn't do anything to help you."

"...you tfook your parenfs' car?" I asked wearily, slightly concerned.

"Mhm, but don't worry about me. You're the one with the injury," Sugawara answered. "Here, you can sit in the back," he said, opening the door of the small car he had driven in. I crept in slowly, breathing in sharply as I once again smacked the cracked tooth against my upper jaw thanks to my natural clumsiness that caused me to smack my head into the peak of the doorframe. "You okay?" Sugawara quickly asked. I meekly nodded.

"Okay, I'm back!" Hinata shouted. "Oh, am I sitting in the front?"

"Yes," replied Sugawara. He swiftly rounded the car and popped into the right side, adjusting himself as he powered up the car. Hinata leaped into the passenger seat with his school bag in hand and "Karasuno High School Volleyball Club" jacket on his shoulders. I remained silent the whole trip.

"So... we'll have to go to the dentist anyway?" Sugawara sighed, leaning briefly against the desk of the hospital secretary. "Is there at least something that can be done until the morning? There isn’t a dentist open for at least twelve hours yet."

"Well, you could get some gauze pads to slow the bleeding and have her hold a small bag of ice to her jaw. There are also some over-the-counter painkillers we can recommend from the pharmacy down the street so it’ll be easier to sleep with the pain, but I’m afraid we just don’t have the tools here to operate on a cracked tooth. I'm really sorry," the lady apologized.

"No, it's alright, I figured we'd end up going to the dentist anyway, since it is a tooth injury. I was just hopeful." He chuckled weakly. "So... some gauze and ice? I don't suppose you have some to lend out."

"Oh, sure, that I can grab," she answered, pushing back her rolling chair as she stood up. "One moment, I'll be right back."

"Take your time," Sugawara smiled. But as soon as the lady sitting at the desk left our sight, he groaned in agony, falling in defeat against the counter before him. "Sorry, Yoru- _san_. I can get some of those painkillers for you, but there isn’t going to be much else I can do."

Hinata had stayed behind in the car as the two of us had wandered inside. Hinata didn't seem apt to the idea, but I guess Sugawara was expecting this result, so he figured it'd be better for the little ball of energy to stay where he couldn't get into a fury if we were denied service. "Iff's fine, Sugawara- _senpai_ , iff's nof your faulf. I can'f fhank you enouf for coming here af all." I was really dying to get that gauze and ice pack. Over time my clogged voice just seemed to get more and more strange.

He stood up straight again, facing me with bright eyes. "It's no problem at all." Sugawara grinned brightly, a bit of his teeth poking out, just before it turned into a bit of a remorseful smile. "I didn’t think this sort of thing would have happened to you, of all people on the team." He chuckled nervously, scratching the back of his head as he held his other hand against his hip. "But I suppose I haven’t really gotten the chance to talk to you much. You aren’t really one for small talk amongst the team, are you?"

I just shook my head, not really knowing what else to say in response. It was true, I didn’t really make an effort to talk to the team outside of Kiyoko, Hinata, and Kageyama, but that was more because I was just afraid of initiating a conversation. Frankly, the only reason I even started talking to Hinata and Kageyama was because Kiyoko suggested I help them study for their finals, since they didn’t have anyone else to turn to.

"So, Yoru- _san_ , have you played any sports before?" Sugawara asked.

I blinked. "Um... no, acfually. I've never played any sporfs more fhan in a Phy. Ed. class," I replied weakly. "And I fook some swimming lessons when I was younger."

"Oh, really? What do you do then?"

I shrugged. "Reading, wrifing, stufdying. Nothing all that special."

"Writing, really? That's plenty special; I'm jealous. I don't have the patience nor the creativity for something like that, so I've never really done much aside from the papers we have to write for school and what-not." Sugawara grinned. "I always thought that creative writing was such an interesting art, though. Powerful, really. I miss when I had time to read."

We continued talking for a long while, about books, classes, future plans, whatever came to our minds. There was so much discussed that I’d practically forgotten what we were standing around for -- time passed by so quickly that I didn’t realize it had been ages before the hospital secretary finally returned. "I apologize for the wait. I got some gauze and ice like you asked." The lady reappeared, an ice bag and gauze pad grasped in her hands. She offered them to Sugawara, who took them with a slight bow.

"Thank you. Have a good evening," he replied. The lady said likewise before the two of us wandered back out of the building. He handed me the gauze and ice pack. "Here you go, hope this helps at least a little."

"Fhank you so mush, Sugawara- _senpai_ ," I mumbled sheepishly, taking the items from him gingerly.

"Oh -- please, call me Koushi."

I paused, glancing up to him uncertainly. He stared back confidently, his brown eyes seeming extremely sincere. "K-Koushi- _senpai_?" I stumbled nervously in an attempt to ask for confirmation.

"Yes," he confirmed, flashing a toothy grin to me cheerfully. I quickly diverted my gaze as I went to place the gauze in my mouth. "Oh -- ah, Yoru- _san_ , the blood's not actually coming from right there, it's -- here." He stopped walking as he carefully went to adjust the placement of the gauze. For once, however, I saw Sugawara look completely flustered. "Er -- my apologies, I probably shouldn’t have done that so, uh, without hesitation."

"N-no, it’ffine!" I sporadically spurted. "Don'f wurfy abouf if, Suga -- I mean, Koushi- _senpai_."

For a moment, it looked like his cheeks were dusted with pink, holding back a laugh -- probably because of how I was talking. I couldn’t help but feel embarassed. But he smiled so brightly, a pure smile heavenly enough to cure major diseases. How could he look so angelic? My heart tinged in my chest. My brow furrowed as I pushed the thought away. "That's good to know," Sugawara replied.

"Hey, hey! Guys, it's only eight o'clock!" Hinata shouted out of the car window as we got closer to it. "Did Yoru not get her tooth fixed?"

Noticing the spazzing first year, Sugawara shook his head. "No, they suggested the dentist. I think there's one about twenty minutes out..."

"Huh? Sugawara- _senpai_ , it's already so late, though. Will it still even be open?" Hinata prompted.

He froze. "Oh..." he murmured. "That is... oh no, I didn't even think of that."

"What? No way! That was my first thought!"

"Shit," swore Sugawara fiercely. I took a step back in sudden surprise for the anger this boy held. "Yoru- _san_ , I -- I'm the worst, I'm sorry," he mumbled. He leaned his elbows into the hood of his car, unable to come up with a solution. I tried to reassure him, but with cotton shoved into my mouth and ice shoved against my jaw, I just sounded like a fool. Speaking was truly embarrassing, probably even more so than usual. "Ah, shit!" Sugawara smacked his fist into the side of his parent's car; I was surprised it hadn't bent with how hard the impact was. Hinata leapt out of his skin.

"S-Sugawara, don't freak out so much!" Hinata began. "I'm sure we can do something about it. Like, maybe it's open until nine? Or... something?"

"Doubtful, but thank you for trying to look on the bright side, Hinata," Sugawara sighed bitterly. "Well... I guess it's just getting later the more we sit around. I might as well take you both home to rest up -- Hinata, with your tests, and Yoru- _san_ , since you'll have to get up with us in the morning... maybe Takeda- _sensei_ or Coach could take you to the dentist in the morning, so then they can bring you back to the volleyball camp for the afternoon."

I didn't reply, but nodded softly. Hinata piped up loudly. "Oh, my house isn't too far from here, it's just down that road and across the river, then you drive up the mountain over there! Well, the mountain is probably a long part of the trip..." He seemed frozen for a moment. "Gah! I just remembered... I always ride my bike to school, and because I left it there..." He groaned.

Sugawara laughed weakly. "It's alright, I'm sure it'll be fine. I highly doubt anyone would take it."

"Yeah but... now I'll have to walk to school in the morning, which means I'll have to get up super early, probably before you guys!"

"Well, then I guess you'll just have to get extra sleep then!"

"What? Extra sleep? That's not possible! Can't you just go back and get it for me, Sugawara- _senpai_?" The first year pleaded.

Koushi laughed. "Unlike Nishinoya, calling me _senpai_ does not get me to do things. You're the one who left it behind, so you'll just have to deal without it." Despite his cold remark, he was still grinning brightly. _Harsh..._ I thought. Hinata whined, but Sugawara just laughed as he patted the boy's head. "I'm just going to take you home take you home. I want you to get a good night's sleep tonight. You have tests tomorrow that you really need to pass if you want to go to Tokyo, and, when you do pass them, you'll need energy to play."

Hinata focused intently as he listened to the words of his upperclassman. "You, too, Yoru- _san_ ," Sugawara continued, now facing me. "I'll take you home, and I want you to get the best rest you can. I'm really sorry about your tooth --"

"Donff wurfy abouf if," I said for probably the millionth time.

With that, he sighed, but we both hopped into the car again as he drove off in the very _helpful_ directions Hinata had given. I speak in thick sarcasm: Sugawara took a wrong turn at least two or three times while listening to the first-year boy's instructions. The more I sat, the more anxious I felt: I had something to ask Sugawara, but didn't want to while Hinata was here.

"Finally," sighed the third-year as he drove into the driveway of Hinata's description. The orange haired boy gathered up his bookbag as he popped open the door and leaped out of the car, thanking Sugawara for the ride. Just as he closed the door again, I took the cotton gauze out of my mouth.

"Koushi- _senpai,_ I -- can I --" My pre-rehearsed line in my head broke apart. "Do you mind if I... stay with you for the night?"

The air was held in complete silence. It took me a while to notice, but I soon saw that he was stunned in his spot from the reflection in the mirror. Clearly, he was thoroughly appalled at the question. "I... don't, want to, um..." I blurted. "It's just..." I bit my lip, uncertain of how to respond. _I want someone to look after my tooth?_ But what about my own parents? _I can't stand to leave you?_ Too romantic, that wasn't my goal. _Want to continue talking to you?_ Sounds weak; can't talking wait until morning?

"Whatever the reason, Yoru," he replied, a soft, serious tone to his voice, "I don't think you would be able to. I apologize." The way he spoke seemed to slice through my chest, for a reason I couldn’t place. "It's not in my nature to rebel like that -- taking my parents' car without their permission today is bad enough as it is," he continued.

"I --" I paused, wondering if I should even bother continuing. "I don't know how to describe it. It's like, I feel like I want someone here because of my tooth, but my parents could easily be there. Then my thought was that I couldn't stand to leave you --?" My voice cracked. "But that's not right. That sounds... _romantic_ , and I know that's not what I'm feeling. Yet I want to keep talking to you? I don't really know... I'm sorry, this is pretty lame."

There was a vague curve at his lips, something that seemed to connect some puzzle pieces much better than I could. Sugawara laughed softly. "It's not lame. But I do believe I understand a bit of what you're saying. What I feel like you're feeling is a desire to stay friends with me." He smiled exceptionally brightly. "That makes me really happy to hear, Yoru- _san_ \-- I'm just sad we'll only be able to talk to each other for the next year."

"We live in the age of technology! We can keep talking for as long as radio waves will function," I grinned. The joyful laugh that Suga burst out with caused my heart to jump. Stupid, stupid! Bag that and keep it locked in a safe!

"I think you're really sweet," he spoke softly. His eyes stared at mine, unblinking with unwavering emotion. His smile seemed much more affectionate as it continued to tug at the corners of his lips. But as quick as lightning, he blinked, lost eye contact, and flipped his attention to the windshield in front of him. "Ah, nevermind that, I’m just really tired," he declared hastily.

"It's fine," I mumbled unenthusiastically. The car roared back to life as Sugawara finally backed out of Hinata's driveway. Only when Suga had pulled into someone's driveway did I snap out of my thoughts and realize I hadn't told him my address. "Koushi- _senpai_?" I questioned. "This isn't my house..."

"Well, of course not," he laughed, unclicking his seatbelt. "It's mine."

"What?"

"I honestly don't mind if you stay the night. The issue is my mother and father. They're probably not going to be very happy I've brought a girl home this late. But! -- I have a plan, so don't worry." A smirked toyed at his lips as he placed a finger to them. "I'm hoping you have some kind of plan to talk to your parents?"

"Oh, mine won't mind. They don’t really concern themselves with who I’m friends with." It was a lie, but I didn’t really want to dig deep into the subject.

I was prone to anxiety. I wanted to put trust into Sugawara, but I stepped stiffly with every step nevertheless. The world was moving around me very slowly as I followed behind my upperclassman, stepping through what felt like caramel goo. "Just leave the talking to me, alright?" Sugawara whispered softly before opening the door.

"Mom! Dad! Sorry I'm late, but I'm home!" He shouted.

By force of habit, I mumbled a sheepish "Sorry for the intrusion," under my breath.

"Koushi- _kun_ , what took you so long?" The voice of dark-haired woman with brown eyes, who I assumed to be his mother, spoke as she appeared around the corner. "You came home and then immediately turned around and left, taking the car with you."

"Sorry, the new volleyball club manager got her tooth cracked today when she was helping another teammate practice, so I went to try and get help, but I couldn't get more than a cotton gauze pad and ice pack for it."

"If that's all she needed, we could have done that here! Where did you even go?"

"That small hospital just north of town," Sugawara answered, slipping off his shoes. "Thought they could fix the crack, but they only recommended the dentist in the next town over, which would be closed by now, anyway."

"I'm not surprised -- erm, who is that with you? Is this the manager? I thought it was that black-haired glasses girl?"

I flinched as soon as I realized she was talking about me. "Oh, you're talking about Kiyoko- _san_? She's still our head manager, yes. But this is who will be taking over for her when Kiyoko and I graduate." Sugawara smiled at me and whispered, "You can introduce yourself, if you'd like."

I caught a glimpse at him, then once more at his impatient-looking mother. "I-I'm Yoru Ikari, ma'm! It's a pleasure to meet you!" In a panic, I bent over in a quick bow to my waist.

"A stuttery one, she is," commented his mother. An arrow of cold pain shot through my heart. "What's this about a cracked tooth? She seems fine."

"I ... the gauze and ice pack are in my hand," I explained. "But the gauze pad is soaked in blood, so I will keep it to myself."

"Stand up, girl! You're making a fool of yourself at this point!" I snapped my back upwards. Sugawara's mother seemed to glare at me interestedly.

"M-Mom, please, stop that," Koushi mumbled. "You're really making her uncomfortable."

"Oh? And how do you know that? Is she your girlfriend, now, by any chance? I can't say I'd be upset if she was -- you seemed closer to your volleyball captain than any girl for a while."

"Mom! Please!" He sighed. "I was just going to ask if she could stay the night. Her parents are going to work early tomorrow, about the same time we have to leave for Tokyo, and she needed a ride to get to school."

"This is a pretty small town, don't know why she can't walk herself."

"She lives outside of town, so it'd be a long walk."

There was a long silence between the two. I felt every piece of stress and tension within the air before Sugawara's mother finally sighed in agreement. "But," she clarified, "if I catch either of you doing anything besides sleeping separately, your ass will be roasted, got that, Koushi?"

"Yes," he spoke confidently. I scrambled to pull my shoes off before Sugawara took me off down the hall. He rounded a corner and finally then stopped as he approached what I assumed was his room, sliding the door shut behind him. He sighed tremendously.

"K-Koushi- _senpai_ ," I began.

"You can drop the ' _senpai_ ,' if you'd like," he smiled.

I blinked. "From Sugawara to Koushi to no honorific in one night? You're... do any of the other guys address you like that?"

"Well, yes and no. No one really calls me Koushi... but no one else really addresses me with honorifics aside from underclassmen and those in different third-year classes," he explained. "But, anyway, sorry for interrupting you, what were you saying?"

"Oh, right. Um... why did you bring me here, anyway?"

He laughed. "I figured that's what you'd ask. Well... Yoru- _san_ , in all honesty, I feel the same way you do... if not..." Sugawara's voice drifted off as he shook his head. "I shouldn't jump to conclusions so quickly. It's only been a couple hours, right? But, I am certain I want to be closer to you. As a friend."

I merely stared at him, then averting my gaze to the floor. "I see."

"Erk -- it is too fast, isn't it? Ah, hum, I'll stop talking about it now. B-besides, we need sleep. I'll set up something so you can sleep on the floor comfortably, alright?" He stepped around me, scavenging around for a few blankets, it seemed. During this time, I noted the scenery of his room.

The walls were rather pale and bare, not holding any photo, poster, or even a shelf. By his closet was a bag of volleyball clothing, scattered and looking unwashed. I hoped it wasn't weeks old. Other than that, the room seemed organized -- so organized it was hard to believe someone lived here.

Koushi threw his schoolbag near his open volleyball bag. Then I realized that he had thrown aside another volleyball bag as well, this one smaller and I recognized it from today at practice. I was a little surprised he had two of them.

"Ah, well, that should do," he said, picking up the couple of blankets he'd managed to find and setting them on the floor between his bed and the door. "Sorry, it's not the best. I don't have as many blankets as I thought."

"It's fine," I answered. "Thank you so much, Koushi. You've done so much for me today, I hardly think it's possible to repay you."

His cheeks dusted pink; he denied that, saying I didn't need to. "Oh, um, I still have to wash my volleyball clothes for the Tokyo trip. I hope you don't mind.

"No, it's fine, I think we'd all rather you had clean clothes anyway," I grinned.

Koushi seemed entertained by the comment. "I guess that would be true."

As he left, I curled up with the pile of blankets on the floor, sliding out my phone from my pocket. I texted my parents first thing, pulling as truthful of a lie as possible out of my ass. I tried to work with the short story Koushi had made up. I wasn't usually one to lie, especially not to my parents, so it didn't particularly feel good as I sent it.

"Sorry, I --"

I felt like I had fallen asleep: I think his words when he entered the room had woken me up from a nap. Koushi held back a laugh. Considering what position I was in, I bet he was laughing at my current sleeping position. I was curled on my side, tight into a ball, with my hands held up to my face. I would have retorted, but I didn’t feel like moving, so I kept to a pseudo-nap. He stepped over me: I heard the jingle of his volleyball bag's zipper very distinctly as he set it down by what I assumed was the foot of his bed. His movements seemed to stop still. I could feel his presence over me still, making me very nervous and wondered what in the world was going through his head.

"... she's even cute when she sleeps," he whispered softly. I would have tensed very quickly up had it not been for my incognito sleeping, so instead, I tried my hardest to keep a relaxed breathing motion. "What am I thinking? Gah, clear your head, Suga. You should leave her alone." I heard him crawl into bed: it was a pretty squeaky mattress. "...ngh, she _is_ sleeping, but... I don't want to change into my pajamas in front of her," he whispered to himself. There was some shuffling noises, gentle and quiet. A piece of soft fabric hit my face. "S-shit, stupid scarf!" Koushi mumbled. I felt it gingerly crawl back off my face. That probably took the most effort to not react to so far, since it was so ticklish. "...maybe..." He said this, then nothing. Then I heard him get up again, and the click of the light switch. I could hear him violently slapping the side of his own head with his palm, mumbling to himself about something.

I'm not quite sure why, but I decided to play a short game -- test an experiment, if you will. I rolled over sluggishly onto my back. Koushi first screeched softly as I moved, then as he realized I didn’t do anything else, and he sighed loudly in relief. I just hoped to myself that he hadn't been thinking anything concerning.

"... bed. I am going to bed." He said this, but I didn't hear him move. "Dammit... Suga, bed. Go to bed. Ignore her. Nothing is on the floor. Or -- wait -- I might trip that way. There's a pile of dirty clothing on the floor."

I held back a laugh, but my mouth forced itself into a smile. I pleaded he hadn't noticed. Thankfully, he seemed too preoccupied with not noticing me.

But without warning, I could feel the heat of a body within less than a half meter from me. I could feel someone's leg pressed against the outer side of mine. It suddenly grew much more difficult for me to hold my place as I was forced to keep my pose. Sugawara still seemed to be fighting himself, judging on his breath that was stuttering in the silence. He eventually whispered, "...one kiss can't hurt, right?" There was a break. His breathing was still heavy, as if he had just finished volleyball practice for the day. It somehow had synced itself to the loud beat of his heart. "Oh, please, Sleeping Beauty, don't wake up. Just... please... let me have this one kiss."

Hot breath drew closer to my lips. He hesitated, over and over, each time getting closer and closer to my lips before he would back away again in a state of panic. Then finally, I felt his lips brush mine. Within that very second is when Sugawara switched, his motive now falling nothing short of greedy. His lips sealed mine fiercely. I felt him kiss me not once, twice, thrice, but four times. And on the fourth one, he grew even greedier, and sucked carelessly on my bottom lip.

He leaped back. "Wh-what the hell am I doing? No, no, now she's gonna wake up! How would I explain this?"

I couldn't resist speaking any longer.

"... I don't think you have to."

He shrieked. I cracked open my eyes, seeing him sit upright within a split second. And within the other split of that second he was down, bowing on the floor on his hands and knees. His voice cracked as he squeaked, " _I'm so, so, so, so, so sorry! Please forgive me!_ "

I sat upright, feeling extremely awkward as I saw my senior begging me for forgiveness. I wondered if this is the same kind of awkward feeling Kageyama had felt when I approached him similarly this afternoon. "Get up, Koushi," I bluntly ordered, a tired tone to my voice.

His head merely tipped up very slightly. "I -- but --"

"Just sit upright."

Slowly and hesitantly, he did so. He did not meet my eyes, finding a new interest in his closed closet door. "You don't have to avert your gaze like that," I said.

"I ... I apologize! I'm honest! I shouldn't have done that, I don't know what got over me! This is my fault, I've made you angry at me --"

"I'm not angry."

He stopped. His chocolate eyes flicked back to me momentarily, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "But... why aren't you? You didn’t give me permission to do that. I shouldn’t have done that. I didn't ask your permission to do that just now... and I just made out with you in your sleep."

"I was never sleeping," I smirked.

His cheeks blossomed pink. "You...?" I nodded. I could see the sudden suffering embarrassment in his eyes. "That -- that makes this _worse_."

I let out a soft sigh. "Koushi, I…" I figured I should say something now; sooner, rather than later. "I’m not interested in dating anyone. I like you, and I’ve liked other people before, but I just hurt people. I lose interest in someone very quickly, and I've already seen it hurt somebody, so I don't want to hurt anyone else. I've been trying to push aside any interests I have lately. Out of sight, out of mind." I pursed my lips, holding back a slight chuckle. "Probably why it's started to disgust me a bit, the concept of dating someone."

Koushi seemed instantly down-put, frowning to the point where I could see it in his eyes. He touched his own lips softly with his gaze averted to the wall. He fell silent. I was expecting him to finally realize I was a cowardly bitch who couldn’t come to terms with any emotion, but he didn't. He just smiled at me for some strange reason, falling to me to embrace me in a very unexpected, tight hug. "Koushi, what are you --?"

"Do you love me yet?"

I blinked, feeling both my heart skip a beat and my face heat up. "H-huh?"

He gingerly kissed my ear. "How about now?"

"K-Koushi--"

He kissed my ear again, then licked it very gently. "How about now?" he sang, whispering against my skin. It sent a hot shiver down my spine.

"Wh-what are you trying to do here?"

"I'm trying to bring out your feelings for me," he said casually. Sugawara sat upright and faced me, leaning his forehead gingerly against mine. "Is it working?" My face was so hot that I had no idea how to respond. There was a small smirk across his lips as he answered his own question: "... I'd say I've made some progress."

I was a little overwhelmed, frankly. "Can I say something?"

Koushi smiled. "What is it?"

"It's just..." I paused, lacking confidence to speak what I knew should be said. "I still feel like this isn’t going to make much of a difference. I don’t mind intimacy, but I can’t bring myself to care too deeply about someone. Not to mention, I hate dates."

"Hate? That's kind of harsh --"

"-- but accurate. They feel like a waste of time. They feel awkward. Eyes are always glued on us. It can't ever feel like I can be friends with the person, just a romantic partner. It doesn't feel equal."

There was a deep, deep silence within the dark room. Koushi sighed very softly, whispering, "You had a very bad relationship before this, didn't you? You're very bitter towards this all."

"It wasn't bad!" I snapped. "It just... it doesn't matter anymore, anyway. I don't wanna talk about it."

He frowned, concerned as he seemed to hope that I would continue. "Alright," he sighed, "I won't force you to talk about it if you don't want to, but I’m here for you if you need me. How long have you been keeping this to yourself?"

I stared at the floor. "...about eleven months."

"No wonder you're so bitter." He mumbled. Then his frown twisted into an anticipating smile. "I'm sorry, now I'm just insulting you, aren't I? What a terrible boyfriend I am."

My heart pinged. "Wh-who said --?"

"I did, just now," he smirked. "Of course, we don't have to rush it that far right away if you don't want to. But..." Koushi leaned in closer to me, resting his head against his arms that were now snaked around my neck; "...do be aware that I will be looking out for you from now on, and keeping that little heart of yours in check so you stay mine."

"S-Suga --"

"Ah, ah, call me Koushi, please," he ordered gently.

"Koushi, you're... much different here than you are on the court..."

"Am I now? I didn't think I was." He leaned back, locking an eye gaze with me that I just couldn't keep. But as I was tilting my head away, his hand firmly grasped my chin and made me face him once again. "My drive to win and conquer is still all the same."

My cheeks felt hot once more. "Do you mind if I kiss you again?" Koushi asked softly. I merely nodded my head as best as I could, having no possible way of breaking from his hold on my chin. "Thank you."

And his lips sealed mine once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The more I read this over to fix it up, the more I realize how much my writing has changed... thank you to anyone reading this! My writing has changed so much that I can't really say this is one of my best works anymore, but I definitely put the most heart and soul into it.


	3. Grieving the Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yoru has to go to Sendai the morning after she broke her tooth. But, unfortunately for her, she'll be opening up to an otherwise annoying stranger that reminds her of someone in her past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! For those of you who have notifications, you've probably noticed the sudden massive update in this fic. Or if you're here right when this chapter is released, you're in luck, this will be finished tonight.
> 
> However, this goes with one condition: I won't be rewriting or editing any more of the fic to match my today standards. As I keep thinking about it, there's no point in doing so. I wanted to document this work because I was proud of how much I wrote. And I figured the best time to post it all would be with Haikyuu's end.
> 
> I apologize if there are any inconsistencies from here onward. I had plans to re-write it more for the subject matter, since I was so embarrassed by it, but I don't think I should keep shaming myself for who I was as a 16-year-old. I would just like to keep that obvious to anyone reading, as well, though: I wrote this fic when I was 16 as a way of getting over my ex. So much of it might be not paralleled to how I think or write nowadays. But I'm trying to grow a thicker skin by posting this. Writing has always been something I've been scared about posting... but I really want to get out of that habit.
> 
> Thanks so much everyone for the support thus far, even though it's been a fairly small amount on this fic.

"Takeda- _ sensei _ , can I ask you a favor?" Sugawara asked the next morning, approaching the black-haired teacher in charge of the team. Sugawara's hand was loosely gripping the sleeve of my jacket as he pulled me along. I once again had my ice pack against my jaw.   
  
Takeda- _ sensei _ turned around to the two of us, blinking in surprise as he spotted the ice pack in my hand. "Yoru- _ san _ ? What happened?"   
  
"Tooth chipped," I explained bluntly. "I need to go to the dentist."   
  
"What? When did this happen?" He asked curiously.   
  
"Last night," Sugawara finished, "just after practice. Hinata got his foot caught in the volleyball net, then tripped and collapsed onto her."   
  
"Oh my goodness. How bad is it?"   
  
"The crack is all the way through her tooth, nearly splitting it in half."   
  
"You're kidding! And she slept with that?"   
  
I nodded. "It doesn't hurt that much..." I mumbled. "Just when something touches it."   
  
Takeda- _ sensei _ scratched the back of his head. "Hm... I guess that does need to be repaired, though, but I only know one dentistry that's open on Saturdays, and it's in Sendai. We'd have to go there now if we want to make it back to Tokyo before midnight."   
  
"Midnight...?" I mumbled.   
  
"It's about a four hour drive from Sendai to Tokyo... plus having to repair a tooth will take a while. I'm sorry you'll miss the practice for today, Yoru- _ san _ , but I'm sure Kiyoko will understand."   
  
Sugawara gripped my jacket sleeve tighter. I glanced to my wrist and then up to him. He had a small smile across his cheeks. "It'll be fine, Yoru. Don't worry about it," he whispered.   
  
I averted my gaze back to Takeda- _ sensei _ , feeling Koushi drop my sleeve. "I have to go take down the nets that Hinata set up last night, so I'll see you later,  _ Sensei _ . Later, Yoru- _ chan _ ." He ruffled my hair before running off with a wave towards the gymnasium. I merely stared at him run, even when the doors lay open and he no longer stood there.   
  
"Shall we get going, Yoru- _ san _ ?" Takeda- _ sensei _ asked, snapping me back to reality.   
  
"Oh... yeah," I mumbled.   
  
The drive was about as awkward and boring as I had expected. Takeda- _ sensei _ and I weren't particularly close, nor did it seem that either of us had anything to talk about during the drive to Sendai. It wasn't that long of a drive, thankfully, about fifteen minutes or so, but it was nearly entirely silent.   
  
"This is it," Takeda- _ sensei _ announced as we arrived in Sendai. "Now... from here I've just have to find the dentist... and somewhere to park."   
  
I just wanted this to be done with already.   
  
When we finally arrived at the dentist's office after what seemed a millenia, Takeda- _ sensei _ arranged for the appointment as I wandered off to the waiting room. I hoped I'd be able to get in right away: it was so early in the morning yet, the place probably had just opened. Who in the world would have booked an appointment this early? Well, at least, why would there be multiple?   
  
Sure enough, only one person sat in the waiting room. The person looked rather young, surprisingly, but was glued to a TV and thus didn't notice me. Nothing very important was on, just the daily news, so I didn't pay much mind to it as I sat down in one of the chairs. I caught a glimpse of the other person, noticing their extremely deep brown eyes holding a surprising amount of intrigue. The brunet waved to me with a grin, despite not knowing who I was. Hesitantly, I waved back, both confused and mildly disturbed.   
  
I figured that would be all of our interaction and turned my attention shakily to the television. But instead, the boy from across the room waltzed over to where I was sitting, plopping right next to me as if I were some close friend.   
  
"I don't believe I've seen you before," he remarked.   
  
"... and I haven't seen you either," I murmured, shifting slightly away from him. The laugh he had seemed to resemble a giggle.   
  
"Aw, don't just scoot away from me like I'm a freak! I promise I don't mean any harm," he sang. "But I noticed your jacket -- Karasuno High School Volleyball Club?" he asked, seeming to want clarification. I glanced to him out of my eye.   
  
"...and?" I replied weakly. "What of it?"   
  
"Oh, it's just that, not too long ago, my team and I completely crushed yours. But I guess you weren't there to see it!"   
  
I blinked, suddenly twisting my eyes slightly over to him. "Aha! Now I have your attention!" the brunet celebrated. He grinned playfully. "Yep. It was pretty harsh, their final Inter-High game. Two sets for me, one for Karasuno. The third set was a spectacular score of 33-31. It was all over the local news and papers -- I'm sure you saw everyone praising me, right? Crazy, isn't it? My whole team works while  _ I _ take all the glory."   
  
I suddenly lost interest in whatever he was saying. "... I haven't been interested in volleyball until a week or so ago."   
  
"What! You're kidding, right?" He seemed concerned. "Hmmm, then why do you have a Karasuno volleyball jacket?"   
  
"... I'm the... second manager."   
  
"Oh, I see! You're a first year that was just recruited then, huh? How cute!"   
  
I ground my teeth. "... I'm a second year."   
  
"Really, now? That's ballsy of them to do."   
  
"It's none of your business, anyway."   
  
"Ohh, feisty, aren't we? Haha, calm down, calm down, I'm just teasing you," the brunet grinned as he waved his hands in a half-hearted surrender.   
  
"Who the hell are you?" I blurted, unable to stand his personality any longer.   
  
"Ahh, I haven't heard that question in such a long time. My name is Tooru Oikawa, little lady. Might I ask for your name?"   
  
"Irrelevant."   
  
"Harsh!" he snapped, pouting. "C'mon, I'll go easy on your team next matchup if you tell me your name."   
  
" _ Don't _ do that," I hissed, snapping my neck around to face him. He started to say something, but I shoved my finger against his mouth to keep it shut. "I swear, if you dare go easy on them, you won't like the results."   
  
"Ooh, you're so cute! Ahh! I could just eat you up!" Oikawa smiled. If I had the tools, I would have stabbed him right there. Sadly, however, I couldn't do more than pinch his trap shut with my fingernails harshly. He whined painfully as I did so.   
  
"Oh, Yoru- _ san _ !" Takeda- _ sensei _ turned around the corner. "There you are. I... I'm sorry, but the earliest they could book you for was ten thirty..."   
  
"What? You're kidding!" I gasped.   
  
"I'm sorry, really, I'm not lying."   
  
I groaned. "That's like... three and a half hours of nothing to do."   
  
Oikawa gripped my wrist, pulling my hand away. "Not necessarily, Yoru- _ chan _ ," he sang.   
  
"Don't call me that."   
  
"Aww, cruel!" But he pulled me straight up out of my chair, dragging me behind him. "Excuse me, sir, I'll be borrowing her for those three hours you mentioned," Oikawa declared to Takeda- _ sensei _ , who seemed bluntly appalled.   
  
"Who said you could -- ?!" I didn't even finish by the time I was dragged away. "Oi-ka-wa!" I snapped. "Let me go this instant!"   
  
"Hm," he paused, stopping just as he pulled me outside the door to the dentist's office. "Ah, I don't think I will!"   
  
"You son of a bitch."   
  
"Eek! Harsh language, Yoru- _ chan _ ! Someone so cute and sweet as you shouldn't speak so bitterly."   
  
"Fuck you," I snapped. "I don't even like you."   
  
"So cold! You remind me of Tobio- _ chan _ ," he giggled.   
  
"Tobio?" I mumbled to myself. "Wait, you mean -- Kageyama- _ san _ ?!"   
  
"Ohh, so you  _ are _ the Karasuno manager then. Yay! Yes, I mean 'Kageyama.' My junior is such a cutie, isn't he?"   
  
"What, are you gay?"   
  
Oikawa stopped walking. He turned to me, dead of emotion but still smiling. "As much as it must crush you to hear, I am not. In fact, I rather hate Tobio- _ chan _ , but I believe my sarcasm went over your head."   
  
I stopped, startled by his reaction. His voice had dropped from a fake  _ shota _ voice to more of a  _ seme _ voice in mere seconds. A  _ seme _ voice. Which was counter productive for him, heh. Internally, I told myself that I was truly correct in this fight.   
  
Suddenly, Oikawa flipped back as if nothing happened. He frowned, as if he had some reason to be disappointed in me. "Mm, Yoru- _ chan _ , you do realize the amount of girls who'd love to be in your position right now, correct?"   
  
"Then take one of them. I'd rather be locked in a sealed metal box for three hours than be stuck with you." I threw myself around and started storming back to the dentist's office.   
  
"Yoru- _ chan _ ," the brunet whined; he clung to the back of my shirt, preventing me from walking away. My cracked tooth smacked the roof of my mouth from the instant stop of momentum, which in turn caused me to verbally wince --  _ which, _ I'm sure to  _ oblivious _ and  _ obnoxiously perverted _ Oikawa, was interpreted  _ much differently. _   
  
"Hmmmm? What now?" he chimed on cue. Yeah, just as I had thought. Disgusting.   
  
"You damaged my already broken tooth, dumbass!" I snapped softly.   
  
"Oh, no, I'm so sorry, Yoru- _ chan _ ! Here, want me to kiss it and make it better?"   
  
"If a kiss would have healed this thing, I wouldn't be going to the dentist today," I snapped, having lost control of my train of thought before I spoke.   
  
"What do you mean by that, Yoru- _ chan _ ? Were you kissing someone before? Hm? Were you? Hah, cheating on me already!"   
  
"I hate your guts! Plus I just met you like three minutes ago!"   
  
"Don't avoid my question, Yoru- _ chan _ ," he smirked, whispering in my ear and sending a cold shiver down my spine. I tried to pry his arm off of me, to no luck. What was with these volleyball players and their vice grips? "I am truly curious. Do you have a boyfriend, then? Or were you doing naughty things little girls like you shouldn't be doing?"   
  
"N-neither, as well as none of your goddamn business!" I growled as I tried to pry myself free. "Let go of me, dammit!"   
  
"Aw, but you're so soft and cuddly!" Oikawa whined. "I'll let go of you, Yoru- _ chan _ , when you tell me what you did."   
  
"It's none of your business! Keep to yourself, you freak!"   
  
"So mean!" he complained. "Pwease? I   
pwomise I wont tell." He poked my cheek, making his voice extremely baby-like.   
  
"Fuck off."   
  
"Hm? Is that a hint to something?"   
  
"I am going to choke you."   
  
"Haha, please don't! I'd hate to see your cute little face go to jail because of something as silly as this!"   
  
"Go away."   
  
"Yoru- _ chan _ , Yoru- _ chan _ . How about I make it up to you? Let's go out somewhere, and I'll tone myself down a little. Or, I'll try to. It's so hard when you're just this adorable."   
  
"You make me want to puke. I'm not going on any date with you in a million years."   
  
"We can go as friends."   
  
"Like I'd call you that."   
  
"Enemies?"   
  
"Who goes on a date if they hate someone?"   
  
Oikawa released me, but grabbed my arm tightly as he smiled very wide. "You're about to."   
  
"Hey, I didn't agree to this!"   
  
"We should take a selfie."   
  
"You sick fuck. There's no way in hell I'll take--" But he pulled me closer to him anyway, plucking his phone from his pocket. His arm was wrapped around my neck, a peace sign made with his fingers poking into my cheek. Oikawa held out his phone far in front of him with his other arm. "Say, cheese, Yoru- _ chan _ !"   
  
He took a good four pictures. Each time he had the stupidest expression on his face, his tongue poked out like an idiot. I glanced off to the side, staring at the cars pass along in the road. I wondered if leaping into traffic would be better than this. I didn't get the chance to stare for very long before Oikawa poked me forcefully on the cheek."Yo- _ ru _ - _ chaaan _ , don't just look away from the camera like that."   
  
"I don't want to take a photo with you."   
  
"Aw, but I already have so many now!"   
  
I snapped from my stiff stance and reached for the brunet's phone. He reached his hand way over his head, his other arm still grasped loosely around my neck. I tried jumping up to get his phone, to no luck. Oikawa just laughed, sticking his tongue out to me. I ground my teeth.   
  
"Haha, you're so short, Yoru- _ chan _ ! You remind me of little Chibi- _ chan _ , Hinata- _ chan _ . But can you jump like him?"   
  
"No, I can't! And you're like six feet tall, you -- idiot! -- just delete those pictures, won't you?"   
  
"Hmm, but why should I?" He pulled me closer to him. "Do you have someone who wouldn't be too happy to see you with me?"   
  
I bit my lip. I knew where he was going with this, but I also knew that what he was thinking was incorrect. Oikawa was thinking I had a boyfriend -- which was false. What I did have was Sugawara, who had now promised to be pretty protective of me. I didn't want him to see me with such a player as Oikawa, especially when I didn't even want to be here. It didn't seem fair. Oikawa was a dick, a flirt; Sugawara was a genuinely nice person who... I just happened to make out with in the middle of the night last night.   
  
"Did I hit it on the nose?" he asked, sliding his hand back from around my neck up to my chin. A cold shiver shook down my spine once more, I retaliating backwards.   
  
"Would you stop doing that?" I snapped. "We're outside, in public, and giving people a really, really  _ bad _ and  _ wrong _ idea!"   
  
"Yoru- _ chan _ , you still haven't answered my question." He smirked.   
  
"I have no reason to answer to you!"   
  
"But why would you hide it from me?" Oikawa whispered, deepening his voice to a more serious tone yet again. It made me uneasy. "If you have a boyfriend, wouldn't you want to stay loyal to him? You should just tell me if you have one or not! Or is it that you could possibly -- ?"   
  
I didn't even let him finish his oncoming flirty remark as I shoved him away with as much strength as I could summon. I thought I even saw him stumble as I stormed by, which made me extremely happy, considering my eternal lack of strength. I didn't say anything to him.   
  
"Y-Yoru? Did I say something wrong?" Oikawa stuttered weakly as I heard him begin to gain behind me.   
  
"Go away, I hate you," I growled, lacking confidence and power.   
  
"... I'm speaking seriously now, what's wrong, Yoru? Did something happen to you?"   
  
"What do you care, anyway? You just met me."   
  
"As odd as this may seem, I still do care to know that cute girls such as yourself are as happy as can be."   
  
"Then go away. You've just been annoying me this whole time. You're clingy, touchy, and your personality is just plainly annoying."   
  
"...ow, heh," he mumbled. "Okay, I'll admit, that cut me a little deeper than I thought I could be, haha. But, please, won't you tell me what's wrong?" He walked faster, bent down slightly so he could look at me properly. As my eyes connected with his purely concerned brown ones, I promptly shoved his face away with my palm. "Yoru- _ chan _ , don't be so mean to me!" he whined, crying like some primary school asshole.   
  
"Don't call me '- _ chan _ ,' bastard," I snapped.   
  
Oikawa just sighed. "Please, can't you tell me what's wrong?"   
  
"You're such a piece of shit player, why should I? You don't care about me, you just care about my face. Why do you even care about that? You literally just met me, asshole. Go away, Oikawa, I want nothing to do with you. I wouldn't even tell someone I trust about what's eating me inside."   
  
"So you admit something's wrong?" He smirked, but not with a cunning feeling: it was rather fairly playful, as if he was telling me "I told you so."   
  
"Sh... shut up, dammit," I mumbled.   
  
Oikawa set his hand against my shoulder. "Just tell me, can't you? You'll probably see me maybe once again in the future, right? So I can't use it against you, nor would I anyway. I'd rather see you rant about something and stop stressing than let it build inside of you forever."   
  
I paused, breathing heavily through my teeth. "No."   
  
"How about this: I'll take you on a date, and if I can gain your trust within the two and a half hours we have left before your dentist appointment, you tell me what's wrong, okay?" Oikawa held out the final note of his "okay" with a smirk on his face as he leaned close to me again.   
  
I shoved him away once more. "There's no way you could gain my trust within two hours."   
  
"Oh... but you're not going to comment about the date? Hehe, so Yoru- _ chan _ , you  _ do _ like me!"   
  
"I do not, you bastard! Fuck off!"   
  
"Mm, don't be so  _ tsundere _ ." He linked his arm together with mine as he strode down the sidewalk. "Don't be so negative about it, I'm sure you'll like me much more than you think once we're done!"   
  
"Oikawa, you're such a goddamn piece of shit."   
  
"Cold! Yoru- _ chan _ , why are you so mean to me?"   
  
  
  
"Welcome!"   
  
The ring of a bell chimed as Oikawa clicked open the door of an ice cream parlour. He waved to the man at the desk who greeted us, pulling me inside the store by my wrist. My heart was beating not from interaction with him, but rather in a panic of someone  _ seeing _ me with him. I desperately wanted to yank my hand away and sprint out the door, but couldn't get the guts to do it.   
  
"Yoru- _ chan _ , what do you want?" Oikawa asked me with a cheerful tone in his voice.   
  
"Not much of anything," I answered bitterly. "My tooth is cracked and sensitive. I don't want something cold."   
  
"Oh... well, I'll just get you vanilla, then."   
  
"Did you even listen to me?" I mumbled.   
  
He promptly ordered two vanilla ice cream servings, both in bowls rather than cones. The reality of discomfort that I felt during a "date" flooded back to me with every ticking second that went by as I stood here. I knew to myself that even if Sugawara had been standing here by my side, I wouldn't have felt any differently.   
  
"Here you go, Yoru- _ chan _ ," Oikawa offered with a sweet smile, handing me one of the ice cream bowls. I merely took it with a distanced gaze to the side, muttering my half-hearted thanks. The brunet seemed momentarily concerned, but decided to rather deal with paying for the ice cream first. I didn't particularly care either way.   
  
"Thank you for stopping by!" the server called as the front door rang once again once I opened it. Oikawa replied to him rather happily, but I just walked out, seeing if I could possibly escape. However, I didn't get very far before an arm latched itself around mine and pulled me back to a halt. My eyes slid back to the source of this, seeing that Oikawa was just staring at me with this sort of odd smirk tugging at his lips.   
  
"Yoru- _ chan _ , don't be so mean to run off after I've bought you ice cream," he whined. "C'mon, let's find someplace to sit, shall we?"   
  
I merely mumbled a wordless reply. The brunet didn't seem satisfied, but dragged me off nonetheless.   
  
"...Oikawa," I murmured.   
  
"Hm? Yes, what is it?"   
  
".... what school do you go to?"   
  
"Ooh, you're showing interest in me, yay!" he celebrated. "I go to Aoba Johsai High School, often abbreviated to Seijoh. It's a private school named after Aoba Castle, y'know, the castle Sendai is famous for? Built by Date Masamune in the 1600s?"   
  
"I know of it. Never really been to it. Didn't it burn down, anyway?"   
  
"Yes, but there's a museum about it nearby the site of the castle itself! If you're interested, we could go check it out."   
  
"Not really," I replied immediately.   
  
"Okay, then, so we won't."   
  
There was a break in the conversation. Oikawa gestured to a on open bench for us to sit on and eat. He had at least been nibbling at his ice cream, but mine was a melted mess. I wasn't going to be able to eat it, so why did he buy me it in the first place? Was it an excuse for him to eat more ice cream, like some sort of girl pretending to be on a diet? I couldn't understand anything that was going through this boy's head.   
  
"...Oikawa," I mumbled, "I have another question... or two."   
  
"Ask away, Yoru- _ chan _ ," he sang.   
  
"...why were you at the dentist this morning? You seem fine, plus if you were waiting for an appointment, you wouldn't just want to get up and leave."   
  
"Oh. No, I wasn't waiting for an appointment, I was actually just there for my friend Iwa- _ chan _ . He'd recently had some toothaches from being hit in the face during volleyball practice a couple days ago, so I took him into the dentist this morning. He should be done by the time your appointment is starting, since he did actually have some pretty nasty damage done to his tooth."   
  
"... that explains the three hour wait."   
  
"Mhm, I'd only gotten there a little before you: just enough time to get there and for them to inspect his teeth and report to me how long he'd be." He popped another scoop of ice cream into his mouth, licking his lips in satisfaction. "But didn't you say you had another question, too?" he asked, turning his head around to face me.   
  
"... I guess."   
  
"Don't hide it from me, you don't have to be afraid to ask me anything!" There was something disgusting about the playful tone in his voice.   
  
"... why did you want to talk to me in the first place? And why the hell do you think I'm cute at all?"   
  
He blinked. "Well, for starters, I wanted to talk to you because I saw your Karasuno jacket. My middle school  _ kouhai _ , Tobio Kageyama, is your team's main setter. So I've been keeping a bit of tabs on the team, wanting to make sure that I can beat you guys no matter the situation." There was an ominous grin to his face. "I won't go into details why. Surely you don't need my tragic backstory.   
  
"But... as to why I think you're cute?" He turned to face me better, setting his ice cream in his lap. "That's a difficult question. Although, at the same time, I think a lot of girls are cute, so whatever I say probably won't mean much to you, anyway." He toyed with the spoon sitting in bowl of remaining melted ice cream, sitting in silence. "Girls come up to me a lot, wanting to talk to me as much as possible. I open up my locker a lot at school to about two to three love letters sitting inside."   
  
"Well isn't that nice," I mumbled.   
  
"Maybe to some people," he replied with a surprisingly quiet and dark tone, "but I don't really find it all that great."   
  
I turned to him, my eyes wide and my eyebrows furrowed in a silent bewilderment. He flicked his eyes to me, momentarily keeping an eye contact. There was unfamiliar pain within them that I was able to comprehend before he turned back to the sidewalk before him. "Why's that?" I asked.   
  
"... well, I mean, it's pretty obvious that none of them actually know anything about me. They just watch me play volleyball after school and whatnot." He smiled softly, but there didn't seem to be a happy emotion within it. "I did have a girlfriend once, last year, but... hah, it didn't last very long."   
  
I didn't push it further after he stopped talking, figuring it was something he didn't want to talk about, but to my surprise, Oikawa just turned to face me. "You want to know why she broke up with me? She said I was too obsessed with volleyball that I didn't spend time with her. I suppose she wasn't  _ wrong _ ... I practice every day for as long as I can, except Mondays."   
  
"R-really?"   
  
"Mhm, but, since I've taken the day off for Iwa- _ chan _ 's dentist appointment... It kinda feels nice to spend this time with you. I haven't given myself a break like this in awhile -- I mean, it's a better break than I gave myself in junior high, but still."   
  
He sat straight, laughing half-heartedly. "Oops, heh, I went a bit too emotionally into that."   
  
"No, it's fine," I replied.   
  
"You're acting a lot less angry around me now, hmm, did my pathetic backstory strike your heart?"   
  
"Don't say it like that."   
  
"Haha, alright, I'll drop it," he replied, waving his hand as if he were physically pushing away the topic. Oikawa caught me out of the corner of his eye, a slight smirk creeping up his lip. "Do you trust me enough, yet?"   
  
"No."   
  
He sighed. "Yoru- _ chan _ , you're killing me. What do I have to do to win over your heart?"   
  
"You're not going to."   
  
"Okay, okay, fine," he groaned, holding out the note in "fine." Oikawa glanced to the melting ice cream within my hands, pointing at it with concern. "Won't you at least eat the ice cream I bought for you?"   
  
"I  _ can't _ ," I snarled. "My tooth is cracked to the gum and very sensitive right now."   
  
"What side is it on?"   
  
I blinked. "... my right?"   
  
He snatched the spoon from my bowl of ice cream, a scoop of vanilla dripping from it. "Ack --!" he yelped as it dripped onto his pants, clearly licking the bottom of the spoon clean, probably in an attempt to prevent his pants from being ruined farther. "You can easily eat this, just on your left side, promise!" Oikawa offered the spoon at my sealed lips, a grin spread across his cheeks as his eyes beamed to me cheerfully.   
  
"You just licked that spoon," I noted sourly, pushing the ice cream away from my mouth. "I'm not going to eat it."   
  
"Aw, c'mon, I'm not poison! A little bit of my saliva on a spoon won't kill you."   
  
"Oh, no, but it will ruin the taste of the ice cream," I replied quickly, feeling proud of my clever comeback, but felt my confidence drop as I saw the smirk on his face.   
  
"Oh... so you know what I taste like? Or are you just assuming? Well, I could easily give you a little taste of me if that's the case -- maybe you'd change your mind on the ice cream, then."   
  
"You're gross."   
  
"And your face is bright red."   
  
"It is not, you idiot!"   
  
"Ooh, the 'you idiot' card, huh? You really  _ do _ like me, hmm?"   
  
"You're so annoying, why would I?"   
  
Oikawa tapped the spoon at my lips again. The vanilla ice cream painted my upper lip; the little bit I could taste from that was extremely good, especially considering I'd only had ice cream out of buckets in the stores. Temptation to eat the whole spoonful filled my brain, but I couldn't, since I had to still keep proof that I hated Oikawa.   
  
"Yoru- _ chan _ , why are you denying me so much? It's just a mere spoonful of ice cream."   
  
"Sh-sh-- _ ulp! _ " He popped the spoonful into my mouth. The disgusting reminder of his saliva on the spoon was all I could think of.   
  
Oikawa slipped the plastic spoon out passed my lips, I still narrowing my gaze in disgust towards him. But he seemed satisfied, offering a bright smile to me. "See? It's not so bad, now is it?"   
  
I stared at the street. A moment or so later, just as I had stopped caring, another spoon touched my lips. I glared at the brunet out of the corner of my eye, he just smiling as if he were expecting this to be something considered normal. I sighed, giving in and taking the ice cream.   
  
For some reason, he seemed to be chuckling as I pulled back from the spoon. I raised an eyebrow. "What?"   
  
He instantly leaned in close to me, whispering into my ear: "That was the spoon I've been using this whole time."   
  
I stared, frozen in my spot, focusing on a building in the distance as I debated all of my life choices. For some reason, the thought that he would switch spoons had never crossed my mind. Why hadn't it? That should have been one of the thoughts that immediately popped into my head, what with his shifty, flirty attitude.   
  
Oikawa slid backwards to look me in the eye, his face dangerously close to mine. "Hm? Not going to say anything, are you?"   
  
...however, something clicked in my brain. Why it had all felt so disgusting, even just hearing the tone of his voice.   
  
I leaped back out of the bench, the ice cream bowl falling from my hands onto the sidewalk. I stared at the result guiltily, flashing a glance to Oikawa. He seemed fairly unfazed, but still whined, "Aww, Yoru- _ chan _ , look at what you've done! And after I bought that for you and everything."   
  
"I don't care!" I shouted, snapping without thinking. Even Oikawa seemed startled. A memory flashed over my mind: a face replaced the one that stood opposed from me. I forced myself to stare away, yelling, "Just... stop messing with me! I don't want to be with you!"   
  
I stepped back, holding my footing. The brunet paused, and slowly rose from the bench, towering over me once again. "Yoru- _ san _ ...? Did I do something wrong?" I didn't hear him. I was lost in my own personal thoughts.   
  
_ Why did I think of _ him  _ at this moment? Sure... He's kinda acting like him but... no... I can't think of it again, get it out of my head! Keep that dead, false joy in the past! I can't go back! It ended for a reason! _   
  
I flipped my head up to Oikawa, seeing him sincerely concerned. But I couldn't see him correctly. I spun away immediately, sprinting off as far as I could from him as fast as my feet could take me, tripping into a couple people here and there on the sidewalk. Was it ten o'clock yet? I wanted to get my teeth fixed and leave for Tokyo, never to visit Sendai again in my life.   
  
"Yoru- _ san _ !" I heard the voice of Oikawa catching up to me. I didn't even look at how far back he was from me: I just kept pushing forward, running on and on, forcing my stamina beyond its limit and damaging my out-of-shape legs. I didn't want to talk to him at all, I didn't want to see him at all.   
  
" _ Yoru- _ san _! _ " he shouted, more desperately than before. I couldn't run much farther down the street before I'd collapse from exhaustion. I needed something to stop at, and I needed it fast. I can't go talk to Oikawa if it'll just refresh memories I'm dying to destroy: memories from last August that stuck to my brain like a plague. I didn't want to think about it again. I felt like screaming and slicing open my throat.   
  
I can't have anything allow the thought to pop into my head again.   
  
In my desperate need to shove the memories away, my sprint was violently halted by a soft grip of arms around my stomach. My feet skidded to a stop, my head whipping around in a panic to reveal who I already knew was there. The deep brown eyes of my captor stared at me with great concern. "Yoru- _ san _ ... please... don't... don't hide what's bothering you from me anymore. Please... I don't know what happened, but... you need to say it."   
  
"I do not! I'll be fine! Let me go, dammit!" I snapped, feeling cold water trickle down my furious cheeks as I yanked against the arms around me. Instead, they held me tighter, but it did not hurt me. It rather felt like I was being embraced   
kindly and gently. I wanted to run away. "L-let me go, please, I'm begging you!" I sobbed.   
  
"...Yoru- _ san _ ..." Oikawa breathed, almost shakily. "... what happened to you?"   
  
"Don't say that like you knew me! Don't say that like you've met me before today! You don't know me at all, and I don't want  _ your _ sympathy!"   
  
"Of course I don't know you, I never said that," he answered calmly. "I want to know what happened to you, I want to know you and what made you act like this. I wasn't surprised by your hate towards me when I was teasing you, but when you snapped at me and ran off... I thought I'd done something wrong."   
  
"No, you didn't!" I squeaked. "It's all my fault, all of it..."   
  
"You didn't do anything, Yoru- _ sa _ \--"   
  
" _ You don't know anything, Oikawa! _ " I shouted, pulling against his arms once more.   
  
"Then tell me, please... Please, just watching you suffering like this is tearing me apart."   
  
"As if!"   
  
" **Yoru** ," he snapped, causing me to freeze. "Listen to me for once. I want to hear you out. Just tell me what's wrong. I left it alone when you weren't apt to talking about it, since it seemed like you didn't want to talk about a sensitive topic, but after seeing you act like this, I realize you  _ need _ to."   
  
"... this is exactly why I don't want to... you just... remind me too much of him... I can't... I need to delete these memories, not speak of them." Tears ripped my cheeks, I violently sliding them off of my face with my palms.   
  
"... please, just tell me."   
  
I bit my lip harshly, choking on sobs audibly. "... do you want to go somewhere more private to talk about it?" Oikawa whispered. I hesitated, but nodded my head as a whine croaked from my throat.   
  
He loosened his grip on me, his hand tenderly holding my arm as he lead me along. I covered my face in embarassment as we walked down a public sidewalk, my cheeks streamed with tears. My heart was racing as we walked along. I blinked water out of my eyes over and over again.   
  
The next moment where I was paying any attention, we were surrounded by the green scenery of a park. My eyes were far too blurred to read the name of it, but I thought I was able to make out 山 ( _ yama _ ). Oikawa still lead me along, all the way until we ended up by a tree that was far, far off from most of the population of the park. He sat down at its base, offering for me to sit next to him. Hesitantly, I did, however slowly it may have been. "Tell me what's wrong," he whispered.   
  
I remained silent. How would I even start something like this? "Nearly a year ago, I made a mistake." That's a terrible way to start anything. "Once upon a time, I accidentally fucked up my life." Erm -- nope, worse still. "Though I once attempted to experience happiness in love, I found out everyone lied." Too reflective. I sighed, stuttered. I closed my eyes as I spoke the answer most like a blunt knife.   
  
"... You remind me of my ex boyfriend."   
  
He didn't answer. I merely heard the leaves of the trees roll by as we sat in silence, so quiet I could have heard the sound of clouds moving. I opened my mouth to continue, figuring Oikawa was not going to reply, when he suddenly moved. I wasn't sure entirely, but it seemed like he shifted himself away from me a bit, as if keeping a farther distance. "Do I?" he asked.   
  
"... yes. Maybe... just with how you were acting back there, but you did, and it horrified me."   
  
"Why did it horrify you?" he asked cautiously.   
  
"I... I don't even know. I don't..." I shut my mouth, my throat clogged with words I couldn't form into a sentence. "... I can't even tell you a good reason as to why I broke up with him. But it hurts to remember at all. It does... so much. And it's all my fault."   
  
"Why did you feel like it was your fault?" Oikawa kept repeating a calm, gentle tone to his voice, one that as it was spoken seemed uncaring, but yet seemed to hold more passion than I could begin to fathom. It was rather strange. My stomach twisted as I continued.   
  
"... I don't  _ feel _ like it was, I  _ know _ it was. I started growing a hate for no reason, but refused to let him know, and suddenly, just gave up talking to him, and left him to suffer. I reflect on him so negatively yet at the time I met him I only saw any of his positives. I don't know what happened to me."   
  
"... why is it I remind you of him?"   
  
"... it was in the moment of your teasing. It was only one moment -- I-I think... but, the way you said it, the way you smirked, the way you looked at me... it was all the same that he would have. But... you could never be him. You said your girlfriend left you because you were too passionate about volleyball, right? Mn, yeah... he didn't care about anything. He said he cared about me but... anytime I'd talk about something I cared about he'd bring it off topic just to flirt with me or make some sexual remark..."   
  
I paused for a long time. I heard Oikawa begin to ask something, but I cut him off. I needed to say something before I forgot. "What was the worst was... he never asked me out because he liked me." Oikawa's eyes were frozen open as I continued. "He told me, to my face, it was in pity. Nothing more, nothing less. I think he attempted to make up for it by saying his feelings changed afterwards but..."   
  
Oikawa's finger pressed itself against my lips. I blinked, glancing to it with crossed eyes of bewilderment. "You don't need to say anything more. If you have more to rant, that's fine, go ahead, but I don't want you to feel pressured to speak of everything at once. I just... knew you needed to get something off of your chest. I could see you were stressed beyond belief."   
  
All was quiet. The sky slowly moved by, clouds hovering over the sun as they turned its light on and off. The tree above us shook its leaves with the gusts of wind that flew by. Grass swayed with the breeze as it flowed along calmly, ignorant to all that went on around it. The branches of the trees audibly cracked as a huge whirlwind or two would hustle along. The distant noises of both cars and chatting people were heard both left and right. The sun still flickering brightly in the sky, I knew, time would go on. I needed to flow with time, so if I just sat in the wallowing regrets of my past, my future would not exist.   
  
"Oikawa- _ san _ ," I whispered. He replied with an intrigued "hm?" I bit my lip, hesitating, debating if I even wanted to say anything at all. "Never..." I started to give up on it, but another thought surfaced in my mind. "Oikawa- _ san _ ... I... I don't want to go out with someone ever again."   
  
"Do you say that because your last boyfriend wasn't as good as you thought he would be?" he asked curiously.   
  
"No. I don't want to hurt anybody. I feel like I can't stay loyal to someone,  _ anyone _ . I left him for no reason, Oikawa- _ san _ ."   
  
"No reason? So... the fact that he was apathetic, made you uncomfortable, and was inconsiderate wasn't a reason?"   
  
My voice stopped working. Silence was forced in realization. But I didn't want to think something like that. It couldn't have been right... all I did was hurt him, he didn't hurt me. There's no way. No way I was the hurt one and he wasn't. There was no way it could have been anyone's fault but mine. Why couldn't I speak? I wanted to say this, but my only attempt just forced tears down my cheek.   
  
"Yoru- _ san _ ," Oikawa continued, "please don't blame yourself for something someone else clearly did. I don't know exactly what you're thinking, but I think it's something like that, right?"   
  
"He didn't do anything!"   
  
"Yes he did. He really did. You may not accept it, but he did. And you know what it is that he did?" The brunet turned my face towards his gently, forcing me to look in his eyes. "He broke you. I wish I could have known you before today, maybe before you had met this boy, and maybe then I could have realized this before it happened. I could have seen you happy, just maybe."   
  
"Happy? Me?" I sighed a very faint laugh. "What a terrible joke."   
  
"Yo... Yoru- _ chaaan _ , don't be so pessimistic like that," he whined, his eyes silently crying as his face drooped severely. "You can be plenty happy. You just need to learn how to be a little selfish every once in awhile."   
  
"But I'm so extremely selfish already. I take so much for granted, realizing I only have two more years left of high school. I'm not going to make it very far in life if I keep expecting people to do things for me. I don't do anything for myself. I don't know how to do anything worthwhile."   
  
"Don't feel like you're nothing. You are more than anyone else could be, you are different than anyone else is, and that's a very good thing. Please... don't feel like you're nothing." For some reason, he seemed to want to shove that in my brain just a little bit farther than the rest of the pieces of advice he had given me. He sounded desperate to let that make an influence on me. I couldn't help but wonder why.   
  
I was quiet again. We both were, taking in the sounds of the surrounding nature. Oikawa shifted with a sigh, pulling his phone out of his pocket, flipping it lockscreen-up in his hand. He tipped his head around to face me, a small smile peering across his cheeks. I blinked, confused at what was going through his head.   
  
"Can I try something quick?" he whispered. He was close enough for me to feel his soft breath speaking against my lips. I had a feeling I knew where he was going with this, and my heart twisted. I didn't know what to say, but I didn't want to say "no" or "yes." I mean, it's not like I was officially dating Sugawara or anything, he only self-proclaimed himself as my boyfriend, but... he's not...   
  
"You don't have to if you don't want to," breathed Oikawa. I still didn't have an answer. He lowered his phone as well as his smile. "Yoru- _ chan _ ?"   
  
"... you remember how earlier you asked if I had a boyfriend or... quote, 'Did something naughty that little girls shouldn't'?" I replied, cringing at   
his sentence as I spoke the words myself. "... and I said, 'Neither'? Well... no, I didn't lie... but, I was with someone last night. But... we didn't do anything... 'naughty,' and nor is he my boyfriend..."   
  
"Hm? What do you mean?"   
  
I bit my lip. "I really debate if I should tell you this..." I mumbled, speaking my hesitation. "Last... last night, after I cracked my tooth... one of the volleyball boys took me to the hospital. Finding no help but a reccomended dentist, he decided I'd go in the morning. I... then convinced him to let me stay at his house for the night. One thing led to another and... we ended up... making out on his bed for a good... hour or so?" My voice squeaked towards the end of my sentence. "But... I'm just... so... easily swayed, romantic wise. It's fucking disgusting and I hate myself for it. Literally five seconds before that boy had shown up to take me to the hospital, I was interested in someone else. But I tried to shove it off as something else so I could stop worrying about this stupid dating thing."   
  
Oikawa stayed silent, but stared at me with both concern and intrigue. I continued, "And now... I'm sitting here, with some asshole, who's asking me to kiss him, and I'm seriously considering it. It's been less than two days and I've already been through three guys?" I stopped myself for a moment, taking a deep breath. "This... this is why I said I'm not loyal."   
  
"... well," Oikawa started, "you've got me stumped there. What you're describing sounds like one of those  _ anime _ I saw an ad for that kind of went along the lines of 'All the guys fell in love with this one girl.'"   
  
"Th-that's not helping me."   
  
"I know, I said I didn't know how to." For a second, however, his eyebrows furrowed. "You said I asked to kiss you, though... when did I say that?" The smirk that followed after clearly said, "Though, I appreciate you thought of that."   
  
I blinked. "Isn't... that what you meant when you said 'can I try something'?" I stuttered.   
  
"Not at all. I meant I wanted to take another selfie, Yoru- _ chan _ ," Oikawa clarified, dangling his phone about him. "Geez, you don't have to think all of my actions are an attempt to make out with you. I'm not desperate."   
  
"Well --"   
  
"I'm  _ not, _ " he whined, pouting as he dropped both of his hands into his lap.   
  
"You are the one who kept trying to talk to me even after I told you to get lost. I would say that's desperate, wouldn't you?"   
  
" _ Stop, _ " he complained childishly, almost seeming as if he was holding back his own laugh. "It's not my fault I was bored and wanted somebody to talk to! Usually when I talk to girls they get excited, not creeped out. Plus you're from Karasuno, so I wanted to talk to you."   
  
"Well, maybe I would have been less creeped out if you didn't come up to me and just start talking to me like a pervert," I noted.   
  
"Pervert?" he gawked, clearly insulted. Just as he said that, he turned to his phone once again, clicking the screen open. It was about ten to ten o'clock. "We should probably be heading back by now. I won't be surprised if Iwa- _ chan _ calls me screaming about where I could be if we don't."   
  
"Oh... okay, then," I answered weakly. Oikawa raised an eyebrow, seeming confused, but it only lasted a moment before it turned back into a smile.   
  
"... c'mere," he prodded. I blinked, but he just repeated himself.   
  
"What?" I asked.   
  
"Let's take a selfie before we head back, hm?" he suggested, displaying his phone once again with a playful smirk. I narrowed my gaze.   
  
"I'd rather not," I glared. He seemed disappointed.   
  
"You tell me you were thinking about kissing me earlier, then tell me you don't want to take a mere selfie? So harsh..."   
  
"Hey," I snapped, "for the record, I'd rather do neither. I hate pictures of myself. It always distorts my face and doesn't make it look as good as it should."   
  
"I was about to say something like 'It can't do that, you're too cute!', but you managed to turn around and make it arrogant," Oikawa laughed. I shrugged. "Well, what if I told you my camera was a special camera? One that makes people look even better than they really are?"   
  
"I have about 3 thoughts. One, that's bullshit. Two, it's only not bullshit if you have Photoshop. Three, is that supposed to be an insult?"   
  
His eyes widened at my final comment. "No! No, no, no, I didn't mean that at all! Dammit, sorry! I wasn't thinking!" he panicked, gripping his hair as he face away shamefully.   
  
I laughed. "I know you weren't insulting me, I was kidding. I wouldn't care anyway." Hesitant of my second response, my conclusion came out as a sigh. "Fine," I answered, "I'll take a stupid selfie."   
  
His eyes lit up immediately. Within a split second Oikawa had pulled up the camera on his phone and had me pulled under his arm with the other extended out before us. I didn't particularly want to look at the camera, since I could see my warped face in the picture with my failed attempt at a smile, but I did anyway. I swear he took like four pictures. "Mm, that went a lot better than earlier. You at least don't look like you want to kill me!"   
  
"Maybe you shouldn't have taken a picture earlier, then," I noted. He stuck his tongue out at me.   
  
As we started walking back, I asked, "Oikawa, will your team be playing in the Spring Tournament prelims?"   
  
"Oh, of course we will. And I plan to win," he answered, certainly filled with confidence. "Will you cheer me on, Yoru- _ chan _ ?"   
  
"Maybe if you're not playing Karasuno," I noted. He seemed suddenly reminded of my jacket.   
  
"Ah. Well, if you guys are any better than last time, we'll have to take each other on at some point. But let me tell you, Yoru- _ chan _ , I'm not letting my third year go to waste." I just smiled as I glanced to him again. "Wh... why does that make you smile?"   
  
"You're so passionate," I replied. "It makes me feel just as passionate seeing someone care so deeply about something."   
  
Oikawa just stared at me for a moment or so: a grin cracked across his cheeks as he suddenly burst into a fit of laughter. However, this laughter was much different than any other I'd heard him with today. His smile even looked brighter. All of him just seemed to suddenly radiate joy like he never had before.   
  
"Oh, haha, wow... I've... never really felt like that in a long time," he mumbled to himself, the grin still tugging at the corners of his lips. "Yoru- _ chan _ ... you're some different kind of amazing, you know that?"   
  
"Oikawa- _ san _ ," I blurted suddenly.   
  
"Hm?"   
  
"C- ...Can I have your number?"   
  
He glanced to me for a moment, but accepted my offer with a bit of a laugh once again.   
  
  
  
"So this is Tokyo! I feel kind of anticlimactic coming here for a short 2-week volleyball training camp," I mumbled to no one in particular, stepping out of Takeda- _ sensei _ 's car and onto the sunset-lit campus. It didn't look much different from Karasuno, just larger. I'd been told that the campus we were on for the next two weeks was called Nekoma, and there would be a couple other schools here aside from us. I only bothered to remember one was named "owl"-something. It didn't really matter to me in any case.   
  
"They all may still be in practice, or they may have quit for the night and headed to dinner," Takeda- _ sensei _ decided. "I'd say it's safe to check out the gymnasium first... or one of them."   
  
"Why not that larger one where a bunch of noise is coming from?" I suggested apathetically, gesturing to the gymnasium on my left. Takeda- _ sensei _ found it practical, but didn't seem to appreciate my tone that indicated the obvious. Nevertheless, I followed behind him like a lost puppy, horrified of walking into the gym by myself or first or into a crowd of people or anything of the sort. So I figured walk in behind someone else and I'd be fine, even if it was awkward with Takeda- _ sensei _ .   
  
It seemed practice had been finished, but all the boys were still standing around chatting in groups and downing bottles of water. Some of them glanced over at the door as it opened when both Takeda- _ sensei _ and I walked in. I scanned over them all, looking for Karasuno. There was a boy with strange slicked-back monochromatic hair and bright yellow eyes staring at me with a kind of creepy intrigue... as well as another boy, about the same height, with side-swept hair, staring at me with a cunning gaze hidden behind his dark hair. They both sent a tremble down my spine.   
  
"Yoru- _ senpai _ ! We're over here!" I heard a familiarly loud voice call from the other side of the room -- and with a fluff of orange leaping up and down, I knew immediately that I had been correct in figuring out who it was.   
  
But to get to Karasuno I would have to go through the other groups of boys, which included the two ones staring at me with a set of creepy eyes and creepy smirk from before. I looked to where Takeda- _ sensei _ had been, only to find he had disappeared. The area before me looked more like a river of acid separating me from paradise.   
  
"Hey... you're from Karasuno?"   
  
I squeaked as I heard someone speak next to me on my right, flipping my head around to them in shock. The person seemed shocked, but half-heartedly. "Y-yes!" I blurted.   
  
Before me stood a boy only a couple inches taller than me, his facial expression seeming to lack that of the word "expression." His hair dropped straight down to his chin, being an off-blond that faded into a jet black at his roots. For some reason, it reminded me of flan pudding. I quickly noticed his bright blue practice jersey, marked with the number five, matched that of the creepy side-swept hair guy from before.   
  
"Hm... wait, but..." He paused, holding his chin in his hand for a moment as he seemed to narrow his gaze at me. "... are you a girl?"   
  
I wasn't surprised the question had to be asked, but I didn't know how to answer. "E-erm... yes..." I mumbled spiritlessly.   
  
"Oh. Then. You're a manager?"   
  
"Y-yes." My voice was getting softer, I could feel it.   
  
"...   
alright," he finalized. Then he walked away. I blinked. If there was any conversation that had been stranger in the past, I couldn't tell you, because that one took the cake for me. Even so, I still stood on the opposite side of the room from Karasuno, still blocked by the giants between both the team and I.   
  
"Ohh, Kenma! You were talking to Yoru- _ senpai _ ? Haha, it's weird seeing you talk to people!" Hinata bounced out from the back of the crowd and approached the flan boy. He seemed a bit flustered.   
  
"It's not weird," mumbled the boy, whose name I assumed was Kenma.   
  
"But you're pretty quiet and don't really talk to me or even your teammates, so it is a little."   
  
"Hi-Hinata- _ san _ , you don't have to keep..." I mumbled.   
  
"Nah, nah, it's fine, Yoru- _ senpai _ ! We're good friends, really!" Hinata blurted. "Kenma, why did you get the nerve to strike a conversation with Yoru- _ senpai _ ? Do you think she's cute?"   
  
Kenma's expression did not move, but his cheeks did appear a bit pinker. "N-no, that's not it. I saw that she was... a member of your team. But I had mistaken her for a boy."   
  
"Eh?! You're joking!" The orange haired boy exploded with laughter. "Yoru- _ senpai _ doesn't look like a boy at all!"   
  
Kenma glanced to me for a moment, walking away as he refrained from replying. Hinata exclaimed, but I figured Kenma's actions were because of his disagreement with Hinata. It didn't surprise me, but it didn't bother me either. I figure most people thought I was offended when mistaken for a boy, but it was more the opposite.   
  
Hinata bit his lip. "Nnng, Kenma doesn't make any sense sometimes." He flicked his attention back to me. "Sorry, we finished practice already, so you won't be able to see us play! Is your tooth okay? I'm still really sorry about that, really!"   
  
"I-it's okay, Hinata, really," I laughed nervously. "But my tooth is doing alright. Better now."   
  
"Yay! That's good," he smiled. "Oh, oh, the rest of the team's been dying to see you! Especially Sugawara- _ senpai _ . C'mon, let's go back and say hi!" Without waiting for my input, he snatched my wrist and began dragging me around to the other side of the gymnasium, weaving in and out of the other teams. He nearly crashed into a black-haired boy with a dull expression and another boy with a blond mohawk. Yet somehow, we made it back to Karasuno.   
  
Fourteen sets of eyes were on me in the moment I got back -- from Daichi to Coach Ukai and Kiyoko... the whole team. I stood, stiff as a board, unable to speak any words. I felt like all of their gazes were digging into me, judging me for showing up in such a childish and informal manner. My heartbeat was racing.   
  
"Yoru- _ chan _ !" Suga blurted, jogging up to me with a bright grin. "How's your tooth? Did you get it fixed?"   
  
"Ah -- y-yeah, I did," I answered in a stutter. Seeing his bright smile once again tugged at my already racing heart and caused my cheeks to feel a little warm. He seemed even more satisfied to hear my success: my heartbeat increased more.   
  
"That's good, then. I'm still sorry I couldn't have gotten it fixed last night," he replied, ruffling my hair a bit, leaning in slightly closer with a whisper; "but... I do hope what I  _ did _ do made up for it a little?"   
  
I was so stiff I don't know how I didn't collapse. Finding the inability to work my vocal cords, I forced my head to nod. Sugawara laughed a bit, mumbling something that sounded like "So cute."   
  
I pleaded no one else on the team was particularly interested in the exchange that had happened. Pleaded and begged. But it got me no where, because I was still dead wrong. Even after Suga had walked away, half the team's eyes were glued to me or him, or flipping back and forth between the two.   
  
"O... oh! Suga- _ san _ 's going after Yoru- _ san _ !" blurted Tanaka.   
  
"It's fine by me as long as he doesn't go for Kiyoko- _ san _ , hehe," whispered back Nishinoya, whose whisper was really loud. He jumped out of his skin as Kiyoko mentioned she could hear every word he was saying.   
  
Daichi, Asahi, and Kiyoko seemed disinterested -- the three third years were conversing on their own, completely ignorant to what had happened. The remaining first-years, however...   
  
Tsukishima looked as if he were ready to explode with laughter, Yamaguchi not too far behind. Hinata just stared at me with blinking eyes of confusion... meanwhile Kageyama's glare was staring me down like daggers being thrown at a dartboard. I flinched, stepping backwards as an attempt to retreat. I felt like dying.   
  
"Yoru- _ senpai _ , what was that? Suga- _ senpai _ was being really nice to you. Like, nicer to you than he is to us," Hinata blabbed. Tsukishima looked as though he were choking trying to hold back laughter. He took over the conversation before I could even reply.   
  
"This is just beyond amazing," he broke out laughing, voice dripping with sarcasm. "No, really, I mean it. It's just so  _ ridiculous _ that I can't believe it."   
  
"H-huh?"   
  
"Hm? So, Yoru- _ san _ , what is it that Sugawara- _ san _ said he did? I heard him loud and clear say that he did something, but out of  _curiosity_ , what was it?"   
  
"What... what are you going on about?" I muttered.   
  
"Just incredible. I can't believe something like that even happened, Yoru- _ san _ ." Just as he went to continue, a hand smacked onto his shoulder from behind, gripping it fiercly.   
  
"Ah... Tsukishima." Sugawara smiled, his tone horrifyingly dark. Somehow, it reminded me of Daichi when he was furious. "I would like to tell you that what you are asking about is none of your business. Also, if you have any kind of question about the things that  _ I _ have said, feel free to ask  _ me _ , okay?"   
  
"N -- mn..." Tsukishima mumbled.   
  
"I said, okay?"   
  
"O -- okay," he repeated, his voice still stiff and mumbled. Sugawara patted his shoulder in appreciation, but all of us around him were mildly terrified by his sudden actions. I thought Daichi was the only scary one when he was mad? Quickly, Suga turned his head to me, smiling again. Although he looked no longer furious with that smile, because I had seen it be so evil seconds ago, it caused me to fear it a little for the time being.   
  
"The other teams are beginning to head out for dinner, so I suggest we do the same," he noted. "You can all go ahead, if you'd like. And please behave yourselves while you're at it."   
  
The four first years nodded weakly as Sugawara joined back with the other third years. The quad sets of first year eyes turned slowly to where I was, seeming to expect some kind of explanation from me. I just rose my hands in surrender, not able to even crack out a single word.   



	4. One A.M.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unable to sleep, Yoru finds herself having a one-A.M. conversation, as well as an argument to follow.

Hinata suggested I try conversing with the other teams. I told him I wasn't even familiar with the team I was on well enough yet to do something like that. Yet he insisted, saying we'd only be here for another day, meanwhile I could talk to the Karasuno team whenever I felt like it. I denied him again, saying I should be getting to bed soon because it had been a busy two weeks. He fought back saying it wasn't even seven o'clock.   
  
Long story short, now I was being dragged along Nekoma's campus by this stubborn orange-haired first-year. "Hinata- _ san _ ... are you sure this is a good idea?"   
  
"What's there to doubt? These guys are all really nice, I promise. And... and I'll punch them if they're not nice to you!" He spoke this threat with a fist pumped in the air, but his voice was so squeaky and lacking confidence that it seemed extremely childish. I choked a laugh down my throat.   
  
"Thanks, Hinata- _ san _ , but you really don't need to do that," I said. "And by that I mean please don't punch anyone."   
  
"I won't! If I don't need to, hehe." We walked by one of the open gyms with lights on -- as I noticed Hinata completely miss it, I went to tell him about it, but he turned around after there was a loud spike heard echoing off of the wooden floor. "Oh, I bet one of the teams are practicing in there! Let's go check it out!"   
  
He peered around the doorway, poking his face directly into the bug-blocking screen. "Ohh, it's Nekoma  _ and _ Fukuroudani's captain! And the new really tall Russian boy I saw! And Fukuroudani's setter!"   
  
Just as he said that, I looked inside the gymnasium to see who he was making a fuss about, seeing the pair of creepy guys I had spotted on that first day when I came back from the dentist. The shock hit me like an arrow to the neck. Yet before I could even contemplate a comment, Hinata reached for my wrist and pulled me into the brightly lit volleyball court.   
  
"Hi!" he greeted quickly, waving his hand excitedly. "You're Kuroo- _ san _ ? Or -- um, Tetsurou- _ san _ ?"   
  
"Kuroo's fine," the tall, black-haired boy replied with a smirk. "What're you still doing out wandering around, Hinata? Showing things around to the even-later-than-you new meat?"   
  
"Huh?"   
  
He sighed, pointing to me. "This kid. The one who showed up as all the practice matches ended for the day on the first day?" He made a disappointed mumble as he took a swig of water from the plastic bottle in his hand.   
  
"Oh, Yoru- _ senpai _ ? Oh, oh, Yoru- _ senpai _ , this is Kuroo Tetsurou. He's the captain of the Nekoma team!" Hinata explained to me.   
  
"N-nice to meet you," I squeaked, forcing a slight bow.   
  
Kuroo seemed somewhat entertained. "So, what's up with you? Why did you show up late? Did you do even worse on your exams than this kid and his equally-crazy partner?"   
  
"I -- um--"   
  
"I cracked her tooth the day before," Hinata blurted.   
  
Kuroo blinked, but then just burst out laughing. "You serious? Damn, I didn't even know you could do that!"   
  
"It's not like I wanted to!"   
  
"I didn't say ya did, but I'm just surprised you broke this guy's tooth," he finalized. "So, what position do you play, then?"   
  
I blinked. "N-no, I um, I don't play, I'm a manager. Our main manager is training me."   
  
"Really? Karasuno goes from having a really pretty girl manager to this new boy. Kinda disappointing. Ah! Oh well, shit happens."   
  
The three of us stood silent for a moment, Hinata and I exchanging glances on what we should say next. Kuroo's eyes flicked back and forth, seemingly asking, "Did I say something wrong?" Eventually, he seemed a little disinterested in our mute conversation and decided to take another drink of water.   
  
"Kuroo- _ san _ , Yoru- _ senpai _ is a girl," Hinata responded. Suddenly, Kuroo's water was inhaled as he coughed and ripped out the water bottle from his mouth.   
  
"Shit -- I'm sorry, geez, I apparently need my eyes checked," he apologized.   
  
"No, no, don't worry about it, it doesn't bother me at all." I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I ignored it.   
  
"Kuroo- _ san _ , can we watch you guys play a two-on-two game?" Hinata asked excitedly. My phone vibrated again. It took a little more effort to ignore it this time.   
  
"Well... we could try a three-on-three," Nekoma's captain suggested, seeming to make some kind of gesture towards me. I stared at him with a little shock, hesitantly pointing back at myself. He smirked slightly. "I mean, why not? I see no harm in trying."   
  
"I -- But I don't have any volleyball experience," I replied. "Why would you want to play with me so willingly?" My phone buzzed once more in my pocket. Was someone calling me? Or just... spamming me with messages? As the thought crossed my mind, I knew exactly why my phone was blowing up with notifications. That made it easier to ignore.   
  
"Didn't you say you wanted to try playing a little, Yoru- _ senpai _ ?" Hinata blurted, immediately latching onto the sleeve of my shirt. "I was practicing with you just a day or two ago, you'll do fine, really!"   
  
"Can't be any worse than our new kid," sighed Kuroo. His eyes pointed behind him, leading me to a...  _ terrifyingly _ tall, gray-haired boy. His height nearly topped the volleyball net -- or, at least, that's what it seemed. I assumed that was the Russian boy Hinata mentioned earlier.   
  
"Wh-... There's no way I can play against him," I breathed.   
  
Kuroo laughed loudly. "Oh, right, you're just about as tall as Hinata here," he noted.   
  
"And I can't jump like him," I added weakly. Just then, someone leaped onto Kuroo, nearly knocking him over. The person, I noticed by his slicked back monochromatic hair, was the other creepy boy I had seen on my way into the gymnasium originally. But after talking to Kuroo a bit, I figured that neither of them were actually creepy.   
  
"Hey, hey, hey! What's goin' on over here? Got a little posse or something, Kuroo?" he blurted.   
  
Kuroo shoved him off by pushing him away by his face. "No, I don't," he replied. "But what do you want, anyway?"   
  
"I want to continue practicing, duh. Akaashi's getting pretty bored with me, pretty sure. And your new kid -- Lev? Yeah... He's pretty restless."   
  
"Well," smirked Kuroo, "here's my proposal." He pointed to Hinata and I. "Bokuto, you join a team with these two. I'll go ahead and play with Akaashi and Lev."   
  
"Huh? Who's the... oh, wait, wait! You're the kid who walked in last-minute, right?" Monochrome-Hair asked, whose name I assumed was Bokuto. His round amber eyes stared me up and down in confusion. "But... hm, are you a volleyball player? I thought you were just one of Karasuno's managers?"   
  
"I-I am," I replied.   
  
"You ever play volleyball before?"   
  
"N-no."   
  
"Kuroo, I'm confused," Bokuto complained, leaning back in a rather relaxed stance and he tipped his head back to the black-haired boy, his arms folded across his chest. Nekoma's captain just sighed. "You expect me to be able to play with two inexperienced players? Why do you get Akaashi? You get one inexperienced player while I get two? That's not fair."   
  
"Hey! I'm not inexperienced!" shouted Hinata, who was promptly ignored.   
  
"Oi, Lev needs a setter to practice with since Kenma's being an ass. Besides, it's not like this is a serious match or anything," Kuroo noted. "We'll just play for a little bit. I dunno, just... one set, ten points? Fifteen points?"   
  
"Ten," Bokuto agreed. "Not sure I could handle them for much longer."   
  
My phone vibrated in my pocket once again. But this time it kept going: this time, I knew I was getting a call. "H-hey, um... if we're going to do this, I'm going to set my phone to the side so I don't break it," I mumbled. Kuroo just kind of acknowledged my statement and then wandered back to the court. I quickly rushed to the wall of the gymnasium, near the doorway, and pulled my buzzing phone out of my pocket.   
  
_ Incoming call: Tooru Oikawa _   
  
_ Dammit, do you not have any patience? _ I waited for it to stop ringing before I slipped off my Karasuno jacket, laying my phone on top of it in the floor. I hustled back to the group, spotting a rather excited Hinata as he watched me wander back to the group. I had to admit, yeah, I did want to play with them, but being as inexperienced as I was made me feel inferior to them all. Not to mention, after seeing them all practice, I wondered if my arms would be able to receive without snapping off.   
  
"So, kid, what  _ do _ you know about playing volleyball?" Bokuto asked me. "Like, can you do anything?"   
  
"I was practicing with Yoru- _ senpai _ a couple days ago!" announced Hinata. "I'd say she's pretty good at setting, but, I mean, not as good as Kageyama or anything. I was only really able to hit her one of her tosses, though." His eyes wandered the court. "Better than our first practice together... when I cracked her tooth right before the camp started..."   
  
"You did?!" gaped Bokuto, physically showing surprise with every joint on his body. "Is that why you were late? Damn! That's pretty insane, hahaha!"   
  
"You ready over there yet?" Kuroo called from the opposing side of the net. Bokuto just yelled back, shouting something about how impatient he was.   
  
"A'ight, so." He paused. "Can either of you serve?"   
  
"Nope."   
  
"No."   
  
"Dammit. Fine, I guess I'll start with serving. Uh, you there," Bokuto pointed to me, "you play back row, and you," he pointed to Hinata, "you play front row."   
  
"Okay!"   
  
"I'll try..."   
  
"'Kay,  _ now _ we're ready, Kuroo!" I wandered aimlessly to a spot in the back row, somewhere that of the left corner, but not too far in the corner in order to make it easier to close all gaps. Right? I hoped that was right. I mean, it made logical sense, but I was working off of loose instructions. "Toss me a ball, I wanna serve first!" Bokuto shouted.   
  
"Tsk, tsk, greedy, greedy," Kuroo complained sarcastically, rolling one of the yellow-and-blue volleyballs under the net. Hinata stumbled over and around it, letting it roll back into Bokuto's hands.   
  
"Nice serve!" called Hinata. I turned a bit back   
towards Bokuto, watching as he tossed the ball into the air and forcefully slapped it across and over the net to the other side. It dove straight passed Akaashi and Lev, who were in the front, and directly at the left-hand corner of the court. I thought it would easily touch the floor, since Kuroo was about three steps away, but that wasn't the case.   
  
He dove just as the ball was about thirty centimeters from the ground, managing to pop it back up into the air. It was extremely high, looking as though it would fall back over to our side. "Sorry!" Kuroo called, throwing himself back up from the floor. The other black-haired boy on the team kept his eyes locked on the volleyball, stepping towards it as if he were calculating where it was going to land.   
  
Its vertex only began to dip as it went over the net again. "Chance ball!" called Bokuto. He ran up to it and recived it, bumping it a lot less forcefully -- when I noticed it was coming straight in front of me. I panicked as I watched it, going for it, yet uncertain of what to do.   
  
A glimpse caught my eye, the glimpse of someone else. Brown eyes locked with mine, sending me a clear message: "Toss it to me."   
  
I moved a bit more quickly, a bit forward, getting just enough under the ball for it to brush my fingertips. Hinata leaped before me, and I quickly tapped the ball towards him as best as I could. I knew it wasn't good, I knew I wasn't Kageyama or Sugawara. But I tried.   
  
The set was too low. Hinata barely smacked it with his wrist over the net; I was surprised that had even worked at all. Easily enough, what with the ball so light and weak, Kuroo recieved it again, sending it to the calculative black-haired boy. I assumed this was the setter "Akaashi" that the two captians had mentioned, leaving the tall boy with the name Lev.   
  
The tall Russian boy leaped at the moment Akaashi set the ball to him. It looked like it was going pretty well, but then Lev threw down his arm too late, missing the ball completely. It bounced as it hit the wood flooring, out of bounds now anyway. In the back row, Kuroo looked ready to rip his own hair out.   
  
"Hey, hey, hey! Would ya look at that? Our team of absolute crap managed to get a point!" Bokuto yelled, his words most likely supposed to be something of praise.   
  
"Lev!" scolded Kuroo on the opposing side. "How many times do I have to tell you? Don't get distracted!"   
  
"Yep! Got it!" the tall boy replied, sending a thumbs-up to his rather pissed captain. Kuroo looked ready to strangle him.   
  
"Yoru- _ senpai _ , that was a way better toss than last time!" Hinata exclaimed, easily snatching my attention to him, his light mocha eyes beaming with excitement. "Just a little higher! Then I'll hit it, I swear!"   
  
"O... o-okay," I nodded weakly, feeling a little overwhelmed.   
  
The ball was rolled back to our side, Bokuto up to serve once again. "One more!" cheered Hinata, the boy standing jittery and excited in his place as he prepared for the next part of the game. Bokuto threw up an overhand serve once more, this time it heading for the right-hand corner of the court. However, it was a little long, and I was pretty sure it would hit outside of bounds.   
  
"Out!" Kuroo called, evidently agreeing with me. The ball smacked down just outside the line on the other side. Bokuto groaned loudly, leaning backwards as he dug his fingers into his scalp. The Nekoma captain just smirked, baring his teeth, as he jogged to grab the ball once again. Lev was already starting rotation and heading to the back of the court; Akaashi wandered to the left side, when his head suddenly perked up to the door.   
  
"Who...?" he questioned quietly. Most heads turned to the doorway, including mine. Pushing through the screen curtain was a tall, blond boy, glaring eyes concealed behind his glasses. I blinked, confused as to why he of all people would show up.   
  
"Oh ho?" Bokuto chimed, stepping out towards him.   
  
"Oh hoho?" repeated Kuroo, copying in step with Fukuroudani's captain. Tsukishima did not seem entertained, looking as though he wanted to walk straight back out the door. "What're you doing here, hm? Thought you said this was all pointless."   
  
Tsukishima narrowed his gaze, clearly unimpressed with Kuroo's comment. "I came to practice," he replied bluntly.   
  
"Did you now?" Kuroo smirked. "Well, we were just doing a three-on-three game, but we could switch to something else, if it matters to you."   
  
"Not really," he mumbled. "I could care less about any of this."   
  
"Then why are you here?" Bokuto asked.   
  
Tsukishima ground his teeth momentarily, clicking his tongue and facing the left. "Don't bother with it, it's none of your business." He then seemed to pause, staring at the ground. Kuroo and Bokuto, both confused by his action, glanced to his focus of attention.   
  
"Oh, Yoru- _ san _ , isn't this your phone here?" Kuroo spoke. "It says someone's calling you."   
  
"A-again?" I squeaked quietly as I sprinted in a stumble to my jacket and phone. "I-I'll take it then, I'm sorry, I'll see you later!"   
  
I barely stayed to hear a goodbye of any kind before rushing passed Tsukishima and out the door. Sure enough, my phone read the same thing as last time:  _ Incoming Call: Tooru Oikawa _ . I could only assume all of those messages were from him earlier, as well. I rushed outside, hoping I was out of earshot, aiming to answer the call, but it disappeared just before I managed to hit the button. It had been too long and went to voicemail, not that I was surprised.   
  
While he was most likely leaving some stupid sort of message, I opened my texts to see what kind of nonsense he had sent:  _ 4 new messages. _ I had noticed the notifications of three, so the fourth one must have been from earlier than when Hinata brought me out to this gymnasium or later when I set my phone down with my jacket. I felt so bad, leaving all of the guys behind over this stupid idiot blowing up my phone, but I also didn't want to be an ass and keep ignoring him.   
  
Of the messages he sent me, two were picture messages. The first one was the first selfie he attempted to take as he first kidnapped me out of the dentist. To put it lightly, I looked ready to murder him -- or myself, take your pick. I flicked my thumb to scroll, freezing at the second image.   
  
It was the second selfie he'd taken, the one of us he took at the park. The one where I actually attempted to smile. Me, of all people, attempting to smile. I knew this had happened, I was in the image and remembered it happening, yet seeing it still shocked me. I scrolled a little farther.   
  
_ It's amazing, you went from hating me to loving me! ✩✩ _   
  
_ \-- only after a couple hours, too, even. I guess I've just got that kind of influence on people ♡ _   
  
His two final messages could not have been more cliche or cheesy. Besides, why was he still worrying about this two weeks later? Sure enough, after that, I received a notification that I had a new voicemail. I sighed, not really in the mood for calling him. So I quickly opened my phone's touchpad, typing out a quick reply to him.   
  
_ Sorry. Been practicing with the volleyball team. _   
  
It seemed a little informal, but at this point I didn't really even care; I pressed send. Sighing and going to lock my phone screen, it was slipped out of the grip between my fingers. I whipped my head up, nearly panicked at the sight. In front of me, now holding my phone that was still open to my messages from Oikawa, stood my silvery-haired  _ senpai _ whom I had made out with that night two weeks ago. Guilt melted throughout my entire existence.   
  
He flicked his thumb across the screen, reading the short amount of messages from the top. "Hm," he started. Then he paused, reading over them again. My heart was racing, frantic, nervous,  _ terrified _ of what would come from this. I was terrible, horrible, awful, despicable, dreadful, disgusting, atrocious, repulsive -- how many words were left to describe me?   
  
"So you weren't lying," Sugawara continued, "when you said you couldn't keep your loyalty."   
  
"Suga- _ san _ , I --"   
  
His finger was pressed over my mouth. " _ Koushi _ , I said," he whispered. "Call me  _ Koushi _ ." He had leaned in closer to me, for no reason that I could begin to comprehend. I merely stared at him; he seemed to have a rather kind expression on his face as he returned the eye contact. "I suppose I would be lying if I said I didn't believe you at first, so I apologize. But I'll believe you now. And even though you did this, my statement still stays from before."   
  
"Wh-... what... statement?" I forced.   
  
"'I'm going to make your heart loyal to me.'" Sugawara's smile seemed to morph into a bit of a smirk, yet he continued: "Of course... if you decide that you truly don't like me anymore, I won't force you to. But as for now, I won't back down from this fight." He dropped his hand from my lips, not taking any moment of hesitation to quickly press his against mine briefly.   
  
"Oh, here's your phone back, by the way," he said, instantly switching back to the sweet boy that he usually was in front of everyone else. He held out my phone to me, expression light and casual, making it feel like he had been some stranger who had found it out on the street. I hesitated, but took it back; the screen had locked itself, so I just slid it back into my pocket. "I'll have to admit, I am a little surprised," Suga began. "How in the world did you meet up with Aoba Johsai's volleyball captain?"   
  
"I -- Th-the dentist..." I stuttered.   
  
Quickly, he threw a hand on my shoulder. If it was possible, I had tensed up even more than before. "Hey," he spoke gently, "I'm not mad at you. You don't have to be so stiff."   
  
"But -- I'm --"   
  
"Sh, no 'buts.' Don't be tense, please. You don't need to feel ao uncomfortable. I just want to talk."   
  
I blinked, feeling the same negative ping I had with Oikawa's teasing. Weakly, I pulled Sugawara's hand off of my shoulder. "I-I'm sorry, I... I have to   
go somewhere."   
  
"Huh? Is it something I said?"   
  
"N-no, um--"   
  
"I can take you there, if you'd like."   
  
"No, don't, Hoshi --"   
  
I stopped. It fell off my tongue. I stared at him, wide-eyed. I felt my breathing go heavy, my body frozen in its spot. I had wanted to say  _ Koushi. _ **_I had wanted to say Koushi._ ** **  
**   
".... Ho... shi?" Sugawara stopped. "Who... who is 'Hoshi?'"   
  
" _ I don't want to talk about it! _ " I snapped. My breath stuttered; I stumbled as I attempted to quickly spin and sprint away, but my arm was snatched by him immediately anyway. I pulled and tugged at his grip. " _ Let - me - go! _ "   
  
"No," he replied, his tone suddenly cold and blunt. With that cold tone, I was left frozen once again. "I'm not letting you go until you tell me who this 'Hoshi' is."   
  
" _ Will you stop saying his name?! _ " I shrieked. "Please, I just want to leave...!"   
  
Sugawara was silent. I wanted to run, but I was locked. I wish I had been that little bit stronger just to break free of these volleyball boys' grips and run away from my problems. Too bad I was the physically weakest human on the planet.   
  
"He --" I stuttered, suddenly desperate to leave. "He was the only boyfriend I've had, okay? I don't want to talk about it!"   
  
The grip on my arm tightened. My force pulling my arm away became a lot more furious. "Can I go now, please?" But Sugawara didn't even attempt to loosen his vicious grasp on my arm, I continuing to tug at it just as violently. "Suga- _ san _ , please! Let me go! Please!"   
  
"Why?" he asked. "Why don't you want to talk about it?"   
  
"It drives me insane to think about! I want to stab my own arms when I discuss it! Just let me go --  _ wah?! _ " In the instant I finished, Sugawara yanked me back by him, dragging me off towards what looked like behind the one of the nearby empty gymnasiums. "Suga- _ san _ ! Stop it! Please, don't force me to talk about it!" I didn't have the guts to mention that I already had talked about it and really wasn't up for another conversation involving me crying into someone's arms. I felt a little bad as I whined, realizing I sounded horribly desperate and on the verge of tears. I sincerely and secretly hoped that he would seriously walk away just because of that.   
  
He rounded the corner of the silent gymnasiums exterior, flashing me a small smile. "I'm sorry about this, ahead of time," he spoke, almost in a hushed whisper, and in that split second I suddenly feared for my life. What was that supposed to mean? Why was he apologizing? What was going to happen? What was he going to do?   
  
The grip he held on my arm only loosened as he tossed me against the wall of the gym. I didn't hit it very hard, no, but I still winced at its unexpected crash, worriedly glancing back to Sugawara.   
  
Two hands were placed on either side of my head. I narrowed my attention to their source, unable to alter focus. Sugawara's eyes were locked on me, as well, I noticed. My heartbeat kicked up just a little bit, but my breath was unbelievably heavy. "Su-Sugawara- _ senpai _ ...?" I heaved.   
  
"Shh..." he whispered, leaning in much closer to me. "If you don't want to talk about your past, that's fine. I won't force you to talk about it, but I'll make you replace it."   
  
"H-huh?"   
  
But I hadn't been able to reply any further. Sugawara collapsed his lips against mine, very softly and yet dominantly controlling them. The air was silent, I hearing nothing more than the sound of our lips against one another. It wasn't particularly relieving. For a moment, it all stopped, all of the sudden actions he had begun, but my eyes still were closed and the nonexistent distance was still kept.   
  
"Yoru," Suga whispered, "I'm sorry."   
  
"F-for what?" I mumbled.   
  
I felt his forehead lean against mine, able to feel his breathing against my own face. "I've passed up too many things before in my life. I really have. I often let others have the better, standing back and letting them have what's good in life. But now I'm being selfish. I'm just being so damn selfish that I'm just keeping you to myself when I'm barely even certain it's me you want to be with. I'm really,  _ really _ trying not to be jealous. I'm  _ really _ trying to do what I think would be best. And then I just fail. I'm sorry I panicked earlier when you mentioned... your ex-boyfriend. I... I don't know what got to me. I mean... I was able to keep calm when... I saw your phone, so why...?" He sighed. "I... I'm just sorry..."   
  
"Please don't apologize. And if anyone panicked at the mention of him, it was me," I noted. What made him think he panicked? "I... I keep seeing pieces of him reflected in others, and it's just... horrible... looking..." My voice began to die and crumble as I continued, but I forced it onward. "... Looking at someone you want to care about, but just seeing someone else you'd much rather never see again."   
  
Sugawara did not reply for what seemed a millenia. Or two, even -- maybe three. The only sound I heard for a very long time was the wind, the animals, the cicadas, and the distant squeaks and bumps from the gym. I felt like I had said something wrong. My stomach churned, my heart quickened, and I bit my lip. "Suga--"   
  
"No, don't. Don't say anything," he said, cutting me off. I did as he suggested, mostly from confusion. "I'm still thinking."   
  
"... thinking about?"   
  
"What it is that I can do here to differentiate myself from the ex-boyfriend of yours that you hate so much," he answered. "Tell me something."   
  
"... for starters, not what you just did," I mumbled.   
  
"O-oh. Um... okay, then what?"   
  
I paused for a moment. "Do you want me to give you a serious or a sarcastic answer?"   
  
"Serious, please."   
  
"Then..." At the mere thought of saying what I wanted to, my heart leaped. I calmly took a breath. My voice was hushed and soft, but I still finally said it: "Then don't treat me like I'm nothing. Don't be extremely clingy. Don't twist a conversation just to flirt with me: make it so it seems like we can still talk like normal people. Don't be apathetic: show me passion about something, whether it just be volleyball or something I mention, any type of care I will appreciate. Don't be cheesy, don't try to show me off in public. Don't believe you're always right -- yeah, I know I'm not, but that doesn't mean you are. Don't spam me with selfies, don't overwhelm me with uncomfortable messages. Try to understand me deeper than the surface. Don't assume things. Just..." I stopped once I realized the ongoing train of thoughts I had just rambled. A very short moment after, a soft kiss was placed against my lips, so sweet and gentle that I couldn't compare it to anything I'd felt before.   
  
"Geez," whispered Suga, leaning back from me; I felt his contact on my forehead disappear. Slowly, I fluttered my eyes open once again, revealing a soothing smile spread across his cheeks. "If I had known there was so much I'd have to follow, I would have written it all down." Somehow, a grin pulled and forced its way against my lips. "But," he continued, "with saying all of this... does this mean you do want to go out with me?"   
  
I forced broken eye contact. "I... I'm not sure," I mumbled. "I... don't know if I'm ready to try that again... or if I will ever be... or if... there's someone else..."   
  
"Well..." He pecked my cheek. "If nothing else, I'll still be here as your friend. Even when I graduate, I will keep in contact with you, even if it costs me an arm and a leg, got it? A-and... and if any other guy treats you poorly, I won't let them!" Somehow, he lost his confidence and his voice squeaked during the end of his speech, causing his face to flush bright red. I couldn't help but giggle at his suddenly different attitude.   
  
"... thank you," I whispered. Sugawara leaned back closer to me for another kiss, abruptly frozen before our lips even brushed each other. My chest began to pound in a panic, wondering what it was that could have spooked him -- was someone nearby? I almost immediately then noticed the hand resting on Sugawara's shoulder, nearly screaming at the sight.   
  
"... you're lucky I found you and not Ukai," a deep voice cracked. Suga, before me, seemed suddenly concerned. I tried to peak around his head, barely able to meet eyes with who stood behind him. "I really don't care what it is you do, Suga- _ san _ , but can't you wait a bit or something? You're going to get all three of us in trouble -- especially you and Yoru -- if you don't separate and get back to where we're staying for the night."   
  
"... sorry, Daichi," Sugawara answered weakly, leaning back and once again towering a good four inches above me. His cheeks were dusted pink, eyes glancing nervously to the volleyball captain standing next to him. Daichi gently smacked the back of Suga's head.   
  
"Again, just be glad Ukai didn't see you guys. I don't even want to think about what could have happened," he sighed. "Nevertheless, we should get back before Ukai  _ does _ find us. It's getting later by the second and I'm sure everyone else is already gathering back."   
  
Suga nodded his head, almost instantly taking my hand as Daichi turned. The silvery-haired setter smiled to me, a blush still dusting his cheeks. He flashed his chocolate eyes to Daichi for a quick moment before deciding to interlace our fingers as well.   
  
  
  
I was in the same dorm area as the rest of the girls, which apparently all of the other schools here had a female manager or two as well, but they were all sound asleep and distant. That didn't help very much when I wanted someone to talk to.   
  
I couldn't sleep. There wasn't any particular reason for it that I could identify, but I lay restless nevertheless. Frustrated with myself, I reached for my phone, unlocking the horribly bright screen and checking the time.  _ 00:35 _ . As well as five new notifications, three of them being messages from Oikawa, and the remaining two being voicemails that I could only assume were also from Oikawa. Bored and uncaring about the lack of sleep I was getting, I opened the text messages I had received.   
  
_ Oh! Right, you told me about that, haha. Hope it's fun ✩ _ A half hour later, he sent a message reading  _ Aren't you guys done practicing yet? It's pretty late. _ At this time, it was somewhere around eight-thirty. A third message was received about an hour before now: _Yoruchan... are you ignoring me?_   
  
I didn't figure he was awake, but who knows, since he texted me an hour ago. I hoped I hadn't been keeping him up worried that I was ignoring him. I opened my touchpad keyboard, typing away a message. _I'm sorry, Oikawa, the guys from the other teams wanted to play a 3-on-3 match and got me into it lol. As of now... I just can't sleep._   
  
I hit send and set my phone to my side, clicking the lock screen shut once I again. I laid staring at it for what seemed hours yet seconds, as the light burst to life again. So he was still awake. My gut twisted with guilt.   
  
_You can't sleep? Why's that?_   
  
_... I don't know. I just keep rolling back and forth but I'm restless._   
  
_Hm. Maybe if I talked to you through a call, you'd fall asleep ~_   
  
_Please. Besides, I'm in a room full of sleeping people right now and it's nearly one a.m._   
  
_I can be quiet!_   
  
I didn't even get a chance to start typing the next reply before my phone started buzzing rapidly in my hand. _Incoming Call: Tooru Oikawa_ read the screen. This wasn't the first time, and I was certain it wouldn't be the last time either. Reluctantly, I hit the answer button.   
  
"Yoru- _chan_! You picked up! Yay!" The spastic voice of Oikawa blabbed loudly on the other side. "Oh, whoopsies -- I have to be quieter, hehe."   
  
"Why do you want to talk to me so goddamn late at night anyway?" I muttered.   
  
"You said you couldn't sleep, so I figured talking to someone would be the best way to fix it."   
  
"I appreciate the suggestion, but calls freak me out. Not to mention... I'm in a crowded, dead silent room, _at one A.M._ " If I hadn't been so tired, I would have complained a little more.   
  
"Yoru- _chan_ , you don't have to be so nervous, it's just me! I'm not gonna hurt you, especially not through a call," he noted. I mumbled, sitting upright and standing. "Huh? What's that noise in the background?"   
  
"Shifting blankets, probably," I whispered. "I'm leaving the room. I feel too awkward."   
  
"Aw, Yoru- _chan_ , you wanna talk to me in private! That's adorable."   
  
"Did I say that?" I growled. Oikawa hummed indifferently.   
  
I carefully tiptoed over the floor, attentive as I tried very hard not to step on anything, or anyone, and make my way to the door. It slid open to what sounded like thunder rolling over our heads in the silence, but no one seemed even slightly awake enough to move. Stepping out the doorway, I slid it shut again, and made my way far enough out of earshot from the girls, sighing quietly over the phone.   
  
"Hm? Did you manage to escape?" Oikawa chimed.   
  
"Well, I don't know if I'd say escape, but I did get out," I answered bluntly.   
  
"Yay! Now I can be less quiet! But... still quiet because everyone else in my house is actually sleeping at the moment."   
  
"Most people are sleeping at the moment," I groaned.   
  
"You're not," he noted. I could almost hear the smirk in his teasing tone.   
  
I rolled my eyes. "I'm aware, but neither are you."   
  
"Well, I'm not the one making the argument of people being asleep at one A.M." With a pause of my defeat, he softly giggled. "I win," Oikawa sang.   
  
"No you don't, you don't win anything," I blurted, having no evidence behind my statement of instinctive stupidity.   
  
"Oh, really now? Well it's a darn shame you missed the Aoba Johsai game against Karasuno the other week then, because I most certainly did win." Was that all he could talk about?   
  
"Whoa, there, Oikawa- _san_ , no need to be so defensive about it," I said sarcastically.   
  
"I'm not, really! I'm just stating a fact." He said he wasn't serious or defensive, but his tone just seemed to get darker and darker, confidence overflowing with every word he spoke. "It was truly a fun game, the very last point being the most satisfying to win. Karasuno, little Tobio- _chan_ especially, became so confident after the ball had been tossed back and forth with unbelievable recieves on both accounts... and allowed us to block Chibi- _chan_ 's spike quite easily. Three of their players, three!, went after the ball, but it touched the ground, getting us game point. Mm, I'd have to say the most satisfying of it was seeing the absolutely broken expression Tobio- _chan_ had on his face."   
  
"... that satisfaction is a little fucked up, don't you think?" I mumbled. "I mean... what did Kageyama- _san_ ever do?"   
  
"Oh, I didn't tell you, did I? I don't think I gotten much more than a word out about my past, hehe," he laughed. "Would you like to know?"   
  
"I'd like to know why you're targeting Kageyama- _san_ , yeah," I heaved.   
  
"Tobio- _chan_? Hmm, you're rather protective of him right now. Is he the one you made out with?" A melody seemed to trim his voice.   
  
"No! You're the one who brought him up!"   
  
Oikawa laughed. "I'm kidding, kidding! Who did you... nah, I'll save that for later. First I'll answer what you asked me. Okay, hm, Tobio- _chan_. We went to the same junior high, actually: Kitagawa Daiichi. I was the main setter on the volleyball team and he was a first year, so he had just joined. But the thing was, this little punky twelve year old, who had barely played as much volleyball in primary school as me, had so much more potential than me according to the coaches! I'd spent my whole life trying to become the best setter I could ever become, and then this asshole came along. I kept working my ass off to try and be better than him and another player from a different school. I once just got so pissed off at Tobio- _chan_ that I tried slapping him across the face, but was stopped by one of my teammates who then chewed me out for it. I'm aware that Tobio- _chan_ isn't stronger than me now, and nor was he before... but that stupidity and potential of his is truly frightening."   
  
I stayed quiet for a little while, allowing myself to soak in all of the information. "Oh... I see," I replied. "I'm... I'm sorry."   
  
"No, no, don't apologize, Yoru- _chan_! It's not your fault in the slightest, really! Gah, I didn't mean to make you feel bad," he babbled.   
  
"I... I do kind of know how you feel, though... but at the same time, I'm more on Kageyama's side of the situation," I mumbled.   
  
He paused. "Wh... what do you mean by that?" asked Oikawa nervously.   
  
"I mean... so, typically, I do art, right? I've been told I'm pretty talented at it, but as far as I'm concerned, I've only scratched the surface. Just out of sheer boredom, not dedication, I kept drawing when I was younger, and soon grew better control of the pencil in my hands. The past year... actually, my third year in junior high, so two years ago; I entered in an art competition. It was pretty local at first, but certain qualifiers went to have their work sent to Sendai for further judging against all of those in the prefecture. Here... here I met other artists, which I had never met one before, aside from my teacher. The... the kids there, they asked me how old I was after seeing my art, and when I told them, they... they reacted a lot like you did. They kept saying things like 'You're only a middle schooler?' or 'Well, there goes my plans for the future,' and so on... so... I mean, I understand how you feel, but I'm in the opposite position."   
  
He was silent. "U-um, I'm sorry, I rambled too much, didn't I?" I asked.   
  
"Oh, no, no, no! That's not it! I'm just... a little shocked is all." There was a short pause in the call. "So... you're an artist? Hm, I dunno, you just really didn't strike me as one. Why are you managing the volleyball team then? Oh gosh, don't tell me it's just because you think the guys are cute!"   
  
"No, you dumbass, I'm not that shallow. It's because a friend convinced me to. She wanted to do it... probably because she's very interested in another second year who plays on the team... but she already plays for the girls' volleyball team and couldn't do it. I still don't know why that means I should, but whatever, I guess."   
  
"Oh, I see. It's actually pretty obvious why she wanted you to be manager though," he sang.   
  
"Huh? What do you mean by that?"   
  
"She's into one of the members, right? That probably means she wanted you to talk to him for her."   
  
"What?" I blurted. "No, that's not like her at all. Besides, if she wanted to talk to someone, she at least has the ability to. Talking for me is a struggle."   
  
"Hm? But you're talking to me just fine, and we just met a couple weeks ago, Yoru- _chan_ ," Oikawa noted with a song tied to his voice. I bit my lip.   
  
"It's still a struggle," I mumbled. "Just because I can talk to you right now doesn't mean that I can to everyone."   
  
"Ooh, does that make me special then? Is that your form of a confession, Yoru- _chan_? Gah, you're so cute like that!"   
  
" _I never said anything!_ " I snapped, clamping my mouth shut. I pleaded that no one had heard my sudden yelling -- or, woken up to it, anyway. Oikawa was just laughing on the other side. "Shut up," I mumbled through my hand.   
  
"Boy, Yoru- _chan_ , I didn't know you could be that loud," he whispered.   
  
"I said shut up!"   
  
"Okay, okay, sorry!" he laughed. "Alright, then if we're switching topics now, can I ask you something?"   
  
"No," I answered apathetically.   
  
"Who is it that you made out with the other night?" Oikawa asked anyway. I sighed as an initial reply, knowing that was exactly what he was going to ask. But it seemed that he was just going to wait silently until I said something. I could have hung up on him, but... I didn't.   
  
"...if it wasn't for the fact that he's already found out about you, I wouldn't be telling you right now," I mumbled.   
  
"Oho! He knows about me? How so? Did you tell him?"   
  
"He read the messages  you sent me earlier."   
  
"Oh boy. I'm sure that went down well, didn't it?"   
  
"Actually... it went better than I expected," I replied, a slight positivity to my voice. "So, um... how familiar are you with Karasuno's players' names?"   
  
"Aside from you and Tobio- _chan_ , I don't know anyone very well," Oikawa answered bluntly. "However, I do kinda remember a lot of the faces that went with their numbers, like the little number ten and the captain and number five. Oh, and Glasses. And the libero. Was it any of them?"   
  
I chewed my lip for a moment. "...no. He's not one of the regulars," I noted. "His number is two."   
  
"Two? Two... which one was that? He did play, I remember... oh! Oh! Mr. Refreshing! Yes, I know him! The backup setter with silvery brunet hair and a little mole on his cheek, right?" Oikawa took a moment or so to compute my statement. "Wait... so, Mr. Refreshing is my competition? That's a surprising choice of yours. I was kinda thinking it would be Tobio- _chan_ , or that little number ten, or the even littler libero!"   
  
"Not our libero," I quickly said. "That's who my friend likes, and I would never do that to her."   
  
"That's so cute! Yoru- _chan_ , I cannot understand how you get cuter with every word you say sometimes," he laughed.   
  
"You sound sarcastic," I murmured.   
  
"Oh -- uh -- did I? I didn't mean to..." His tone suddenly dropped very solemnly; I couldn't tell if that made it seem suspicious or truthful. Nevertheless, I stayed quiet. "So... what is number two's name?" Oikawa questioned, sounding as if he was forcing the conversation to continue.   
  
"Koushi Sugawara," I replied, having little enthusiasm left for conversation. He was silent on the other side.   
  
"... are you tired or... are you mad at me?" he mumbled apologetically.   
  
I sighed in annoyance. "I'm not really mad at you, no, just getting a little annoyed. Constantly calling me 'cute' and constantly speaking like some kind of preppy high school girl... I'm sorry, this is pretty rude of me to say, but... it does annoy me a little."   
  
He was silent, the only sound was of him letting a soft sigh slip through. With a moment of pausing, Oikawa mumbled, "Well, then, would you rather I stop acting like that then?"   
  
"What? No! No, no, don't force yourself to change because of me, I'd never forgive myself... I know what it's like to fake a personality you find better for others to tolerate but, don't force yourself to be like that. Just be who you are, please."   
  
There was silence. "You know, Yoru, you're really strange, you know that?" he chuckled. "We've barely met, yet you're still being so kind to me and speaking to me as if we've been close friends for a really long time. Well, if you're going to be so upfront, I might as well be too." It sounded like Oikawa took in a deep breath. I narrowed my gaze as I adjusted my phone, looking down off to the hallway to my left -- I thought I had heard something. "Would you believe me if I told you I've been faking my personality for a few years now?"   
  
I froze, locking my gaze where it had been aimed before. "You... you what? Why?" I breathed. "Why would you torture yourself like that?"   
  
"Haha, it's not torture, Yoru- _chan_ , trust me. But, the thing is, I've never been all that confident in myself, not since I had a horrible loss early in junior high. I just became angry, wanting to quit volleyball, even. But Iwa- _chan_ snapped some sense into me. I told you about how jealous I got of Tobio- _chan_ 's talent, but he's not the only one I'm... _jealous_ of, to say. I also despise the entirety of Shiratorizawa."   
  
I blinked. "Who's... Shiratorizawa?"   
  
"Hm? Oh, I guess you're still new to all the schools and everything. Currently, Shiratorizawa is the best school in the Miyagi prefecture. The captain of their team, Wakatoshi Ushijima, is... someone who has a ridiculous amount of talent. Most of the team does. But they're so 'high class'" -- Oikawa seemed to mumble "More like high matinence," -- "that they only accept the best of the best into the team, the _school_ , and are so arrogant with their awful talent that I just... they're disgusting. Just disgusting.   
  
"But... anyway," he continued, "I really became obsessed with being better than them that I practiced every day for as long as I could, even more so when Tobio showed up. It was only Iwaizumi who told me how much of a fool I was being by overworking myself. The end of my third year in junior high, I actually did win the 'Best Setter' award for Miyagi prefecture." He paused, taking a deep breath. "I cannot let my high school career go to waste. So, I put on a brave face, a smile, and pretend like nothing's wrong so I can push through and win with fake confidence taking place for what I'm lacking."   
  
He paused, and I thought he had finished, but Oikawa spoke again just as I went to. "You're not the only one who says my personality seems toxic, actually. Most of my teammates hate it. Iwa- _chan_ , if it wasn't for him being around most of my life, I'm sure he wouldn't care about me either with this kind of face on."   
  
"I -- I never said it was _toxic_..." I mumbled.   
  
He breathed a laugh. "So, I mean, I can try acting a bit more natural around you, if you'd prefer. I suppose salt is a little less annoying than toxicity, but too much salt is bad for you, remember."   
  
"Oikawa- _san_ , I just want you to be who you feel comfortable, or natural, being. I don't care if it's who you believe your 'true' self or 'fake' self is. Just be comfortable as whoever you want to be."   
  
There was an audible sigh on the other side. "... I love you," he breathed, a sort of whispy, dreamily distant tone to his voice. My heart leaped into my throat, mouth agape but unable to respond. He was just as silent; I wondered if Oikawa had meant to say that or it just slipped off his tongue.   
  
"Uhm -- I think I've talked enough for the night," he blurted. I went to nod, then realizing he could not see me through a phone call. "It's only been, what, two weeks? and I'm already saying crazy things. It's really late so that's probably a factor," he rambled. "Anyway, hope you get to sleep now, good luck tomorrow, all that stuff or something. --bye."   
  
"Bye--" But as I spoke, he hung up. Evidently, it had just slipped off of his tongue. I held my phone out before me, reading how long we had talked. _37:49_. It truly didn't feel like it had been that long.   
  
As I was staring at my phone, a tumble was heard down the hall to my left, along with a loud "Shit!" I turned to where it sounded like it was coming from, seeing a black-haired boy, definitely younger than I, hobbling over some things left in the hall. I raised an eyebrow, turning my entire attention to him. "Kageyama- _san_?" I asked wearily, standing up slowly.   
  
His head snapped around to me, his blue eyes hard to see in the dark but most certainly looking panicked. Balancing from the items, he tried sprinting around the corner. I stepped, trying to follow after him, but not finding any energy to do so. Besides, it wasn't my business as to why he was awake, anyway. I twisted my lip.   
  
"Were you the one who was yelling?" a blunt voice asked from behind me. I flinched and squeaked, flipping myself entirely around. Behind me had been the calico-haired boy from earlier, his eyes baggy as if he just furiously woke up. What was his name again? Ken... something. Kenta?   
  
"I-I'm sorry, did I wake you up?" I stuttered.   
  
"Kinda, I guess," he said. "I was still up. You just got my attention. One of the other guys got up and actually left, so I'm looking for him." He peered around my shoulder. "I thought I saw him run by just now."   
  
I blinked, turning back around. "Kageyama- _san_ ran by... or it looked to be him, anyway," I commented. He grunted.   
  
"Did he run that way?"   
  
"I... think so?"   
  
"Alright." The flan haired boy just walked passed me without another word. I was really curious about what had happened, but didn't have the ambition to find out about it. "Oh. Also. Why were you out here?" the boy asked just as I went to walk away. His expression was as deadpan as before, yet he seemed to have a little bit of intrigue to his voice.   
  
"... I could ask you the same thing," I mumbled.   
  
He sighed. "I wasn't out here until a few minutes ago. Besides. I just told you. You're the one who was yelling."   
  
I bit my lip, stepping to walk away. "I wasn't doing anything important."   
  
"... if I cared any more, I'd ask more. But I really don't. You should just get to bed before we get in trouble." He finally walked off. I sighed, making my way back to the girls' room. But even now, I couldn't escape and go to sleep, as I ran into Kageyama once again. I could fully see him now: his stood in a severe state of panic, maybe even disgust. I widened my eyes in confusion, not sure what it is that I should say to him. The black haired boy immediately turned his head and clicked his tongue, attempting to run off once again.   
  
" _Wait!_ " I snapped, gripping his arm, but he pulled away very easily and continued running off. "Kageyama- _san_!" I blurted, going after him. I didn't know why he was acting up, but I could only have one guess. I hated guessing, but I haven't seen Kageyama act so strange before. I went for his arm again, but as he yanked it back, I asked, "How much did you hear?"   
  
He jolted, turning his eyes to me slowly and then flicking them back to the wall. "Enough," he answered.   
  
"Enough what?"   
  
"Enough that... nevermind, it doesn't matter."   
  
"Why were you running away then?"   
  
"I said it doesn't matter!" Kageyama snapped, throwing my arm back forcefully. His eyes momentarily met mine, both sharp and hurt like a cracked knife, before he twisted and jogged off again. I didn't go after him this time. I was too tired and knew I should get to bed.   
  
"Enough that it pissed me off," Kageyama finished as I met him around the other corner of the hall. At this point, I wasn't even surprised, and just getting   
annoyed that I couldn't have just gone to sleep like someone normal.   
  
"What do you mean?" I asked.   
  
Kageyama shifted. His gaze flickered to the wall and back before he walked a couple more steps in retreat, then stopping and glancing at me. I just stared at him, feeling my eyes dipping from fatigue. He curled his lip. "I don't like Oikawa- _san_ ," he muttered. "That is all."   
  
I blinked. "If that's all, then why get so aggravated over it?"   
  
"Have you ever even considered how someone else feels?" he snapped. I stared at him, silent, my mouth propped slightly agape. Did he mean what I think he meant? Kageyama fluctuated his gaze, turning away from me again, but didn't take and initiative to walk away. "Why were you talking to Oikawa anyway?" he mumbled coldly.   
  
"... what's some first year like you to dictate who I can talk to?" I replied, a false confidence in my voice.   
  
"He's not a good person!"   
  
"So you think!" I was snapping and couldn't hold it back -- this was going to get ugly if I didn't calm down. Carefully, I took a deep breath as a forced myself to slow down fully. "What has he done that makes you think he's so bad?"   
  
Kageyama was grinding his jaw. "He's... a prick. Selfish and arrogant. Oikawa is very ignorant of how anyone other than himself feels, and I don't want you hanging out with someone like that!" His voice was getting louder by the second. I wanted to yell back at him, but held my tongue as I went to warn him about the level of his voice -- to which he spoke over me. "He doesn't care about anyone else. He's too concerned about being the best. That ignorant prick doesn't even realize I work my ass off to be a good setter, not to mention he's still better than me, even if by experience alone!" Kageyama stared at me with sharp eyes, his breath choppy and his hands clenched into bloodthirsty fists.   
  
"... Kageyama- _san_ , don't you think this is going too far?" I prodded, promptly holding my place very tightly. "Oikawa is not a bad person. He is not as selfish as you think. What do you care that I hang out with him?--"   
  
" _I told you, dammit,_ " he breathed harshly. "I hate Oikawa. He's not a good person. I don't know what he told you, what he said, but it's not true. I'm telling you that now." He narrowed his gaze. "Speaking of that... when the hell did you even meet him?"   
  
"The dentist," I answered apathetically.   
  
Kageyama clicked his tongue. "You've only known him for two weeks, yet you're pretending you know him better than me?"   
  
"If you hate him so much, in what way did you try to understand him?" I snapped.   
  
"Why would I? He's a dick."   
  
"Exactly my point," I remarked sharply, pride overflowing my tone, words falling out without my thinking beforehand. "You didn't care to learn, so you didn't listen to him. Let me pick who I want to talk to. You have no right to dictate who I can and cannot converse with."   
  
"I'm giving you a fair warning!" he growled. "Don't come running to me if he breaks your heart." Somehow, his words seem to fall apart, hurting and filled with pain. I blinked, narrowing my gaze slightly in realization.   
  
"Kageyama- _san_ ," I questioned softly, "you're not, maybe, jealous, or something?"   
  
"Don't make me laugh," he replied darkly, his eyes colder than ice. But they had averted away, ignoring me. "I'm going to bed. Bye."   
  
"Kageyama --"   
  
Without hesitation, he spun and stormed off. I just watched him, curious, but now so tired that I could have collapsed there for the night.   



	5. Boys' Points of View

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The different angles of the story from various setters' points of view.

I cursed under my breath, having died for the fifth time in a row, stuck on the same boss battle for the last twenty minutes that we'd been in the cafeteria. It was troublesome.   
  
"Do you ever set that thing down? Geez, aside from when we actually play volleyball, I never see you off that thing," Kuroo complained. As the same cutscene I'd seen play five times already went through again, I glanced to Kuroo. Then went back to my game. He burst out laughing for some reason. "Was that your idea of a glare? Oh man, I'm so intimidated!"   
  
"Shut up," I replied.   
  
The battle had begun again, and I started it the same as before. The boss always started with the same attack, so it was easy to dodge at this point. The most frustrating part was the fact that it summoned smaller enemies shortly after the attack finished, forcing me to fight through them in order to go and attack the main one's weak point. Just to make it more annoying, one of the enemies summoned was always a healer. It made my life twice as difficult.   
  
"Dammit," I mumbled, mashing the buttons as I watched the character die again. "I barely even started... this is bull."   
  
"I don't have a clue about what you're playing, but it looks pretty damn tough if you ask me," Kuroo mumbled.   
  
"Apparently not, since this game came out only a couple weeks ago and everyone else has managed to beat it." I flipped through the screens, going to restart the level again. "But I've been stuck on this boss for three days."   
  
"Damn. Maybe that just means you suck." I narrowed my gaze and glanced to him again. "There ya go, Kenma! _That's_ a good glare." I just rolled my eyes. "Well, uh, while you do that, I'm going to do some more practice. Lev's joining because I'm making him, but I think Bokuto and Akaashi are coming too. You wanna join?"   
  
"We practiced all day. No."   
  
"Okay, suit yourself," Kuroo sighed, pushing back his seat from the table as he stood up and strolled off, calling out to the other three he'd planned to practice with. I could have left for the dorm room, but was comfortable and wasn't planning on moving until kicked out.   
  
"Eck -- Hinata- _san_ , you -- I'm not gonna talk to him!"   
  
The voice was squeaky and quiet, yet seemed somewhat familiar. Was it Karasuno's new manager? It was speaking to Hinata.   
  
"Oh, c'mon, Kenma's not scary. You can talk to him!"   
  
"But what if I don't even know what game he's playing? I-I know that was the point of me asking, but I don't know what to say after that."   
  
"Isn't that the point of conversation? It takes two people, not one! You can do it, you can make a new friend!"   
  
"A-are you sure?"   
  
"Yes, mhm! Certain as can be!" For a moment, I actually paused my game. Was it true that Karasuno's new manager was interested in asking me about video games? That seemed to be what I was hearing. This is strange. No one usually comes up to me about that. I wasn't sure I knew if I could hold a conversation, either.   
  
But I was found with the same short haired girl sitting before me in Kuroo's seat from before. I glanced to Hinata, who was standing behind her, as he waved to me. "Hey, Kenma! Yoru- _senpai_ said she was curious about your game, so... yep! I'm gonna go find something else to eat."   
  
I wasn't sure what he meant by that. Nor did I understand what to do. I met the girl's eyes, but she seemed confused too. I opened my mouth to speak, having no words to say.   
  
"...so... um," she mumbled, her voice very quiet. I almost didn't hear her. "Wh... what are you playing?" I told her the title, but she just bit her lip. "Yeah, I... don't know that one. I mean... I sorta figured... I don't have a PSP, so..."   
  
"... What do you have then?" I asked. Yet it just felt awkward to keep the conversation going.   
  
She seemed stiff. "M... my mom doesn't like video games so much... so only a Nintendo 3DS."   
  
"...ah. I have one too."   
  
"Y... you do?"   
  
"Yeah. I don't play as many games on it as I do Playstation. But I do have some Nintendo games." I set down the silver PSP in my hands on the plastic table. "What games do you play?"   
  
"M-me?" she squeaked. "... erm... well... d-don't... I still play PokÃ©mon." She paused, but then blurted, "B-but, that's not all I play, I mean... I play... some RPGs like Kingdom Hearts and It's a Wonderful World and Bravely Default... oh, those are all Square Enix..."   
  
"I see. I haven't played It's a Wonderful World or Bravely Default. But I know Kingdom Hearts pretty well. Or. At least as well as one can know it," I noted. Though it was meant to be sarcastic, it was probably true. "I play PokÃ©mon, too, though. But the last game I got was X."   
  
"A-ah, really? That... was my least favorite game," she mumbled. I raised an eyebrow. "The game was so bad to me that I nearly dropped the series altogether."   
  
"I didn't think it was that bad. A little easy, maybe. But not bad."   
  
"It's the easy that made it boring," she explained. "I wanted it to be more challenging. But when I got OmegaRuby, I felt like Pokemon had been restored."   
  
"Hm. I heard the remakes were good, but I never picked it up."   
  
"I liked it. I never fully beat the original Ruby, but I still thought OmegaRuby was good."   
  
I paused. "What was your name again?"   
  
The brunette blinked once or twice. "Ah -- erm, Y-Yoru Ikari. You're... Kenma- _san_ , right?"   
  
"You can drop the ' _-san_ ,' but yeah."   
  
She just nodded. With that, the conversation seemed to have died. My eyes trailed back to the paused game sitting on the table, not really knowing what to say. What happens when a conversation hits a dead end? Isn't that when people just walk away? But I didn't want to, somehow. I wanted to keep talking.   
  
"Did... you hear about the new games for Pokemon?" she asked. "The ones being released this November."   
  
"No," I answered. "Haven't really been paying attention to them. I was more concerned about the new trailer Square Enix put up for Kingdom Hearts III."   
  
"Oh, I heard about that. Or, at least about 2.8 or 2.9 or something. How many remakes are they up to for that game?" Yoru sighed. "I've heard Kingdom Hearts III had been delayed until 2020 at the earliest."   
  
"You're kidding. They annouced the game in 2012," I heaved.   
  
"Yeah, I know. And instead of working on it, they just keep remaking 2 with extra storylines not available otherwise."   
  
I sighed. "Square Enix frustrates me."   
  
Suddenly, Hinata burst back into the conversation. "Oh, oh, Yoru- _senpai_! Let's go watch the other two teams practice! I hear that both the Fukuroudani and Nekoma captains are playing with each other!"   
  
"What? But, Hinata- _san_... I... maybe I should just go to bed already. I mean, it's late, right? And I was up even later last night, so..."   
  
"Late?" He pouted. "Yoru- _senpai_ , it's not even seven!" He took her by the arm and pulled her from the chair. "Bye, Kenma, we'll see you tomorrow!"   
  
I waved slightly to Hinata as he ran off with Yoru, picking up my PSP once again. Yet something about playing it again felt a little less entertaining.   
  
  
  
"Suga- _san_ , are you dating Yoru- _san_?"   
  
I nearly choked on the water I had been drinking. I flipped my attention to Daichi, obviouslyly startled, but noticed he looked pretty sincere in what he said. "Um... well..." I didn't have the right words. How was I supposed to describe it? No, we weren't really dating, but at the same time, it's not like we acted like we weren't. At all. The floor suddenly became interesting. "...not... really?" I mumbled. Great. Great, Sugawara, perfect answer.   
  
Daichi grunted, sitting next to me on the floor. "It seemed like it," he answered. "I mean, after seeing --"   
  
"That wasn't anything," I blurted, quickly flicking my head to the other side when I saw him raise an eyebrow in concern. "Really, it's nothing. I'm telling you."   
  
"Suga, you know you're not good at lying," he laughed. "What's going on between you two?"   
  
I bit my lip. It was purely amazing how interesting the tatami flooring was, as it held no difference to any other tatami flooring I had ever seen before. Still the same tans, greens -- yep, all the same. The room was also very quiet. Did anyone else notice how quiet it was? I mean, Hinata and Kageyama were yelling in the other corner, so maybe not. Was I going insane? Probably a little. Haa...   
  
I squawked once I noticed Daichi place his hand on my shoulder. "Whoa, Suga, you don't have to be so tense. Something the matter?"   
  
"Nope, nope, nope! Not at all, Daichi- _san_! I'm perfectly fine! There's no issue here! Haha... ha!" I slammed my mouth shut. Why was I being so bluntly stupid?   
  
"... You're not fine."   
  
"Shh! Yes I am! You have no proof I'm not..." I sighed. What's the point of dighing a hole, honestly? All I'm doing is burying myself. "Okay, no, I'm not."   
  
"Geez, what happened to you?"   
  
I glanced to him, Daichi stared with a concerned gaze. "I mean, plenty of things, but... I bet it's not hard to guess that I like Yoru- _chan_ , right?" I forced a half-hearted laugh. "Yeah... well... she... also likes someone else right now, and I don't know what to do."   
  
"Also? What do you mean 'also'?" Daichi asked.   
  
"She does like me, too, but, ah, apparently, when she was at the dentist, she met someone else, and is currently very conflicted." Which in turn is making me conflicted.   
  
"Seriously? That sounds... honestly, kind of like she's trying to avoid you."   
  
"Maybe if I hadn't seen proof, yeah, but I found out about it before she told me, so I know it's true."   
  
"Hm. That's a situation," Daichi stated. "What're you going to do?"   
  
"I don't have any idea in the slightest," I declared. Hushing my voice, I continued, "I mean... what can I do? I want her to be with me, obviously, but if she doesn't want to... then what? It's no different than I've had happen before, but..." I forced myself silent and shook my head. Daichi gently slapped my back.   
  
"You're gonna be okay," he reassured. "I'm not sure I've ever seen you so down about something like this, Suga,   
and it's a little unsettling. I'm certain that it'll all work out in the end. 'Sides, if she's already flipping back and forth between you and someone else, doesn't seem like she'd be a very good girlfriend, right?" Daichi laughed, but stopped when he realized I didn't react. "...sorry."   
  
"It's fine," I mumbled, toying with the water bottle in my hands. "I'll figure out something, I'm sure, or just let things fall in place as they're meant to again..."   
  
"Suga." I tipped my head up. "I'm not saying it's the best of ideas, but if you're really interested in Yoru- _san_ , you shouldn't just give up. I know you're the type to just let others take the better, but I don't like seeing you so down about this." Daichi grinned. "You're better than this."   
  
I breathed a laugh. "Barely," I rolled my eyes. He just sighed, folding his arms across his chest.   
  
"You're better at a lot more than you realize," he stated. "You just give up easily at the sight of someone better -- and it's pretty cowardly of you. What's the point of living if you aren't going to challenge yourself, only giving up when you're faced with difficulty? You and Asahi both -- I don't have any ability to understand why you won't take things head-on, and instead duck your head and run. Isn't it boring?"   
  
I blinked, locking my gaze on him. "What? No, it's not boring..."   
  
"Then what is it?"   
  
I opened my mouth, silent. "I... I don't know? It's kind of playing it safe, really. I don't find enjoyment in thrills like that. And I don't like taking the place of people who are clearly better than me, either."   
  
"Coward!" Daichi snapped. I retaliated. "Tell me, how do you feel when we win a volleyball match?"   
  
"... pretty good," I mumbled.   
  
"Just pretty good?"   
  
"Well, I mean, I'm really excited in the moment and everything. But overall I feel pretty good about it."   
  
"How about when we win? Then how does it feel? More than pretty good or excited, right?" I got to shrug a bit before he kept talking. "It's satisfying, isn't it? When you fight for something that you want. There would be nothing to playing volleyball if you didn't take risks. C'mon, Suga, you're a setter, aren't you? You've got control of the game! You have to take risks in your position."   
  
"Well, I never really did, actually. I'd always lean to Asahi. He always managed to get the spike over the net, so I played it safe and set it up for him to spike," I explained. "I mean, I'm not the main setter anymore because I wanted to play it safe. Kageyama is much better than me, even if he is less experienced. I'd rather give the position to him and see us win than take it for myself and watch us lose."   
  
Daichi frowned. "You know, it'd be so much easier to convince you 'Better safe than sorry' is stupid if you stopped countering everything that I said," he heaved. "Look, all I'm trying to say is that you don't need to sit back and watch all the time. You can challenge fate a little bit. If you just sit back and watch while everyone grabs what they can, you'll never get what you truly want."   
  
I stared, realizing he had a point. I shouldn't be so conflicted. Who said she was interested in Oikawa anyway? Maybe I'd made that up in a spur of panic or something. I wasn't losing anything until I stopped fighting.   
  
"Do you get it now?" he asked, a bit of a smirk across his face. "Don't be so scared, got it? Take a little for yourself sometime. If you're really determined to keep Yoru- _san_ , you've gotta do more than hope for the best, Suga."   
  
"... Alright," I answered. A smile pulled at my lips. "Alright, yeah, I understand. I'm going to do what I told her I'd do in the first place." Daichi raised an eyebrow, but my smile just grew bigger as I stared back up to him.   
  
"I'm going to keep her heart loyal to mine."   
  
  
  
"Kageyama, why aren't you talking to me?"   
  
I ignored him again. I opted for a drink of water instead.   
  
"Kageyama... Kageyama! Ka-ge-ya-ma!" The little orange dumbass kept pushing me with what seemed to be a weak amount of force, or basically just enough to piss me off. The water bottle in my fist crinkled as I gripped it tighter. Hinata stopped shoving me, finally, but I still didn't reply. I didn't need to.   
  
"Kageyama...?" he mumbled.   
  
" _Shut up!_ " I snapped, throwing my water bottle at him. Hinata tried to dodge it and failed, the lid popping off and soaking him with what remained. I cursed under my breath. "I don't want to talk to you, so leave me alone already, dumbass!"   
  
He held his hands out, pretending to know some karate stance, with his teeth bared in a clear amount of fear. I just frowned, staring at him in boredom. I heaved a loud sigh.   
  
"... you still don't forgive me from the other day, right?" Hinata asked, his voice hesitant.   
  
"Huh?"   
  
"Well -- urk -- calling you and Yoru- _senpai_ 'R-Royalty' and 'K-King and Queen' .... and then... chipping her tooth -- _uck!_ "   
  
"Don't remind me of it!" I smacked him in the head. Daichi yelled at me from the other side of the room. I clicked my tongue, then turning back to Hinata. "Dammit, you can't be subtle about anything, can you?"   
  
"What'd'ya mean?"   
  
"Dumbass! This is why," I muttered. I leaned slightly closer to him and whispered to him, my hand covering my words from any possible eavesdroppers. "I mean about... what I told you about Yoru- _senpai_...!"   
  
"Oh! Oh, yeah, that!" He shot back upright in his seat on the tatami floor. "I've been pretty good with it, haven't I? She doesn't suspect a thing! I'm sure!"   
  
"Are you _really_ sure? You made it seem pretty fucking obvious," I said, grinding my jaw against itself.   
  
"Uh -- yep! Certain. She didn't seem to notice anything. In fact -- uh -- y'know what, nevermind, haha!"   
  
"What do you mean, nevermind? What happened?"   
  
"Nothing!"   
  
I threw my grip onto his shoulders. Hinata flinched, his face instantly paling. "What happened?" I asked again, attempting to force the answer out of him.   
  
"Urk -- uh -- maybe -- possibly -- something when I tell you about it that you'll hate me for it?"   
  
"Spit it out, Hinata, I'm not in the mood for a guessing game. You're really pissing me off." With that, he finally mumbled something, but it was inaudible. "What?"   
  
"-- she may have kissed my forehead."   
  
I froze. I didn't even blink. I just stared at him. "K-Kageyama, don't, d-don't get mad at me, please! I didn't -- it wasn't my idea! Eek -- Kageyama? You're -- ow, ow, ow, my shoulders... You're murdering my shoulders...!"   
  
_**"SHE WHAT?"** _   
  
"Kageyama! Quiet down!" yelled Daichi from the other side of the room. But I ignored him. I released Hinata's shoulders, going for his neck instead, but he dived and sprinted up from the floor and out of the room. I threw myself after him. Daichi yelled again. " _Kageyama! Hinata! Get back here!_ "   
  
"Hinata, you piece of shit! Get over to where I can properly strangle you!"   
  
"No! Why would I? You're trying to kill me!" he cried. "It wasn't my fault, I swear, I'm sorry! It won't happen again!"   
  
"It better not, bastard!" I ground my teeth together furiously. Hinata continued to pick up his running speed -- so I did as well. " _Hinata!_ " I growled.   
  
Eventually, he turned himself right into a dead end. The little orange dumbass looked at the wall horrified, but I just smiled. His neck stuttered back around, face pale as ever. "Hinata," I started. "What else happened that day after I left?"   
  
He gulped, silent at first. Then instantly, he fell down to his knees on the floor. "N-n-n-nothing! Nothing I swear! We were just practicing volleyball and then I chipped her tooth!"   
  
I stared at him for a moment, wondering if it was worth believing him. Taking into consideration the fact that he had fallen to the floor to bow as low as possible in order to tell me, I figured it was safe enough to take this as the truth. Heaving a sigh, there was one more thing on my mind that I was bothered by. "Oi," I blurted. Hinata flinched. "Stand up, dumbass."   
  
"K-Kageyama, we should get back," he mumbled, slowly rising to his feet again. "Daichi seemed pretty mad at us for leaving..."   
  
"One thing."   
  
"Y-yes?"   
  
"What's with Sugawara?"   
  
Hinata blinked. "Huh?"   
  
"He was acting really strange to Yoru- _senpai_. Rather close. Do you think something is going on between them?"   
  
"What? No, probably not."   
  
"He even brought her to school with him the morning we left..." I mumbled. I gripped Hinata's shoulders, finding him again to be tense. "Was Sugawara with you two at all?"   
  
"Wha? Erm, yeah, but --"   
  
"What happened?"   
  
"Nothing! I mean, nothing that I saw. I called him when I chipped Yoru- _senpai_ 's tooth, and he took us to the hospital, and then he took me home! I didn't see anything happen between them, I swear."   
  
I grumbled, but released him. Hinata heaved in relief. "Let's just get back then, I'll figure it out for myself."   
  
"Hope Daichi doesn't get mad at us again," he spoke, fear twinging his voice.   
  
"Don't even suggest that," I shuddered.   
  
  
  
A loud scream woke me up immediately. I stared at the ceiling, snapping my posture upright from the floor. Aside from the light of that stupid video game system, the room was dark. I narrowed my gaze, not really seeing anything out of the ordinary.   
  
"Did you hear that, too?" asked Nekoma's setter. "Like... a scream... or something?"   
  
"... yeah," I mumbled. "What happened?"   
  
"No idea," he answered. He seemed disinterested. I was a bit concerned, or at least mildly interested, and stood from where I had been laying on the floor. "Huh? Where are you going?"   
  
"To find out where the noise came from." Without another word, I walked up to the door and left, sliding it shut behind me as silently as I could. The hallway _seemed_ empty still, but I figured that wasn't the case. Some idiotic part of me worried about the possibility of ghosts, but those bastards aren't even real.   
  
Only when I started making my way down the hallway to my right did I begin to hear someone's voice. I quieted my footing as best   
as I could, swiftly leaning my back to the wall as I continued forward down the dark hall. I carefully stepped over someone's stray volleyball bag left in the middle of the hall -- who the hell left it here? Shaking my head in ignorance, I focused more on the voice; the spoken words started to become clearer the closer within earshot I got. "He read the messages you sent me earlier." I recognized the voice, but couldn't immediately put my finger on it. But there had to be someone else, since it sounded like she was talking to someone.   
  
As I stepped closer, approaching the corner of the hall, the owner of the voice hit me. "Actually... it went better than I expected. So... how familiar are you with Karasuno's players' names?"   
  
Yoru- _senpai_? What was she doing out here, this late, talking to someone? Who the hell was she even talking to? It didn't look like someone was there, so it had to be over the phone. Dammit, that meant I would only be able to hear half of the conversation. She better say the name of whoever she's talking to, or I'm gonna be extremely pissed.   
  
"...no. He's not one of the regulars. His number is two."   
  
_Two? Isn't that Sugawara?_ I leaned in more intently to the conversation, hoping to gain some more information on Sugawara, as well. Apparently, though, who she was talking to didn't go to Karasuno, it seemed, or the person didn't know much about the volleyball team, which wouldn't have been a surprise either.   
  
"Not our libero. That's who my friend likes, and I would never do that to her."   
  
_Our libero? As in, Nishinoya?_ Why had they suddenly switched to talking about him? But then I realized another part of her statement: just what did she mean by "I would never do that to her"? Did she... was my theory correct? Was she interested in Sugawara? I held back my fury, my hand gripping itself tightly.   
  
She continued, mumbling, "You sound sarcastic." What sounded sarcastic? Ugh, this was getting more frustrating by the minute. I stood, silent, Yoru- _senpai_ also silent, waiting for the next point of conversation. But it didn't happen. Did she hang up? I didn't hear even the slightest noise of someone on the other line either. My heartbeat was quickening as I reached my footback from where I came, expecting to have to escape before I was caught. However, I was surprised to hear her say words again. "Koushi Sugawara." That was all she said. Maybe the other person had asked for a name.   
  
There was another slow pause, sliced though with her severely bitter sigh. "I'm not really mad at you, no, just getting a little annoyed. Constantly calling me 'cute' and constantly speaking like some kind of preppy high school girl... I'm sorry, that's pretty rude of me to say, but... it does annoy me a little."   
  
_Cute...? Like a preppy... high school girl?_ She couldn't be talking to who I thought she was talking to. I gripped the wall tightly, leaning in as closely as possible without being seen. I caught and stopped myself from breathing so heavily.   
  
"What? No! No, no, don't force yourself to change because of me, I'd never forgive myself... I know what it's like to fake a personality you find better for others to tolerate but, don't force yourself to be like that. Just be who you are, please."   
  
My jaw was forced shut so tightly that I could feel it driving my teeth farther into my skull. She better not be talking to him, I swear, if he even tries to ruin this for me...!   
  
I almost didn't notice myself scratching the wall in anger. Yoru- _senpai_ moved forward a bit -- I clung to the wall and clamped my mouth shut, staring at her and hoping she never made eye contact with me. She stared down the hall in front of me, as well as in front of her, before going back to her conversation. I sighed quietly.   
  
She froze, the air silent. "You... you what? Why?" Yoru- _senpai_ breathed, seeming to be in total shock about something. "Why would you torture yourself like that?"   
  
I had lost context. Even if she was talking to who I thought she was, the conversation didn't make any sense to me. Did he... what was he doing that I wasn't aware of? Torture? It didn't make any sense.   
  
"Who's... Shiratorizawa?"   
  
I clicked my tongue, clamping my mouth shut and hoping she didn't hear me. I hoped he explained it about as well as I would have.   
  
Yoru- _senpai_ was quiet for a very long time. I heard the recording of a voice on the other line during this whole time, disappointingly unable to understand it, but at least I knew that she hadn't hung up this time. He seemed to be talking for a very long time, though, and it was really bothering me. Can't he shut up for once in his goddamn life? It's not all about him.   
  
Finally, Yoru- _senpai_ spoke again, but said something I found to be rather odd. "I -- I never said it was _toxic_..." What was toxic? How did this conversation go from Shiratorizawa to toxic chemicals? The hell was going on in this conversation? Hearing only one half made me want to rip my hair from my scalp.   
  
Then my heart dropped like a rock onto my foot.   
  
"Oikawa- _san_ , I just want you to be who you feel comfortable, or natural, being. I don't care if it's who you believe your 'true' self or 'fake' self is. Just be comfortable as whoever you want to be."   
  
She _was_ talking to him. She was talking to Oikawa. I couldn't believe it. Why? How? Why would she do this? Of all the people... why... how did she even meet him...? I stayed in my spot, determined to listen to every word I could that remained of this conversation.   
  
However, just as I thought this, she spurtted a quick "Bye." I snapped my eyes open, realizing she was done talking, and sprinted without thinking down the hall that I had come from. I wasn't even looking where I was going -- a mistake on my part, since I tripped into and over the volleyball bag still laying in the middle of the hallway. "Shit!" I snapped by force of habit, immediately realizing my error. I leaped up to my feet again, shaking the clothes that had clung to my foot off as fast as I could. But it wasn't fast enough.   
  
"Kageyama- _san_?"   
  
Never once had I been so terrified of hearing her say my name. My neck snapped up immediately, my eyes glued to her for no more than a few seconds, feeling like forever. I ripped the volleyball bag off of my leg and sprinted around the corner, pleading that she wouldn't find me.   
  
I didn't pay any attention as to where I was running. I was just running. Only after I found myself on the wrong side of the building did I then hobble back in disappointment. I chewed my lip angrily, the phone conversation still playing over and over in my mind. I didn't remember what exactly it was she had said to Oikawa, but I did distinctly remember the disgust I felt when she spoke his name so softly, so gently, so carefully... meanwhile my name was spoken no different from normally. What did she see in him? He's just a dick... a narcissistic dick...   
  
Lost in thought, I almost didn't realize I ran into Yoru- _senpai_ once again. I stared, silent -- she didn't seem to have much different of a reaction either. But then I turned and sprinted again. " _Wait!_ " she shouted, gripping my arm immediately. I felt my heartbeat jolt, only getting furious with it and ripped my arm back from her as I continued to run off. "Kageyama- _san_!"   
  
_Stop saying my name! If you're going to say it like that, stop saying my name!_ I sucked in a harsh breath. Yoru- _senpai_ caught up with me again, yanking on my arm once more before I pulled it back.   
  
"How much did you hear?"   
  
I fell to a halt. Debating if I had heard her right, I slowly turned back to her -- but once I met her eyes again, I instantly stared at the wall instead. "...Enough," I answered.   
  
"Enough what?"   
  
"Enough that... nevermind, it doesn't matter."   
  
"Why were you running away then?"   
  
"I said it doesn't matter!" I snapped, throwing back her arm. I forced my gaze to lock onto her's, pleading some kind of understanding. But I just looked at her, and all I could remember was the fact that she had been talking so kindly to Oikawa, speaking so happily to Oikawa... _Oikawa_ , of all the people.   
  
I continued off down the hall. Yet at the same time, it tugged at me, some kind of emotion, to scold her for talking to Oikawa. What did she see in him? Why did she want to talk to some asshole like him? I ground my teeth -- and when I turned around the hall and met her at the next corner, I blurted, "Enough that it pissed me off."   
  
She seemed unfazed by my reappearance. "What do you mean?"   
  
I opened my mouth to speak, but instead shut it and shifted in my place. I stared at the wall, then back to Yoru- _senpai_ , stepping a bit backwards, originally planning on sprinting away again. Though I couldn't run away, I knew that. I had to tell her what I was feeling.   
  
"I don't like Oikawa- _san_ ," I muttered. "That is all."   
  
She blinked. "If that's all, then why get so aggravated over it?"   
  
"Have you ever even considered how someone else feels?" I snapped. She stared at me in surprise, for some reason. What didn't she understand? She wasn't taking my feelings into account, that much was obvious. ...What am I going on about anymore? I know she has no idea how I'm feeling. Why am I angry over _that_? Mumbling, I turned it back to my original train of througts. "Why were you talking to Oikawa, anyway?"   
  
Her gaze narrowed. "... what's some first year like you to dictate who I can talk to?"   
  
A flame burst to life in my chest. "He's not a good person!"   
  
"So you think!" Yoru- _senpai_ 's sudden outburst startled me -- and it seemed to have stopped her, as well. She took a deep breath before asking, "What has he done that makes you think he's so bad?"   
  
Just the sheer question set me on edge. "He's... a prick. Selfish and arrogant. Oikawa is very ignorant of how anyone other than himself feels, and I don't want you hanging out with someone like that!" Yoru- _senpai_ seemed to have something   
she wanted to say, but I needed to get this off my chest and just cut her off. "He doesn't care about anyone else. He's too concerned about being the best. That ignorant prick doesn't even realize I work my ass off to be a good setter, not to mention he's still better than me, even if by experience alone!" I stared at her, not moving my eye contact, as I could feel my nails digging deeply into the skin of my palm.   
  
"... Kageyama- _san_ , don't you think this is going too far?" she asked gently. "Oikawa is not a bad person. He is not as selfish as you think. What do you care that I hang out with him?--"   
  
" _I told you, dammit,_ " I breathed heavily. "I hate Oikawa. He's not a good person. I don't know what he told you, what he said, but it's not true. I'm telling you that now. Speaking of that... when the hell did you even meet him?"   
  
"The dentist."   
  
"You've only known him for two weeks, yet you're pretending you know him better than me?"   
  
"If you hate him so much, in what way did you try to understand him?"   
  
"Why would I? He's a dick."   
  
"Exactly my point." Her tone was sharp, horrifyingly reminding me of my mom. "You didn't care to learn, so you didn't listen to him. Let me pick who I want to talk to. You have no right to dictate who I can and cannot converse with."   
  
"I'm giving you a fair warning!" I declared. "Don't come running to me if he breaks your heart." In my head, it had sounded better, but as I spoke, it only hurt to say. It hurt realizing that she really didn't care about me as much as I did her. But it's not like I would ever let her know something like that.   
  
"Kageyama- _san_ ," she began, her voice so quaint as she said my name that my heart sparked back to life. "You're not, maybe, jealous, or something?"   
  
And just as quickly, the spark faded. "Don't make me laugh," I replied darkly, feeling as if hell had frozen over. I didn't want to deal with this anymore. This wasn't just petty jealousy...   
  
I didn't want to see her hurt.   
  
I twisted back towards the hall and began to walk away. "I'm going to bed. Bye."   
  
"Kageyama --"   
  
But I didn't care to hear her say my name anymore.   
  
  
  
"Oikawa- _san_ , I just want you to be who you feel comfortable, or natural, being. I don't care if it's who you believe your 'true' self or 'fake' self is. Just be comfortable as whoever you want to be."   
  
_What a beautiful way of putting it. I swear, she always says the perfect thing. Could she be more perfect of a person? Probably not. There's no way to surpass perfection. What kind of fortune have the gods blessed me with that allows me to speak with her so casually, so normally? I should be treating her like a goddess._ I wasn't really certain where my thoughts had been headed during my growing fatigue... but next thing I knew, I heaved a heavy breath. A very risky and tentative phrase slipped my mouth.   
  
"I love you."   
  
There was no answer. Only in that silence did I realize what I had just said. I panicked immediatly. "Uhm -- I think I've talked enough for the night. It's only been, what, two weeks? and I'm already saying crazy things. It's really late so that's probably a factor. Anyway, hope you get to sleep now, good luck tomorrow, all that stuff or something. --bye."   
  
I hung up without listening for a goodbye. My next action included screaming into the pillow I yanked from behind my head. _What the hell was that? What am I doing? Why did I say that? I've soiled it. Ruined it. I just turned everything to shit because I can't keep my mouth shut!_   
  
I pulled my phone out again. Calling the number was like second nature now. It rang three times before he picked up. I wasn't greeted properly, but I was thankfully greeted normally.   
  
"Shittykawa, I swear to fucking hell if you called me at one in the goddamn morning and someone isn't dead, you're going to be."   
  
"Does my destroyed chance at getting a girlfriend count as someone dying?"   
  
"No. Go to sleep. Leave me alone."   
  
"Iwa- _chan_ , please, really! I screwed up really bad!"   
  
He groaned loudly. "What? What was _so incredibly horrible_ that you did that you had to call me at one in the morning for?"   
  
"I accidentally said 'I love you' to her."   
  
He was quiet now too. I didn't know what his reaction was, nor was I sure that I really wanted to know. God, how long is he taking to think on this? Reply, already, Iwa- _chan_!   
  
"You..." His voice was hard to interpret at first. "You seriously said that to her?" Then I realized he was laughing at me.   
  
"Stop it! Yes... I did! I didn't mean to! It slipped out!" I cringed. But he kept laughing. "Iwa- _chan_! Stop being mean! This is super serious!"   
  
"I can't help but laugh at your stupidest move of the year!" he exclaimed. I was done trying to tell him to stop and just waited for him to stop laughing. It was another minute or so. Was it really that stupid? "Alright, alright, but in all seriousness now, you're in clear, better off than you think. You said _daisuki_ not _aishiteru_ , so that's one upside."   
  
He was right. _Daisuki_ is a lot less intense than _aishiteru_. Siblings use it! Friends use it! Right? That happens? I mean, _aishiteru_ is solely used for lovers. "But... wait... doesn't someone use _daisuki_ when they're confessing to someone, too?" I asked upon realization.   
  
"Well, yeah, but you can get out of that _because_ it's such a flexible word, y'know? Besides, people use _suki_ , I like you, for the same kind of confession and that word means a whole lot of nothing." He audibly sighed. "I swear, you're honestly the worst guy when it comes to dating. You haven't got the slightest clue as to how anything works. No wonder your last girlfriend left you."   
  
"Don't be jealous because my beautiful face distracts all the girls from Seijioh's ace," I prompted.   
  
"Oi, dumbass! Shut the fuck up! Who said _I_ cared about getting a girlfriend?" Iwa- _chan_ retorted. "I just don't get how you have those parades of fangirls and yet wouldn't know a thing about a loving relationship if it slapped you in the face. Four times."   
  
"Why four? You've slapped me. Your number is four. Are you suggesting something Iwa- _chan_?"   
  
"What the hell? Are you on something? There's no way you're _that_ tired. It was a random number, dumbass. I wish I could punch you right now for being so dumb."   
  
"Haha, please don't, I don't want to worry Yoru- _chan_ by telling her you gave me a black eye."   
  
There was a sleepy sigh, maybe some shuffling blankets. "Are you better now, at least? Less panicked? Calm? Good. Get to sleep. It's one A.M. You're the one who wanted 7 A.M. practice tomorrow to make up for lost time. I would be 100% okay with not going --"   
  
"Not an option."   
  
"-- then goodnight." He hung up.   
  
Might as well sleep, then, and hope that Yoru- _chan_ wasn't so severely upset with me in the morning. It hurt me to remember that I never managed to calm her to sleep, or even say a mere goodnight... I really was horrible to her.   
  
  
  
"I wanna go on a date with her."   
  
"You just did the other day."   
  
"But I wanna go out _again_."   
  
"You seriously just met her a couple weeks ago and that was the _only_ time you've talked to her face. What are you, some fairy tale princess? Shut the fuck up already."   
  
"Iwa- _chan_ ," I whined, wobbling as I walked. "Don't be so cruel."   
  
"I'm not," he replied bluntly. "You're the one who's making her out to be an angel or some shit."   
  
I snapped my posture correct. "Do you think she could be?" I whispered.   
  
"You've seriously lost your fucking mind," he said, rolling his eyes. Iwa- _chan_ shifted the volleyball bag on his shoulder before sighing immensely. "Look, Shittykawa, she's just the same as everybody else, I promise you. I don't really care if you want to go out with her or not, that's not my business. But don't exaggerate her or you'll just be disappointed."   
  
"Hmm, Iwa- _chan_ , you talk like you know," I replied. "Also, how many times do I have to tell you to stop calling me Shittykawa?"   
  
"As many as it takes for you to stop being a piece of goddamn trash," he answered.   
  
"Gosh, you're so cold, really!" I pouted.   
  
Iwa- _chan_ just sighed again; I thought he looked like he was going to pull his hair right out from his scalp. "I say we cut this practice short today, because I am already done with you. Why the hell do you even want to practice today, anyway? It's fucking Sunday."   
  
"But we skipped practice the past couple of days for weather, I told you already," I noted. "At this rate I actually _will_ start falling behind."   
  
"Behind on what?" he muttered. "You're the best setter in the prefecture, what more do you want?"   
  
"I can only keep that title if I keep up with everyone else," I reminded him. "If I fall behind because I'm satisfied with where I am, I'd never forgive myself."   
  
"You're never satisfied," Iwa- _chan_ complained.   
  
"Exactly," I smirked, stepping up to the volleyball gym on campus for Aoba Johsai High. Iwa- _chan_ shifted as he looked for the keys -- which, I'm sure if I had them, I could have found them immediately, but I'm apparently not "trustworthy" enough according to him, despite the fact that _I'm_ the captain. He twisted the key into the lock and pushed the door open, to which I allowed myself inside.   
  
My phone vibrated in my pocket; I pleaded it was a notification that I could appreciate. Unlocking the screen, my heart skipped a beat: A text from Yoru- _chan_! I'd only spoken to her a few short hours ago, but it was still a relief to hear from her this morning, especially after what I had let slip out during my fatigue... Regret pinged my gut. "Oi, Shittykawa. If we're gonna practice you're gonna have to get off your damn phone," Iwa- _chan_ noted.   
  
"Yes, yes, shh, one second," I replied, waving my hand to him in dismissal. He just grunted and threw aside his bag, probably walking off to set up the nets. I focused my attention to the text message  I had just received.   
  
_Are you tired, too?_   
  
It was a short and overall disappointing message, but I was still appreciative of it. _A bit, yeah. We were up too late, haha. I hope you slept well, though._ I pressed send, going to help Iwa- _chan_ , but hadn't gotten very far when I had already received a reply.   
  
_I did._   
  
Somehow I smiled. Don't know how, can only guess why, but I still did. _That's good._

"Oi! Get your ass over here already!" shouted Iwa- _chan_ furiously.   
  
"Co--" But my phone went off again. I glanced at it, then changed my response to, "One second!"   
  
"I'm gonna rip that phone out of your hand if you don't hurry the fuck up! Or I'll leave, one of the two."   
  
_So what are you doing up this early?_ _   
  
_ _Practicing volleyball._   
  
I set my phone down on top of my jacket that was laying on the floor. "Okay, now I'm good to go," I chimed.   
  
"About time. Help me put up the nets."   
  
I forced a laugh and rubbed the back of my head wearily. The two of us had the nets set up in no time, but I couldn't help but notice my phone burst to life with light out of the corner of my eye. "Ah, Iwa- _chan_ , one second, I'll be right back," I smiled weakly, jogging quickly over to it once again. I didn't notice him respond, but also didn't dare look back in fear of seeing him looking thoroughly pissed off.   
  
Plucking the light off of my jacket, I flicked open the new message. _You practice on Sundays? Sounds like a nightmare. I'm still in Tokyo for the morning, I think we leave after lunch._   
  
A frown tugged at the corner of my lips. She wouldn't be back to Miyagi until very late this afternoon, more likely this evening. _I see. I'll be practicing most of the day, but I'll try to keep you entertained! ^o^/_   
  
I hesitated, waiting a moment for her reply. I could feel Iwa- _chan_ 's eyes stabbing daggers of annoyance into me. But thankfully, Yoru got back to me quickly, and I opened the message immediately. _You don't have to do that if you're busy._   
  
_Don't worry about it! I'll have to keep Iwachan content, since he's already mad at me, but it'll be no biggie._   
  
"Shittykawa, I swear to god," Iwa- _chan_ roared. Insantly, my entire being tensed, and I forced myself to twist back around and face him. He looked so furious that I wondered if I was just seeing the flames around him or if he'd actually produced sparks of rage. "Do you seriously want to practice or not? Because I'm not going to stand here all day while you text your girlfriend."   
  
"Well, I mean, she's not technically my girlfriend..." I mumbled.   
  
"Was that really the point of my statement?" Iwa- _chan_ heaved as he gripped his forehead, seemingly digging his fingernails into his hair. "Look, again, I don't really care, but it's pissing me off when you say you're done texting and then two seconds later, barely enough time for you to be back over here, you're already going back to -- hey, fuckface! Did you just hear anything of what I said?"   
  
Yoru had texted me back again. _You still don't have to, really._   
  
_Our conversation may be cut short a little, sorryvbutr/_ \-- my quick typing had been frozen once Iwa- _chan_ yanked the phone from my grip. "Hey!" I snapped. "Give it back!"   
  
"Will you make a choice? You can't multitask. Are you gonna practice or are you gonna talk to her?" It didn't seem like Iwa- _chan_ was going to tolerate much more from me, but I was going to force him to.   
  
"What's wrong with doing both? I can practice volleyball and text Yoru."   
  
"Do you not see what's happening? We've been here for a half hour and you haven't even touched a volleyball yet. This is insane, considering how you function. You're not gonna be able to do both."   
  
"Yes I can! She's even a volleyball manager at her school, so it's not like she has no relation to the sport."   
  
"That barely has anything to do with what I said." Iwa- _chan_ sighed heavily. "Where does she even go?"   
  
I bit my lip for a moment, drawing my eyes to the windows on the back wall. "... maybe, possibly, one school that I particularly hate," I answered.   
  
"What, Shiratorizawa?"   
  
"Nope, close though. I hate this one slightly less."   
  
"Then, Karasuno?"   
  
"Ding-ding, we have a winner."   
  
Iwa- _chan_ just stared at me, his facial expression speaking at least a thousand different ways to say "what the fuck." "You're seriously dating Karasuno's manager? Isn't that the pretty third year or whatever?"   
  
"No, no, not that one!" I retorted. The memory of being flat out rejected by her previously flashed itself in my mind. Argh, the thought of it made my heart cringe! "They have a second manager now, she's a second year."   
  
"What the fuck? They didn't have a second one when we faced them before. How the hell did you meet her, really?"   
  
I shifted my stance. "Just when we were at the dentist."   
  
"That's it? You met her because she cracked a tooth, and now you're going insane over her? What the hell happened to you? Hello, Shittykawa, are you in there?" Iwa- _chan_ had begun tapping my forehead as if he were knocking on a door.   
  
"Ow, ow, hey! Don't do that!" I pushed away his hand quickly.   
  
"This better not fuck you up for the Spring High Preliminary," he spoke coldly.   
  
"Hm?"   
  
"This new girl of yours. If you go easy on Karasuno because of her, I won't forgive you."   
  
"Don't speak nonsense, Iwa- _chan_. Of course I won't. Tobio- _chan_ is still my enemy, and I won't be able to live with myself if I let him slip passed me. Our third year is not going to waste. We _will_ make it to nationals, and both Karasuno and Shiratorizawa will fall to their knees."   
  
He slapped a hand on my shoulder. "Good," he replied. "Now, let me tell you this. Your damn phone is distracting you from practice. You said yourself earlier that skipping too much practice would put you behind on your skill -- just because you're to the gym does not mean you're practicing. You have to actually do something, and texting someone is not the something. So if you want to practice, practice, if not, I'm leaving. Got it?"   
  
Hesitantly, my eyes met my phone still in his hand, then traced back to him with a vague nod. "Got it," I repeated.   
  
"Good, you fucking better," he heaved. Iwa- _chan_ threw my phone back to my jacket before he dragged me onto the court once again. However, having not replied to Yoru- _chan_ , I stared back at the phone guiltily.


	6. It's All Strange

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, confrontation doesn't end how people expect it to. Especially when someone's jaw breaks.

I woke up, and for some reason, found myself immediately going to text Oikawa. _Are you tired, too?_ I sent, only after hitting that send button realizing what it was that I actually ended up doing. It was such a stupid message, too. "Are you tired?" Who asks that over a text message as a conversation starter? Me, apparently.   
  
I didn't expect him to reply so quickly. I hadn't even expected him to reply at all, actually. _A bit, yeah. We were up too late, haha. I hope you slept well, though._   
  
I could feel my lip curl up into a smile, but I forced it down immediately. Why did I smile? Chewing my lip instead, I remembered both Kageyama's yelling and Sugawara's actions from last night. _I did,_ was all I replied.    
  
_That's good,_ he answered.   
  
I rolled over on the floor, staring up at the ceiling. My phone had read the time 06:37, which was about twenty minutes before I had to be up and getting out to breakfast. I probably should have been waking up, or trying to, but did not have the energy for it. Instead, I typed out, _So what are you doing up this early?_   
  
_Practicing volleyball._ I was initially pretty surprised, but then remembered how Oikawa had mentioned he practices every day of the week aside from Mondays. In all honesty, the whole thing sounded like a nightmare to me. I knew Karasuno had morning practices before school, too, but neither Kiyoko or I went to them. Or, she told me I didn't have to anyway -- I assumed that meant she didn't, either. Maybe I should go to them.   
  
_You practice on Sundays? Sounds like a nightmare. I'm still in Tokyo for the morning, I think we leave after lunch._   
  
_I see. I'll be practicing most of the day, but I'll try to keep you entertained! ^o^/_   
  
I frowned, feeling a bit guilty. _You don't have to do that if you're busy._   
  
_Don't worry about it! I'll have to keep Iwachan content, since he's already mad at me, but it'll be no biggie._   
  
_You still don't have to, really._   
  
I sent the message, but he didn't reply right away this time. I figured he was busy with practice and probably wouldn't end up replying for a while. I took this time to wake myself up a bit, or as best as I could, before heading out to breakfast. I didn't want to be late, anyway. Not again.   
  
Yawning still, I wandered towards the same cafeteria that we'd eaten our meals in for the passed 2 weeks. It seemed everyone else was already there, eating loudly as could be. I was waved over to a table with a couple of the Karasuno boys sitting at it -- two of the loudest boys, Tanaka and Nishinoya. Ignoring my grumbling stomach, I jogged over to them.   
  
"Oi, oi, Yoru- _san_ , I'm curious," Tanaka began, leaning in across the table as I sat down, shielding his face with his hand as he attempted a whisper. "You and Suga- _san_ , is there something goin' on between you 'nd him?"   
  
"What? No, we're not dating or anything..." I answered, almost feeling guilty as I said it. "I'm... not interested in dating anyone."   
  
"Really?!" Nishinoya exclaimed, leaping up from his spot. "You sure? You seem way too close to him for absolutely nothing to be going on! Are you at least into him or something?"   
  
"I-I said I wasn't interested in dating anyone," I mumbled.   
  
"She's gotta be bluffin'," complained Tanaka, who fell back into his chair with a disappointed look and folded arms. "You can trust us! We won't say a word!"   
  
"Yeah, but... you guys are... so loud, everyone's already listening."   
  
Sure enough, this is when they noticed. Several tables' eyes had flickered over to them, which then led to me, filling the room with sudden whispers either about what Tanaka and Nishinoya had asked me or how loud the two of them were. I pleaded that more of it was because of their loud natures in comparison to being about me. But it didn't matter, as both second years laughed about it anyway, which was enough to sit me further back into my seat. "Why don't we talk about something else?" I asked.   
  
"Hm? A'ight, fine," mumbled Tanaka. "What did _you_ have in mind then?"   
  
I opened my mouth to speak, then realizing I didn't have much of anything to add to the conversation. But before I could even think of anything, Nishinoya pointed to me, still standing, and exclaimed, "Wait, before that, Yoru- _san_ still hasn't eaten anything! Have you?"   
  
I paused, but shook my head. He immediately sprinted around the table and took liberty of leading me to where food was laid out in a buffet for us to pick from. "Nishi- _san_? I could have gotten this myself."   
  
"I'll come clean, I just wanted to see if you'd spill anything about Suga- _san_ if we were farther away from the crowds!" he blurted.   
  
"What do you mean, spill?" I mumbled. "I don't have anything to spill."   
  
"Nng, fine! Whatever you say then!" Nishinoya complained. He, even though I assumed he'd already eaten, seemed to be helping himself to another serving of food.   
  
"It's probably not a good idea to eat so much before going to play successive volleyball games," I advised weakly.   
  
"Hm? I guess," he replied, although seeming to not act on any of what I had said. His mouth was still full when he spoke. I bit my lip, going to fill myself a plate of food instead. However, as I found myself a bagel, a thought popped into my head.   
  
_"Oh, I see. It's actually pretty obvious why she wanted you to be manager though," he sang._ _   
  
"Huh? What do you mean by that?"   
  
"She's into one of the members, right? That probably means she wanted you to talk to him for her." _   
  
I didn't move a muscle, taking a quick glance to Nishinoya. Should I take a chance and ask him about my friend? I wasn't a good matchmaker, nor very good on this kind of subject in the first place. Though, I still wanted to bring it up, knowing that the reason I may have signed up for manager in the first place was just to talk to him about this very subject. While I was thinking to myself, I didn't realize I had been staring until he met my eyes with his own. I attempted to look away quickly, but he didn't hesitate to comment on it.   
  
"Hey, now, what're you staring at me for?" Nishinoya asked. "I thought you were into Suga- _san_!"   
  
"I -- I never said that I was! But I'm not into you, either!" I blurted, to which he seemed rather disappointed by the remark. "I... I was just going to ask... how familiar are you with the girls' volleyball team?"   
  
He blinked, shifting into a moment of thought. "Well, uh, not very. I know a handful of the members, but really only the captain and a couple of the second years! Why'd you ask? Wait, wait, hold up," he paused, holding his hand out as a stop motion as he stared up to me with glittery eyes of excitement. "Are you trying to set me up on a date?"   
  
I opened my mouth to say something, hesitating, debating, and rewording what I was going to say a handful of times before finally replying to him. Nishinoya seemed to be standing in a state of impatient confusion, as if he had been joking and expected me to respond with a laugh instead of a serious pause. "Well," I started, "I can set you up on one, or try to."   
  
"You're kidding me right now! Who are you trying to set me up with? Is she on the volleyball team?!" Nishinoya fired off the questions with a sort of ecstasy that I couldn't begin to comprehend fast enough.   
  
"Y-yes, I already said she's on the volleyball team," I replied. "She's the team's libero."   
  
" _You're kidding me!_ No way! This is too perfect already! What's her name, what's her name?"   
  
"Kiyomi Oshiro."   
  
"Wait, wait, is that like, that blonde girl in your class? So she's smart, too?! But -- wait," he froze. "Isn't she, like, super tall?"   
  
"She's only a couple centimeters taller than me, and I'm the same height as Hinata."   
  
Nishinoya shrunk himself. "That's... pretty tall for me," he mumbled, speaking the quietest I'd ever heard him.   
  
"Don't worry about it, Nishi- _san_ ," I replied, almost laughing from his reaction. I turned my volume to a low whisper and added, "Trust me, she really likes you. Barely stops talking about you whenever you show up."   
  
His eyes lit up. "Really?" he asked, his tone suddenly very serious. I just nodded. Nishinoya straightened himself immediately, standing as tall as he could and pointed directly at himself, his cheeks seemingly dusted with dark pink. "Tell her I'll go out with her any time! Even today! Provided she's not busy passed four!"   
  
"Alright, I'll tell her that, and get back to you on it," I answered through laughter, especially so when Nishinoya raced back to Tanaka screaming about it. The rest of the teams seemed rather annoyed by their loud attitude, but it didn't really bother me so much as I thought it was funny, not to mention was used to being around them all the time. My laughter was silenced when a hand pressed to my shoulder, to which I nearly immediately leaped up in surprise.   
  
"Don't worry, it's just me," chuckled Sugawara. "What did you say to Nishinoya to cheer him up so much?"   
  
I blinked. "I told him I'd set him up on a date with my best friend next chance I could talk to her," I answered.   
  
"Really? Is she okay with that?" he asked nervously.   
  
"Her crush on Nishi- _san_ is probably why I'm even the manager in the first place," I laughed. "She'll be ecstatic."   
  
He seemed set aback a bit for a moment, the tip of a weak smile tugging at the corner of his lip. "Really, now? She convinced you to join our team just so you could talk to Nishinoya for her?"   
  
"No, probably not, but there's no way it's not a playing factor." I took a bite of my bagel. "But it's not like I regret it or anything. It's nice, doing something different for once. I usually do the same thing over and over again, but with new things to think about, it really allows me to open my mind."   
  
"That's good to hear," Sugawara grinned. "It'd be disappointing to find out that you don't like being here." His eyes shifted towards the bustling crowd of volleyball boys before placing his attention on me again. I blinked, confused,   
a jolt of heat blazing up my arm. Sugawara's fingers had embraced my own, gently, as he held an unwavering eye contact. "Did you sleep well last night?" he asked.   
  
I hesitated. "Yeah, just fine," I answered, the reply easily much too fast and weak to sound believable. He didn't seem to notice, however, and just smiled sweetly as usual. Just then, the table next to us was shoved violently, its contents shaking vigorously. I dropped Suga's hand in order to stop the things from falling, looking up to see Kageyama standing across the table.   
  
"Sorry, I wasn't paying attention," he apologized, sounding a bit vengeful or angry. With this, he just stormed off without another word. Behind him followed Hinata, who glanced to me very quickly, as well as Sugawara, with an apologetic look. He didn't stay long before sprinting off after the furious setter. Silently, I hoped that Kageyama's level of jealousy would go away soon, but I believed that if I truly started going out with Sugawara or Oikawa, he would still be just as upset, if not more so. I bit my lip.   
  
"M... Most everyone seems to be heading to practice," Sugawara noted. I figured he was trying to lower the tension from what just happened. "We should head there too, I think."   
  
"...alright," I replied softly.   
  
It really... was strange. It was strange having all of this happen to me so suddenly. I've only been a manager for a month or so, yet I've already pulled myself into this insane situation. If I hadn't joined the volleyball club, this would have never happened, I knew it. Not even with different people. I was usually hated by people, or was held at a level of unimportance. To be appreciated so much, so highly; to be so... loved.   
  
It really was strange.   
  
  
  
"Kageyama, nice serve!"   
  
The boys were currently playing against Nekoma, but they were down by five points. I was half trying to pay attention to stat-taking, half trying to talk to Kiyomi, and half running around and doing various little errands for people, usually just things like filling up empty water bottles. But with all of these going on at once, it held for a stressful day. It may have just been me, but it seemed more chaotic than the previous days.   
  
Their game was lost, 25-18. It was a little cringe-worthy, seeing such a murderous defeat. It made me worry for what would happen during the upcoming Spring High Preliminary... did we even stand a chance at this rate? Even so... would we stand a chance at nationals? If we were getting defeated left and right by a bunch of Tokyo schools, we _wouldn't_ stand a chance. I wondered if the fact that these were practice matches made them play with less fight, but as I remembered Daichi's rigorous extra running punishments every time they lost, I knew that couldn't be the case.   
  
Games rotated, we still lost. And again we lost. And again. It went on and on, seeming to be an endless pattern. The closer it got to noon, the more disappointed I felt as I watched them play as hard as they could with nothing more than an unsatisfactory result.   
  
"Dammit," heaved Tanaka, the team having just finished another loss that concluded with another round of diving recieves and sprints uphill afterwards. "We basically just keep losing all the way to the end!"   
  
I just watched, guiltily, as Tanaka, Nishinoya, Hinata, and Kageyama gasped for breath admist their defeat once again. I could tell they were clearly frustrated with their performance. I didn't know what I could have said to cheer them up -- this thought alone was enough to make me feel even worse about it.   
  
"You guys need to keep doing your best and survive," Daichi spoke, stepping up to them, seemingly breathing just as heavily. The four boys tipped their heads up. "I just happened to hear this," he continued, "and I was going to keep it quiet..."   
  
"... what is it?" piped up Tanaka, suddenly very interested.   
  
Daichi paused, taking a deep breath. "Apparently, when all of these practice matches are over... the coaches are going to treat us to a barbecue."   
  
The four boys' eyes lit up immediately. Tanaka, Nishinoya, and Hinata exchanged looks quickly, exclaiming, "Bar-" "-be-" "-cue?!" They spoke as a trio, saying one syllable at a time.   
  
Immediately, the trio jumped up and started singing and dancing with their joy. Even Kageyama stood up, awkwardly wavering in the background of their ecstasy. As I was watching it, I couldn't help but burst into laughter upon sight of the situation.   
  
"Oh, oh, Yoru- _san_!" Nishinoya caught sight of me on the sidelines, suddenly making a beeline for me. Tanaka and Hinata continued to praise the existence of meat as though it were a god. "Did you talk to Kiyomi- _san_? What did she say? Is she busy today?"   
  
"W-Well," I stuttered, feeling a bit pressured by his sudden onslaught of questions. "I talked to her, yeah. Kiyomi said she's not busy after four today, no, but her mom doesn't want her out too long."   
  
"Fine by me! Any time at all sounds like a good deal!" He embraced himself with excitement. "Did you ask her where I should meet her yet?"   
  
"No, I haven't. I'll tell you about that around lunch, sound good?"   
  
"Sounds perfect!" He laughed, giving me a gentle slap on the shoulder before running back to the trio of meat-worshiping boys. I pulled out my phone, both to check the time -- 10:47 -- and to send another messsge to Kiyomi asking about the place before I forgot.   
  
"Hey, Yoru- _san_ , you got a minute?" I looked up, seeing Daichi was talking to me. I clicked my phone off and shoved it in my pocket.   
  
"Sure... what's the matter?" I asked.   
  
"Nothing's the matter really, just curious about something." He paused, as if checking the surrounding area before continuing to speak. "If you don't mind me asking... how do you feel about Suga- _san_?"   
  
I blinked. "Wh-why? Is -- is something I'm doing getting in the way of the club? If that's the case I'll stop --"   
  
He cut me off with a laugh. "No, no, it's nothing like that at all. I just wanted to know because... well, truthfully because I know Suga's really into you right now. He was telling me about it yesterday, but also telling me you've got this interest in another boy as well. Just... I didn't want to see him as upset as he was yesterday about it." Daichi somehow explained this rather casually, though I could hear in his voice that he was holding back some pain. My thoughts snapped back to the call I had with Oikawa this morning... and my heart dropped like a rock. "I guess I did sort of write myself off as looking for your mercy, huh?" he laughed.   
  
"A -- A little," I quickly replied. "But... I understand what you mean. I... I don't want anyone to get anymore hurt with this, so I'll just tell you the situation honestly."   
  
"Alright, I like that. Honesty is always better, anyway," grinned Daichi.   
  
I paused before I continued. "I... yes, truthfully, I am more interested in someone else right now. Someone who doesn't go to Karasuno. Originally, I absolutely hated the guy, but somehow... I don't know how, but he... only within three hours did he... that other day..." I couldn't bring myself to say anything about a crush or liking Oikawa. Somehow the words would not come off my tongue. It felt gross, bitter, sick. "... he just, sorta made me not hate him anymore. It's... I don't _not_ like Suga anymore, it's just... that I'm conflicted."   
  
Daichi raised an eyebrow. "Who's the other guy? -- or, uh, what school does he go to, anyway?"   
  
I wondered if it would be given away the second I said it. Debating replying, I eventually spat out the truth. "Aoba... Johsai... High School," I mumbled.   
  
"Seijoh? Really?" It almost sounded like Daichi was forcing himself not to sound sour. "Well, I can't speak for all of them, but the handful of guys I know from Seijoh are rather... uh, 'unpleasant,' I guess is a good word. N-not to insult the guy or anything. But..." He seemed to have a grin tugging at his cheeks. "I think you'd be a good match for Suga."   
  
I thought I had felt a skipped heartbeat in my chest. But it didn't feel good. "That's just what I think, anyway," Daichi added quickly. "I've got to get back to the team for now, but I just wanted to talk to you about that. Thank you for your time, I'll talk to you later."   
  
"A... Alright," I replied. Quickly, Nishinoya's request popped back into my mind, and I pulled out my phone again to talk to Kiyomi as Daichi ran back to the court to face Fukuroudani again.   
  
The last couple of games went by rather quickly. Sadly, however, Karasuno still lost them both, and were still subject to Daichi's aggressive punishment practices. But it seemed that with the result of the final game, Nishinoya and Tanaka cared the least, as their minds had trailed off elsewhere.   
  
It seemed Daichi had been correct about the barbecue. Before today, I don't think I had ever seen the boys in such a joyful mood. Or at least, not this joyful in the presence of food.   
  
"Yoru- _senpai_!" Hinata leaped across the crowds excitedly towards me. "I'm pretty upset we lost every match today, but this barbecue makes up for it! Well, most of it. Maybe. Probably just part of it."   
  
"Are you being optimist or pessimistic?" I asked weakly.   
  
"Uh... realistic?" he laughed hesitantly. "I'm both really sad about the losses, but also really love meat! It's like a confliction that I'm feeling right now."   
  
_A confliction?_ I thought. I did understand what he meant, it was easy to understand. But I also felt like his statement could be applied to my own situation as well. Why? It had no similarities. Maybe it was just the word confliction...? "Yeah, I understand," I answered. "But I suppose there's no use in worrying about what's already lost, right? It's over now, so let's just enjoy the meat and take what we've learned from this experience home!"   
  
Hinata's eyes laid on mine with a bright silence. "Oh... yeah... yeah, you're right!" he agreed. "Now I know some other tricks   
that I've never known how to do before! Like, a feint! I can't break through the wall, but what I can do is go around it!"   
  
I cheered with him. But it still tugged at me. Why did this feel familiar? Why did it feel like _I_ had something to learn about yet? I knew it could apply to something, but it didn't really hit me what it was. It just _sounded_ familiar. But what in the world was I supposed to connect his love for meat and hatred of losing to? That description could apply to anybody, it wasn't specific to Hinata.   
  
I pushed the thought to the back of my mind, diving straight into the barbecue lunch that the coaches had prepared for us. Hinata tagged along with me, and the two of us essentially claimed an entire platter of meat to ourselves. Though, I didn't eat much off of the plate, barely a third of what was there; Hinata did most of the work.   
  
"You guys... ate a lot."   
  
With a weak movement from being full, I turned to see a typically apathetic face holding a bit of a disappointed or disgusted expression. "Wha'd'ya mean by that, Kenma?" Hinata blurted. "We only ate one plateful."   
  
"Yeah, but... that's a big plate," he mumbled.   
  
"Nah, not with the two of us eating from it!" But, in fact, it was a giant plate, probably nearly a fourth of the size of the table we had been standing at. Even if the plate was cut in half for us to eat from evenly, my plate probably would have been double the size that the usual dining plates I eat from would be.   
  
" _Yoru-_ saaaaaaan _!!_ " Barely before I registered the calling of my name, I was leaped onto from behind, almost falling completely forward onto the table. "Did you talk to Kiyomi- _san_? Where does she wanna meet me up by? And by what time?"   
  
"N-Nishi- _san_ , please let go of me," I croaked, his arms being clasped tightly around my neck. Instsntly, with a swift "Sorry!", Nishinoya jumped back down to the ground. I sighed a breath of relief, twisting myself back around to him. He just stared up at me with the excited eyes of a child. Forcing myself not to laugh, I declared, "She said she'll meet you just outside of the school around four-thirty, give or take on the time."   
  
"Alright, thank you, thank you!" Nishinoya trilled a sound of excitement as he marched around quickly in his place. "I cannot explain my excitement, ahahah!" With that, he ran off, singing to himself over and over again Kiyomi's name.   
  
"Nishinoya- _senpai_ seems like he really likes your friend Kiyomi- _san_ , Yoru- _senpai_!" Hinata announced. "I dunno if I've ever seen him act so 'Uwahhh!' about anybody else, not even Kiyoko- _san_!"   
  
"Yeah," I replied. "I'm almost jealous."   
  
"Jealous? Jealous how?"   
  
"W-well," I stumbled, not expecting it to go into explanation. "I mean... he just seems so happy to go and meet her. Just to _meet_ her. No one's really been that happy about talking to me for the first time. With, like, the exception of one friend I met a while ago, but she's long since moved away, out of Miyagi prefecture and everything."   
  
"Oh, I see. But! I'm always happy when I talk to you, so why do you think that?"   
  
"That's... I guess that's not really what I mean," I mumbled.   
  
Hinata tipped his head in confusion, but I didn't bother continuing the topic. Hinata was happy when he talked to everyone, so it wasn't the same as a lot of ecstasy being directed at one person and only one person. It doesn't even feel satisfactory if you need to pull it out of an apathetic person with a very fake personality. I forced the memory in the back of my head, continuing to remember my friend who had moved away instead.   
  
"Hey," Kenma spoke, bringing himself back into the conversation. "Have either of you talked to... uh, your regular setter player today?"   
  
I blinked. "You mean... Kageyama- _san_?" I asked.   
  
"Probably. The black haired one."   
  
"Yep, that's Kageyama," confirmed Hinata. "Yeah, why's it matter, though?"   
  
"It doesn't really." Kenma poked at the meat he had sitting on his own plate. "He was acting strange this morning."   
  
I furrowed my eyebrows, going to question that, when Hinata burst out instead. "Wait -- did you see that too, this morning, then?"   
  
Kenma raised an eyebrow. "See what?"   
  
But Hinata clamped his mouth shut. "Whoops... probably shouldn't have said that," he mumbled, flicking a gaze of uncertainty back and forth between the two of us. "Okay... fine, I trust you both, so I'll tell you guys. But don't tell Kageyama I said this or he'll skin me alive!"   
  
"What happened?" I replied almost immediately.   
  
"He..." Hinata bit his lip. "I found Kageyama crying this morning when I woke up."   
  
None of us spoke. I didn't even move my attention: I was too shocked to think about it. Kenma hadn't said a word, either, and Hinata just looked guilty. "I... I didn't think it was serious at first, and was going to tease him about it! Like, maybe he just had a bad dream or something! But then he started mumbling something like, 'I have to apologize to her, I have to apologize to her'..."   
  
My eyes were held wide open. I couldn't believe what I was hearing -- Kageyama... he couldn't have been taking about what happened this morning, could he? The argument we had? I felt truly ashamed, regretting having allowed fatigue and anger to control me. "But I mean, other than that," Hinata continued, "he didn't seem any different."   
  
"He seemed more annoyed than he was yesterday," Kenma mumbled. "Even towards his own teammates." Momentarily, his yellow eyes linked with mine.   
  
"Huh? You think? I didn't think he was acting much more angry than usual," Hinata hummed. "I just wish I knew why he was so upset this morning."   
  
Without thinking, Kenma and I exchanged a worried look. Hinata poked his head around the situation, looking confused and upset from being out of the loop. "Guys? What happened? D'you know something that I don't? Guys? Hey!"   
  
"Yoru- _senpai_."   
  
A new voice entered the conversation. I didn't even have to wait until I turned around to know who it was. "O-oh, Kageyama!" announced Hinata nervously. But the first year's blue eyes didn't pay him any mind, and were instead locked on where I stood.   
  
"Can I talk to you?" Kageyama asked, glancing to Kenma and Hinata. "In private."   
  
I didn't like the sound of this, but at the same time, the thought of him crying this morning as Hinata described tinged my heart. "... yes," I replied, a half-hearted tone to my voice, too worried to even fake a confident sound.   
  
Kageyama nodded softly, grasping my arm immediately. He pulled me off to the side, away from the crowd, and out of sight from everyone else. This made me feel even worse about the situation -- what was I dragging myself into? The last few times I've just went to "talk" to someone the past couple of weeks, it seemed to have ended in a lot more than just talking. Given my already complicated situation, I didn't want to add any more to my plate -- not when it was already so difficult to hold all the contents together.   
  
He released my arm, keeping a bit of a distance from me as he faced me. He didn't seem to have any sort of suspicious expression to his face; it seemed pretty blank. I blinked, staring at him in silence. I moved to say something, but was instead instantly shocked by Kageyama bowing to his waist before my eyes.   
  
" _I sincerely apologize for how I acted this morning!_ " he exclaimed. " _I would like to be able to make it up to you by taking you out to do something this afternoon!_ "   
  
I blinked, my jaw dropped open and silent. I didn't know what to say. We stood so long in an awkward silence that Kageyama's stance began to falter. "K... Kage... Kageyama- _san_ ," I mumbled. "I... don't... I don't really..." My heart was racing in a panic: the last thing I wanted to do right now was say something that managed to tick him off.   
  
"You... I don't mean to..." His words were jumbled and mumbled, a distinct curse being muttered under his breath. "I don't want to... uh... I don't want to make you feel pressured!" Kageyama blurted. "I... I want to make it up to you."   
  
"But, K-Kageyama- _san_ , you... that doesn't mean you have to --"   
  
" _I want to!_ " he snapped, then stiffening himself. "S-sorry, I didn't mean to shout."   
  
"Could... you... at least stand... upright?" I murmured, my lips twisting with my awkward sentence. He straightened himself again, almost looking as though he were forcing himself to hold eye contact with me. That alone was enough to make the situation even more severely tense.   
  
"Yoru- _senpai_ , please, allow me to make it up to you. I... I..." Kageyama stopped himself, changing his sentence to, "Please, just tell me something we can do and I will take you there. Don't even worry about any costs, I'll cover it."   
  
"I -- I can't let you do that!" I blurted embarassedly, my hands held up in front of me. "I-I'll just accept your apology and move on, okay? I wasn't really worried about the argument, anyway..."   
  
This ended up being the wrong thing to say. Kageyama looked like he was ready to blow a fuse. I covered my head to protect myself, expecting him to snap furiously at me or attempt to squish my head like he did to Hinata. Instead, however, I was met with a very calm voice: one that I would have even been surprised to hear Sugawara use. "Yoru- _senpai_ , please. I don't mean to pressure you, but I... I want to do this so I know that I've made it up to you. Maybe we don't have to do something then -- but at least let me buy you something?"   
  
I uncovered my head, meeting my eyes with his. His gaze flickered to the side for a moment as he shifted his stance. "I could... manage to get you to Aoba Johsai... if you wanted," he mumbled apathetically.   
  
"No, no, no, you don't need to do anything like that, really!" I darted my eyes around the surrounding area. "Erm, uh, I guess -- we could do -- something? But I don't... really know what...?"   
  
Kageyama snatched my arm. "We can decide this on the bus back to Karasuno," he declared,   
not even asking for my clarification. "There are four hours to kill."   
  
"But--" I squeaked, biting my lip shut instead. "Oh... okay..."   
  
I didn't mind this whole "suddenly a bunch of guys like me" thing before it actually happened. Now I realize how stressful it was to have, how stressful it was to realize that each of them wanted you for their own, but you couldn't bring yourself to pick one of them to dedicate your time to. How could I? They were all acting nice for the most part, but also were really upset to know the others were interested in the same person! This is why I should have just kept to myself. My luck with relationships is just so very distorted. Something I want happens to me -- then it turns out to be fucked up.   
  
The bus ride back was severely awkward. I sat in the window seat next to Kageyama, but we sat in utter silence, my interest following the scenery that passed by as we drove along. Most of the others on the bus were chatting, if not sleeping, which made it even more awkward for me. I wondered that if I had sat next to someone else if it would have been any better... or if I would be sitting by myself, jealous of how all of them had people to talk to. My hand met my phone that was sitting in my pocket. It couldn't have hurt to just... check my notifications, right?   
  
_3 new messsges, 1 missed call,_ along with a few notifications from the apps I had on my phone -- ones I'd rather not let people know I have, and swiped away immediately. I turned my interest to the new messages. I wasn't even surprised to see the sender.   
  
_I'm sorry! Iwachan forced me to stop texting you! I feel so bad I never even said goodbye!_ : received at 10:32 this morning. _I hope you're not mad at me ;~;_ : received only a minute later.   
  
The last message was received only a few minutes ago. _Hey... I was wondering... are you super busy this week?_   
  
My heart thumped in my chest. I hoped Kageyama wasn't paying attention, and started writing a reply very rapidly. _No, I'm not. Why?_ I asked why, but knew pretty well what it was that he was getting at. I would take any excuse to meet up with him again, even if it was literally the worst place imaginable. I furrowed my gaze, suddenly conscious of my stampeding heartbeat, and locked my phone shut. What was I thinking? Why did I want to hang out with _him_?   
  
"So, Yoru- _senpai_ ," Kageyama spoke, breaking the silence we had been holding for a while. "What do you want to do?"   
  
"U-uhm," I stuttered. "I... dunno." My phone screen lit up and vibrated, but I hid it under my palm and locked the screen shut again. "What did you have in mind?"   
  
"Me?" he asked. "I... didn't think about it. I figured since I was making it up to _you_ that it didn't matter what I wanted to do."   
  
_Kageyama... is thinking about something other than volleyball?_ I questioned it, feeling almost ashamed for not considering how much it was that he was throwing out just for me today. I felt more and more guilty as the situation went along, it seemed, and I couldn't stand it. "I-it should be something you pick," I suggested. "I don't have anything I want to do at all anyway."   
  
"... I guess," Kageyama mumbled, seeming disappointed in the answer. I just couldn't win with this situation! It was either guilty for me or disappointing for him. I had to make ends meet somewhere, let the situation play out with a good ending, or it would drive me insane. "We could... practice volleyball in the gym?"   
  
_He's... still thinking about volleyball,_ I clarified for myself. I wondered if the fact that he hadn't thought of anything earlier was actually because the training today was more prominent for him. I didn't really care either way -- actually, I'd be a little relieved to know that he wasn't worried about this all morning. I hate being the cause of ruining someone's day. "That's okay with me," I answered.   
  
"Alright," he continued. My phone vibrated in my hand again, but I forced the screen off. "How long do you want to stay out then?"   
  
"A-an hour?" I suggested quickly. "I've been out for the past few weeks, so I don't want my parents worried too much."   
  
"Alright, then." He didn't say anything else and just stared at the seat in front of him. I figeted with the phone in my hand for a while, worried I'd turn it on and open the texts from Oikawa at the wrong moment and severely piss off Kageyama, making that one hour of volleyball practice the most hell-like hour of my life. But he seemed progressively disinterested -- and I think he actually started to fall asleep. Taking this chance, I unlocked my phone and read the two new messages I recieved.   
  
_Actually, are you by chance free tomorrow? If so, I may pay a little visit to Karasuno~_ , read the first message. _Oh, I could bring you up to Sendai, too, if you want! There's probably more to do here anyway lol_   
  
_I'm not doing anything tomorrow, no,_ I sent. _But it doesn't matter to me if you come to Torono or not._   
  
He replied quickly, as usual. _Nng, Yoruchan, that does not help me decide what to do. I don't know what there is to do in Torono, but in Sendai there's plenty._ Oikawa followed the message with, _We could go see a movie~ I just saw a trailer for one the other day that looked super cool!_   
  
_What was it?_   


_...the name is slipping me( >_<;) But I remember it looked really cool and was about aliens disgusing themselves as humans on earth before they took over! Or something like that haha._ He sent after, _I'm gonna see if I can find the name of it._   
  
_No offense but... that doesn't sound all that appealing to me;; I've never been into alien scifi..._   
  
_What!? You're kidding me!! Yoruchan, you've crushed me!! You don't like aliens? I've never felt so betrayed!_   
  
_I don't like space at all. My parents used to watch a bunch of space documentaries when I was little and they freaked me out. They still freak me out._   
  
_Yoruchan!!! How could you!!!(TT^TT)/_ Oikawa's reply was shortly added to by yet another follow-up message. _Aliens and space are so cool! There's so much out there that we don't even know about! Doesn't it make you want to know more about it??_   
  
_The fact that there's so much unknown is what freaks me out,_ I answered. After at least a half hour of texting back and fourth, I noticed that Kageyama was indeed sleeping. His head had fallen in front of him and was leaning on the back of the seat before him by his face. Both of his arms were limp at his sides as they dangled in the air. My question was, _how_ was he sleeping in that kind of position? I would have woken up right away in a sleeping position like that.   
  
My phone buzzed again. _What?! That's so lame, Yoruchan! Space is super cool! Why does what we don't know about it freak you out?_ , Oikawa texted.   
  
_Black holes have an unknown end. Space doesn't end or is too large for us to comprehend its end. Also, if it does end, where are we? Is there something bigger? Why are we here? Good god don't get me started;_ I ranted. Just the thought of space was freaking me out. Trying to diverge my thoughts from it, I glanced around elsewhere. It seemed Kageyama had leaned back in his seat, this time his legs stretched out in front of him. He looked plainly ridiculous, but at least less stupid than before.   
  
_Oh... Yoruchan, you think so deeply on it( >_<;;;) I never thought about any of that. Just that stars are so pretty, nebulae even prettier, and how it's so cool that life can be formed!_   
  
_Stars aren't that pretty,_ I texted back angrily.   
  
_What? Why?_   
  
Realizing I'd obviously screwed myself over, I replied, _Nothing important._   
  
_Hm... looks like that's something I'll ask you about tomorrow~_   
  
_Don't bother._   
  
The bus hit a small bump that had me leap a centimeter or so above my seat. It had startled me a little, but what startled me even more was Kageyama sleeping next to me.   
  
Or, should I say, Kageyama _sleeping against my shoulder._   
  
I was frozen colder than dry ice. Why didn't the bump wake him up? Why had it imbalanced him to the right? Why was he now sleeping on my shoulder? I could feel his breathing very distinctly. I wasn't sure how I should have felt about that. My phone notified me of yet another reply, but I couldn't react.   
  
Suddenly, Kageyama's chair was kicked violently from behind. He sparked to life; I hoped he realized the situation he was in. "Oi, Kageyama! Don't just fall asleep on a girl's shoulder like that, you pervert!" Hinata's voice blared. The black haired boy did not respond for a very long time. Seemingly hours after Hinata had spoken, Kageyama leaped up from his spot, nearly throwing himself to where the orange haired first year sat behind him.   
  
"Ka-Kageyama! Calm down, please!" sputtered Asahi, who had been sitting next to Hinata. "H-Hinata, you too!"   
  
" _Oi!_ " boomed Daichi from a couple seats up. "Both of you! Sit down!"   
  
The first years acted immediately to the intimidatingly furious third year's command and sat, shaking, in their seats. I was still stiff as could be. It took probably a good fifteen minutes for me to relax myself enough to even unlock my phone. In that time alone, I'd gotten two new messages. The time read 13:23. Frowning, I realized that this was going to be the longest four hour bus ride of my life.   
  
  
  
" _Kiyomi-_ saaaaan _!_ " Nishinoya cried for joy as he lept off the bus. Sure enough, the blonde second year had wandered up near the bus as it arrived, having been waiting for the boys' volleyball club to show up. Or, at least, Nishinoya in particular. The small second year nearly tackled her as he leaped up to hug her so quickly. Kiyomi looked beside herself with surprise and confused joy. "Ahahaha! I've been waiting all day to see you! I firmly believe that we're a match made in heaven!" Nishinoya exclaimed.   
  
"What?" laughed Kiyomi in shock. "We've barely talked!"   
  
"Nope, doesn't matter to me! You're perfect for me and that's final!"   
  
It must have been nice to have   
your eyes locked on one person without anyone to try and steer you away. I felt disgusted just listening to them.   
  
Kageyama revealed himself from the bus, making his way over to me quickly. As everyone else was, he stood staring at the scene Nishinoya had created with Kiyomi. Kageyama seemed a little disturbed by it, ignoring it as he began dragging me off to the volleyball gym on Karasuno's campus. I couldn't tell if I was shocked or disappointed that no one acknowledged our disappearance.   
  
"I'm not sure if you know how," Kageyama started, having found the doors to be unlocked, "but you'll need to help me set up the volleyball nets."   
  
"I... I can try," I mumbled. I felt a little bad knowing that the doors were still unlocked; this was probably my fault, as Hinata left the nets up on that Friday when my tooth chipped, so when Sugawara went to take them down in the morning, he probably left the door open. I bit my lip. If I had only set the ball properly to Hinata, none of that would have happened.   
  
Kageyama lead me to the storage room where the equiptment was kept. I wasn't unfamiliar with the room, but I didn't go in it very often. It seemed there wasn't a working light fixture in the room, so we relied on the lighting from the gymnasium. I started rolling out the cart of volleyballs when Kageyama grabbed the back of my shirt collar. Choking momentarily, I twisted my neck to see him staring down at me with blue eyes contrasting his pink cheeks. I stared, both confused and rather concerned. "Kageyama- _san_?" I questioned.   
  
He blinked, dropping me instantly. "...sorry," he mumbled, finding something else to take from the closet. I was dumbfounded for a moment, but finished rolling the cart out.   
  
With my lack of help, Kageyama set up the volleyball net in a few minutes. I found that during this time, he'd taken liberty of avoiding looking at me -- not even just eye contact, but just looking at or facing me at all. I was a confused -- an understatement -- but was trying to piece together most of the situation myself. I was certain that he felt ashamed of snatching me earlier, since he's trying to make a decent impression on me... but what I didn't understand was why he did that in the first place. I rubbed my neck.   
  
Kageyama plucked one of the volleyballs from the cart, bouncing it off the ground a couple times, but then held it without movement. He didn't move from his spot, just stared at the floor. "K... Kageyama- _san_ ," I blurted. He flinched. "Is... is something wrong?"   
  
"No! No, there's nothing wrong, I'm sorry for zoning out," he stuttered, still refusing to turn around and face me. I pouted, narrowing my gaze. I wandered up in front of him, staring directly into his eyes. He stood, startled, before wandering to the back end of the court, forcing himself to ignore me. I watched him impatiently.   
  
Kageyama threw the volleyball in the air from behind the court line. Running up quickly, he lept just before his toe hit the line, and swung his arm to hit the volleyball across the net. It zipped by swiftly, smacking the ground near the back of the other side of the court. Kageyama landed with the squeak of his sneakers. Without a comment, he walked back up to the volleyball cart, and repeated the same thing.   
  
This went on about five times before I stepped in. I pulled back the volleyball that he was trying to take, which left me met with a hesitant glare as Kageyama raised an eyebrow. "Why are you ignoring me?" I asked forcefully, yet my heart racing with fear as I spoke. "If you were so demanding to do something with me today, then why ignore me?"   
  
Kageyama seemed to slink back where he was standing. His gaze fixed on the floor, he replied, "I'm sorry. I'll stop ignoring you."   
  
I expected more, but didn't get anything else out of him. He didn't even answer my question, but I honestly didn't care anymore. I wasn't all that concerned with it... but I was worried that I'd upset him further than he already was. I couldn't help but remember Hinata telling me that Kageyama had woken up crying this morning. I bit my lip as he walked back to the edge of the court and hit another jump serve.   
  
He did three more before he stopped. His hands were once again frozen around the volleyball he grabbed, his feet stiff and glued to the wood flooring. I placed myself in front of him again, trying to read some kind of expression on his face before he escaped like before. But this time, he didn't break eye contact. Kageyama stared at me, giving me full attention like there wasn't anything else in the world. I wasn't sure if I felt special or concerned.   
  
"Y..." he choked. "Yoru- _senpai_!"   
  
I blinked. "Yes?"   
  
Kageyama threw the volleyball back into the cart and pushed it aside as stood directly in front of me. His suddenly sparked confidence seemed to fade as his lips twisted and his face glowed a bright red. "Y-Yoru- _senpai_ , I... I... !" His eyes darted off to the sides of the gym. "I... believe... I... lff... Ilff..." His words and voice became more slurred with every attempt to speak that he took.   
  
"Kageyama- _san_?" I exclaimed weakly, worried about him in this current state.   
  
He was left bowing at his waist. " _I believe that I have feelings for you!_ "   
  
I stood, silent, but not shocked as if this were my first time realizing this. I was instead astounded by the fact he yet again was putting himself so below me in order to convey his message. Something pinged in my heart -- guilt? Was I guilty, standing here, having this poor kid express his heart out to me, while on my end, I didn't do much of anything? No... not that I didn't do anything... rather, I didn't _feel_ anything for him.   
  
"I'm... I... realized it... after our study sessions finished," Kageyama mumbled. "I... couldn't focus on the tests because of it. I only barely passed them, all except the Japanese exam. I'm sorry! You were wrong to apologize to me! You did nothing wrong with your teaching, I was just..." He stopped, clicking his tongue. "Just... I am sorry for being so demanding and arrogant. Please forgive me."   
  
"Kageyama- _san_ , please, stand upright, you don't need to apologize, you haven't done anything wrong..." I answered shakily.   
  
I didn't know what to say. How should I react? I wanted to do something to cheer him up, but I only had one idea coming to my mind: an idea that would lead to an unending amount of problems as time went on. I'd already put myself into a horrible situation, switching between two boys. But at least they were from different schools. If I... if I kissed Kageyama to cheer him up like I thought of, the situation would be out of my control. Rumors would be spread, decisions would be harder. Not to mention the fact that Oikawa and Kageyama hated each others' guts: it would be a horrible result I never, ever wanted to see. Why had I even thought of that? It's a stupid idea!   
  
Kageyama stood upright again, his eyes clearly red and puffy as his face was torn into a suffering sulk. I stared, unable to respond. He had started crying. Furiously, he pulled his jacket collar up and rubbed his eyes. "Dammit, I didn't mean to fucking do this again," he cursed under his breath. "Why the hell am I being such a baby about this..."   
  
I have no idea what I did past that moment. The only thing I realized after that was, somehow, my lips were sealed against Kageyama's. Once I _did_ realize it, I pulled back immediately. _Oh shit. Oh shitting fuck. I fucked up. Did I not just say this would end bad? Why did I do that. Why did I do that? Why did I do that!_   
  
I stared at him in a panic, seeing that his tear-ridden eyes were sparkling with some kind of intrigue. I knew this would only get worse if I didn't say anything. I had to fix it before something bad happened that I _couldn't_ fix. I had to tell him what exactly happened, exactly what went through my head, exactly what I was feeling in that moment before he took it wrong and --   
  
\-- he took it wrong.   
  
Kageyama shut off my thoughts, pulling me close to him instantly, his lips at my throat. It was barely a few seconds before I realized what he was doing. _Oh no, please no, the last thing I need is physical evidence of this, Kageyama...!_   
  
But his unwavering sucking against my skin just got more agressive as time ticked along. I couldn't bring myself to say anything. I just stood, tense and frozen, both worried for what would result of this, and scared of making him cry anymore. Kageyama was someone who always had this expressionless, calculated look on his face: for me to be the cause of him crying twice already... I couldn't bare to think about it.   
  
Yet why does that mean I should force myself to stand here like this? This would only make things worse! This is a _**lie!**_   
  
Kageyama's lips finally pulled back, but I knew there was something left behind. I bit my lip, angry with myself and with what I was doing: what I was letting happen to me. As I remained still, Kageyama turned to the other side of my neck, attempting to do the same thing again. I couldn't and didn't react until I felt that wet kiss against my skin again.   
  
I pulled his head off of me and threw him back. The black haired boy stumbled, flicking his attention back to my eyes with a saddened bewilderment. I opened my mouth, afraid of speaking. Kageyama just stared at me. "Y... Yoru- _senpai_ , is something the matter?"   
  
" _Yes, something's the matter!_ " I snapped. "I... I can't have you do this, Kageyama!"   
  
"Wh... what? Why? You were the one that... k... kissed me just now, aren't you?" he growled. "What's so wrong if I kiss at your neck?"   
  
"Kageyama, I don't like you like that!"   
  
" _Then why fucking kiss me in the first place?!_ "   
  
" _Because you were crying about liking me! I didn't know what else to do! I panicked! It thought it might make you cheer up!_ "   
  
"How the _hell_ would _that_ cheer me up if it _wasn't fucking sincere?_ " The innocent, confused  passion in Kageyama's eyes had melted from the burning anger that had ignited. "Why the fuck would I want to have you kiss me when I'm _well aware_ you're into, if not _dating_ , _two other people?!_ " He clenched his fists tightly at his side. He stared me directly in the eye, not a shred of mercy left.   
  
He shouted. " _WHY THE HELL WOULD I WANT A FUCKING WHORE TO KISS ME?_ "   
  
I stopped. I didn't even feel my heartbeat anymore. I felt like I had died, like someone had just stabbed me. I felt like everything inside of me was spilling out and being ripped from my bones, all of my pride, all of my morality, all of my reputation. I'd become someone horrible. I'd put myself so low that I was purely hated.   
  
"Don't you cry, dammit! _Don't cry when you know it's the fucking truth!_ "   
  
Why did I hurt so much? Why was I crying?   
  
Kageyama seemed fed up with me. He looked ready to punch me, in the position and everything. I couldn't move my feet; I didn't even attempt to dodge his attack as it was coming right for me. I just felt horrible. I probably deserved this punch. Why wouldn't I? I wasn't sure how strong Kageyama was, but I didn't think it would matter if a bone or two broke, since I had reduced myself to such a shitty person anyway. I didn't deserve a whole body.   
  
There was a punch thrown.   
  
But it didn't hit me.   
  
A tuft of orange flew by, and with a distinct crack, collapsed to the floor beneath both Kageyama's and my feet. I looked down. I didn't believe the sight before me eyes: I stared, my breath shaking, as my hands trembled over my mouth. I let out a scream.   
  
Hinata had run in to take the punch for me just before it hit. Now, he lay on the previously tan wooden floor, his eyes wide with shock as he stuttered heavy breaths. His jaw was cockeyed, blood flooding out of his agape mouth. "Hi... Hinata?" I breathed. "Oh... oh my god..."   
  
"What's going on? I thought I heard a scream..." Kiyoko walked through the door, her already soft voice disappearing as she saw the blood splattered on the floor. Her hands covering her mouth as she stared wide-eyed, she sprinted back out the door. Tears already having been streaming down my face, my breath already choppy and broken, I slowly cocked my head to Kageyama. He shook in his spot, staring, seeming like he was in a complete state of fear. He stepped back slightly.   
  
"This... no... _goddammit!_ " he screamed, sprinting for the exit. I just watched him, still uncertain any of this had happened. Please... tell me, _please!_ Please let none of this have happened... please, let me still be on the bus, everyone's okay, no one's upset, no one's bleeding. Please tell me I'll wake up soon, hearing Hinata's voice teasing Kageyama as soon as we arrive to Karasuno.   
  
"... Y... Yoru- _sen...pai_ ," croaked the first year below me. I whipped my head down immediately, almost looking more terrified as I saw him lay in so much pain. But he seemed to be smiling, at least through his eyes. "... are y... you... all... right?" He winced as he spoke.   
  
"Hinata- _san_!" I cried. "Why are you asking that?! You're bleeding... your jaw is broken... oh my god..." I nearly felt like screaming again.   
  
Hinata tried pushing himself up from the ground, but fell again after finding himself too lightheaded. I kneeled down to him, and he just tried to smile. I couldn't reply with more than another sob.   
  
"Hinata!" another voice burst into the gym. My attention grabbed by the sounds of multiple footsteps, I saw Daichi yelling to us both, Kiyoko, Tanaka, and Sugawara following behind him. "Oh good god," Daichi breathed lowly.   
  
The four of them raced to us. "Hinata- _san_ , are you okay? Are you alright?" Tanaka asked quickly. He looked ready to shake Hinata to life if necessary.   
  
"Oh... Tana... ka- _senpai_... yeah... 'm fine," Hinata mumbled.   
  
"Shimizu- _san_ , call the hospital, quickly," Daichi demanded.   
  
"Y-yes," Kiyoko squeaked, not letting her eyes off of the bleeding first year sprawled across the floor.   
  
I was ripped away from Hinata and forced to stand upright. I tipped my head up weakly, as if someone had taped a twelve thousand kilogram weight to it, just to see Sugawara standing before me. His hands were gripped tightly on my shoulders, his chocolate eyes fixed on me in terror. "What happened?" he asked, seeming try and sound calm, but his voice was laced with panic. "What happened to Hinata? Are you alright?"   
  
"I... I'm fine," I croaked. "I... I would be in Hinata's position if it wasn't for him..."   
  
"What happened?" Sugawara repeated, desperately clinging to me.   
  
"K... Kageyama... Kageyama... he... he... I made him upset -- he got really mad and tried to punch me but... Hinata took it for me within the last second..."   
  
"Kageyama?" He furrowed his eyebrows. "But..."   
  
"Kageyama- _kun_ was here," whispered Kiyoko, her hand covering the speaker on her cell phone that was pressed against her ear. "I saw him when I walked in earlier."   
  
"He," I continued. "He... ran off... he ran off screaming..."   
  
Sugawara quickly pulled me into a hug, holding his arms tightly around me. "Okay... okay... sh, it'll be okay. Hinata will be alright." I still didn't stop crying. "Y... Yoru- _chan_ , it'll be okay, I promise. You don't have to worry." He leaned in against my ear and whispered softly, "I'm here for you, and I promise that Hinata is going to be alright." He seemed hesitant, but eventually swiftly pressed his hand against the back of my head, weaving his fingers into my hair.   
  
I suddenly didn't feel good in Sugawara's arms. I didn't feel good being held, being touched, being whispered to. It churned in my stomach like spoiled milk.   
  
I pushed him away. He seemed baffled, almost heartbroken. "Hinata didn't deserve to take that punch," I declared.   
  
"No, no one deserved --"   
  
"I deserved it, Suga!" I snapped. "I deserved the punch that was being thrown at me! I deserved to have half my teeth fly out, I deserved to have a broken jaw, I deserved what karma was ready to give me!"   
  
"What are you talking about?" he barked.   
  
"He called me a whore, Suga! Kageyama exposed me for what I am and _called me a whore!_ " I screamed. "I deserved that punch to the face!"   
  
"No, you didn't!" Sugawara growled. "And you're not a whore!"   
  
"How? How am I not? I'm so into two guys at once that I'm practically dating them both! I thought that a way to cheer up Kageyama just before now while he was crying was to kiss him! In the past two weeks alone, I've gone out with _three different guys,_ Suga! _Three!_ If that doesn't make a fucking whore, then I don't know what does!"   
  
"Yoru- _san_ , stop saying that!" he snapped. "You think I don't know you've been out with three different guys the past two weeks? I was one of them! I saw picture proof of you out with Oikawa! There's a hickey plainly on your neck! I can see it! But that doesn't make you a whore!"   
  
" _How the hell doesn't that make me a whore?_ "   
  
"Y... You guys, calm down, seriously!" Tanaka piped up. Glancing to him, I saw both he and Daichi were baffled, weak looks flashing at both of us. Hinata didn't seem happy, either.   
  
Sugawara looked almost as furious as Kageyama did earlier, bluntly ignoring Tanaka's plea. "You're not a whore because you're not doing this for your own pleasure! I know you like me, I know you like Oikawa! You're confused! You only listened to what Kageyama had to say because you felt guilty! _You're not a fucking whore, Yoru! And don't you ever speak so poorly of yourself ever again!_ "   
  
"Suga- _san_!" yelled Daichi. "Calm down, please!"   
  
" _I'll calm down when she realizes that I'm telling the truth!_ " Sugawara snapped. I didn't know what scared me more: Suga this furious, or Suga this furious to yell at Daichi. But his tough composure soon began to crack at the seams. "-- crap," he blurted, sucking back in a sob as he wiped away the water slipping from his eyes. Sugawara stood, still opposed from me, his shaky breath weakening the dagger-like glare he held.   
  
"Yoru... Yoru, I love you!" he shouted. "And it hurts me so fucking much to see you call yourself something disgusting that you truly aren't!"   
  
My eyes widened.   
  
_He... he loves me?_   



	7. Greatest Worst Choice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe the stars don't twinkle as brightly and beautifully as people think they do.

I was appalled. Tanaka and Daichi stared at us, just as appalled. Hinata looked both limp and shocked, staring at Sugawara with wide eyes.   
  
The silver haired setter had an unwavering gaze fixed onto me.   
  
_He loves me?_   
  
It seemed like such a strange thing to say at a time like this. It seemed like such a rushed idea to have, a lustful feeling he only misinterpreted. But Sugawara still held his stance, a serious expression sewn permanently to him. I couldn't begin to understand him or why he was suddenly so stiff. What had I done that was so special? I hadn't done much of anything. We only made out a couple weeks ago, a night ago: only when both of us were tired and not thinking. That wasn't love. Yet, if that was so true, how could I feel my heart racing now? If that was so true, then why would Sugawara have exclaimed such a risky statement in front of a fourth of the team?   
  
I remembered something else.   
  
_"... I love you."_   
  
Oikawa had said this too.   
  
But this was at two in the morning -- he was tired, speaking through fatigue. He probably didn't realize what he was saying, either.   
  
"Th... they sent an ambulance," squeaked Kiyoko in the tense heat between the conversation. "It should be here soon."   
  
"Th... thank you, Shimizu," Daichi replied. "Tanaka, watch over Hinata, will you?"   
  
"Huh? -- oh... mn," Tanaka answered weakly.   
  
Daichi stepped up from where he'd been by Hinata, holding himself between Sugawara and I. Suga's chocolate eyes flashed over to him. "You both need to calm down," Daichi ordered. "I mean it."   
  
Neither of us said anything to him; I gulped quietly, worried that Daichi was about to release his wrath. But he didn't act mad at all -- rather, it seemed that he was remaining the most calm out of the three of us. Sugawara seemed to step back slightly, frowning. "I... I'm sorry, I let myself get carried away."   
  
"It's fine, just stay calm for now. I don't want to risk someone else getting hurt, nor do I want to risk... the two of you getting so furious at each other," Daichi mumbled, sighing softly. "Alright, well, make up, you two! No more fighting, you got that?" He quickly slapped Suga on the shoulder. With a slight laugh, Sugawara punched him back in the gut, to which Daichi retaliated.   
  
"You guys should all head home for the night," Daichi suggested. "Tanaka, Suga, Yoru. Shimizu- _san_ and I will get Hinata to the hospital and contact his family. I don't want you guys to worry too much. What about you, Hinata?"   
  
The orange haired boy, still lying on the floor in pain as he held one hand against his jaw, threw a thumbs up into the air. Despite both of them telling me everything would be okay, I couldn't believe that. There was no way everything was okay right now. And it was my fault. I wanted to shout, I wanted to see Hinata go to the hospital and apologize properly, but I couldn't say a thing. I couldn't even open my mouth to speak.   
  
"Yoru- _chan_ ," Sugawara spoke up. I met his gaze. "Daichi's right. We should head home. Hinata's even telling us it will be okay."   
  
I just stared blankly, feeling more than the word "guilty" could ever begin to cover. But Suga smiled to me, a sugary sweet smile that could somehow set my heart ablaze. I flicked my gaze to the floor, where Hinata lay. He met my eyes.   
  
My steps were very slow as I made my way to him, laying so pathetically weak and still. It was horrible, feeling so disgusted with myself like this as I saw one of my best friends bleeding and broken, all because he wanted to protect me. What protection did someone like me did I need? "Huh -- Yoru- _san_?" Tanaka blurted. "What're you doing?"   
  
I didn't pay him any mind. I knelt down next to Hinata. He seemed mildly confused, still gripping his jaw with what looked to be an extreme amount of pain. "I... I'm sorry, Hinata," I heaved. "This is my fault. You didn't need to protect me like that. You didn't need to take that hit for me. I'm sorry..."   
  
His eyes were wide. He tried to move his mouth to say something, but winced, only letting out a croak. "Yoru- _chan_ , maybe you should try talking to him tomorrow," Suga said, a sort of pleading kind of tone to his voice. My glance fell to the floor. The apology I had spoken was weak and pathetic, but there was nothing else I could do.   
  
"Hey," Daichi spoke, having lowered himself next to me. "It'll be alright, really. Hinata's a tough kid, he'll make it through just fine. You should get home for now, you got it? We don't need your parents worried about where you are, too," he grinned.   
  
I sighed softly, my breath shaking. "Daichi's right, Hinata's pretty tough!" Tanaka burst out. "Right?" he asked, turning his excited attention to the orange haired first year.   
  
"M - mhm!" mumbled Hinata, trying to force a smile; I could see some sort of emotion in his eyes, almost as if he was trying to tell me something. I wish he could have just spoken it. But of course, the fact that I had upset Kageyama is what lead him to getting punched, rendering him barely able to speak. Where was Hinata during that time, anyway, that he was able to run in and take the hit that Kageyama was going to throw at me?   
  
"... all right," I sighed. "I'll see you tomorrow sometime, Hinata- _san_." He nodded.   
  
I stood up once again, finding myself facing Sugawara. He still smiled, like we hadn't argued before, like Hinata wasn't bleeding on the floor. He smiled to me as if nothing mattered but the undivided eye contact the two of us held at this very moment. I could have sworn I felt my heart beat out of my chest, just once, at the very least. Why was that, anyway?   
  
"Tanaka, Suga, you both head home, too, then," Daichi instructed. "We'll see you tomorrow at practice."   
  
The three of us left the building into the sunset of the evening. Had it really been that long already? It didn't seem like it. Surely it wasn't much passed five -- but as I clicked open my phone screen, revealing a whopping ten new messages, it turned out that it was actually 5:15. After solving the time issue, my attention went straight for the ten new messages, slightly worried. Did something happen?   
  
The first three messages corresponded with the last conversation I had with Oikawa. A half hour later, another three were sent. _Yoruchan? Helloo?_ read one. _Please don't tell me you're ignoring me T_T_ read another. _...????_ read the third. Four messages -- make that five now -- were sent within the last seven minutes.   
  
_Yoruchan, did I say something wrong?_   
  
_I'm sorry if I made you upset. Is it about the thing I mentioned earlier with stars? You seemed pretty upset about that..._   
  
_Please don't ignore me like this..._   
  
_I'm sorry..._   
  
_If it's really that sensitive, I won't bring it up. But... I still think you should tell me about something that's bothering you._   
  
I just stared at the screen. He had switched so suddenly once again, from being the melodramatic crybaby he usually was to suddenly very solemn. It almost hurt to read what he had written. Yet my heart still cringed at a remembrance of something I still couldn't force into the back of my head. It pissed me off. Why could my brain not realize they were two very different people? Why did it insist on finding every possible word the two had ever said similarly before?   
  
_I'm so sorry, Oikawasan, I haven't even looked at my phone for the past hour. Hinata broke his jaw,_ I quickly typed. I didn't want to tell him the whole story.   
  
_What?! Chibichan broke his jaw, how?_ he responded with quickly.   
  
I bit my lip, typing, _It's a really long story, I'll tell you tomorrow._   
  
"You know, Yoru- _chan_ , I meant to ask..." Sugawara spoke. It seemed Tanaka had headed off in a different direction earlier in order to get home, but Suga still walked at my side. "...that... that hickey on your neck. Where did you even get it from?"   
  
I stiffened myself, eyes glued to the concrete. "... K... Kageyama," I murmured.   
  
"Kageyama?" he repeated, almost laughing. "But didn't you say he tried punching you in the face?"   
  
"That... was after." I gulped. Should I tell him the full story... or not? Nothing came out when I first tried to speak but a forced sigh. "... he... before that, he had confessed to me, crying. I don't even know why, but it felt like to me that kissing him was the right thing to do -- my brain shut down and I hadn't even realized what I'd done until too late. So, Kageyama got the wrong message... and... this resulted of it. All of it. This stupid thing on my neck, Hinata's broken jaw..."   
  
"Okay, it's already done with, Yoru- _chan_ ," Sugawara clarified. "You don't have to keep wishing it never happened."   
  
I didn't say anything. My phone vibrated, to which I focused my attention on it instead.   
  
_Hng, you better tell me! Chibichan was a nice kid last time I met him, even if he was so close to Tobiochan. And... kept calling me the Great King._   
  
_The Great King?_ I asked.   
  
"Hey," Sugawara began again. I didn't look up from my phone this time. "Do... do you mind if I stay the night?" he asked, rather weakly.   
  
_Yeah, I never got it, either,_ Oikawa replied.   
  
"... I'm not sure," I mumbled, my phone still gripped in front of my face. "I mean... my parents can handle one excuse to hang out with someone... but I don't know how well they would handle two..."   
  
Oddly, Sugawara laughed -- half-heartedly, but nevertheless laughed. I raised an eyebrow, tipping my head up to him. "What's funny about that?"   
  
"Oh, sorry," he replied. "It's just... well... I thought you were making something up."   
  
"Huh? Why would I have made that up?"   
  
"Geez... don't girls usually see through stuff like this quicker than guys do?" he chuckled. I wasn't particularly amused at the comment, but it was unavoidable. "I thought you were making it up so you could continue talking to Oikawa- _san_."   
  
He sounded hurt. Of course he sounded hurt, only a few minutes ago he confessed that he loved me, which was still an insane comment on   
its own. It was one thing to like someone after a week or so -- but to say "I love you" so quickly...? I still didn't understand why he would say that so willingly after just two weeks of really closely talking to me.   
  
"No," I answered truthfully. "I wouldn't do that."   
  
"You wouldn't?" Sugawara spoke faintly, seeming uncertain of my answer.   
  
"Why do you doubt that? I don't want to lie to you."   
  
"Well, maybe not, but... you do seem to want to _hide_ things from me."   
  
I didn't know what to say to him. What would have been the right thing to say at this time? Though it was a pointless topic to think about, since Sugawara continued speaking anyway. "It's no secret to me that you like Oikawa- _san_ , believe me. I'd rather just have you tell me you'd rather be with him than me if that's what you're really thinking."   
  
I stared at him, not really sure what emotion I was feeling right now. His smile screamed sorrow. "Did I guess correctly?" he asked, his voice dying.   
  
"N-no!" I blurted. "I mean... I don't... I don't have any idea..."   
  
Within a held silence, Sugawara sighed. Neither of us said another word for a very long time; I resisted the urge to answer the texts that my phone was notifying me of every few seconds.   
  
"My house is down this next block," Suga finally spoke. "How far away is yours?"   
  
"A... A few blocks up, yet."   
  
He didn't say anything. Instead, he stepped closer to me, walking very closely at my side, and softly slipped his hand into mine. A jittery feeling washed over me, taking in the tender brushing of his fingertips against my skin. "I can walk you home, then," he grinned.   
  
"Y..." I bit my lip. Of course he didn't _have_ to do this. He _wanted_ to. He _wanted_ to be by my side. I wondered if there was some particular reasoning to it... or if he just wanted to be with me. "O... okay," I whispered.   
  
Neither of us said anything else the entire walk to my house. I didn't look up at Suga, either: just stared at the ground. It was truly very strange, feeling all of this at once. The tingling feeling in my palm that stretched to my racing heartbeat. The strange desire that was suddenly sparked, the strange desire to curl up in his arms and sleep the day away. What the hell was this, and why was I feeling it? I asked that, but I knew what it was, and I have felt it before, many times. I'd only experienced the outcome of said emotion once, to which it plummeted like a boulder into the ocean.   
  
My grip on Sugawara's hand was tighter. He squeezed my hand back; I felt more heat rush to my face. My face was probably hot enough to boil water.   
  
Almost as if he was reading my thoughts, Suga burst out laughing. "Eh?" I blurted. "Wh-what's so funny?"   
  
"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to laugh so loud at you, haha," he heaved. "It's just... your face is so red, it's kinda cute."   
  
If possible, I felt it heat up more. I swear the flesh was going to melt off of my bone. My eyes barely met Sugawara's for a mere moment, since my sight was scattered all over the place. But it soon didn't matter, because just out of the eyesight of my house, I was brought into another dreadful kiss. It was soft, somehow differing itself in a much more innocent light in comparison to Sugawara's past kisses. He merely toyed with my upper lip, caressing it ever so gently between his own, for a few very long, very short seconds. My gaze had straightened itself and locked onto Sugawara once the kiss had seperated. "I did that rather suddenly, I'm sorry," he sighed. "But I couldn't resist."   
  
I didn't respond. I didn't feel any better hearing that, somehow. It churned in my stomach. But what made it so bad? As if realizing the struggle, Sugawara frowned. "You know, Yoru- _chan_... I'm really starting to think you do like Oikawa- _san_ more than me."   
  
"What?" I blurted suddenly. "Oikawa is an annoying prick!"   
  
Suga seemed startled, but slightly amused. "Oh... and yet, you're always talking to him."   
  
"You're much sweeter than he is!" I collapsed my head against his shoulder out of embarrassment for blurting twice in a row.   
  
"You think so?" he asked, joy lacing the edges of his voice. "I don't know very much about Oikawa- _san_ , but I didn't find him to be all that pleasant when we faced him in the Inter-High, or in the practice match we had with Seijoh at the beginning of the year." I bit my lip. "But," Suga continued, "that doesn't mean that I'll try and force you to stop liking him."   
  
I dug my fingernails into his hand. He seemed a little startled. "Y-Yoru- _chan_?"   
  
"What happened to your 'I'll make your heart stay loyal to me' statement?" I growled. "Why are you suddenly okay with me going back and forth between you both?"   
  
There was a long pause. An agonizingly long, painful pause. It hurt to stand and wait for a reply as I held such a tense question in the air, a question that was dying to be answered as it was written on a dense helium balloon with its breaking string attached to my fingers. I thought the string would have snapped before he answered it -- but Sugawara snatched up the balloon before it floated away.   
  
"Yoru," he answered, his voice cracking at the seams. "I... I know you don't love me as much as you do him. It hurts me so much to say it, but I can _see it_." He paused, taking a deep breath, his hand held around my waist, the other still grasping our hands tightly together. "It's not that I want to keep letting you go between Oikawa and I. I... I just know keeping you to myself would be wrong if you're clearly in love with someone else."   
  
"Why do you keep using the word 'love'?" I asked harshly.   
  
"What...?" Sugawara breathed, both in fear and bewilderment.   
  
"I've barely talked to either of you very long. 'Love' is something people feel after being with someone for a long time, isn't it? It's something people feel after knowing that they want to be with that same person for their whole life. Love at first sight isn't real to me, so why do you keep saying what we feel right now is 'love,' then? I..." I choaked on my own words. "I like you both very much. You both mean a lot to me. But I don't think I'd be able to label this as 'love' for a while."   
  
There was no answer from anything but the wind. Nothing but the wind... and another soft kiss against my lips.   
  
I didn't know why he had kissed me now. It seemed like a strange time to do that. My heart twisted around my chest. The closer Sugawara got to me with the kiss, the more I found myself having rather back off, left him alone. But why? Why would I do something so cruel? I forced myself not to.   
  
He pulled away just as suddenly, grinning gently with his head pressed against my forehead. "Tell me, Yoru," he whispered, "how did you feel when I did that?" I blinked. "I don't mean any harm in asking."   
  
I debated, hesitated. It was so strange, how unreadable Sugawara was at times. "I, uhm..." I began, mumbling. "I... I just... kinda... I don't know..." I lied. I knew how I felt very well, but I couldn't bring myself to say it. It wouldn't make sense. Why would I have hated everything now, but been okay with it only a few short weeks ago? It didn't make sense. It was selfish to consider. I kept my mouth shut.   
  
He grinned. "Is that true?"   
  
"What do you mean, is it true? I don't have any idea. I don't know how to describe it."   
  
He frowned, breath slipping him. "If you say so," he mumbled. It seemed as if he'd prepared something, prepared some kind of speech. I didn't understand it. What could he have wanted to say? Having not broken my eye contact, Sugawara raised his eyebrow.   
  
"What... were you going to say?" I asked quietly.   
  
He didn't respond for a minute. I couldn't read his expression very well at all. Appalled, maybe? It morphed to a weak smile once again. "Well... If you had replied with something like 'A warm feeling in my chest,' then I would have said, 'Then that's love.'"   
  
_What's that supposed to mean?_ Love isn't just some petty romantic emotion or the desire to touch someone else, so what was he going on about?   
  
Sugawara pushed himself back from me softly, barely meeting my eyes. "I... I think it's time we stop doing this. Unless you're certain you can prove me wrong about your feelings toward Oikawa- _san_ , I don't want you to keep pursuing this kind of relationship with me."   
  
I felt heartbroken. But why? Why did I feel so much remorse? To fully love him now would be insane -- so why did it feel as though all of my hopes and dreams had been crushed with that one simple, final sentence?   
  
"Of course, I'm still going to stay here by your side, even if just as your friend, just as I promised I would," Sugawara smiled. "So don't think that this is a goodbye, because it most certainly is not. I will never say goodbye to you, not until I'm forced to by Death."   
  
I didn't answer him. I would have said I didn't answer for a while, but this was false. I never spoke out a reply to him, I had only thought of it. Which, was probably the worst mistake of my life. Or was it the best desicion? I suppose it never really mattered: it was just the path I had decided to take. But why that path? I had seen this one already, so what made the other one so much better?   
  
"I'll finish walking you home, now," Sugawara chuckled. "How far away is your home, yet?"   
  
I pointed to it. He turned, slightly confused, as he spotted the tan-yellow house. "It's right there?" he asked. I merely nodded. With another soft smile, the one I'd grown to know well in the past couple of weeks, he whispered, "Alright."   
  
The sound of our feet against the concrete was deafeningly loud. I felt like I was holding onto the very last shred of this moment, these past couple of weeks, as my fingers were still intertwined with his. I gripped this moment for dear life.   
  
"Yoru," Sugawara said. My attention turned to him slowly, the two of us now standing before my front door. He still remained smiling, even as this moment was coming to a final close.   
I gripped his hand tightly one final time; he squeezed it back, one final time.   
  
Then it was no more.   
  
"See you tomorrow at practice," he spoke -- he bid farewell. I merely nodded once more.   
  
Sugawara jogged back, away from the door, away to the street, away from me. I'd never once in my life felt so devastated as I heard someone leave. Hesitantly going to open the front door, I stopped myself. I could still hear his footsteps walking back the way we came.   
  
That was when I realized something.   
  
" _Koushi!_ "   
  
I sprinted back to the sidewalk, finding him turning around, stunned. There was a glint in his eye that almost made me believe he was pleading something, hoping some certain sentence would come from my sudden actions. If it had gone the way I wanted, maybe I would have satisfied that plea, or maybe I wouldn't have. I would never know for sure, since what I wanted to say never left my mouth.   
  
It had been that greatest worst choice.   
  
"I'll... I'll see you tomorrow too," I bellowed, an anticlimactic end to my scene. But Koushi seem to grin all the same as he waved, and left me once again.   
  
What I had wanted to say was something completely different. What I had wanted to say was, _"I wanted to thank you."_   
  
_"Thank you for teaching me what it means to love someone properly."_   
  
But it never happened.   
  
I wept at my own doorstep. Yet that same question remained:   
  
Why?   
  
  
  
"Ya-hoo!"   
  
A cheery brunet greeted me that next morning at Karasuno high school, dressed in a casual t-shirt and shorts, a typical outfit for a hot July day. What I had to be wearing, though, was of course --   
  
"Yoru- _chan_? Why are you wearing a scarf? It's July, you know, not January."   
  
"I... I know," I answered meekly.   
  
"Aren't you hot in that? I'm getting sweaty just looking at you."   
  
"No, I'm fine, don't worry about it."   
  
Oikawa pouted. "Then don't complain later if you're hot, because I certainly won't give you any sympathy."   
  
"Gee, thanks," I sighed.   
  
He narrowed his gaze as he tipped himself down to face me closer. "Are you okay? You don't seem to be in a good mood," he noted.   
  
"I'm fine," I answered, sounding more like I had knives griding against my teeth. Oikawa wasn't impressed. He remained pouting, folding his arms across his chest as he leaned back again.   
  
"Am I going to have to gain your trust again after another three hours like at the dentist?" he whined. "I don't want to have to do that _every_ time something's bugging you, Yoru- _chan_." I didn't say anything to him, to which he sighed. "Geez, you're so frustrating to talk to sometimes."   
  
"Don't say that like you've known me for months," I growled.   
  
"Also, about that!" he snapped. "You're talking way too informal to me all the time, and it's starting to bug me. I'm still your _senpai_ , so you need to treat me with respect!"   
  
"Fuck that."   
  
"Yoru- _chan_!" Oikawa whined. "You're so disrespectful!"   
  
"If you're gonna be annoying, why don't you just go home?"   
  
"You told me to come to Torono Town!"   
  
"Yeah, well, I didn't ask you to come be annoying."   
  
Oikawa just pouted again, complaining about something else, but I just gave up and walked away. Of course, that didn't stop him, and the brunet was soon caught up to me, strolling by my side with a face of disapproval. I was still more concerned about his height, which towered a good eight inches above me. It was unsettling.   
  
Why did I like him at all? I asked myself. He annoyed me. He was clingy. He was freakishly tall. He was a good chunk of the aspects I hated about my last boyfriend. Oikawa was most certainly just a trashy player kind of person, the one with a pretty face and a bunch of parading fangirls. I hated them. I hated him. So why in the world was my heart pounding so hard with him standing right next to me? Why did I want to smack him across the face, but also pull him into a sweet kiss?   
  
I took a moment to myself. Oikawa was no longer at my side -- he was replaced with someone the same height as me, who claimed to be an inch taller, with both similar hair and face to mine. We were constantly mistaken for siblings, but not even remotely related. We had been dating once, a kind of relationship that I had originally believed was too perfect to be true. What had given me this idea? What did I think we shared in common again, now that I knew we could be no more similar than cats to fish?   
  
Our interests had been similar. We would often agree on the same thing, sometimes even say the same thing at the same time -- often enough that it made people a little uneasy. We could have been twins, for all others knew, not a couple of people who'd barely met four months before they went on such a huge trip. It was a club trip, his club trip, during the summer break of his middle school third year and my high school first year. We'd attended the same middle school and met through this club, to which I developed a regretful crush on the younger boy.   
  
The trip was a week long visit to Disneyland Tokyo during summer vacation. I had graduated just after we finished the planning, so those graduated third years like myself were invited back for the trip, since it was mostly us who did the work to execute it in the first place. This is when I spent too much time with this boy, this boy whom I had chosen to crush on. We spent the entire week together, nearly with no one else. We hadn't even done much. We sat around most of the time. If I were to sit back and rewatch what happened, it would be the most boring thing to ever cross my eyes. It was so stupid -- and even more horribly, ending in me having a boyfriend for the first time.   
  
The relationship didn't last very long, to say the least. By September it was over, all because I stopped talking to him. I still haven't talked to him; I don't even remember the last thing I said to him. Why did I stop? Well, there was one reason, really. That reason was I was an extremely bad actor.   
  
What I didn't realize until later, was that on that club trip, I manipulated my own personality to something I believed would fit his liking more. I would say remarks I would normally never ever say, no matter the situation. I always agreed with what he said, humbling myself to the point of crumbling. I turned myself not into a point of interest, but his toy puppet. In translation, I was desperate.   
  
I confessed to him like a coward: through a text message. I had repeated the message in my head over and over again, what I had sent, believing it to be a beautiful moment once he accepted my confession. But I found out later, it was not in love, in like, or in interest. His acceptance was in pity. Thinking now of yesterday's incidents, with my obsurd kiss to Kageyama, I realized it was a poor choice. I, of all people, should know that pity is the worst kind of love to have given to you.   
  
My act did not hold up. The boy wanted me to do things I certainly wasn't comfortable with. But my mindset had told me two things. One, "These things have crossed my mind, I've read about them, what makes it so bad in real life?" Two, "This is for him. It's not for me." So I would lie and say I was okay with it, okay with being touched absolutely wrong. Which, I most certainly wasn't. I didn't even want to think about it again; the situation disgusted me too much. It wasn't until it got too far that my act couldn't hold up any longer. But instead of explaining this all to him, I only spoke about parts, being too cowardish to say anything. This was the final of many mistakes.   
  
I hate that I had left so abrubtly. I confessed maybe half of this, then disappeared. I was so disgusted with myself that I didn't even want to talk to him again. I didn't want anything to remind me of him, I didn't want anyone to bring him up again, I didn't want anyone to even get close to me again. And for months, that's what happened.   
  
Then my second year of high school rolled around, where I got roped into the boys' volleyball club. I'd been somehow thrown into this strange, twisted love triangle that didn't seem to have any positive outcome. Someone will always hurt, no matter what I pick. I hated it. I didn't want to hurt anyone else through this stupid drama of relationships, but with how this was going, multiple people would be. And it's my fault.   
  
Yet, now, beside me stood my second greatest mistake, repeating the same process over again after it failed the first time. By Albert Einstein's definition, I am what is known as "insane."   
  
What made them so similar, you ask? Oikawa teased me about being short and he flirted with me all that day we first met. Oikawa liked playing with my hair, not to mention was clingy as could be. His jokes were cruel and he was clearly the type who took too many selfies. All of these things I hated. I hated them with a firey, burning passion that I cannot express properly into words. Most of the reason for this hate was because of that detestful past I'd generated for myself.   
  
Yet why did I feel something different? I knew, despite recognizing the feeling of a building crush, there was something different about the feeling for Oikawa. Even compared to how I feel for Sugawara, it doesn't line up the same. I didn't quite understand, but I didn't believe I ever would, either. I of course, had figured out the feeling. Yes, it was Sugawara who had taught me what this feeling truly was, even if he hadn't even meant to. But I was not going to proudly admit any sort of theory after the second week of talking to someone.   
  
I did not feel some romantic desire towards Oikawa on a constant basis. No, that was something I had felt towards Sugawara. I did not feel anything passed that, either: I never felt anything like _that_ towards anyone. The feeling I felt towards Oikawa was one that resembled trust. I knew that. I didn't want to admit it -- I hated thinking about it -- but it was true. The feeling I felt towards Oikawa was something of wanting to   
be near him, just like I was now, at his side. Not even to kiss him, though that wasn't disregarded, but just to stand here, at his side, having some ungodly need to smile. It was much different than anything else I had felt before.   
  
I wasn't quite sure if my theory was right, whether or not I could call this "love." But it was too soon to call, so I kept my mouth shut. It didn't really matter what I felt now: what mattered was if I felt this a month or so down the line. Truly, I don't believe that I have ever felt what is known as "love."   
  
"Yoru- _chan_ ," squeaked the brunet at my side, a fiercely bored expression conjuring the pout that pulled down his lips. My unnecessarily deep thoughts had thankfully been shut down, but their replacement was, annoyingly, only their source. "I was still wondering... is it true that you hate the stars?"   
  
_Star._ I cringed. "Yes," I answered bluntly. "Extremely so."   
  
"You've got to tell me why, Yoru- _chan_. It's so strange for someone to hate something so beautiful! Tell me, do you hate your own face, too?" Oikawa asked.   
  
I furrowed my eyebrows, forcing myself to make a slight eye contact. "No. What the hell does that have to do with anything?"   
  
He grinned. "Well, if you hate the stars I find so beautiful, I only guessed you would hate the face that I find just as beautiful."   
  
I blinked, feeling my heart also stop in comprehension for what he had just said to me. I wasn't sure how to take it. I mean, he just complimented me, right? It sounded like a compliment. Though he did compare me to stars. Yet -- how is he supposed to know why I don't like the stars anymore? I shuffled myself away, staring at the concrete beneath my feet instead of him. "Sh... shut up," I mumbled.   
  
But this reaction only caused him to wrap his arm around my neck with a laugh, leaning his head against my own. I hated how much taller he was than me.   
  
"Aw, Yoru- _chan_ , you're as adorable as ever!" Oikawa exclaimed. With his sudden outbreak, I almost hadn't even noticed his hand trying to slip off my scarf. That sneaky fucking bastard.   
  
I pulled his hand away and tightened the scarf around my neck, to Oikawa's immediate disappointment. "I didn't think you'd notice that," he whined. "I even tried to distract you with my head leaning on you!"   
  
"Too bad," I snapped.   
  
"Yoru- _chan_ , why are you so very bitter today? It's really concerning me. Did I do something wrong?"   
  
"Try to pull off my scarf again and you will have done something wrong."   
  
"Why are you even wearing a scarf in the first place? It's the hottest today that it's been all summer."   
  
"None of your business."   
  
"It _is_ very much my business. You're being really suspicious today, Yoru- _chan_ , and I don't appreciate it. What's going on? Did something happen yesterday that--?" Suddenly, he cut himself off, looking as though he realized something. "You said Chibi- _chan_ , Hina- _chan_ , you said he broke his jaw yesterday. You said you'd tell me about it. What happened?"   
  
What a horrible piece of information for him to remember. "Doesn't matter," I said.   
  
"What? He broke his jaw, didn't he? Why doesn't that matter?"   
  
"He's not your friend, so it doesn't matter."   
  
"Hey," Oikawa snapped, his playful tone disappearing fully. "Stop it already. What's the point in holding something back? I'm not going to make fun of you or tell anyone about something you tell me, if that's your main concern. Just vent what you need to vent."   
  
"No," I replied, speaking truthfully this time. "I don't need someone else close to me if I'm just going to bring them down."   
  
"Who said you would bring me down? You're fine, Yoru- _chan_. Just tell me. I'd rather you rant than yell at me for a reason I don't understand."   
  
I didn't respond. "Yoru- _chan_ ," Oikawa begged. I still didn't reply. "Yoru- _chaaan._ " Nothing. "Yoru- _chan_!" The wind was the only other speaker. Impatiently, he tugged at my arm and forced me to stop walking. I glared at him, my eyes meeting his desperate brown ones. "Please?"   
  
It was like saying no to a puppy. Also known as something I was unable to do. I cursed myself under my breath. "Fine," I mumbled, to his enjoyment, "but you better swear that you seriously won't say this to anyone else."   
  
"Your faith can be held with me, Yoru- _chan_ ," he grinned, hand held over his heart in an attempt at looking trustworthy. I merely stuck my tongue out. "Rude!" Oikawa complained.   
  
With a smirk, I continued walking forward. The smirk faded as a twisted feeling of regret twinged in my chest. I really _didn't_ want to tell him... but at the same time _did_ want to yell about this all at once. A vague sigh slipped passed my lips. "Well, fine, if you care so much... what do care about me explaining first?" _That sentence is stupid,_ I thought immediately after I had said it, cursing silently to myself. I hated being so goddamn nervous. I can't talk without freaking out all the time.   
  
Oikawa tugged at the scarf on my neck, to which I slapped his hand away. Pouting, he said, "At the very least, I want to know why you're wearing this."   
  
Of course you do. Great. Kill me now.   
  
"... then I would have to explain what happened to Hinata- _san_ ," I mumbled. He raised an eyebrow, probably not knowing the relation, but I hesitantly continued this horrible, horrible story. "So... we got back from Tokyo yesterday, right? Well... actually, jump back a bit. Saturday night when we were talking until, what, two A.M.? I found out after you hung up that Kageyama- _san_ heard most of it, apparently. We got into a fight --"   
  
"About what?" cut in Oikawa instantly.   
  
"I don't really remember -- something about how much he didn't like you. I thought he was being jealous or something, so I asked him about it, but he just got more mad at me." Oikawa forced a laugh. "What?" I asked.   
  
"You don't just _ask_ someone if they're jealous. That's probably one of the dumbest things I've heard of."   
  
"Shut up, it was two A.M.!" I frowned, irked. "Anyway... so then I found out that the next morning he woke up crying. Later that day he wanted to do something to make up for the fight we'd had, so I agreed to it. That was probably a really bad mistake, because all we did was fight again. It..." I stopped myself, reworded the explanation, and continued. "It got so bad that Hinata- _san_ ran in and took a punch for me... that ended up breaking his jaw."   
  
Oikawa's eyes widened a bit, clearly shocked. I added, "Kageyama- _san_ ran off soon after that..."   
  
He stared, blankly, yet clearly shocked. Suddenly, Oikawa's footing stopped; I hesitantly brought myself to a halt. "... Yoru- _chan_ ," he heaved, as if he was trying to speak through dry sand. I worried that Kageyama having attempted to punch me and break my jaw had infuriated him. "Your scarf has no relation to that story at all," he finished.   
  
"It does," I said.   
  
"Have you not gotten to it yet?" he asked, impatient.   
  
"I skipped it."   
  
"Tell me."   
  
"You're already too mad."   
  
" _Tell me now,_ " Oikawa snapped. His once shocked eyes held a rage I could only compare to Kageyama's fury, he facing the ground, but glaring his eyes to me. I froze. I faced him fully, weakly, seeing a dark expression painting Oikawa's entire face. He went straight for the scarf on my neck.   
  
"Oikawa- _san_ , no!" I retorted, pushing his hand away immediately. I tugged the scarf tighter around my neck. "Please, it's not that big of a deal--"   
  
"Then why are you hiding it from me?" he growled. "What did Tobio- _chan_ do to you, Yoru- _chan_? I swear -- if he did anything to hurt you, he won't like the result of it."   
  
"No! He didn't hurt me!" I explained. "If anything, I was the one who hurt him. Kageyama- _san_ didn't do anything wrong! It's my fault, Oikawa, my fault!"   
  
"You know, I really don't want to believe that after what you told me was 'your fault' the other day."   
  
"Please! Don't try to blame Kageyama- _san_! He didn't do anything wrong! It's my fault, really! I could have... I could have done something different that changed what happened, and we wouldn't have fought!"   
  
_"Yoru-_ chan _!"_   
  
His outburst silenced me. I shrunk back in fear, not wanting to provoke him any further. Oikawa faced me wholly, his usually bright brown eyes burning with pain. "Please... stop avoiding telling me. I can't help you if you don't tell me everything that happened! I don't understand what you're upset about, I don't understand why you're yelling!" He paused, taking a breath that stuttered: stuttered unlike his eyes, which remained locked on mine without changing their direction at all. "Please... just... just tell me what happened between you and Tobio- _chan_. That's all I want to know. I don't care if you tell me that you fucked him. I really don't. I just want to help you _now_ that it's all said and done."   
  
"I... I didn't fuck him..." I squeaked, mildly concerned with the assumption. I bit my lip. Did Oikawa think of me how Kageyama did? Did... he think I was a whore, too?   
  
"Fine, then," he replied. "But tell me the full story of what happened." I didn't say anything. I no longer looked at him; I had found interest in the silent ground, feeling more than the word "guilty" could cover. "Yoru- _chan_ , please..." He sighed. "Do you need to be somewhere private again?"   
  
I shook my head.   
  
"Then go ahead, tell me." Oikawa took a slight step forward to me. I pursed my lips, debating to myself in silence. I let what I thought was the wind through my hair, finding my assumption wrong after I felt fingertips gingerly rubbing my scalp. I tensed, taking a few safe steps back. Oikawa seemed slightly disappointed, his hand still held where my head once was.   
  
"I..." I regretfully tugged at my scarf. "...I might as well show you this, then." I said this, but did nothing else. A gulp fell back in my throat; a soft hand pressed against mine, gripping the fabric around my neck. The hand lead up to a smile, a sweet smile, with matching brown eyes.   
  
"I'll   
help you with that," Oikawa grinned, slipping my hand away from my neck and prying off the thin scarf. I couldn't see it, but I could imagine the same purple-blue, blood-outlined mess of a bruise pulsing against my skin as was this morning in the mirror. A foul reminder of my dumbass mistake. I didn't meet my gaze with Oikawa's, fearing that he would be upset with me.   
  
His fingers brushed against the hickey's surface. Twitching, I retaliated, knocking his hand away with a bewildered look. He seemed unfazed, somehow, the smile not moving from before. Yet, rather than being sweet, Oikawa's same smile seemed bitter.   
  
"You know, I had a feeling," he spoke, "once you mentioned Tobio- _chan_ , that this is what you were hiding."   
  
I confessed what had actually happened. I explained the poor choices I made, from the date acceptance to the sickening kiss. It felt horrible to repeat it, worse to know that I had caused it. It was just awful. "I'm sorry," I mumbled. "I'm sorry I brought you into this mess. I should have tried to solve it myself."   
  
"No, no, Yoru- _chan_ , don't think that! You're perfectly fine to bring me into this. I wanted you to." He spoke calmly, yet with a hint of positivity to his voice, as if he were trying to cheer me up. "In all honesty, as much as I hate to say it... you should save that apology for Tobio- _chan_." Oikawa seemed to cringe at his own words. "That is... if you do want to say what's probably right, anyway. If you're like me and don't care about Tobio- _chan_ , then don't say anything to him!"   
  
"So if I want to be a decent human being, apologize, but if I want to be an asshole, I should ignore him. Got it."   
  
"Hey!"   
  
"Oh, come on, you set yourself up for that. You can't complain."   
  
Oikawa tried to pout, but somehow couldn't. I raised an eyebrow. "It's good to see you happy again," he noted.   
  
"But wasn't I still teasing you like this earlier?"   
  
"You were much more harsh earlier, believe me. It was in your voice." I rolled my eyes. "Hey, don't be rude!" scolded Oikawa. But I only smirked again. He sighed, standing up straight, defeated. "Why don't we go do something that doesn't result in arguing now?"   
  
"Can I have my scarf back first?"   
  
"Mm, no!" He stuck his tongue out, tugging down his lower eyelid with his finger. I stared, unimpressed. "I'll pretend that's my doing, so that way no one else tries to mess with you."   
  
"No," I replied bluntly.   
  
"Too late, already in action."   
  
I dove for the scarf he had in his hand, only for Oikawa to throw his arm in the air. The scarf was held, tightly folded in his palm, hovering several stories above, out of reach for anyone my height except maybe Hinata, who, disappointingly, wasn't here. If only I had the jumping ability he did, if only! But as I leaped, Oikawa stood up on the tips of his toes, my arm still a good twenty centimeters out of reach from the scarf. He merely laughed.   
  
"Don't worry about the scarf or what's on your neck," he said. "I just don't want you to overheat in this weather, okay? It's not like there's that many people around, anyway, so it'll be fine."   
  
I glared at him wearily, sighing as I shrugged my shoulders. "Fine, then," I mumbled. With the final statement, I began walking forward and away from Oikawa once again. Probably acting concerned, he immediately caught up with me.   
  
"Yoru- _chan_ , it's annoying when you walk away from me like that." I didn't answer him; I ignored him. Oikawa didn't seem impressed, continuing bitterly, "Now you're just going to ignore me? Yoru- _chaaan_..."   
  
"Quit whining," I mumbled under my breath, but it was apparently loud enough for him to hear.   
  
"Hm? Quit whining? Maybe if you stop being so mean to me, I will. Also, you still speak too harshly! I am still your _senpai_ , Yoru- _chan_!" I stuck my tongue out, staring at him blankly. "Like that! You better put that tongue back in your mouth before I put it back in for you!"   
  
Not wanting to know what kind of stupid plan he had for that, I just turned away and shut my mouth. I had no reason to believe he didn't literally mean that.   
  
It all became silent. I'd never been in such an awkward silence with Oikawa before. Probably because it made me panic, I couldn't think of anything to talk about, either. I nearly heaved out all the breath I'd been choking down when Oikawa finally spoke again -- honestly, I never thought I'd be relieved to hear _his_ voice, of all people.   
  
"So, what do you wanna do, Yoru- _chan_?" he chimed. "That movie I mentioned is still an option."   
  
"No," I snapped. "I told you I don't like space."   
  
"Oh! That reminds me. Haha, I asked it earlier, but then completely forgot!" _Oh please no,_ I begged in my mind. "Why is it that you don't like the stars?"   
  
"Why do _you_ ask so many questions?" I blurted bluntly.   
  
"It's a _date,_ Yoru- _chan_ , we're _supposed_ to communicate."   
  
"This is not a fucking date."   
  
"Don't avoid my question," he sang, poking his finger into my cheek. I smacked his hand away lightly, but Oikawa still seemed to mutter an "ow!" under his breath. Why was I putting up with him again?   
  
I didn't answer for a while. My eyes were locked on where I was walking forward; I debated whether or not I should tell him. However, knowing how persistent and stubborn this stupid kid was, I knew there wasn't a way around the situation.   
  
"It's about my ex again," I mumbled. I hated using that word. "Ex." "Ex-boyfriend." It felt sour as it rolled off my tongue, no matter who I was talking to or what I was talking about. Even take off the "ex-" part. Just "boyfriend" felt like a thick layer of sour candies were lining my throat.   
  
"How did he make you hate the stars?" Oikawa asked. He didn't sound confused or insulting: merely curious. Why did that bug me?   
  
"... his name." I answered. "His name... his name was Hoshi." And a _hoshi_ was the little white light that twinkled in the night. The night, the _yoru_. "I thought it was kinda funny at first, like we were supposed to be, since stars are in the night sky and everything... ugh, that feels so disgusting to say now."   
  
"Then don't say it," he smiled. "There's no need to if it's a lie of the past."   
  
I blinked, my attention flicking over to him at my left. "...whatever," I mumbled, trying to disregard his statement. He was right, but I didn't want to admit it. I didn't like when he was right about anything. Why did he have to be right about it?   
  
Oikawa paused, thinking silently to himself. I raised an eyebrow. "Hm, hm... 'reaching the river' and 'to go through'... my name doesn't really fit with 'anger' or 'night'!"   
  
"What are you going on about?" I asked, baffled at his sudden outburst of stupidity. Not that it should have been baffling: he was stupid on a daily basis.   
  
"Our names, of course. 'Oikawa Tooru' and 'Ikari Yoru!' You mentioned the thing about the stars in the sky, but my name doesn't really have any relation to yours at all."   
  
"Good," I mumbled, "I'd rather it not. Don't want to make that same mistake twice."   
  
He pouted. With a short break in the conversation, he switched the topic. "Hey, doesn't Karasuno have practice today?"   
  
"Yeah, why?"   
  
"So I know how much time I have left with you, of course!" Oikawa's grin was wide and cheery; my evident grimace was far from that.   
  
"It's at three this afternoon," I muttered.   
  
"That gives us... on-only an hour and a half left?" Oikawa had just now pulled his phone from his pocket, checking the time. "What? That can't be right, I got here at twelve-thirty! How has it already been an hour?"   
  
I shrugged. "Time flies when you're having fun," I explained sarcastically. With a glare, I added, "Also... I'm going to need that scarf by then."   
  
Oikawa blinked at first, his smile morphing into a smirk. I didn't like the looks of this situation. "Actually, I think I have a better idea, Yoru- _chan_."   
  
"Whatever it is, no."   
  
"You haven't even heard it yet!"   
  
"I don't need to."   
  
"Can I follow you to prac--"   
  
"Absolutely not."   
  
"Yoru- _chan,_ why not?" he whined.   
  
I narrowed my gaze. "Several reasons. One, you're being annoyingly clingy and I want some space. Two, I'm not an idiot. You're going to try and use me as a way to get in an survey our improvements before the Spring Tournament prelims. And three, literally no one likes you."   
  
"Th-that's harsh, Yoru- _chan_!" he replied immediately. But the childish pout was soon wiped away, his eyes averting behind him as we kept walking. "... but, I suppose, you weren't all that wrong."   
  
I blinked. What? He was agreeing with me?   
  
"I'm sorry, I was trying to get information about Karasuno before the match. That... was maybe a little bit of the reason why I wanted to meet up with you today. But, just a little bit, I swear! I'm sorry, this is a pathetic apology."   
  
It wasn't Oikawa standing next to me.   
  
I didn't see him when I looked at him.   
  
_"Truly, I only asked you out after you confessed to me crying. It just made me feel so guilty... I didn't want to make you more upset. But, I fell for you after that, really!"_   
  
I sprinted.   
  
"Y- _Yoru-_ chan _!_ "   
  
I wouldn't let him catch up to me this time. I didn't want to see him again. I cursed myself. Why was I getting so worked up? Why did I overreact? Even how I felt was such an overreaction. My heart was beating in pain as my eyes swelled with water. Why? Why did I care whether or not his main concern was _me_? Of course it wasn't. It was volleyball. I didn't care. He wasn't my main priority, I wasn't his. What was Suga thinking when he said I loved Oikawa? Suga's insane. Oikawa's a dick. He's just your cliche player who doesn't care about anything other than himself. Maybe Kageyama was right.   
  
A great choice fell before me. I, once again, picked the worst option of them all.   
  
I had three choices. One: keep running straight. The positives were I could see everything clearly and knew there were no surprise obstacles. The negatives were I couldn't keep up my stamina for that long.   
Two: turn down this street coming up on my right. Pros consisted of hiding from Oikawa and never having to see him again today. It'd be repeating the same thing over again, ignoring him and never to speak again. But what did it matter? They acted the same, anyway. The cons of this choice were I could run straight into an obstacle and lose all the pros. The third choice wasn't even an option I considered, and that was to give up and fall back to him. Please. I'm not pathetic.   
  
I took my chances and sprinted to the right. Luckily, just close enough where I could run out of sight before he met the corner as well, was an alleyway of a shortcut. Shortcut to where? No idea. "Away from Oikawa" was my only thought right now.   
  
Diving around to the backside of the building, I fell to a complete halt, heaving breath in and out like a dying cheetah. "Yoru- _chan_!" I could hear him shouting from the street. "Yoru- _chan_ , please, come back! I'm sorry!" He sounded miserable, but I wasn't going back to him. Not in a million years. And no, that "million years" is not five minutes from now; don't expect cliche like that.   
  
"Y... Yoru- _san_ , please! I don't know where you are, but, please... will you let me explain...?" But his voice grew quieter and quieter, fainter and fainter. I wasn't going back. In fact, I walked away. I kept my pace behind the buildings, continuing farther and farther. I turned at the end of the street, returning back to Karasuno from where we came from. I'd probably be back too early for practice, but I didn't care. I wanted to be away from his voice. Away from him.   
  
How much time had passed? I had no idea. All I know was, after what seemed a very short millenia, I found myself on the Karasuno campus again, but there was someone there I didn't recognize. My feet remained dragging on the surface of the sidewalk despite my bewilderment as I stared at the individual before me.   
  
The black hair resembled unkepmt feathers. Shock was somehow ingrained into the caramel eyes that were reflectedly locked onto mine. A thin jacket sat over a junky old blue t-shirt, poorly paired with athetic pants with a bold green stripe. Taller, for sure; bulkier, probably male. But I still didn't know him.   
  
Yet, he asked me, as if he recognized me, "Why are you crying?"   
  
My hand brushed my cheek: sure enough, it was thickly coated with salty, sticky tears. Sticky, I say, but I should say _sickly._ Why _was_ I crying? That was a good question for him to ask.   
  
"I... I don't know," I stuttered.   
  
"You... you don't know?" The black haired boy raised an eyebrow. "Um... is there something I can help you with?"   
  
I blinked. What an awkward sentence choice. "N... no," I replied. "No, I don't need anymore help. I'll be fine... I just... need to be by myself."   
  
"U-uh... y-you sure?"   
  
"Yes. Please leave me alone." And without another word, I made my way back to the volleyball gym.   
  
Or, that's what I'd like to say, anyway. I didn't get halfway to the gym before I heard the agonizing voice again. I dived and hid nearby. I hoped that other boy hadn't seen me hide.   
  
"IWA- _CHAN_!" Oikawa's voice cried.   
  
That name seemed familiar. But why was he calling it now? Realization sparked like a lightning bolt in me: he couldn't be... talking to that other boy, could he?   
  
"Iwa- _chan_ , I've fucked up," Oikawa cried. "I really fucked up."   
  
"You're telling me, she just ran passed here crying her fucking eyes out," answered the voice of the other boy. Yes... he _was_ talking to him. I clicked my tongue, violently rubbing tears off of my cheeks. "What the hell did you do?"   
  
"I didn't mean to! I'm such a fucking piece of shit..." Oikawa heaved a stuttered breath. "I... told her that part of why I joined her today was to watch Karasuno's practice..." There was a distinct punch of some kind, but I didn't hear any whine following after it.   
  
"You dumb fuck, you don't _tell_ someone that! Goddammit, for someone who has girls on them left and right, you're really not good with relationships!" He heaved a sigh. "Look, she obviously cares about you a hell of a lot, since you made her fucking _cry_ by saying that--"   
  
"I-Iwa- _chan_... I don't think so."   
  
"What? Are you an idiot?"   
  
"No, I really don't think so." Oikawa's voice was dying. "I really don't think she cares about me at all."   
  
" _I_ really _do_ think you're a dumbass."   
  
" _Listen_ to me!" snapped Oikawa. "She's been cold to me all day, worse than you and worse than usual. When we met, she... she said I reminded her of her ex-boyfriend. She doesn't trust to tell me something's wrong until I force her to. Just today, earlier, she said I was annoying. She said 'literally no one' cares about me. I... I'm certain she hates me, Iwa- _chan_."   
  
I don't like him. He was right. He annoyed me more than anyone. He was clingy and disgusting. I don't like him. Not at all. I repeated this, almost like I was forcing myself to be convinced of it. Why did it hurt? Why did that cause me to cry even more, even harder than before?   
  
"Then why the hell did she go out with you today?" asked "Iwa- _chan_."   
  
Good question. "She probably just didn't want to make me feel stupid for asking or something," Oikawa answered for me. "Believe me, she's interested in someone else, I asked her about it --"   
  
"If that were the case then why would she have run off crying from you saying something like 'I want to sneak into Karasuno's practice'?" he asked again, ignoring the second half of Oikawa's statement.   
  
Another good question. "I... I don't know... wouldn't anyone be annoyed by that? Being used? I would be bothered if you did that..." I couldn't have said any better answer, so I'd take that for now.   
  
"Kusoikawa, you dumbass," muttered "Iwa- _chan_." "She _does_ like you. No one makes an effort to go out with someone they absolutely hate, no matter how much of a secretly-grudging type of person they are!"   
  
"Iwa- _chan_ , you don't get it, you weren't there --"   
  
" _I do_ get it! Just because you're being dense doesn't mean _I_ _don't get it!_ " Suddenly, rough footsteps made their way in my general direction. I stiffened, freezing my neck up to attention. The fluffy-haired boy, "Iwa- _chan_ ," met my eyes again, and he didn't look as concerned as before. He, instead, looked unimpressed. "You can join us out here, now, I'm sure you've heard everything anyway."   
  
"I... Iwa- _chan_ , who...?"   
  
But Oikawa didn't finish before I stood up. My heart sank into my shoes once I met his gaze: his eyes were puffy and red, dried with tears that shone across the surface of his face. He looked about as shocked as I felt, scanning my face all the same as I was his. "...Y... Yoru- _san_ ," he breathed. "You... you heard all of that?"   
  
Breaking eye contact, I nodded, biting my lip to hold back emotions in my throat.   
  
"You two really need to talk this out rather than just spouting in opposite directions," sighed "Iwa- _chan_." I really wish I knew his actual name. "I'm not gonna play messenger, either."   
  
"I... Iwa- _chan_ , why did you even show up today...?" mumbled Oikawa. He still stood a good distance from us, probably a couple meters or so.   
  
"You're an idiot, that's why," he answered bluntly. Oikawa stiffened in defeat. "You told me you were going out with her today, but I figured you'd say something stupid and cause another mess like you told me about the other day. Not that I figured it'd be _this_ bad, but still." The black-haired boy made his way over to the opposing brunet, grabbing him by the arm and led him back to where I was standing. Oikawa's eyes flickered between mine and his friend's, to which his friend clamped his hand onto the back of Oikawa's head, shoving him into a bow. "Now, apologize to her," he ordered.   
  
"I... I'm sorry, Yoru- _san_..." he said.   
  
I twisted with guilt, my gaze flicking to the more assertive of the two. "You... you didn't have to do that... um..." My voice died as I held back calling the boy "Iwa- _chan_ " like Oikawa had.   
  
"Hajime Iwaizumi," he answered.   
  
"And... no... he did need to do that," murmured Oikawa. "I'm a complete fool, Yoru- _san_. I'm so sorry... I bet... I bet you ran away like that because I reminded you of Hoshi- _san_ , didn't I? Telling you that I partially came here to see Karasuno practice... it's kinda like how he said he dated you out of pity."   
  
I stared at him, dumbfounded. "How... how did you know that?"   
  
He tipped up his head to face me, shrugging. "It was a lucky guess." Oikawa stood himself back upright, sheepishly avoiding eye contact. "I did ask you to hang out today because I wanted to be with you. I mean nothing but the truth when I say that. Seijoh doesn't have practice today, so I thought that I'd be able to hang out with you all day! But then I remembered Karasuno would still have a practice you'd have to attend... and so I thought, 'Well, I could try and watch what they learned in Tokyo.' I didn't want it to be a priority, but I couldn't stop thinking about it. I'm... I'm sorry, really. It was wrong of me to say and even consider."   
  
I didn't move my gaze. I just stared. "Y... Yoru- _san_ ," he continued, "you're... still mad at me, aren't you?"   
  
"Of course I'm mad," I breathed. He jolted. "There's no reason for me not to be." Oikawa seemed to slink back in a bit of shame. "But," I added, to his intrigue, "I... I'll forgive you." My voice had cracked. Embarassing. "Okay? So don't keep blaming yourself. I'm still mad... but I'll forgive you, this time."   
  
"Yoru... Yoru- _san_ , you're too nice..." mumbled Oikawa. I thought a grin tugged at the corner of his lips, almost as if he was fighting it.   
  
"Damn right she is," commented Iwaizumi. "You can punch him in the face if you want, he clearly needs it."   
  
"D-don't offer that like I'm your pet dog!"   
  
But Iwaizumi just shrugged. I couldn't help but stifle out a bit of a laugh. "I'm not going to do that..." I stammerd. "There's no way I could do something like that."   
  
"I could do   
it for you," offered Iwaizumi. Oikawa flinched.   
  
"No, don't do that!" I blurted. "No one's going to punch anyone." Oikawa seemed to relax, but Iwaizumi merely shrugged.   
  
"Whatever. Well, if the two of you have made up, I think it's time Oikawa and I head back to Sendai. Pretty sure Karasuno'll be practicing here any minute, right? Don't want to bug them. Well... _I_ don't want to." Iwaizumi shot a glare to his friend, who merely held up his hands in surrender, as if he were trying to say, "I apologized already!" He sighed. "So anyway, we'll be heading out. See you around sometime, I assume."   
  
"Assume?" I questioned quietly.   
  
"I mean, if Kusoikawa's going to keep hanging out with you, it's bound to happen again at some point. Plus, there is the Spring Tournament prelims in October."   
  
"Stop calling me 'Shitty-Oikawa,' will you!" whined Oikawa.   
  
"Unkoikawa."   
  
"That's no better!"   
  
"Take your pick."   
  
"Nng, then Unkoikawa!"   
  
Iwaizumi had a bit of a smirk on his face. With a glance back to me, he said, "I'll take care of this asshole in the meantime, alright? See you again."   
  
"Iwa- _chan_ ," pouted Oikawa one last time. With a quick huff of irked breath, the brunet glanced to me, grinning once again. "I'll see you again sometime soon?" he asked.   
  
"Maybe," I teased.   
  
"M-maybe? That's not very reassuring, Yoru- _chan_!"   
  
"Hurry up, Kusoikawa! Or I'm going to leave you behind!" Iwaizumi had already walked out passed the school's front gates.   
  
Oikawa ground his jaw together as he turned around, shouting, "I swear, the two of you will be the death of me!"   
  
"Probably!"   
  
"Iwa- _chan_!"   
  
I couldn't help but laugh, at least just a little bit. As he was walking away, Oikawa turned back to me, winked, and waved cheerfully. "Bye-bye, see you later!"   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I remember when I wrote this in 2016, it was my favorite thing I had ever written. This chapter, that is. I don't know what I really think about it now, to be honest. I think I was really just proud of the whole "greatest worst choice" phrase, haha.


	8. A Semi-Final To Remember

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final match between Seijoh and Karasuno is finally upon us.

  
"Hinata- _san_ , are you okay?"   
  
The hyperactive orange haired first year nodded repeatedly. "Yep, totally fine! I'm not supposed to use my jaw all that much today, so I've been eating a lot of soft foods like rice and juice, but other than that I'm totally fine!" He had walked into practice today with a small bag of ice on the left side of his face, the side where he had been punched. A nice, dark purple stain covered his whole cheek, right up to his ear. Yet the boy still smiled like nothing was wrong.   
  
I figeted with my hands. "You sure, really?"   
  
"Don't worry about it, Yoru- _senpai_ , it's really okay!" Hinata held up a thumbs-up with his free hand. "But actually... do you think I could talk to you for a minute, before practice?"   
  
I blinked. "Um... sure." But as I said that, Daichi called out Hinata to come talk to him. He quickly ran to the captain, and I figure he'd come back as soon as he was done. I spun away from the breezy door, making my way over to Kiyoko.   
  
Something snatched my shoulder. With a mild shriek, I threw it off and found myself facing the door again. The _something_ happened to be a hand, and connected to that hand was a five-foot-eleven boy, sporting sleek black hair and washed out blue eyes. I took a step back, regret replacing the blood in my veins. He seemed slightly broken-hearted at the reaction.   
  
"...where's Hinata?" he asked.   
  
"...Daichi called him over. He's... there," I raised my hand slowly, pointing to the wild orange hair across the gym.   
  
"...nm," he mumbled. Kageyama hesitated, took a step that way, stopped, and remained that way, silent. I took another step back, beginning my own dismissal if he wasn't going to go anywhere. I choked down my own words.   
  
"H- _hey!_ " Kageyama spouted suddenly. I glanced dubiously back, not facing him at all. "Hey, um... I..." His voice faltered. "Sorry... about... the other day... and... what I said."   
  
I paused, staring at the floor for a long while. I listened to nothing more than the squeaks of shoes on the floor, volleyballs splatting against the wood surface. I heard Kageyama turn away as I didn't reply, but as he did, I exclaimed, "Don't be sorry."   
  
He froze, turning his head back in confusion. I had returned my attention back to him. "Don't be sorry..." I repeated, "because I should be sorry, not you. You had and have every right to be mad at me. Don't take back what you said just because something bad happened. I'm sorry I misled you, I'm sorry that I kissed you for no reason other than guilt. I very much regret it, and I know I deserved what I got, if I didn't get let off the hook. So please, don't apologize."   
  
"Yoru- _senpai_!"   
  
The conversation was interrupted by a ecstatic orange haired boy sprinting in our direction. "Daichi says I shouldn't practice today, since my jaw is still healing," he explained, seeming rather bummed out. Hinata's eyes locked with the blue ones standing aside from me. I worried a second fight would happen.   
  
"... sorry," mumbled Kageyama, a glare on his face. "But you shouldn't have tried to interfere, anyway."   
  
"What? You're the one who was going to punch a defenseless girl, Kageyama!" whined Hinata. Kageyama was unamused. "Hm? See!"   
  
"Shut up, you dumbass. I'll kill you."   
  
"Like I'd let you do that!"   
  
Kageyama ground his teeth together, but Daichi once again called from the other side of the gym, this time instructing Kageyama to get ready instead of pick another fight with Hinata. He muttered angrily as he walked off, to Hinata's amusement.   
  
"Hinata- _san_?" I asked. His mocha eyes flickered to me. "What is it you wanted to talk about?"   
  
"Oh! Right. I wanted to tell you something about Sunday." He pursed his lips, adding, "Or, what I saw anyway.   
  
"So... when you two walked off during the craziness Nishinoya and Kiyomi- _senpai_ were causing, I saw you. I followed you guys to the gym, but I didn't go inside 'cause I didn't want to upset Kageyama. I thought you guys were gonna practice volleyball together but Kageyama was just jump serving by himself. I just kept watching from the window. But uh... I didn't expect to see what happened... and then sorta heard what Kageyama was shouting. But I jumped in immediately as I saw him ready to punch you.   
  
"Actually, what I mostly wanted to talk about was what you said to me after Kageyama punched me, after you and Suga had that argument. You were like 'You didn't need to protect me! It's my fault!' I really, really just wanted to shout, 'It's not your fault! And I did need to protect you! I'd never forgive myself I just watched Kageyama punch you and didn't do anything!'" He got excited with his hands as he talked, using them to describe the words he was saying, sometimes even the elbow of his arm currently holding the ice pack on his cheek.   
  
I offered a half-hearted smile. "I appreciate that you think that, Hinata- _san_ , but I deserved that punch a lot more than you think."   
  
"Is it because of what you and Suga were arguing about?" he asked curiously.   
  
I winced. "Y... yes."   
  
"Mn, well, I agree with Sugawara. You're not a whore. There's no way you could be like that." It was weird hearing him say "whore," almost like hearing a small, innocent child swear without the knowledge of its darkness. "I know you! And you're not like that! You're really nice to everyone and you're super shy, too. So you can't be a whore at all."   
  
I wasn't sure what his logic with that was, but I just pretended I understood anyway. "Y'know," he continued in a low whisper, "I still remember the kiss you gave me."   
  
I tensed. "I-it was just on the forehead, though!" I squeaked. "I'm... I'm sorry, I really shouldn't have!"   
  
But Hinata just burst out laughing. "It's fine! Don't worry about it, Yoru- _senpai_. I didn't mind it, actually. But just so you know, I don't feel that way about you!"   
  
"I-I don't really either... I just..." I bit my lip, "It's like how it was with Kageyama the other day... I panicked and didn't know how to calm you down..."   
  
"Hm? I was calm!"   
  
"You were crying."   
  
"Geh!" Hinata flinched. "Uh, hey, don't mention that out loud, erm, won't you?" he quickly whispered.   
  
I grinned. "Okay, fine, I won't."   
  
  
  
July passed. So did August and September. It was October now, the day of the Miyagi prefecture Spring Tournament preliminary. Karasuno had made it through two matches thus far: defeating Johzenji, 2-0; and Wakutan, 2-1. That left them in the rankings for the top four schools in all of Miyagi, meaning that right now, we were headed to the semi-final game. Of course, this semi-final game was against none other than Aoba Johsai High School.   
  
I didn't feel as conflicted as I thought I would have been. I wanted to see Karasuno go to the finals more than anything else today. I didn't really care that the other team had Oikawa: I cared about the fact that I had watched the team that I was a part of grow and conquer. Aoba Johsai was just another obstacle before the main goal of nationals. I was confident in everyone... even if they looked as nervous as could be.   
  
All of them were quiet. Obscurely quiet. I could only assume why.   
  
Oikawa had told me of the defeat Karasuno took the last time there was a tournament match against Aoba Johsai. It... sounded brutal. A final score of 33-31, 2-1? That's a sort of pain I don't think I could ever really imagine all that well, but considering a volleyball match typically ends at twenty-five points... It must have been painful to work for all those points and find it amount to nothing.   
  
"Hm? Is it possible Kageyama's jittery before a match, too?" I couldn't help but hear Hinata's teasing voice. My eyes glancing toward the duo, I spotted Hinata holding his hands up in a rather ridiculous attempt at defense. Kageyama seemed unimpressed.   
  
"Yeah," he replied, staring at the floor. "Because Oikawa's strong."   
  
Hinata pursed his lips. "You really don't get along with the Great King, do you? Hm, well I'm scared of him too, y'know. I thought you were going to look forward to facing him again!"   
  
"You can't really pick what you're afraid of," mumbled Kageyama. He paused, glancing back up to the orange haired boy. "...'With six people, the strong are even stronger,'" he added. Hinata just stared, confused. "I heard Iwaizumi- _san_ tell that to Oikawa- _san_ a while ago... I wondered why he said something so obvious. But now I understand what he meant. It's not a matter of adding up the power of the players on the court... it's being able to _multiply_ it. Oikawa- _san_ will draw out _more_ of the spikers' power, no matter what team he's on."   
  
"Hm?" Hinata didn't seemed fazed by this information. "Well, maybe that's true. But..." His eyes met Kageyama's full on, a bright smile pulling across his cheeks.   
  
"Then, Karasuno's the acception, isn't it?"   
  
Kageyama didn't move, and from my distance, I couldn't tell what exactly was going through his head as Hinata said that. It didn't matter for very long, though, since Tanaka spoke out to the team, "Hey, I think it's time we head out!" There wasn't a disagreement. Karasuno gathered up their jackets and kneepads, Kiyoko and I gathering up notes, first aid kits, and water bottles.   
  
Hinata still walked aside Kageyama as the team left the sub arena, a determined expression filling him up fully. "We're going to get our revenge," he boasted, "with our brand new quick set."   
  
Somehow, I felt a kind of stress with my every step. I wasn't playing, I wouldn't even be able to stand on the court during the actual game. Yet I was worried for the final result, worried that even after all this extra practice, that Karasuno would still fall. It didn't seem possible, but at the same time, it truly did. I didn't know anything about how Aoba Johsai played, not even the slightest bit. Considering my situation, that seemed almost pathetic.   
  
A ball bounced to the side of the net shortly after the warm up for both teams had started. Two boys made a beeline   
for it, not seeing the other until their hands met it at the same time. Their heads flicked up, eyes meeting with a spark igniting. Both of them tugged at it immediately, like children siblings fighting over the same toy.   
  
"Well, well," commented the brunet, struggling his words as he furiously tried to rip the volleyball out of the opposing's grip. "If it isn't Tobio- _chan_ , who suffered a crushing defeat at my hands last time."   
  
Kageyama dug his nails into the volleyball, his face tense. "This... this time, we're here to win...!"   
  
"We completely trampled you last time, you know!" smirked Oikawa, clearly frustrated. "All that's left is that bastard Ushiwaka!" With a sudden action, his grip flew off the ball, causing Kageyama, who was still pulling with extreme force, to fly back onto the floor. " _You'll be stepping out of our way this time, too, Tobio-_ chan _!_ " Oikawa roared with a childish laughter.   
  
_How... just how old is he?_ I wondered.   
  
Within the time of a blink, the brunet's brown eyes had found mine, having realized I watched the whole situation. He relaxed his stance as he waved to me. "Ya-hoo, Yoru- _chan_! It's good to see you again!" he sang cheerfully. It seemed most of the Aoba Johsai members were rather confused at his comment, all except Iwaizumi. To Oikawa, I merely waved back. He pouted, seeming disappointed. "You don't have to act all shy all of a sudden, geez!"   
  
"C-can't you shut up?" I squeaked. "You're making me look like a fool."   
  
"I think you did that yourself by waving so weakly," he noted.   
  
"You're not helping!"   
  
But Oikawa just flashed a toothy grin. "Oi, Oikawa! Quit talking to Karasuno's manager and get your ass over here!" Iwaizumi ordered. "This isn't the time for small talk, seriously!"   
  
"Okay, fine," he sighed. Turning back to me for a second, he winked. "See you later, Yoru- _chan_. You can cheer for me if you want."   
  
"I'm not going to do that," I laughed.   
  
"Mm, I didn't expect you to. But just know I'm not going to accept defeat today." Oikawa quickly made his way back over to Seijoh's side of the net to continue his warm-up.   
  
Kiyoko found her way over to me after another five minutes had passed. "I think the game will be starting soon," she noted. "You may want to head to the stands in a minute or so."   
  
"Oh, okay, I will. Do you need help with anything else?"   
  
"No, I'm fine, thank you," she smiled.   
  
If it hadn't been for the fact that this was the third time I was wandering up to the stands by myself, I would have probably found the situation to be pretty awkward. I still wasn't a fan, walking out into a crowd of people I didn't know, only to circle around and make my way back to where I had been before. The only difference was now I stood one level above the court with a couple storekeepers from Torono town, as well as Tanaka's older sister.   
  
_Fweeee._   
  
Karasuno and Aoba Johsai's warm-ups had ceased. Daichi and Oikawa met at the center for a brief handshake and a coin flip before heading back to their respective teams. Another whistle blew; they lined up opposing each other on the court. " _Let's have a good game!_ " both teams shouted in unison; another whistle sounded. Each team had separated back to their coaches, for what I assumed was a short pep talk, until they finally lined up onto the court. It seemed that Karasuno was receiving first, since the ball was put immediately into Oikawa's hands.   
  
_Fweeee._ The whistle blew again. It was mere seconds before Oikawa tossed the ball into the air, leaped, and slammed it across the net with more force and speed than I could comprehend. If I had blinked, I was sure I would have missed it.   
  
The ball flung itself towards the middle back of the court on Karasuno's side. Daichi dove for it immediately, the ball shooting back up and hovering over the net. Each side was yelling back and forth: "Chance ball!", "Kindaichi!", "Front! Front!", "He's gonna knock it down!" Sure enough, a boy with hair sharpened like a pencil, marked number 12, leaped up on Seijoh's side, returning the ball down to Karasuno; Hinata had tried to block it, but failed.   
  
Instead, Kageyama fell under it, propping his arm out to swing it back up into the air. Instantly after, Nishinoya threw himself from the back half of the court and into the air. The rest of Karasuno gathered around him, all preparing to jump: a syncronized attack. Seijoh, unaware of where the ball was going to be set to, had no blocks set up. From the back row emerged Asahi, to which the ball met him, and he spiked it over the net. No one recieved it.   
  
_Fweeee!_   
  
Karasuno had gotten the first point of the game.   
  
There was a rotation on the crows' side. The serve fell to Kageyama, easily one of the best servers on our team. As much as I wanted to, I held back the urge to shout, "Nice serve!" The whistle blew again. Much like Oikawa, Kageyama tossed the ball into the air, soaring up and smacking the ball across the net. It curved to the right corner of the court, where a strawberry blond, labeled with the number 3, on Aoba Johsai's side made his way to recieve it. However, just as he was about to bump it off of his arms, he threw himself back from it. " _Out!_ " he shouted. And to our luck, there was a red flag thrown up, and the ref threw out his arm pointing towards Seijoh as his whistle blared once more. He displayed his arms out vertically parallel to one another.   
  
Kageyama didn't look very happy. I thought I heard Daichi shout something like "Don't mind!" but it was hard to hear in the loud storm of a sports event.   
  
Seijoh had the next rotation. Iwaizumi was the current server, and with another heavy jump serve, the volleyball curved from one corner of the court into the other. Asahi barely managed to recieve it, and when he did, it flung back over onto the opposing side, hovering just above the net. Both Seijoh's number 13 and Kageyama leaped for it; Kageyama managed to bring his fingers under it and toss it to Tanaka on his left. The spiker nailed it to the opposing side of the court. "Nice kill, Tanaka!" shouted one of Karasuno's members.   
  
" _Hell yeah!_ " roared Tanaka, bursting with his confident excitement.   
  
"Thank you!" blurted Asahi.   
  
But Hinata seemed frustrated. He stood, slumped, opposite to where the action had just happened. His feet seemed shaky, as if they were ready to leap any second now.   
  
The match continued on in a fury of concentration from both sides. With the tweet of a whistle once more, the scoreboard now read 6-5, leading Karasuno. It had just switched to Tsukishima's serve now, and since Hinata would be switching to the front row, that meant Nishinoya would be out until Seijoh gained a point. This would put a pretty bad dent in our defense, to say the least.   
  
"Woah, they're fighting in even ground at the start," gaped Takinoue. He and Shimada were fans of the team that showed up to every game I've been to so far. "Though... it's pretty clear that Hinata's dying to hit a quick already."   
  
Saeko, who was Tanaka's older sister, turned her attention to him. "What makes you say that?" she asked.   
  
"In the final set against Seijoh last time they faced them," he explained, "Hinata's perfectly-timed quick set was blocked out, ending the game. It probably left an impression that neither Hinata or Kageyama can shake the memory of."   
  
A whistle blew. Tsukishima served the ball over the net. Recieved by Seijoh, it was sent directly to Oikawa, who made a direct set to Iwaizumi on the right side of the court. He spiked down a straight, avoiding both Kageyama and Hinata blocking his cross. Daichi threw himself to the ball instantly, popping it back up into the air where Kageyama had fallen and run to, ready to set. "Nice recieve, Daichi!" was shouted.   
  
Hinata flew. The ball was in his palm. He threw it down with all his force.   
  
But it flew back at him. A blocker had seen right through him: Seijoh's number 12, the one with pencil hair.   
  
However, to most everyone's shock, including mine, Tsukishima received the ball with his forearm. "Alright! Way to get in there!" shouted Takinoue.   
  
"N-nife wome, Tsukishima!" Tanaka stumbled. Was... was he trying to say "nice one"?   
  
"Chance ball!" Seijoh announced. The ball was falling back into their possession. Oikawa dove for it and threw it back to the center of the court. Things such as "Nice, Oikawa!" and "Cover, cover!" were shouted.   
  
On Karasuno's side, Kageyama suddenly threw back his leg and swiftly kicked Hinata's behind. "You... keep your put you straight head on, dumbass!" he blurted. Was... was he even speaking Japanese? It's like someone threw his sentence into Google Translate first.   
  
"It's yours, Iwaizumi- _san_!" declared Seijoh's libero. The black haired ace jogged up to the right edge of net again, this time hitting a cross, which smacked directly against Hinata's palm as he blocked. "Nice one touch!" another teammate shouted. From behind, the ball fell to Asahi's recieve. Kageyama put himself in place. And Hinata flew once more.   
  
The ball was set directly before him. A wall, that number 12, formed before him. But this time, instead of hitting a straight, Hinata curved his hand and threw down the ball in a cross. Seijoh's libero tried to recieve it, throwing his arm out, but it just bounced off and landed out of bounds.   
  
_Fweeee._   
  
The score was now 7-5, Karasuno.   
  
  
  
It was Oikawa's serve again. The match had already been going on for a good fourty-five minutes. The first set hadn't even finished yet. It was a long game, but I somehow remained intrigued.   
  
"Nice serve, Oikawa- _san_!" shouted one of the Seijoh players.   
  
The volleyball spun into the air. As Oikawa raced up to the line like a speedy snake, he pushed himself off the ground and sent the ball speeding towards the left side of the court. Daichi held his solid recieve and rebound the ball back to the edge of the net. "Nice recieve, Daichi!"   
  
Kageyama jumped to set the ball. Hinata's   
eyes laser-focused, he flung himself to the opposite end of the court. With a backset sending the ball directly in front of him, the orange haired first year spiked a straight directly passed the libero. With a whistle screech and an arm flung towards the side I stood on, the score was now 17-15, Karasuno's strong held lead continuing.   
  
"Nice serve, Kageyama!" The jump serve had the volleyball making a perfect beeline to the libero. However, the recieve flung the ball to the side of the net opposite to Oikawa. "Sorry! Cover!" shouted the libero, number 7.   
  
"Makki, it's yours!" announced Oikawa.   
  
"Got it. Kunimi!" the strawberry blond number 3 agreed. He performed a perfect backset to the leaping number 13 behind him. Tanaka and Hinata formed a holey wall, to which number 13 spiked a cross right through the opening. With no return, the whistle blew. 17-16.   
  
The points went back and forth. Iwaizumi missed a serve. Nishinoya failed a recieve. Now, Seijoh's number 12 was up to serve again.   
  
It seemed that the ball would go straight to Kageyama. However, Kageyama ran to the side, then up to the net, and the ball met Tanaka's recieve instead. The setter fell directly under the ball; Hinata dashed off to the left edge of the net. However, a new blocker had his eyes locked on this first year -- Seijoh's number 2 made a seemingly direct effort to follow Hinata's pace. But instead, the blocker did not meet in front of Hinata: he jumped to his left, forcing a straight. It was recieved by none other than number 12. A mere set later, number 13 threw it to the floor on Karasuno's side of the court. _Fweeee._   
  
A good ten minutes passed. The score was now 22-21, Karasuno's advantage. "Nice recieve!" was shouted on Seijoh's side. The ball was set to number 12, Hinata leaping up perfectly for a block and completely stuffing it.   
  
Another point passed. The score grew to 23-22, Seijoh getting the last point. That put Oikawa in for current server. He seemed to pause before this serve, even after the whistle blew. A moment later, he jumped, zipping the ball passed both Daichi and Nishinoya's ears.   
  
The serve was out. Severely out. Unless you blinked, it was very obvious, and very strange.   
  
The linemen threw his flag up as the whistle screeched. " _Auraghhhh! I'm sorry!!_ " cried Oikawa. His team seemed to reassure him quickly.   
  
"That was lucky!" Daichi announced. "Let's get another point!" But the encouragement hardly mattered, since half the team was more concerned about the spike-serve Oikawa had just displayed.   
  
Karasuno was now at set point: 24-22. " _Go get that last point!!_ " Sugawara screamed.   
  
It was Kageyama's serve. The libero fell under it again, but though he recieved it, it was not recieved comfortably. Number 7 nearly fell. But it reached Oikawa anyway, who called out the ace once again. Iwaizumi spiked a perfect cross onto Karasuno's court. 24-23, declared by a whistle, but it was still Karasuno's set point.   
  
Then there was a second screech. I spotted a little sign on the side of Seijoh, the number 13 displayed on it. It was held by a rather furious-looking figure, his hair almost like an old baseball or yellow cake with chocolate frosting or something. It was an odd yellowish color, like it had been half-ass dyed; and two streaks of parallel black wrapped around his head. On his sky blue-and-white jersey displayed the number 16.   
  
"...huh?" Shimada commented. "Seijoh... is seriously doing a member change right now?"   
  
With approval, the blond marched into the court, leaving the sleek haired number 13 behind. Iwaizumi was back up to serve now. The ball zipped to Daichi's recieve. "Gah -- sorry, it's short!" he exclaimed. But Kageyama got underneath it all the same.   
  
"Tanaka!" the setter declared, flinging the ball backwards to the right side of the net. The bald wing spiker ran up and smacked the ball directly to the palm of a blocker.   
  
"One touch!" yelled Seijoh. "Chance ball!"   
  
"Got it!" responded their libero, who popped up the ball back to Oikawa rather easily. From there, it seemed number 12 was going to the center to spike. However, within a mere second, a blond made a sprint from the left side of the court to the middle.   
  
Number 12 was shoved to the floor -- I thought I gasped -- while number 16 flung himself into the air and whipped his whole body to fire the volleyball across the court. Hinata's block was not high enough. They all looked shocked: all of Karasuno, as well as Seijoh.   
  
_Fweeee._ A red flag flew into the air. All that build-up... for an out.   
  
It seemed the whole of Karasuno heaved in relief, but Seijoh was still in a state of shock. That was, until number 4, Iwaizumi, stormed his way over to the blond number 16 and threw a punch at his head.   
  
" _That was too reckless!_ " Iwaizumi screamed, infuriated to the point where I shook from fear just hearing his yell from across the court.   
  
The setup for the second set began. Sides were switched, and Asahi started off the serve.   
  
" _Out!_ " Seijoh's libero shouted. Sure enough, the jump serve landed out of bounds. Asahi did not look pleased with himself.   
  
The possession flipped over to Oikawa. He, too performed a jump serve --   
  
" _Out!_ "   
  
\-- that landed out of bounds.   
  
Nishinoya had crouched down before the ball nailed him in the head, which in turn caused it to crash into the floor only a little noticeably behind the line. Oikawa seemed just as frustrated as Asahi, if not more so.   
  
Now it turned to Tsukishima. I hoped after those two failed attempts that he would at least be able to hit it inside the court. "Nice serve, Tsukki!" I could hear Yamaguchi shout from the sidelines. Tsukishima did a mere overhand serve, but it was enough to get on the nerves of Aoba Johsai. Why? Well, he tossed over a rather casual feint.   
  
Barely realizing it in time, Iwaizumi dashed and dove for the ball. "You bastard!" he snapped. The ball bounced back over to Karasuno's side.   
  
"Chance ball!" Tanaka got behind it and smacked a cross to the left side of the court. However, the volleyball was recovered by Seijoh's libero and sent directly to the edge of the net, where Oikawa dashed under it. Karasuno's blockers didn't seem certain of what he would do next: which hitter would recieve the ball? Which direction would it be set to? I wasn't good at analyzing, so I didn't have any idea, either.   
  
"Mad Dog- _chan_!" shouted Oikawa as he backset the ball to the right. Tanaka, Hinata, and Kageyama were gathered at the side of the net, waiting for the hitter to jump. Strangely, the troublesome number 16 ran parallel to the net, his eyes fixated on the ball in midair. He threw himself upwards, and so did the three man block.   
  
But the block might as well have not been there.   
  
With a powerful spike to the ball, it flew by Kageyama's face, the blocker closest to the ball's arc, but also farthest from number 16. It landed inside the corner of the ten-foot line and the out-of-bounds line on the opposite side of the court, but very much in-bounds.   
  
"That's why he started from there...!" gaped the glasses-wearing Shimada. Saeko just stared at him, confused. "If number 16 had aimed straight on, there would have been more choices, but a better chance that it would have been blocked. However, when he's parallel to the net like that, it allows him to much more easily cut across the net. Using his right hand from the right side makes an easier slanted spike."   
  
I turned my attention back to the game. Iwaizumi was up to serve; the current score was 2-1, Seijoh's lead.   
  
This was going to be one hell of a second set.   
  
  
  
The score went back and forth, back and forth, but the lead never left Seijoh. It was now 10-8, Iwaizumi's serve again.   
  
"Nice serve!" The black haired ace shot a serve straight to the right side of the court, where Nishinoya dove under it and managed to get it perfectly aligned with where Kageyama needed to set it from. Hinata jumped, but was a decoy: Asahi was the real spiker, who broke the ball passed the one blocker in front of him. It unfortunately landed directly into Iwaizumi's awaiting recieve. Oikawa barely got under it with a bump to number 3, who merely tapped the ball into the awaiting blockers. It flew back nicely into Seijoh's libero's control, where it was place directly for Oikawa to set it.   
  
Two spikers gathered around either side of the setter. But of course, it did not go to either of them: Oikawa backset it farther down the court to the same spiker that had been both screwing up and scoring like a madman for this whole second set. Once again, number 16 spiked the ball while he aligned himself parallel with the net and away from the blockers. A devastatingly frustrating 3-point gap: 11-8, Seijoh's lead.   
  
Karasuno fought back strong. They gained back two points, but then Seijoh flew back with another point. A two point gap was left now: 13-11. But unfortunately, it also happened to be Hinata's serve.   
  
The first year just barely got it over, but might as well have handed it to the libero. It was set up for the strawberry blond number 3, Tanaka barely managing to save the ball and get it to Kageyama.   
  
I wondered who it would go to. There was Tsukishima and Asahi ready to jump... when I noticed the set went to the back of the court, not the front. My eyes met a flying orange haired boy. _No way... they're trying this now?_   
  
To my even more surprise, Oikawa was already up and blocking the attack, sealing it out completely. Neither Kageyama or Hinata looked very happy with this result. Even I felt a bit of a bitter feeling towards this all. 14-11...   
  
"Even I thought they were going to get through," heaved Shimada. "They need to hurry up and close the gap before it gets much worse."   
  
Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a movement on the court, on Karasuno's side, by Coach Ukai. "Huh?" I blurted. Shimada's attention found where mine was.   
  
"What?" he gaped, confused.   
  
A silvery hair   
boy, dressed in black-and-orange with a number 2 printed on the jersey, stepped up to the bench where Kiyoko, Coach Ukai, and Takeda- _sensei_ were sitting. Koushi Sugawara.   
  
"They're switching setters? But Kageyama isn't doing all that bad. That last play only went bad because of how _good_ Oikawa is," muttered Shimada.   
  
"No..." piped up Takinoue, his gaze locked on the number card held in Sugawara's grasp. "... number 9 is definitely not being switched out."   
  
"Who is he subbing in for?" I asked.   
  
"It must be a tactical substitution," explained Shimada.   
  
"Speak Japanese..." muttered Saeko. Takinoue sighed.   
  
"Other than if an athlete gets hurt, some other substitutions include pinch servers, pinch blockers, or even someone who is tactical," he explained.   
  
The game continued on below us. "Seijoh was backed into a corner and took desperate measures to sub someone in," added Shimada. "With that, I'm worried that they might win."   
  
Saeko and Takinoue stared at him in disbelief. "I-I said I'm _worried_ , not that they're going to!" I tried to put my attention back to the game. I didn't want to think about its result right now.   
  
It was Oikawa's serve. "Nice serve!" shouted various members of Seijoh. I took a glance to the score, seeing they were still in the lead: 16-13. A whistle blew, and the ball went into the air.   
  
_Fweeee._ A red flag aimed at the floor.   
  
A service ace. 17-13. My hands began to fiddle with each other. There was a sort of nervousness in my gut that I couldn't really place. "One more!" shouted Seijoh.    
  
On the next serve, it bounced off of the net. "Front, front!" exclaimed Karasuno. Nishinoya dove for it, barely getting the ball into the air. He didn't look all that satisfied with himself. But it was bumped back into the air and towards the side of the net on my right. " _Left!_ shouted Seijoh. Three blockers gathered before Tanaka, all four leaping at the same time.   
  
He aimed for the side of one of the blocker's hands, causing the ball to fly off onto the court. It was Karasuno's point. The score was now 17-14.   
  
There was some extra beeping to go with the whistle. "Ah, there it is," Takinoue noted. "The substitution."   
  
A sign with the number 11 painted onto it was held up in the air. Sugawara was switching with Tsukishima. The team seemed overall pretty happy to have him there. Suga talked with Kageyama and other members on the court for a minute or so before he was shooed to serve. _Fweeee._ An overhand serve, nothing special. It barely made its way over the net and most likely would have been an ace if it wasn't for Seijoh's number 16 with his insane reaction time. "Oh, he managed to hit it to number 16!" exclaimed Shimada. "Now he won't have time to spike it!"   
  
Iwaizumi spiked instead, Hinata leaping up to block him. The ball flee passed him, but was recovered by Sugawara's save. "Nice recieve!" shouted Hinata. The orange haired first year flew up into the air, heaving the ball to Kindaichi's arm the second it was in Hinata's vision. The blocker knocked it out.   
  
Sugawara served to number 16 again. Seijoh seemed increasingly annoyed by this. This didn't change the fact that they were forced to deal with it: Oikawa set the ball to Iwaizumi, and in avoiding the wall of blockers, his cross spike went straight to Daichi's perfect recieve. "Nice recieve!"   
  
Suddenly, Kageyama and Sugawara switched places: Suga was in the front row, taking the setter's spot by the net while Kageyama found himself in the group of the five remaining spikers. A synchronized attack. Sugawara set the ball to Kageyama on the left side of the net, to which it was spiked over in a perfect straight. That... was that what was called "two setters"?   
  
But what really mattered was, now, we were only one point behind. 17-16 was the current score.   
  
Aoba Johsai called a timeout.   
  
  
  
23-19. Seijoh had a horrible advantage. Karasuno had barely gotten the last point, and was now in mid-rotation. Tsukishima was back up in the front row, while Hinata was put into the serving position.   
  
Oh, no, wait.   
  
I spotted a feathery-haired boy with a little sign reading "10" on it.   
  
They were subbing in our pinch server, Yamaguchi.   
  
Hinata was swapped out and replaced with number 12. "Nice serve, Yamaguchi!" was heard all over Karasuno's half of the net. Even the boys off the court made an improv cheer for him -- though, I had to admit, they looked pretty damn dorky while doing it.   
  
The ref's arm was outstretched, then pulling itself towards the net. A whistle blew. Yamaguchi held still for what seemed to be a very long time. He took a deep breath. I grew a little worried, my stomach queasy: was he alright? He looked fine. But... he wasn't doing anything.   
  
That's when the ball slid into the air, completely still without rotation. He tapped it across the net. It wobbled a bit in place, but gently floated over the Seijoh boys' heads. "Out!" the libero shouted.   
  
However, it dropped at almost a ninty degree angle, or so it seemed, just before the line. A red flag pointed down at the court as the whistle blew one more time. There was a moment of silence, a moment of shock, one that I even felt immersed into. I was shaking with anticipation.   
  
_"YEAH!"_   
  
The satisfactory screaming from Karasuno echoed the court: the crowd joined in as well. Yamaguchi looked beside himself with glee. I hopped a bit in excitement as I watched. Next to me, Saeko shouted, " _Nice, Yamaguchiii!_ " Finally, Karasuno hit the 20's in points. I pleaded these points would continue to rack up. It would only spell disaster for us if the game went into a third set. I don't even want to think about that right now. Put it aside, brain. Think positive.   
  
Yamaguchi's serving again. It will end well. We can win this.   
  
  
  
We had set point. We were in the lead. We had it going well. Then the tie was going on back and forth. Why did Oikawa have to serve? Why did Aoba Johsai have to conquer through?   
  
Second set was lost, 28-26. The game would go into a third set. I'd never felt so stressed about watching sports in my life.   
  
I just stared at the blank scoreboard. 0-0. Set 3. The teams were collecting themselves together again. Sides swapped once more. Seijoh's cheers echoed against the walls. My heartbeat filled my eardrums.   
  
Then I heard it.   
  
_"Karasuno.... FIGHT!"_   
  
_"YEAH!"_   
  
The team was gathered together, immensely prepared and as hyped as ever. The confidence they radiated filled me as well. We could still win this. It's not over yet.   
  
Asahi served, Seijoh got the point. Oikawa served for yet another point. The next serve was recieved by Daichi and scored by Tanaka. But then Seijoh's number 16 got back a point. I wasn't sitting but I was on the edge of my seat as I stared at the ball slamming back and forth. 3-2, 4-2, 4-3, 4-5, 5-5, 6-5, 7-5, 7-6. Seijoh was still leading. Asahi was up to serve again.   
  
The serve nailed the corner of the court. Number 16 barely had time to watch it, much less recieve it. "Nice, Asahi!!" shouted Karasuno. But his next serve was recieved and delivered over by Seijoh. Oikawa was serving again, score 8-7.   
  
The ball tipped the net. Based on Oikawa's expression, it did not look like he had planned to do that. "Got it!" exclaimed Tanaka, who passed the volleyball to Kageyama. Tsukishima's spike was recieved, but number 16's follow up spike was blocked by Tsukishima's revenge. 8-8.   
  
Tsukishima served next. It went to number 16 once again when recieved, but this time, the blond's spike flew out of bounds. 8-9. We broke through again. Karasuno was leading. It was one measly point, but we were leading.   
  
_Fweeee._   
  
Seijoh called a timeout.   
  
It was going so well. We had to keep this momentum going. Karasuno would ride this momentum to victory and then I'd go and rub it in Oikawa's face just like he did about our loss before. I took a deep breath as the teams returned to position and the ball was served, now currently within Seijoh's grasp. Number 16 was at it again. His spike was perfect all for the fact that it went straight into the center of the net. Yes! 8-10 now. We can do this!   
  
_Fweeee._   
  
Again?   
  
No, it's not a timeout this time.   
  
Seijoh is swapping out number 16 for number 13... the reverse of what had happened before, in the first set. It seemed strange, but at the same time, number 16 was making a lot of clumsy mistakes, more than usual. He was probably getting extremely stressed under the pressure or something to that extent. I focused on the continuation of the game; two more points were gained.   
  
To number 13 the ball went. It floated aimlessly in a feint over the net, where Kageyama recieved it. Nishinoya leaped over the service line to set for the ball to be spiked by Tanaka. 10-12 was the current score. We had the upperhand. We could do this, we could do this. I know we can do it!   
  
_Fweeee._   
  
Seijoh seems to be indecisive now. Maybe they're trying to figure out a way to get the best setup for a zero chance of Karasuno's success. I mean, number 16 just swapped back with number 13. This is a little annoying.   
  
"Tanaka, nice serve!"   
  
The serve was recieved and sent to Oikawa immediately, who set it up for number 16. Not that it was surprising. What _was_ surprising was the lack of ambition to mix up the hitters. It seemed like a poor choice to go to the same hitter over and over and over... but then again, their second set win said otherwise.   
  
The extreme cross spike again. It merely bounced off of Daichi's arms to out of bounds. 11-12. Oh no. They're connecting again... Seijoh is. This could be really bad, troublesome... and I'm not liking the thought of it.   
  
Number 16's spike. Tanaka's recieve. Kageyama's set. Hinata's spike. Seijoh's recieve. With another spike, the score was tied. My hands dug into my scalp.   
  
Nishinoya recieved the next serve. Hinata spiked for it to be recieved again. However, the ball reached the net's edge, placing itself in front of our   
ace.   
  
"Kill it, Asahi!" shouted Daichi. And kill it he did. The libero fumbled and failed to recieve it. 12-13. The teams were now switching sides. Five plays passed before the ball was horrifically placed into Oikawa's possession to serve once again. 15-15. It was a perfect tie. Ten points declared a winner. And it was going to be Karasuno.   
  
I couldn't have been more relieved to see Daichi recieve the ball... even if it did become Seijoh's chance ball.   
  
It was set to number 12. But it was set obscurely fast for Oikawa. Surely it would be too far by the time that number 12 would have to -- oh.   
  
They avoided the block.   
  
It was just close enough where number 12 could hit it, but just far enough to evade Tanaka's palms.   
  
Why now?   
  
Why did Seijoh have to pull ahead with Oikawa serving?   
  
Nishinoya's recieve became a battle ground for Tsukishima and Seijoh's number 12 as it popped and fell just at the net. They both had their fingertips on the ball, fighting to toss it to the side. Tsukishima won. Finally, it was tied again. This was much more stressful to watch than I ever could have anticipated. The serve turned to Tsukishima. Hinata returned to the front lines.   
  
I took a deep breath. "We can win this, we can win this," I mumbled.   
  
"Nervous?"   
  
I jolted. My head snapped to the side. Three sets of eyes were on me. "Y-yes--!" I croaked. "A... a bit."   
  
Shimada seemed to grin. "I... I think Karasuno will do okay. I'm fairly confident."   
  
"What kind of encouragement is that?" complained Takinoue.   
  
"I-I'm trying my best here!"   
  
With a slight grin, I turned back to the court. The ball bounced off of Tanaka's fingertips from number 16's spike. "Nice one-touch!"   
  
" _GIVE. ME. THE. BALL!!_ "   
  
Hinata's screaming was probably heard down the street. He flew to the side, mere centimeters away from the net. There was a slight pause in momentum. Blockers didn't move, Hinata had a look of failure. He was very close to the net, a spike here would --   
  
" _NO. ONE. IS. THERE!!_ " Kageyama declared just as loudly. " _SPIKE IT DOWN!_ "   
  
" _FRONT! FRONT!_ " Oikawa ordered for Seijoh, though, his efforts were too late.   
  
Hinata spiked it down with a flick of his wrist, the ball slamming between two baffled blockers that had yet jumped. A whistle declared the score now 17-16, Karasuno's favor.   
  
Tsukishima's serve was up next. His feint of a serve made it to Oikawa's set without a bump recieve. It didn't go to number 16 this time, surprisingly, and instead went to Iwaizumi in the back row. The score was tied up again.   
  
The scenario flipped. Tanaka scored. 18-17. It flipped again. Seijoh's number 3 scored. 18-18. Having no tolerance for this tie, a whistle blew to signal Seijoh's swap in: a pinch server, number 6.   
  
The jump serve was near perfect. Asahi barely recieved it for Kageyama to set it up for Tanaka. The kill was snatched by Oikawa. _A good hit! Now the setter can't get to it!_ I thought to myself. I felt proud that I was able to realize these kinds of things now while watching the game.   
  
Number 6 set it instead, sending it to number 16. It was pretty short. But number 16 didn't care, apparently, since he killed it all the same... just with his left hand, instead. Aoba Johsai broke through again, 18-19. I took a deep breath.   
  
Number 6 served to Nishinoya. Nishinoya bumped to Kageyama. Hinata flew. His arm threw itself at the ball with full force.   
  
The ball, however, gently popped over the blocker with a light tap. A... a feint?!   
  
Needless to say, it was not recieved. Karasuno had the serve again.   
  
The ball was tossed back and forth. Asahi leaped for a spike now, but it was recieved by Iwaizumi. A feeble bump made a set up for Seijoh's number three, but it was blocked by Daichi. I thought we'd take this, but it was recieved again! It did this over and over again. It went back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and back and forth --   
  
It snapped off of Kageyama's forearm and out of bounds. Seijoh was the first to reach 20 points. I could feel a stressful heartbeat falling down my chest.   
  
I held calm as I watched another play go through. Three Karasuno spikers ran towards the net. Kageyama kept an eye on all of them while Seijoh had blockers covering the front row spikers Asahi and Hinata.   
  
It was set to the center, to Tanaka, who broke through a wall that never got a chance to form. 20-20.   
  
"HELL YEAH!!" screamed Tanaka.   
  
It was Hinata's serve.   
  
_Fweeee._   
  
My bad. It's Yamaguchi's serve.   
  
A jump floater, right to number 16. He seemed hesitant to recieve it. It seemed to be going over his head, but he went to stop it with a set anyway. But the ball was not having it: its direction curved up, barely tapping his fingers before flying out of bounds. "Nice one, Yamagu--!"   
  
The celebration was early.   
  
Iwaizumi dove at the ball, bumping it with full force back up into the air. " _Chance ball!_ " announced Tanaka.   
  
A synchronized attack formed. Asahi was given the weapon. But the kill was once again prevented by the hands of Iwaizumi. Seijoh's number 3 was given the kill, and he ended the play with a feint that Yamaguchi had just missed by a hair to recieve.   
  
The feathery haired boy looked more furious than I ever knew he could be.   
  
  
  
Why. Why does it always have to be Oikawa's serve when we're in a pinch? The score was 22, Karasuno, to 23, Seijoh.   
  
I gripped the edge of the balcony. I stared at the game. " _Bring it!_ " I heard the confident back row of Karasuno exclaim. Oikawa seemed pleased at this response, his serve hitting the precise corner of the court.   
  
A... service... ace...   
  
Now...   
  
Seijoh...   
  
... was at game point.   
  
I took a huge gulp of air. I don't even remember blinking. We can't lose... I know we can do this! We're so close!   
  
_Fweeee._ A cut in the momentum. Karasuno called their first time out. I couldn't tell if I was more stressed or had time to relax.   
  
I took a deep breath. I took another.   
  
"Damn... you're really worried."   
  
My neck snapped to Saeko. She laughed at my reaction, but didn't look any less nervous than I felt. "I know Ryuu and them can do this. We just have to be confident in them, y'know? It's going to end well. I'm sure of it, so you should be too!"   
  
I laughed weakly. "How... how can you be so positive in a time like this?"   
  
"Well..." She pondered. "If you feel down, like you've already lost before it's over, then of course you'll lose! If you can see yourself winning even when you're on your last limb, you can move ahead! ... or something like that, haha."   
  
I blinked. I went to respond, but the ref's whistle brought my attention back. I stared without movement.   
  
_Fweeee._ There it goes -- that monster serve.   
  
It nosedived to the center of the back. It could have been an ace. But Daichi flung himself towards it, recieved the full-force ball with his entire body, and then he himself rolled out of bounds. Kageyama was up, his back against the net. Tanaka jumped. Tsukishima jumped. The ball flew. Seijoh had its target. It went to Asahi -- but they knew. They knew all along. Iwaizumi leaped to block the ball.   
  
However, it broke through his fingers and killed the floor.   
  
Karasuno had gotten the point. But it was still Seijoh's game point.   
  
Adding another stroke of luck, Tsukishima was sent to serve, and Nishinoya left the court. I couldn't believe this. Why, such misfortune, one right after another...?   
  
_Fweeee._   
  
Wait. What?   
  
A pinch server. Sugawara swapped with Tsukishima.   
  
This...   
  
This may end better than I thought. I huge relief filled me -- but that huge relief only covered a small fraction of my stress.   
  
"Nice serve, Suga- _san_!"   
  
The whistle blew again. A synchronized heartbeat filled the first few seconds of silence.   
  
" _Here goes nothing!_ " Sugawara shouted. The overhand serve seemed to have confused the opposing libero, as it hovered about the center, Iwaizumi, and line edge. Nevertheless, Iwaizumi kept up with his recieving and made sure that volleyball didn't hit the floor.   
  
Number 12 emerged from the net. It seemed the blocks were going to focus on his spike. However, just behind him leaped number 16. Sure enough, Oikawa sent him the ball again. But Kageyama had him marked. The block was weak, a one man block...   
  
No. A two man block -- because Hinata jumped directly into Kageyama's ribcage. It reflected off of number 10's hand and back to Seijoh. The libero just missed it. I nearly felt like screaming.   
  
We pulled it up to a deuce.   
  
Everyone else did the screaming for me. Everyone down on Karasuno's court was shouting, yelling, jumping, cheering. Up Sugawara's serve went again: the ball barely tipped the net. Iwaizumi dove under it again, seriously stressed. It seemed he was the only one on Seijoh's team that was losing his cool.   
  
" _Hanamaki!_ " shouted Oikawa. Seijoh's number three spiked the ball directly to where Kageyama had leaped for a block. It seemed to be Karasuno's favor... but it was Seijoh's plan.   
  
The ball deflected its course of action by hitting the white strip on the net. As if it were a feint, the ball floated right over Kageyama's head. "Front... _front! Front! FRONT!_ " he screamed.   
  
Asahi started for it, but barreling passed him was a blur of silver. " _I'VE -- GOT IT!_ " Sugawara bumped the ball straight up into the air. It was in Kageyama's control again. Seijoh set up a three-man block covering Asahi. There were three jumpers.   
  
And no ball set.   
  
A grin pulled up my cheeks as I watched the ball dumped onto Seijoh's half. Iwaizumi missed it as he dove for a recieve.   
  
There was a pause. And then: " _KAGEYAMAAA!_ " We were all proud of that one attack.   
  
My heart missed a beat when I saw the score. 25-24. Karasuno's set point.   
  
A second timeout was called.   
  
Oh please. _Please._ I beg this to be the last point of the game. I wanted to see us win so badly. I sat for an eternity waiting for it to start up again, and yet, I nearly missed Sugawara's serve.   
  
"Front, Iwaizumi!" Seijoh shouted.    
  
The   
recieve went to Oikawa. Number 16 was spiking again: a last resort, maybe? My heart raced as I saw it zip by. Yet it was hit up -- hit up by Tanaka's head. "YEAAAHH!" he roared.   
  
Sugawara took the front. Kageyama headed to the back row, blending into a synchronized attack. The set was for Asahi, killing it to the front row -- where number 3 saved it. The recieve was cockeyed and light, however, and it floated off to the out-of-bounds chairs between it and the next court. Was this it? It had to be it. No one would --   
  
Oikawa made a beeline for it. Like a man saying his last words before a final battle, he threw up his arm, pointing directly at Iwaizumi. Iwaizumi was on the complete other side of the court. He wasn't... no way, he'd be insane to set a ball at that distance!   
  
Oh.   
  
_Oh my god._   
  
Yes, he was clearly insane. Because there it flew, over everyone's baffled heads. I'm certain that if there wasn't a spiker going to it right now, the ball may have even gone another court farther. And it wasn't even the slightest bit off, either: Iwaizumi pulled off a perfect cross.   
  
But Daichi pulled off and even more perfect receive. All... except for the fact that it was flying out of bounds. "Dammit!" he cursed, flinging his head around to see if _anyone_ would get it.   
  
Tanaka heard that plea. He heard the plea from everyone on that same side of the net, and dove. Falling and rolling over on his face, he screamed, _"LAST!!"_   
  
"GET IT!"   
  
"CHANCE BALL!"   
  
The cries of both teams conflicted. Asahi stared at that ball. He was parallel to its side. Next thing I knew, he twisted a jump behind the ball, a great distance and at a horrible angle to spike the ball.   
  
It curved into the dive of the libero. The receive ground itself into the net, falling just before number 16 smacked it back into the air with full force and one arm.   
  
_"KAGEYAMA! KILL IT!"_   
  
The setter was closest to the chance ball. He did leap, he did spike, but it was blocked by number 12. It flung back directly into Sugawara's face. I found myself shrieking a bit of a gasp, my hands somehow clasped over my mouth.   
  
Hinata bounced back. His eyes were glued on his target. He ran at full speed, the volleyball falling back to Kageyama.   
  
_"GIVE IT TO ME!!"_   
  
He flew. Toss thrown. Wall formed. Vertex reached. Arm whipped.   
  
Oikawa sped to the center of the court.   
  
The ball broke through number 16's fingertips and breached the wall. It flew down. Oikawa desperately threw out his arms. The ball hit his hand.   
  
Nothing but that ball existed in this room. Nothing else mattered but where it landed. It kept flying, backwards. I don't even know if there was another player headed toward it. It just went along its merry way with the attention of hundreds on that small volleyball, floating, aimless and gentle in the air.   
  
_Tmp._   
  
That volleyball landed with a tap to the floor.   
  
The room was silent. The room was in awe. My jaw dropped, watching that scoreboard flip. The five went to a six. 26... to 24.   
  
_"HELL YEAH!!"_   
  
Everyone on this side of the net was screaming. I was even yelping with joy. I couldn't believe it. Karasuno... Karasuno won! We did it! They got the revenge they deserved! We'd be going to the finals! This day couldn't have been better!   
  
... but, apparently, it could get worse.   
  
I thought it myself, "I can't wait to rub it in Oikawa's face!"   
  
What a horrible thought.   
  
What a sick, demented thought.   
  
I spotted something, just as they finished up the handshakes and thank yous. I spotted something horrible.   
  
It was when Karasuno went off screaming to Coach Ukai that I flicked my eyes to Aoba Johsai. The team with such a calm stature, the team that stayed calm the whole game.   
  
So many of them... were bawling their eyes out.   
  
The team dispersed as they jogged to their school supporters. However, Iwaizumi lagged behind. I couldn't see him at this distance, but there was a limp and wobble in his step before he stopped altogether. From behind him appeared Oikawa, who harshly slapped Iwaizumi's back. There was a strange thing that happened in that, something I didn't get. It didn't look like they said a word. But it looked like Iwaizumi understood something from it.   
  
Many other teammates went up and did the same thing. One, two, and three. All of the team lined up, facing their school. "Rule the Court," read the poster hanging off the stands.   
  
"Thank you for supporting us!" they cried in unison.   
  
I just stared, watching the blue-and-white clad boys walk off their final stage. I hadn't realized. It never really clicked. Oikawa and Iwaizumi are third years.   
  
This was their final chance to get to nationals.   
  
Why did the joy I feel suddenly twist?   
  
"Hey, Yoru- _san_?"   
  
Saeko got my attention. "Shouldn't you be heading back to the team? I'm sure you've gotta meet up with 'um."   
  
I blinked. "Oh. Yeah... yeah, you're right. I'll see you."   
  
I distinctly heard, "Why did she seem so down?" as I left.   
  
  
  
"I'm still so jittery! Look! Look! My hand's shaking so much!"   
  
"Oh man! Yeah, it really is, haha! Yo, Noya!"   
  
"Hm? Oh, dammit, man! You were really into it, huh?! I'm so mad I couldn't be out there, too!"   
  
Hinata, Tanaka, and Nishinoya were rightfully excited.   
  
"The finals... the finals! I can't believe it. I don't think we would have ever dreamed of this beforehand... right, Asahi?"   
  
"Huh? -- oh, right, yeah! Um..."   
  
"C'mon, you still nervous? We won! Celebrate a bit, would ya?"   
  
Daichi and Asahi too.   
  
"I was... so nervous when that last block appeared. But then Hinata broke through it so easily... it was both relieving and exciting!"   
  
"I hear ya. That was some bold move by Kageyama... but I'm sure he knew what he was doing."   
  
Takeda- _sensei_ and Coach Ukai were chattering too. But not me. Of course not me. I had to feel terrible. Here I am, surrounded by my team, my school team, the team I manage and support, but instead feel remorse for the other team. What was wrong with me? God... just let me board the bus and forget about what I saw already.   
  
The voices became softer. I was tuning them out, it seemed. Maybe this would help me. I took a deep breath: calm... I need to be calm... just don't think about Seijoh.   
  
"Go."   
  
A voice cracked my calm thoughts. My face, previously staring at the concrete marble floor, flipped to the sound's source. My eyes searched and met chocolate ones, worried ones, topped with a mess of silver hair. "Go," he repeated.   
  
"Wh... what?" I croaked.   
  
"Don't be ridiculous. You're sad after we just beat Seijoh. It's not hard to know why," Sugawara sighed. "Go to him. I'll cover for you. Just go."   
  
I didn't compute it at first. My gaze shifted in front of me: the rest of Karasuno was meters down the hall. I hadn't tuned them out... I'd fallen behind. My eyes met Suga's again. It was hard to read what he was thinking: he was broken, but also worried, yet also happy.   
  
I don't know why I did, but I did.   
  
I sprinted the other way, full force.   
  
Where was I going? I had no idea. Was Aoba Johsai still even here? Was the team watching a game finishing up, were they packing up? Were they on this side of the building or the complete other side? I just ran down the hall anyway, scanning everywhere for white and blue.   
  
Well, I did spot some. They were walking towards the way I came from. Knowing no other members had been that way, I kept going where I had been headed before. They had to be coming from somewhere.   
  
Then I heard it. That annoying voice.   
  
"If the bus comes, can you help load up the bags for me? I'm going to collect the other guys."   
  
"Yessir!"   
  
A boy, presumably a first year, turned down towards me from two halls ahead. I knew it was Oikawa up there, and so I sprinted. I was going to call out to him when I spotted him frozen. Following his gaze, I found another boy standing right across from him, dressed in a deep shade of magenta. I dove behind the wall.   
  
Footsteps. "A piece of advice, Oikawa." The voice was deep and rolled like thunder. It must have been the boy in pink. "Don't keep choosing the side roads. The path you chose was wrong. Even though someplace clearly better could have brought out your potential, you avoided it because of that insignificant pride of yours."   
  
There was a pause in the coversation. "So, what you're saying, is that I should have gone to Shiratorizawa, not Seijoh, and everything would have been okay?" Oikawa scoffed. "No team is guaranteed victory, you know."   
  
"... Right now, I feel that my team is the strongest one here."   
  
There was a tense pause and the click of a tongue. "You're just as cocky as ever, I see! At least nothing's changed." A pause again. Softer, Oikawa added, "Insignificant pride, you say? I guess you're not wrong. Listen, Ushijima. I never made the wrong choice, and my volleyball career is far from over. I'll just tell you one thing about my _insignificant_ pride.   
  
"You better remember it."   
  
I widened my eyes. The way Oikawa spoke... was almost horrifying.   
  
"Oh, also, by the way, Ushijima, if you keep focusing on me, you'll find yourself at a loss when you least expect it," he added.   
  
"... and why is that?"   
  
"My _kouhai_. He's not smart in the slightest, not to mention is absolutely _no_ match for me head on. However, he's not alone anymore, and because of that, has become ridiculously strong." More footsteps were heard, walking away from me. "I'm sure that, together, a murder of crows could take down a single eagle any day."   
  
And it ended. Just like that. I poked my head around the corner a bit, yelping as I nearly headbutted the tall pink-dressed boy Oikawa had addressed as "Ushijima." The brunet raised an eyebrow.   
  
In the distance, the corner of my eye spotted Oikawa walking on.   
  
"I -- I'm sorry!" I exclaimed loudly. "I didn't mean to... I mean, I was just passing by --!"   
  
"No. It's fine." And Ushijima walked off. I flicked back to the distance. The white-and-blue figure had stopped walking, his head turned back   
with wide brown eyes.   
  
"Y... Yoru...- _chan_?"   
  
He spoke like we hadn't met in years, like we were separated as young children and never meant to meet again.   
  
"Oikawa- _san_..."   
  
Neither of us moved or said anything for the longest time. We just stared, a good three meters away from each other. What should I do? Should I say something? What do I say?   
  
"What... what are you doing here?" he gaped. "Didn't Karasuno leave already?"   
  
"No," I answered. "Sugawara held it up for me."   
  
"He...?" Oikawa turned to fully face me. "Why did...? Why are you here?"   
  
It clicked. I knew why. Everything finally made sense.   
  
I started walking towards him. "Y- Yoru- _chan_? What... are... are you crying?" he rambled. "Why are you crying? Is it something I said? Are you okay? Yoru- _chan_ , please answer me!"   
  
"I'm f-fine, Oikawa- _san_." He was a few steps in front of me when I stopped walking. I just stared up at him, his face appalled and confused. "I... I'm sorry," I blurted.   
  
"S-sorry?"   
  
"You lost. That was your last possible game, right? That was it for you. I wanted to win for our team and was going to tease you about it after! But... I wasn't thinking. I wasn't thinking about you... or anything else."   
  
"Wh-what? Y-Yoru- _chan_ , don't apologize for that, please! You... Karasuno won. Okay? It's over. I can't do anything about it. Don't worry about me. Worry about your team that has a much stronger opponent ahead...!"   
  
"I can't, Oikawa!"   
  
"Why not?"   
  
"I can't when you're the only thing on my mind!"   
  
He stopped talking for a while. His eyes were held very wide open, his mouth ajar and closed like a fish. Feeling water slip from my eyelid, I furiously wiped off my cheek. "W..." he started. "Wait... you... mean..."   
  
"Yes, dumbass! I mean that!" I snapped.   
  
"Y... Yo... Yoru... Yoru- _chan_... I..." Oikawa didn't react how I thought he would have. I figured he'd be, "I knew you were being a _tsundere_ all this time!" as he hugged me or something. But he wasn't at all. He was thoroughly appalled. Then again... remembering that conversation he had with Iwaizumi...   
  
_"I really don't think she cares about me at all._   
  
_"She's been cold to me all day, worse than you and worse than usual. When we met, she... she said I reminded her of her ex-boyfriend. She doesn't trust me enough to tell me something's wrong until I force her to. Just today, earlier, she said I was annoying. She said 'literally no one' cares about me. I... I'm certain she hates me, Iwa-_ chan _."_   
  
"... I never expected to hear that from you."   
  
It made sense as to why he would think that. _I_ never expected to hear it from me.   
  
"... you're not lying, are you?"   
  
"No!" I yelped. "Dear God, no. I wouldn't lie about something like that. I'd never forgive myself...!"   
  
He was quiet.   
  
He didn't move an inch. I just stated at him. "... Oikawa?"   
  
A strange smirk pulled at his lips. "Just this once... will you address me as _senpai_ properly?"   
  
I pouted. "No."   
  
"Well, it was worth a shot." The brunet leaned down to my height level -- insulting as could be -- with that same smirk. "Why not a different request then?" he asked, slipping his finger under my chin and tipping my head up slightly. "... a kiss?"   
  
There was a pause in my everything. My thoughts, my actions, my comprehension. I stared at him for a little while, which seemed to set him on a nervous edge. Oikawa started to back away with averted eyes when I grabbed his hand on my chin. He raised an eyebrow.   
  
"... a kiss," I agreed.   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These updates are a bit slower to roll out than I expected, since I have to change all of the formatting from the program I used to write it (which uses *s) into regular italics or whatever, and there are a LOT in this fic particularly due to all the italicized Japanese words, haha. So sorry if I've missed any!


	9. The Desire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The finals between Shiratorizawa and Karasuno have begun, and Oikawa has bitterly decided to show up to watch.

My phone vibrated in my pocket. _You're here right?_ was all the message from Oikawa said.

_I'm where?_ I replied. 

_Where do you think? The volleyball courts. The tournament. The finals,_ he typed back quickly. _Are you here?_

_Just got here... why?_

_I'm going to find you._

_Don't say that so creepily..._

_Sorry._

It may have just been me, but Oikawa seemed blunt today. Extremely blunt. I had a theory, but I didn't want to be right about it. Forcing myself to think of something else, I hoped Saeko and the others wouldn't mind my sudden disappearance. I figured Oikawa wasn't going to just say "Hi," and walk away; he'd want me to watch the game with him. _Where exactly are you planning to meet me? I just left Karasuno on the court._

_I'll find you. Wait there._

So I did. I bummed around a vending machine, though I had no money and my stomach was empty, until he showed up. And as awful as it may sound, I hadn't even recognized him at first. "Is this your idea of a disguise?" I asked. "Overdressing?"

"No," he answered. "Geez, just because I dress casually around you doesn't mean I don't dress normally for everything else."

"Normally? You look like you just came back from shopping in Tokyo or something. You're way overdressed. And what's with the glasses?"

"That's my form of being lazy," he answered, shifting his black frames on his face once I mentioned them. "I didn't feel like putting in contacts."

"You wear contacts?"

"Yeah. It's easier than wearing glasses for a game, don't you think?"

"I don't play. That's a question for Tsukishima- _san_." Oikawa seemed unimpressed by my comment. What else was I supposed to say to him? I shrugged. "Why did you come today, anyway? I didn't think you'd want to see the game."

"I don't care about it either way," he hissed. "I guess you being here was an incentive or something."

He did not seem right today. It wasn't just me, and it wasn't just his text messages. There was something off, I knew it. "Are you feeling okay?" I asked.

"Yep. Great as could be," he answered. But he didn't sound like it. I bit my lip, not pressing the topic any further. I wondered if this was how Oikawa felt when I acted so bitter and distant towards him. Thinking of that alone made me more guilty.

"I want to sit in the back of the stands," he announced as we started making our way to the court. "I don't want to be seen." I didn't ask why and just went with it. At least I was able to take a guess as to why he was suggesting this rather than relying on loose information.

The room was, to say the least, deafaning. Clacks of cones were heard. Clapping was heard. Drums shook the stands.

" _SHIIII - RATORI - ZAWA! SHIIII - RATORI - ZAWA!_ "

" _LET'S GO, LET'S GO, KA - RA - SU - NO! PUSH IT, PUSH IT, KA - RA - SU - NO!_ "

Oikawa sneered. I shuffled behind him. "Here's as good a place as any," he barked, throwing himself into the seat nearest to the door. I slowly placed myself in the seat next to his. He raised an eyebrow. "Are you alright?" he asked.

"I'm fine," I answered. I opened my mouth to say, "I'm more worried about you," but it never came out. I shut my mouth and faced forward.

I couldn't see a thing from up here. It was way too far from the game. I glanced to Oikawa, but he was unfazed, staring intently. Could he really see all that was going on? I wasn't sure. I just knew I couldn't see anything. It was boring. Severely boring. It felt like junior high again, when I was dragged along to sports events that I couldn't have cared less about. Usually, I would have brought drawing material to them in order to entertain myself. But now, I didn't have anything of the sort. So instead I was stuck slowly becoming deaf.

For hours.

It, somehow, didn't seem to be that long until Iwaizumi showed up. I was just watching the game, or listening as best I could, when I vaguely heard someone walking towards us. Next thing I knew, I heard his voice saying, "I thought you said you weren't going to come since it'd piss you off no matter who won."

Then I noticed my head moved back. Then I noticed my eyes were closed. Then I noticed it probably had been a long time before Iwaizumi showed up, since I had falled asleep on Oikawa's shoulder. I snapped back to a straight position and pretended as if I hadn't moved. Iwaizumi still snickered, stepping over the seats and sitting down in the spot next to mine.

Oikawa huffed. "No matter who wins, I'll still be able to see the faces of those who lost," he declared.

"You really are a piece of shit," complained Iwaizumi.

"I don't have time to sit around and feel sorry for myself," Oikawa noted. I found neither of them had taken their eyes off of the game during this conversation. Could they both seriously see it? I swear even the tallest guys in Shiratorizawa looked like ants. I couldn't see the ball at all.

"I see that number ten is still running about as always," commented Iwaizumi. He must have been referring to Hinata.

"He's definitely some kind of monster," agreed Oikawa. "However, it sure must be rough having to stick around _that_ monster."

I didn't follow him. Iwaizumi, on the other, unfortunate-for-me hand; seemed to have understood him. I remained quiet. Sitting was boring again. But this time I wasn't going to fall asleep, not while Iwaizumi was here now. I hadn't even intended to before. I guess I was just more tired than I realized.

I kept my eyes locked on the court, but I couldn't follow anything worthwhile.

I did end up drifting off again. What woke me up was a silence.

"Oh dear, he's hurt?"

"The glasses kid leaving this late in the game is going to bite."

Glasses kid? Tsukishima?

I was up at attention again. "Oh, you're finally awake. Morning, sleepyhead," Oikawa greeted. It didn't seem as though he moved at all.

"What... what happened?" I asked.

"Glasses got an injury," Iwaizumi answered. "The blond kid on your team. He just walked out from the game."

"How long was I asleep for?"

"The first four sets," Oikawa declared.

"I was asleep the whole game?"

"Yes. You fell asleep until Iwa- _chan_ showed up in the fourth set. And now it's halfway through the fifth set."

_What a pathetic manager I am..._ I stood up from my seat. "Hm? Where are you going?" Oikawa asked.

"To check on Tsukishima. I haven't done anything to help my team today, so I might as well try to make myself a little bit useful."

He shifted in his seat. "Suit yourself."

I jogged out of the stadium. It seemed Kiyoko and Tsukishima had already left the court, as well as somebody else who was standing there. The somebody was taller than him, if that was possible, with sandy blond colored hair only a shade browner than Tsukishima's; he sported a varsity sweater of navy blue.

"What are you doing here, bro?" Tsukishima asked, apathetic and cold. "Though I saw you earlier, anyway..."

Bro? I had never heard Tsukishima use that term before. It somehow didn't suit him.

"I came to see my younger brother fight bravely, of course!" the sand haired character exclaimed. "Although I doubt you'll die from that injury."

"What do you mean, _die_?" snickered Tsukishima. "Even when I'm alive, I'm useless when it matters most. But after four sets, I guess I am tired, so it'll be nice to have a little break, I suppose. Even if my hand hurts." He walked off without another comment.

I looked carefully between who seemed to be Tsukishima's older brother and Tsukishima himself. Then the brother spouted, "'My teammates will win, even if I leave them alone.' You just have to believe that."

He didn't reply. "Don't worry." Kiyoko popped into the conversation, reassuring him as well. "You won't have to worry about going back just to see them lose."

They started walking away again. I found myself following them. It wasn't until the halls were dead silent aside from the clicks of footsteps that Tsukishima looked back to see me following the two of them. "What are you doing here?" he asked, voice shrill with disgust. I frowned; Kiyoko turned back to me, a little surprised herself. "I haven't seen you since before the game. And now you only show up when I have an injury? Where were you, anyway? I didn't see you in the stands."

Talking to Tsukishima was not my forte. He was always so truthfully bitter that I never knew what to say to him. "I - I was in the stands. I have been the whole time! I was just in the back..."

"Why? You didn't even bother to support us?" He glared, ignoring me as he continued along. Kiyoko exchanged a glance between the two of us, her mouth partially agape, probably in confusion or shock. She seemed hesitant, but waved me to follow her. Tsukishima, having noticed, grunted apathetically.

The rest was silent. Even as Kiyoko found the bandages she needed, it was silent. The sound of the fabric ripping and peeling echoed off of the walls. She placed a cotton pad over top of the bleeding cut just under Tsukishima's pinky, which started collecting blood immediately. "Hold that there for a minute," Kiyoko ordered, her single finger holding it against his palm. Tsukishima did as told, she then turning to face me. "I'll be right back. I left something back in the smaller first aid kits on the court. I'll hurry, but can you keep an eye on him?" Kiyoko asked. I nodded meekly.

"Like I need to be watched..." Tsukishima complained.

"You seem eagar to get back," Kiyoko commented. "I don't want you to try and play again for a while."

The blond clicked his tongue.

Neither of us even made an effort to really look at the other. I glanced to him a little, watching him dab at the wound with the cotton ball in a rather bored manner, but other than that I hadn't made much of an effort to do anything. I didn't think he'd be apt to talk to me, anyway, but at the same time it seemed far too awkward to go without saying anything at all. Strange of me to suggest that, since I usually hate trying to talk to people.

"I didn't think you were the type of person who got worried about playing or winning," I blurted. See, this is why I never initiate conversation.

He raised an eyebrow. "And? I didn't think you were the type of person who cared that much about what other people do with their lives." He pressed the half-bloody cotton firmer against his wound without another word.

"I mean, I never said that... it's just... You're usually so apathetic, you know? So it's different seeing you _want_ to play."

"Something wrong with that?"

"No! That's not what I meant at all..." I bit my lip. "Nevermind, I guess... I guess I don't really know what I'm trying to say."

"Great, I didn't really want to hear it from the start, anyway."

I kept silent for a moment, not even able to force out something as simple as a sigh. My gaze latched to the floor. "It's just," my voice cracked quietly -- I hadn't even intended to talk -- "I don't really understand why any of you work towards this so much. What's the benefit? Where will it get you in life? I've never seen the point to sports, I've never been athletic or anything. But it just seems that everyone around me is so dedicated to it, and now that I'm the volleyball manager, it's more pressing than ever."

Tsukishima didn't answer right away, but in all honesty, I hadn't expected him to say anything at all. "I mean," he mumbled, "you're not wrong. For people who don't have any talent, it doesn't matter that they enjoy it. It'll end. Besides, if you become the best, then what? There's nothing after it. There isn't much benefit to playing sports at all."

"Then why do you play?" I asked.

He was hesitant, face scrunched up as if he drank unsweetened lemonade. "There's something about it... something about playing... you... I don't know. It's hard to describe. It's just this feeling..." His head tipped up, vaguely catching my glance. "You just get this moment where you're caught on volleyball. Something about beating someone at something... it just feels good. It's something you don't want to lose." His head snapped back to the floor. "That sounds really stupid," he complained. "Guess that's what I get for quoting Fukuroudani's ace."

Ignoring his final comment, I merely answered, "I see."

Kiyoko showed up a few moments later. She asked Tsukishima about how his hand felt, to which he told her it hurt like hell. Once we reached the medical room, his fingers ended up being wrapped up. Tsukishima had his pinky taped to his ring finger, being then further secured against his palm. His forefinger was already wrapped up, I noticed, and I realized that he had already jammed his finger earlier. To think, something Tsukishima thought to be so pointless, he was giving his all at. It was beyond shocking for his nature.

What was that emotion he said he felt? Was it some kind of adrenaline, satisfaction? It didn't make sense to me. A good feeling that you get when you beat someone... what was that? Maybe... maybe it was something akin to what I had felt in that spur of a moment before I'd seen Aoba Johsai's crying players. The desire to just rub a win in Oikawa's face? I didn't quite understand.

I walked back to the stands as Tsukishima returned to the court. Oikawa was still sitting, now with his legs crossed, while he stared at the game. Iwaizumi was still two seats down, leaning forward in intense interest. I stood at the back of the wall, trying to follow my eye to the court down below. It was difficult to make out, still, but I forced it to be visible as possible. Some things were easier to see than others.

Such as the flying ball that was near to the high ceiling of Karasuno's side.

I could distinctly hear a " _One touch!_ " from the players during the gasping tension of the crowd. "They managed to block it again," Iwaizumi remarked.

"What happened to Megane- _chan_?" breathed Oikawa. "At the first practice match, I thought he was just a tall guy that was slightly intelligent."

I could hear the game and the screaming, but it was just too hard to follow at this distance. But, what I had managed to find was that, through the defeaning hollering of Karasuno's cheering fans, the scoreboard changed from 15-15 to 15-16, Karasuno's favor. I was appalled.

Another beep followed after. "It's not a surprise Shiratorizawa took a timeout," Oikawa said.

"Karasuno is really versatile," Iwaizumi agreed. "I've never seen Glasses try to do a side hit, even if he was just a decoy now."

"We can't easily abandon a nearly perfect time difference attack, and Shiratorizawa's not going to change their style of strengthening individual strengths. That's why we're called powerhouse schools now... but Karasuno doesn't really have a style they need to protect. They may have had one when they _were_ a powerhouse school, so they don't hesitate to try new things. They even gave up that miracle-like quick and made it new," Oikawa explained. "The old and dependable Shiratorizawa... the new and reckless Karasuno... either one of them winning is going to piss me off, so they should both lose!"

"You seriously are such a shitty guy, Unkoikawa," Iwaizumi sighed.

"Could you stop calling me 'Unkoikawa'?!"

"Either that or Kusoikawa."

"Hng, then Unkoikawa!"

I couldn't help but laugh a bit. Iwaizumi's head turned around the second I made a sound. "What're you doing, standing back there? You can come back and sit with us, you know."

Oikawa's head tipped back, he turning around his whole body instead when he saw me. "Yoru- _chan_! You came back and didn't even let us know? Mean! Come back and sit by me, please?"

"Sorry," I answered. "You guys were pretty into it, so I didn't want to bother you."

"That wouldn't happen!" Oikawa pouted. "I don't even care about this game, anyway."

Somehow I knew that wasn't true.

I found my seat between them again. The scoreboard had began moving again as the timeout ceased and the plays continued. The score didn't seem to be going anywhere, just back and forth. Every few seconds my heart would race as I thought Karasuno would win, or sink as I thought Shiratorizawa would win.

"Karasuno's number ten is being a lot quieter than usual," noted Iwaizumi.

"He's thinking," Oikawa clarified. "He just got shut down on a deuce during the final set, and since he can't waste time being sad, he's thinking about the next step." He sneered. "How disgusting."

The two making comments every few points was the only insight I got to the game. I felt bad, remembering how annoyed Tsukishima was when he complained I came to help him only after I saw him get hurt. He seemed to be truly devastated that I was unseen most of the game. I suddenly didn't feel good in my seat. What kind of manager was I to sit as far away as possible from my teammates?

I spotted the ball fly up again. Then it was smacked down, but almost immediately flew up again. I think Shiratorizawa had spiked it, but there was something odd about the trajectory of the ball -- did someone recieve it within that second? That quickly?

Iwaizumi and Oikawa's appalled yelling answered my question.

"What kind of save was that?" Iwaizumi gaped. "Karasuno's libero is... really a monster."

"It pisses me off," snapped Oikawa.

So it had been Nishinoya. I wish I had been able to see it better for myself.

It went on and Karasuno got another point. The score was 19, Shiratorizawa, to 20, Karasuno. They were neck-in-neck. It was anybody's game, it seemed, and I wished so badly that I could follow it better. I stared desperately down to the court, trying to watch where the ball was instead. It went up, Karasuno's serve, Shiratorizawa's recieve. It flew back and forth again, by close recieves and blocked spikes on both accounts.

Then there was a heavy cross spike by Shiratorizawa that was recieved on a pure whim by Karasuno, hurling backwards across the court. Luckily, it was recovered, but spiked against a Shiratorizawa block. It went up still, and was set across the court. The spike flew by, bouncing off of Shiratorizawa's recieve and out of bounds.

For some reason, the room was silent. Dead silent. I glanced to Oikawa. He seemed unfazed, even though the rest of the room was in utter shock. I didn't understand.

"Didn't you know," Oikawa informed me, "that the fifth set of a game only goes to 15 points? Or, a two-point win."

I stared at him.

He... no way... was he saying...

Did we just... Win?

The room screamed. The only people not screaming were the students of Shiratorizawa in the crowd. That, and the three of us. I don't think I shut my mouth -- until Oikawa clamped it shut with his hand. His vague glance to me ended up finding its way down the court again, where he looked thoroughly pissed. "Dammit, why doesn't that bastard Ushiwaka look more upset?" he complained.

There was more gathering about the court and thanks and whatnot. Iwaizumi seemed to be watching it, but Oikawa looked like he'd rather leave. He was unfocused even as he watched. "Kageyama does good work," Iwaizumi commented suddenly.

"Did you notice that, too, Iwa- _chan_?" Oikawa blurted. "When Megane- _chan_ came back, he apparently gave them some kine of blocking orders. Like closing in on Ushiwaka's straight. That's why, after the serve, Tobio suddenly switched places with Chibi- _chan_ who was in the way of the cross, since Nishinoya wasn't there."

"And then he returned the ball at the last possible second," agreed Iwaizumi. "Your student's not bad."

"He's not my student!" snapped Oikawa, leaping forward. He frowned and leaned back again as he continued, "And on top of everything, he managed to accommodate Chibi- _chan_ , who came here to do something different. It's painfully obvious."

"Well... all of their good work only happened because of the blocks that glasses first-year pulled off."

"But I guess Chibi- _chan_ is a spiker you end up wanting to toss to. No wonder he's got Tobio wrapped around his little finger," Oikawa finalized and ignored Iwaizumi. Both of them then stood up from where they were, to which I flicked my attention to them in surprise. "Oh, Yoru- _chan_ , we're getting out of here early. I'd rather die than see the awards ceremony."

"Die?" I croaked.

"You really are such a shitty guy," mumbled Iwaizumi. Oikawa seemed to have little concern for the comment.

"See you later, Yoru- _chan_ , and have fun at nationals with Karasuno." He sounded bitter. Very bitter. I didn't know if he was trying to cover it up or not, but I could only hear it as cold to the point where he sounded sarcastic and uncaring. I frowned as the two of them started to walk back towards the doorway from the stands.

"W... wait."

Oikawa's head turned, his glare still plastered on. He just stood, exprcting me to continue.

"I... I'm sorry."

He raised an eyebrow. "For what?"

"That you can't go, too."

There was a pause. Iwaizumi, who had kept walking, stopped once he realized he was no longer being followed. It seemed that Oikawa's expression loosened a bit when I said that. He still looked upset, but was now more relaxed, though his eyes had averted from mine. "I don't want you to worry about me," he replied. "I'll be fine. You need to worry about your team, not me. I won't be doing anything any differently."

"What are you talking about?" I blurted. "You're already different. Angry. Bitter. Cold. I know you're upset. It's seeping from you like a dark and cold breeze. I feel so bad for you since I can't do a single thing about the fact that I'm doing something you've always wanted to do, and I only have a few months experience! You've worked so hard, haven't you? You could have gone to nationals, I'm sure of it... but then our team came by and took it all from you, right? There's this feeling you get when you play, something like nothing else, that you've now lost! It hurts, right? I feel horrible! I don't deserve to take what you've worked for!"

The two of them just stared at me, eyes wide, clearly appalled. "I know you're upset," I repeated. "Why should you hide your feelings from me and yet expect me to tell you what's bothering me?"

Oikawa's expression was low, lacking. His gaze was down to the floor as he frowned plainly. "... Yoru- _chan_... you're not particularly wrong, no, I'm not saying that, but... it really shouldn't be your concern --"

"Why not?" I snapped. "I've told you everything. Why can't you tell me anything?"

His eyes flashed to me, eyebrows cross. "I'll be right back," he spat to Iwaizumi, grabbing my wrist in the process. I was immediately then dragged out of the stands, out of the building, and almost as far as we could be away from people without leaving the property. He threw down my arm back to me, but didn't face me.

"I... I'm sorry, I didn't want to make you more angry --"

"You're right," he cut in.

I blinked. "What?"

"You're right. If I want you to tell me everything that's bothering you, I should tell you what's bothering me. I'm sorry." His breathing was heavy, I noticed. "I'm upset Karasuno got to the finals. I'm furious that they beat Shiratorizawa. I'm pissed off. I fucking hate Tobio. I hate Ushiwaka, too, but I hate Tobio more. That stupid bastard got to nationals his first year in high school. His stupid fucking talent. Why does the fact that I've practiced so much mean absolutely nothing? What the hell does my 'Best Setter' award even mean if I can't even beat my own _kouhai_? Geniuses severely piss me off. I can't stand it. Why the hell are some people automatically born with the ability to outwit others?" He dug his hands into his hair.

I hadn't any idea what to say. My gut twisted even more: Oikawa always seemed to know the right thing to say when I was upset, but now when I had to help him, I didn't have any ability to. His glace turned back to me, eyes red but face dry. "Are you happy now? I told you what was bothering me," he snapped. "Just go to nationals. I don't care. I can't help that you're from Karasuno. Just go. But don't tell me a thing about it unless you lose. I'd rather know Tobio's broken and crying rather than hear about his success."

"I... I'm sorry..." I heaved. "I'm sorry I can't help you... I feel so incredibly useless right now... just..." I bit my lip. "I want to help you, but there's just... it's..."

"It's not possible," Oikawa finished. "I know. I may not be a genius, but I'm not an idiot. You don't have to tell me that there's nothing left, it's all over, I can never go to nationals. I know that already. If I didn't know that, I would be severely less pissed. I just..." He sucked in a harsh breath and cursed under his breath. "I'm... Iwa- _chan_ and I aren't going to the same university, alright?"

I stared at him, a little shocked. "I've been with him since primary school. We've been practicing together our whole lives. We both wanted to go to nationals. Yeah, I can earn myself a spot on my university team, but it won't be anywhere near the same." His voice cracked a bit and he cursed again. "I just wanted to go to nationals with Iwaizumi and shove my win in Tobio and Ushiwaka's faces. Why couldn't I do that? I worked so fucking hard for six years and got absolutely no where.

"Just go support your team. I'm not saying it's not your problem, but don't let me derrive your attention from the bigger picture. I'll get over it. What happened, happened, and that's the reality of it. I fucking hate it, but it's whatever. Right? We both have to just work to move on from something." Oikawa took a stuttered sigh. "So go support them. Don't worry about me. There's nothing left to worry about, really. It's all over."

I held my tongue for a moment, just as he began walking back to the building. I heard him begin to say something, but I cut him off.

"It's not over."

His footsteps from behind me had stopped. "What?" he gaped. "What do you mean by that? Why wouldn't it be?"

"You're really talented, Oikawa. You really are. Kageyama- _san_ didn't beat you because he's the better setter. Karasuno... all of them have been working so hard lately. They're not the same that they were just a few months ago, and I'm sure they're even less the same as they were the first time you faced them this year! The team worked as a whole to make new strategies --"

"-- and with that, managed to beat me and Ushiwaka, right?" he finished. "Because we use the same strategies."

"Yes," I mumbled. "You're very talented, Oikawa. Believe me."

There was a moment of silence. "But how can I know that the 'new' strategy is what made me lose? You're a _genius_ yourself, aren't you? You told me about that one time you won at that Miyagi art competition in junior high when you were against a bunch of high schoolers. So I don't think I can truly believe that I lost by the difference in strategies alone."

"But it is! It was unexpected for you. Everyone had something new to show off, something you didn't know of beforehand. The enhanced quick, Hinata- _san_ 's feint, two-setters, Asahi- _senpai_ 's jump serve, Nishi- _san_ 's set-up, Yamaguchi- _san_ 's improved jump float serve, Tsukishima- _san_ 's read blocking... how could you have anticipated any of that?" I exclaimed. "Just today, when Tsukishima- _san_ was out with his hurt pinky, I was able to talk to him. He was different. Enthusiastic. Just talking to him, I learned just why it was that you all think of this so highly, why you work so hard. I still don't get it fully, but I learned about it. I know you're upset, and I know you want to blame yourself because of it. But it's not your fault. You did amazing out there, Oikawa, and I want you to know that. Your career isn't done, and it won't be. You are talented. Believe me."

He didn't seem impressed. His expression was dull and avoiding me. I bit my lip, wondering if I had rambled on too much and in turn had the opposite effect on him than I had intended. "I'm flattered that you think that," he whispered, "but... I'm really not. I'm experienced. I've worked for the 'talent' that I have. I wasn't suited for this at birth like geniuses, like Tobio or Ushiwaka. It's not that I'm thinking negatively, I'm thinking realistically. I know what I'm capable of and what I can do. I may be the 'Best Setter' in Miyagi, but that title will be stripped from me in no time flat. Now is just an example. Tobio learned new things. He's finally able to connect with his team. And so they'll get stronger and surpass me. It was inevitable."

"But can't you merge well with just about any team you play for?" I asked. "That's amazing in itself!"

"Fear the man who has practiced one kick a thousand times, not the man who has practiced a thousand kicks one time," he spat. "Tobio has more potential than me. It's reality. I'm good, I'm smarter, I connect well with teammates, and will obviously always be more experienced; but I will never be able to surpass him at this rate. I knew this day would come where he would best me. I just hate that it came now.

"Thank you, Yoru- _chan_ , for trying to cheer me up. But it's really not something I can cheer up from, and really not something you should worry about. I saw it coming and now that it happened, I merely have to stand back and watch it all play out. I'm not quitting volleyball, no, that'd be insane! But it will be... intensely different. I'm not sure what to expect at university, really. For all I know, the setter for the team I'm about to join will be amazing, some other genius, and my presence will be ignored. I really don't know. And at this point, I don't care. I'll make it somewhere important. I have to. I want to shove some kind of thing in Ushiwaka's face to show that I can do just fine without attending the best school for volleyball or one of his disgustingly prestigious schools."

I remained silent. "I think that's enough for today," Oikawa concluded. "I don't want to make you upset, Yoru- _chan_ , but... I'm glad you had me tell you this. It feels better, getting it off of my chest. See? This is why I make you tell my everything. Better to tell someone what's bothering you than bottle it up and snap at someone else!"

"You do that all the time," I noted. "Maybe you should listen to your own advice."

He seemed cut from the comment. "Hey, that's not necessarily true -- !"

"Yes it is."

A third voice walked in. Iwaizumi had found us; Oikawa seemed hurt that he agreed with me. "Ikari, the awards are starting now. It'd be a good idea to see Karasuno at it now, don'cha think?"

"Oh, right, yes, has it been that long already?" I stammered. He nodded.

"Don't worry about Unkoikawa, I'll deal with taking him home since he's such a pain in the ass that he won't watch the awards ceremony," Iwaizumi announced.

"Um, excuse me, why would I want to see Tobio- _chan_ getting any kind of award? _I_ didn't even get the satisfying reward of seeing Ushiwaka's crushed face! Today was just disappointing as a whole," Oikawa complained.

"'Um, excuse me,'" Iwaizumi mocked. "Talk more like a first year cheerleader, will ya?"

"Iwa- _chan_...!"

"I... I've got to get going," I blurted.

"Yeah, see you later," said Iwaizumi.

"Bye-bye, Yoru- _chan_!" exclaimed Oikawa.

I barely made it back in time to be unnoticed as absent for more than probably half of the awards ceremony.

One thing still bothered me.

It's been over a year since that day, that ugly August, and it still nagged at my chest. I didn't understand why. It made me want to puke.

The feeling had never truly disappeared, but now it seemed to have risen again like some disease that comes and goes as it so pleases. If only I had manged to get some kind of shot, or at the very least, a better immune system. But it never really went away. Why was that? It had been over a year. Shouldn't I be over this by now? Why do I keep thinking about it like it's something precious to me?

My phone vibrated on my bed, next to the pillow that I was laying on. None other than Oikawa had sent me a text, not that I was surprised. He was one of few that texted me, anyway. One of three, actually.

_Yoruchan! Are you busy today?_

_Why?_

_You don't give an answer, just straight to the "why"? Why don't you trust me, Yoruchan?? (;;)_

_... fine, no, I'm not. Why?_

_Come to Sendai!_

_Why?_

_Yoruchan, are you serious??? Stop asking whyy_

_Hehe, Sorry._

_No you're not ;;_

_Mean. What if I am?_

The conversation went off on a tangent like that for quite some time. Rambling back and forth about literally nothing was a specialty for our text conversations. What made me rather happy about it is that nothing had really had changed between us. It didn't instantly go from being friends to lovers the second I confessed to him, unlike in the past. Oikawa still talked to me all the same, and I didn't feel any need to be anything other than natural. I didn't feel stressed nearly at all.

_Back on track!_ he replied. _Come to Sendai, please! I'm so bored!_

_Torono is an option too, you know._

_I said I am bored, not want to be bored._

_Wow, okay. Rude._ I paused as I started writing a follow up message. _I give in. Where do you want to meet me?_

At the same time I sent that, I received, _Also, you're not the only one I asked to hang out, by the way, I hope you don't mind ( /^\;;;;)_

_Who else did you invite?_

He replied to my original question first. _Aoba Johsai!_ Then he answered, _Iwachan, Makki, and Mattsun._

_ Makki? Mattsun? _

_ Mhm~ They're on my volleyball team, too, numbers 2 and 3 if you remember ☆ _

_ Does one of them have kind of strawberry blond hair? _

_ Makki! Yep! _

_ I remember him, then. _

_ Not Mattsun, though? He'll be so sad! _

_ What does he look like? _

_ Black hair, looks kinda bored, bushy eyebrows? _

_ Doesn't ring a bell. For all I know that could be Iwaizumisan. _

I looked at the time. It was already getting late; the two of us had spent most of our time spamming messages back and forth that we were running out of daylight to even meet up. _Hey, if we're going to head out for the day, we'd better hurry it up. It's passed noon._

_Whaaat? I thought you were already headed over here? C'mon, Yoruchan! Step your game up!_ was the reply I received. I rolled my eyes, snatching something to stuff in my face, and ran out the door. Unless I wanted to run to Aoba Johsai, which could take twenty minutes without stopping, I'd need to catch a bus to Sendai. Not that it was hard. I was there in ten minutes, which included the time where I found the bus stop last-minute and got lost getting to Aoba Johsai. I arrived via directions from Oikawa, whom I met there while he was standing smug.

"Yo," waved up the hand of the strawberry blond -- Makki, was it? -- as he peaked around Oikawa's shoulder. His other hand slouched in his jean pocket, he wore a light, hooded athletic jacket over a baggy t-shirt. "You're Oikawa's girlfriend, yeah?"

My heart twinged momentarily. "Y-yes."

"Don't be so bold, Makki, geez," commented the black haired kid next to him, the one who Oikawa called Mattsun. "You could have at least introduced yourself, y'know."

"Oi," Makki complained, but didn't seem to have any argument.

"This is Makki and Mattsun, like I was telling you," Oikawa told me, grinning brightly. I noticed Iwaizumi behind him, not impressed with whatever it was that Oikawa had said.

"You're not going to even tell her their _actual_ names, Kusoikawa?" sighed Iwaizumi. "You're hopeless."

"Wha -- ? Hey! What did I do wrong now?" Oikawa exclaimed.

Makki pulled my attention back to himself and Mattsun. "My full name's Takahiro Hanamaki. You can call me Hanamaki, Takahiro, whatever you want, really, just don't call me Makki."

"Are you saying you guys hate the nicknames I come up with?" Oikawa blurted.

"Yes," the trio answered simultaneously. Oikawa pouted instantly.

"I'm Issei Matsukawa," added on Mattsun as he returned the conversation back to its original state. "Good to put a face to your name now." I blinked, confused, trying to look for clarification through one of them. Hanamaki spoke first.

"Oh, Oikawa can't stop talking about you," he answered bluntly. "Haven't seen him talk so much about a girl in a while. Mn, yeah, it's getting annoying."

"Hey! Don't be so rude, Makki!" Oikawa complained. "Geez, all you guys ever do is complain. Why do I even consider you my friends?"

"You know you love us," Hanamaki smirked. "What I hear from Iwaizumi is that _you_ " -- he gestured to me -- "have got a bit of a sassy attitude toward Oikawa, too, huh? Welcome to the 'Torture Oikawa' Club."

"You guys suck, really!"

A smile was cracking up on my face, I could feel it. It was difficult to hold back the laugh scratching at the back of my teeth. But as my laughing can get out of control, I did my hardest to hold it back so I didn't look too much like a fool. Holding it back probably had the opposite effect I was going for.

"Are we going to head out anytime soon?" Matsukawa heaved. "You organized the event, Captain."

Oikawa seemed at a momentary loss, but popped into the conversation with a confident, "We could go see a movie."

"Is it that space movie? It looked so stupid."

"Oh, no, Mom's gotta sit between the two lovebirds so nothing bad happens in the darkness."

"For fuck's sake, Hanamaki, will you stop calling me Mom?" Iwaizumi snapped. Hanamaki just smirked.

Oikawa, however, was unimpressed. "Why do you guys ask for my suggestions if you just turn them down?"

"Oh, I never turned it down," clarified Hanamaki. "I just was saying Mom needs to watch her kids."

Iwaizumi punched him in the arm. "Stop it already," he ordered.

"See? Just like that."

"Why not ask your girlfriend's opinion there?" Matsukawa started. "I don't think I've heard her say more than a word. You can talk, y'know, it's not like we'll bite."

"If we did, Oikawa would kill us, anyway," whispered Hanamaki.

I blinked. I realized that, indeed, I was overwhelmed right now. Although they were all outgoing and happy people, I was not. I was the exact opposite of them. Introverted and anxious on a constant basis... yeah, this wasn't going too well. "U-uhm, well, I'm not a fan of space, so..."

"So the vote's two... hey, Hanamaki, Iwaizumi, yay or nay?"

"Yay," replied Hanamaki.

"No," answered Iwaizumi.

"That wasn't a choice."

He sighed. " _Nay._ "

"So the vote's two-three, in favor of not seeing the movie. On to plan B, Oikawa."

The brunet mumbled. "Again, do _you_ three have any better ideas? Or, Yoru- _chan_ , do you have any ideas?"

"No, not really," I answered. "I don't know Sendai very well."

"You don't? Well, then, you've gotta tour the city," Hanamaki declared. "Is there a baseball game today?"

"No, don't think so," replied Iwaizumi. Hanamaki clicked his tongue and thought. "I don't know that there's a lot to do here that's any interesting. I mean, unless we go to a museum, but those are boring as hell."

"I know," agreed Matsukawa. "I don't think there's any events or anything going on, either."

"Oh, hey, wait, I know something obvious," Hanamaki laughed. "Yagiyama. Yagiyama Benyland, yeah? The amusement park, zoo area?"

"Oh, yeah, yeah! Good idea, I didn't even think of that," Matsukawa nodded. "All in favor say I."

"I," echoed the four of us remaining. So to Yagiyama Benyland it was. I feel like I've heard of the place before, but again, I've only been to Sendai a few times before, and that was to get my tooth fixed and to see volleyball tournaments. I'd never done any sightseeing or visiting before. When I traveled, it usually was to Kyoto, where the rest of my family was. Tokyo was new for me this year, too, but again, it was all for volleyball, not for sightseeing. It was a little disappointing.

The five of us sat at different, rather scattered seats on the bus we boarded. Oikawa was lucky and found two seats open for both of us to sit at. Iwaizumi, Matsukawa, and Hanamaki found their own spots on almost the opposite sides of the bus.

"Hey, Yoru- _chan_ ," Oikawa whispered. I jolted a little. "Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you. But I was going to ask you if it would be alright if I held your hand at all today."

I averted my gaze. "I don't care," I mumbled.

"Okay, then I won't." I raised an eyebrow. He just smiled. "I'm not stupid, Yoru- _chan_. I know when you say 'I don't care' you really mean no. Don't worry about saying no directly sometimes, okay? I won't be upset, I promise. I know you're not particularly comfortable with a lot, so I won't push you into it, and I'd rather you tell me up front that you're not okay with something."

I mumbled and stared at the ground. "I don't want to talk about this," I murmured softly.

"Okay." And he stopped talking.

"Why are you so accepting of me being like this?" I hissed. "Don't most people hate not being able to be..."

"Intimate?" Oikawa finished for me. He pondered with a frown for a slight moment. "No, I wouldn't say _most_ people. I would hope not, anyway. That's not the point, right? It's more like a bonus. So I'll treat it just as that. If you're not comfortable, I do not want to push your boundaries like others have. I'll appreciate your past, okay?" He smiled brightly. "Just being able to talk to you is more than enough for me."

I stared at the window, borderline disgusted. "Shut up," I blabbed.

"You don't have to be so mean when I say something nice!" Oikawa whined. "Do you have something against compliments? When I called you cute, is there something wrong with that?"

"Shut up," I repeated.

"I really don't get your head sometimes," huffed Oikawa.

He really was just a repeat of history, no matter how different he tried or seemed to be. I stared out the window and didn't say another word to him.

It still bugged me. It really did. Was it because Oikawa was here, reminding me of it over and over again, day after day? What kind of fool was I to fall for the same kind of asshole twice? Why did I try to convince myself that they were different? Their personalities may be different, but the way they treat me and talk to me is the same, essentially. I mean, Oikawa does read me better... but that's not the point! They're both awful. They're both annoying. If there wasn't a resemblance, I wouldn't be bothered by it on a day-to-day basis.

Why did this disgust me at all, though? I couldn't help but think back to Sugawara, when we did everything we could. Why had I been so okay with it then? I hadn't told him to shut up or go fuck himself. I didn't feel like puking when he said I was cute or want to die every time he said he liked my company. Did I really make the wrong choice? Was I meant to be with Suga? Did I just want to be friends with Oikawa? If that was the case, then why did I feel this way? Maybe I was just afraid of commitment? I tried to evaluate my other relationships -- well, friendships. Hinata I trusted, I liked talking to, but I didn't really think of him all that dearly. I kind of did at one point, but it was replaced the second Sugawara started talking to me. Sugawara I found to like very quickly and we cut to the chase just as quickly. It was unhealthy. Kageyama's "friendship" was even more unhealthy. He grew overly protective of me and didn't want me talking to anyone else, especially not Oikawa. It could have gotten much worse if it wasn't for Hinata. 

But, then, why this kid? Why do I constantly feel like I hate him; why does he come off as so familar to me? Why does his discussions of even something as trivial as holding hands lead my stomach to churning? I couldn't even begin to understand. What, did I feel some regret, like I figured it was going to end for sure, and that if I did anything, it would be a lie? Like, you know, my _entire last relationship?_ At this rate, I'd hate Oikawa in a month or so, and history will repeat itself again. I don't want that to happen.

But _why?_

I remembered the end of the semi-finals, all of a sudden. It was most likely because of that horrific, stupid, and exhausting first kiss between Oikawa and I. Just remembering it had me cringing in my seat.

I hadn't allowed the kiss to happen for very long. I chickened out only a couple seconds in. I couldn't quite place why, and nor could Oikawa. He raised his eyebrows for a moment, but nevertheless held a smile soon after. "That was different than I expected," he whispered.

"Wh-what, you think I'm a bad k-kisser or something?" I blurted. Ugh, what a ridiculous thing to say. Obviously that's not what he meant.

"No, that's not it. The whole scenario. I would have never thought something like this would come from you. I don't mind it, though, Yoru- _chan_ , so don't worry." He laughed softly. "I gather that this your idea of asking me out?" He had been waiting for my response. I'd only mustered up nothing more than a nod. "You can say it, you know."

"Why don't you just say your answer?" I complained. "You know the question, so answer it."

"But that's no fun," he complained. "You can lighten up my gloomy day a bit."

"No," I snapped. "Answer it. My team is waiting for me."

This is when his smile vanished and he fell more concerned. "Yoru- _chan_ , are you alright?"

"Just fine."

He hadn't been satisfied with that answer. "Are you sure?" he pressed.

"Stop asking, will you?" I blurted, my teeth grinding against each other. "There's nothing wrong. Nothing. I'm on a time constraint. I don't want to make everyone else upset with me by the time I get back."

Oikawa's hand brushed my cheek. I pushed it away. "I think we have more pressing concerns here, if you ask me."

"No we don't. Just answer my question and I'll leave."

"Can I ask a question first?"

"What?" I growled.

Oikawa was frowning. "If you're so uncomfortable right now, then why did you approach me at all?"

I stared, eyebrows furrowed. I wasn't able to even slightly move the expression. I didn't even have any words to say at the time. Now that I thought about it, I just asked myself the same question: why did I do that? "What do you mean by that?" I mumbled.

"I think you already know," he answered sternly.

I still didn't have any logical response at this point, nor would I in the present point. What _did_ I approach him for? On a whim? Panic? Sympathy? I didn't know why. I still don't know why. "Yoru- _chan_ ," he continued. "I've said it once, and I'll say it again." I didn't know what he meant at first -- and then he softly pressed his lips on mine again.

I forced myself to stick through it. Why did it feel so wrong? The second we were apart, I never wanted to leave his side. But when we were locked together, I just wanted to run away. What is this confliction for? And why was Oikawa the only one I'd felt this for? I wasn't against this. I knew, deep down, I truly wasn't. Yet, at the same time, I was thoroughly disgusted. It's just gotten worse as time went on. Luckily, I'm not disgusted by Oikawa's mere presence. Just intimacy.

When we had finally separated, he had a slight grin, a weak grin. "I love you," he breathed.

I still didn't reply. Oikawa seemed more upset than before. His hand combed back some of my loose hairs before I slapped it away. That was when he froze. Suddenly, Oikawa was just silent, and it hung in the air with a guilt chained down to my heart. I'd reacted without thinking. I just didn't want to be touched. And now, he didn't seem apt to try anything anymore; his eyes had been crying without tears while his mouth had been closed and yet sobbing. Something akin to lightning struck me through and down my spine. My heartbeat kicked up immediately.

"I... I have to go," I heaved, aiming to turn away and sprint again, when he suddenly grabbed my arm fiercely. I was stuck, staring at him, desperate to run, while he seemed on the verge of tears and fury.

"Yoru- _chan_ ," he declared, "tell me what's going on in your head right now. All of it. I don't care how strange or confusing or foolish you think it is. I want you to tell me. I don't want you to skip anything, I don't want you to manipulate anything. Tell me all of it."

I just continued breathing, which I noticed had been getting increasingly heavy. "Tell me," he repeated. "Please."

I bit my lip for a moment, caught up in debate with myself. Finally, I blurted a weak, "Fine." He had perked up a moment, but only a very short moment. "I don't know what's going on right now. Moments ago I never wanted to leave your side, and now what happened a year ago is nagging at me again! I feel disgusted and scared that I've made another mistake and I just want to run away before I see its result! I can't stand being touched by you, and yet the second you're not in a 20 centimeter radius of me, that's all I want! Why is it like this with you and nobody else? I don't understand!"

He gripped my wrist. Oikawa had averted his gaze, jaw tight with some kind of fear or frustration. "... but I do," he whispered. "You're still not seeing me as _Oikawa_ , right? You're still seeing remnants of _him_. You didn't see that in anyone else, did you? Chibi, Tobio, Suga... none of them really reminded you of _him_. So you weren't uncomfortable with them because of it. But... because _I'm_ similar, it's doing you more harm than good to keep interacting with me." His eyes fluttered back and forth, still far away from mine, not focusing on anything. "It's impossible for someone like me to help you overcome something like this. I'm a walking trigger hazard to you. In all honesty... I'm surprised you got this far with me... if this is what's been going in your mind."

"It... it hasn't! Not until now..."

"Let me guess," he frowned. "The kiss kicked up old memories? Or the mention of it do the trick?"

"No, I...!" I held my breath. "I... I don't know."

His smile was false. My arm was dropped. "Well," he sighed, "I suppose it would be more than toxic for someone like me to even stick around you any longer. I suppose it's a bit inevitable, this parting, isn't it? The last match I'll ever have against Karasuno. You're a second year, I'm a third year. We wouldn't be able to meet in person frequently, anyway. So, I suppose I have no choice other than to turn you down."

I had wanted to be sad, but I knew he was right at the same time. Instead, I was horrified. I couldn't fathom the thought of losing him. I trusted him more than anyone else I knew, even if I'd never say that to his face. To just cut ties like that, for something as simple as this; I wouldn't accept it. As if noticing this, he continued, almost apologetically, "I mean, if you're willing to do something, we can give it a try, but... I just don't want to see you hurt. I feel like it wouldn't go well. I don't want to be put in the same group with that damned kid who ruined your whole life. I want to be kept as someone precious to you, and I worry that if something happens between us, you'll be scared of me or hate me just as you do him. It would break me to know something like that happened."

I could feel my lip quivering as I forced back childish tears. This was so stupid, so cliché, so dumb! Why was I showing so much emotion... why did I care about Oikawa so damn much? Or, no; what I should be asking is: why do I care about him so much while simultaneously hating him? "I..." I croaked. "I do want to try... g... going out with you, but... I just hate it so much at the same time. After last time, it feels like a waste of time or fake or overrated. I... I can't stand intimacy, it's so disgusting... yet... I can't stop thinking about you..."

The smile on his face had started to feel more genuine. "Aw, Yoru- _chan_ , that's so cute of you to say!" he cooed.

"Don't patronize me," I mumbled. He seemed set back.

"Er -- I'm sorry?" he replied, worried. He seemed incredibly puzzled at my reaction, which had been no different from the first day we met. I diverted my gaze.

For a moment, he seemed disappointed. I wasn't surprised; what kind of person would like knowing that their friend or partner or whatever happened to be disgusted by everything they did, even things so little as compliments? However, to my surprise, Oikawa's frown morphed into a grin that poked out from the corners of his mouth. "Yoru- _chan_ ," he beamed, "I want you to set a boundary. I don't want to upset you in any way possible, so tell me what not to do and I'll stick to that like my life depends on it." There he went, echoing the same thing Sugawara said. Sugawara had made me list out everything he shouldn't do for me. But at the same time, Suga said he wanted to avoid things in order to be different from _him_ , while Oikawa said he wanted to do things in order to be comfortable for _me_. Sugawara wanted to avoid my past while Oikawa wants me to overcome it, or so it seems.

"Don't do anything," I murmured. "At least not without asking first."

"Nothing?" he confirmed; his voice was that of a child who was sad that the lions weren't out at the zoo. "So, no kissing, hugging, cuddling, holding hands? None of that?"

"Nothing," I repeated, "unless you ask first and I say it's okay."

Oikawa seemed mildly disappointed, but nodded nonetheless. "So, essentially, just about nothing is going to change other than what we call the relationship. That's... hm... going to be a lot different than what I'm used to... but I'll be okay. I'm more concerned about you, anyway."

"Why are you so worried about me, anyway?" I asked. "It seems unlike you."

"Didn't I already say? I've seen your fear and hatred for that guy. I don't want you to think of me like that. I want to be someone that you think of positively."

"... so, it's still a selfish act?"

"No it's not! Don't be so mean to me!" he pouted.

My memories were broken as I woke up.

"Yoru- _chan_ ," Oikawa's voice whispered, he gently shaking me awake. "We're getting off the bus. I figured you didn't want to be left behind."

"Oh," I replied, tipping my head back up and readjusting my eyes. I didn't even realize that I'd fallen asleep; this is weird, I never fall asleep in vehicles. "Yeah, you're right, sorry about that."

"Don't apologize, you're good!" he grinned.

_How is it you tolerate me?_ I thought suddenly. _Why do you go through this, dealing with my disgust? How have you dealt with me for the past month?_ Anyone in their right mind would have called off something like this by now, wouldn't they? I can't imagine how ancy he is -- we're dating and only have kissed twice. Isn't it supposed to be a common thing? Maybe it's not. But I'm pretty sure that it's not supposed to be nullified like what I'm doing -- nullified all thanks to my inconvenient hatred towards it all. I only wished that the same emotions I had felt with Sugawara had converted over to Oikawa. Maybe I had made the wrong choice. I bit my lip and kept my mouth shut.

How terrible was I, repeating history again? I wondered if this was the same feeling from last year, the same feeling of false joy that merely stuck around because I felt like I needed to be here. I worried I was making the wrong decision. Could it be another great, awful decision? Was that why fate had me meet up with four today instead of one? But I didn't feel much of anything for Hanamaki, Matsukawa, or Iwaizumi. It was only Oikawa that I had these incredibly complicated feelings for. It was so stupid. I have no idea why. Does fate even exist? No, of course not; so why am I convincing myself otherwise?

"Oh, hey, we should go check out the rollar coaster," Hanamaki suggested, pointing off to where a giant, white coaster with a bunch of drops was. We were currently in line to get tickets before entering the park. "I haven't been on one in forever."

"Don't they have some go-carts, too?" Iwaizumi piped up. "We should do that, if the line isn't long."

"Hey, I think we should all agree that eating is a number one priority here," Matsukawa declared. "I'm starving, anyway."

"That's a terrible idea," Hanamaki sneered. "We just suggested a rollar coaster and go-carts, Matsukawa. We're not gonna eat before that."

"Well, maybe not you guys, but rollar coasters make me sick even when I haven't eaten, so I'm not joining you guys on that." Hanamaki rolled his eyes, but Matsukawa merely shrugged in response.

"What about you, Yoru- _chan_?" Oikawa asked, grinning at me. "What do you want to do?"

"Um... I don't really care all that much... as long as it's not spinning teacups or anything spinning, really. Those make me puke." Thankfully, the four seemed to be in agreement with me. I'm glad that didn't need to be argued.

The line for tickets had been short, and so we got through it in only about three minutes. "Is it just me, or does it look like there's rainclouds in the distance?" Matsukawa questioned as he gestured to the grayish clouds off in the near distance. Under them was a heavily fogged up sky, probably from distant rain. "Hoping those are a lot farther than they look, since they're raining pretty damn hard. I'd rather not last-minute run back to some kind of shelter."

"Eh, I mean, look at the bright side," Hanamaki began. I wasn't sure if he was being serious or just happened to use the right phrase to make an accidental joke. "We got through the line quickly since no one's here. We can thank the rain for that."

"So how long are we planning on being here?" Iwaizumi asked, turning his attention slightly towards Oikawa, who seemed to be at a shocked loss. "Not surprised you didn't think about it," he grumbled. "I don't really care, but I'd rather not stick around for the rain."

"Nor would I," agreed Hanamaki. "Rain sucks ass."

"We might as well leave when it starts raining then," finalized Matsukawa. "I don't think any of us would really like to stick around for it. Not that I can speak for Oikawa."

"What's that supposed to mean?" snapped the brunet, insulted.

"Oh, y'know."

"No, I don't, Mattsun."

But Matsukawa didn't finish his statement. Oikawa just pouted in response. I couldn't help but wonder if he meant something to do with me. Maybe Matsukawa was going to add something like, "Oh, y'know, you've got some pretty strange interests." I bit my lip. I was overthinking it. They knew Oikawa better than I did, I'm sure; it was probably just in reference to something else or even just something completely meaningless that they targeted him for just because they could. It had to be something like that. I mean, what would Matsukawa know about our lack of intimacy?

"Rollar coaster, rollar coaster," Hanamaki chanted as Iwaizumi said we go to the go-carts first, since the line was short. The line for the rollar coaster was long, so only Hanamaki seemed up to riding it. Matsukawa had sided with Iwaizumi, since he wanted to just do something quick and grab food. Hanamaki complained the line would get longer if we sat around and waited, but Iwaizumi pointed out that rain was in the distance and the line would get shorter. This was when he gave in, and the five of us went off to the go-carts. I hadn't particularly noticed until now, but Oikawa was uncharacteristically quiet today. Wonderful. He asked to hang out with me today, and now I've upset him, haven't I? What a great day so far.


	10. Define Comfortable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iwaizumi finally decides to interject and help the people whose suffering has been driving him insane.

"So _now_ can we go on the roller coaster?"

"Hanamaki, I swear, if you complain about the fucking roller coaster one more time, I will punch you in the goddamn face," threatened Iwaizumi. The strawberry blond merely whined.

"I'm seriously going to head over there by myself if none of you want to go," Hanamaki blurted. "I really wanna go on the roller coaster, you have no idea." 

"I think we have an idea," coughed Matsukawa. Hanamaki stuck out his tongue. "But, ah, I want food. So does everyone else. We were at the go-carts for like, about a half hour. _Now_ we're _all_ hungry."

"Oh, so you get what you want, but I don't?" Hanamaki frowned. "Oi, oi, Oikawa, Ikari- _san_ , what about you two? You guys want to ride the roller coaster? Or are you getting food like these two losers?"

Oikawa glanced to me. It didn't look like he wanted to go with Hanamaki... which was basically the opposite of what I wanted to do. The roller coaster didn't look as intimidating as many I'd seen, so I kinda wanted to give it a try. But I didn't want to seperate from Oikawa like this, especially since I would be walking off with another guy. They seemed close, but I still feel like Oikawa wouldn't be happy: maybe to the point where he would go and ride a roller coaster against his own will just to follow me. He had no reason to trust me with other people, after all. Even though I'd never cheated on him in the past month, the situation before was beyond... _interesting._

I shook my head to Hanamaki, who just frowned. "Fine, then, if you guys are gonna be losers like that," he sighed. "I'm still gonna go. So... screw you guys, haha. Later." He threw a peace sign as he wandered off towards the still very long line. The rest of us, however, found a snack booth instead. I had my wallet in my pocket that I went to grab, but Oikawa had stopped me. I turned to see him smiling: weakly, but smiling. "Don't worry about it, I'll buy you something," he said quietly. "What do you want?"

I partially began to panic. Why? Who knows. I'm used to it at this point, but it doesn't shake off the emotion. I stared at the menu for a moment, suddenly rather conscious that Iwaizumi and Matsukawa were already certain and buying what they wanted. Under my own pressure, I just managed to say that I wanted some potato chips. That's not too weird, right? I won't seem like a cow or pig for ordering it? What a lame thing to order, though. They have all of these fancy snacks and here I am, ordering something I could get from a vending machine for cheaper.

Oikawa seemed uncertain of my response. So instead, he ordered two of what he wanted, which was a melon-flavored slushy. I'll admit, it was better than potato chips. But I don't particularly hope he does that again in the future. At least, not unless he asks me first; what if he ends up ordering two of something and I don't like it? That'd be problematic.

We walked around for a while, fairly quiet as a whole, Iwaizumi doing most of the talking. Matsukawa decided when he finished eating that he was going to go find Hanamaki again, and Oikawa and Iwaizumi decided that they would drag me off to wander the rest of the amusement park. Oikawa had suggested the zoo, but considering that it was going to rain soon, Iwaizumi shut down his idea almost immediately. I remained kept to myself. I didn't particularly care about what we did, anyway.

Then the slushy started to kick in. And by that, I mean I desperately had to go to the bathroom. I don't think I could have held it in much longer even if I had to for my own life. I slightly tugged on Oikawa's sleeve, to which he was instantly at attention, for some reason. It set me back a bit. "I... I'll be right back," I declared.

He raised an eyebrow. "Where are you going?" Oikawa asked.

"... the bathroom," I murmured. And with that, I left.

It took me a while to actually find one, but when I did, I didn't actually pay attention to where I had been going. It seems I momentarily forgot that I'm a complete dumbass when it comes to having a sense of direction. My heart was kicking up in a panic, but I forced it to suppress. I could find one of them easily, couldn't I? There's four of them. Hanamaki has pretty easy hair to spot, too.

And yet, I didn't find a single one of them after a good fifteen minutes of searching, panicked. I only stopped when the rain had finally hit. I felt a few drips falling, cold against my skin, to which I dove under the nearest roof. Luckily, that was right before the rain had its hardest blow, and I came out of the building storm with barely so much as damp hair. I don't think I would be walking out there for a while, but I hoped that the other four had managed to find shelter, too. I pulled my phone from my pocket instinctively, only to realize that I could have been _not_ an idiot and tried to have contact Oikawa instead of running around like a maniac. I seriously panic far too much.

_Hey,_ I began typing, looking up and around before continuing. _Sorry, I got lost. I'm under some pavilion right now, surrounded by a wall of vending machines and a bunch of people sitting away from the rain on tables._ Send.

_Your message cannot be delivered at this time. It will go through as soon as you are in an area with stronger signal._

Stronger signal? What is this stupid thing talking about? I have four bars of signsl here! Maybe it was because there was rain, or maybe the pavilion roof cut out the signal. Nevertheless, I had no choice but to find myself slumped at one of the tables, staring out into the rain and hoping someone I knew walked by. Unfortunately, there was a lot of high school boys that walked by, braving the rain like it was nothing, but none of them were from Aoba Johsai that I knew, leaving me at a loss. I felt bad, especially for Oikawa. I hoped he wasn't worried about me.

I'm not sure how long I was sitting under the pavilion, but I was the only one sitting here now. All of the people who had been around me either left or went to ride something in the rain for the hell of it. Part of me was surprised the place hadn't been closed, but I guess it was used to operating in the rain; most of the rides, events, and arcades were unaffected by it anyhow. At least it had been lightening up as time went on; when I first hid under the rooftop, it was pouring so hard it was hard to see and hear. That didn't last very long, and it was slowly getting lighter and lighter by the second; the light was beginning to peek between the clouds, too.

Just then, when the reappearing sun had caught my eye, I met gazes with someone else I knew. No, it wasn't Oikawa, as I had secretly hoped it would be, but it was, instead, Iwaizumi. He seemed taken aback for a moment, making his way through the rain in order to meet me. "The hell are you doing here?" was the first thing out of his mouth.

I shrugged initially. "It was raining, I got lost, so I dove under here for safety. I tried texting Oikawa, but my phone says it couldn't send the message. Which is total bullshit, but so is the way my phone wor --"

"Speaking of Oikawa," snapped Iwaizumi angrily, "do you know how upset you've made him today?"

Now I was taken aback. I just stared at him blankly. "What?" I asked, not sure I heard him right. "What did I do?"

His face was horrifyingly furious, eyebrows furrowed with his eyes fixated on mine. He heaved a heavy sigh, slouching into the seat next to mine with his cheek leaning into his fist. I scooted slightly away from him, a little afraid of what he was getting angry with me for. "You don't realize, do you?" he continued. "Oikawa's been upset all day. And it's been about _you._ Apparently, you're the one who asked him out, but you don't like being around him at the same time?"

"No, it's not that," I panicked, "I just don't like intimacy... like, hugging, k-kissing, that stuff...?"

"Bullshit," he snapped again. "Oikawa told me about your pseudo relationships with half of Karasuno. What kind of game are you playing here? I know Oikawa's a dumbass who falls for girls too easily, but I didn't think it would come to this. Would you quit messing with his fucking emotions?"

I wanted to spout "I'm sorry," or "There's a misunderstanding!" but I couldn't do much of anything. My jaw hung open in disbelief. None of this was what I intended. Iwaizumi's harsh glare grew more bitter the longer I hung without saying a word. "Just spit it out already," he ordered. "What's your game? Is there even one, or are you just as thick-skulled as Oikawa? Actually, scratch both of those questions. Answer this one first: if you don't want to be intimate with someone, or at least not Oikawa, then why the hell did you ask him out in the first place?"

My mouth bobbed like a fish for a moment before I just focused on the table. "I... I didn't know he felt like that," I mumbled. "I thought he was doing okay. He was okay when he asked me about it earlier..."

"If you're new to this," Iwaizumi explained, "Oikawa's good at hiding his emotions. At least to imbeciles, which you're slowly proving yourself to be." I slunk back in my seat. "Look, I know I'm being harsh, but I'm pissed off. I haven't seen Oikawa this distressed since junior high. Do you even realize the situation in full or not?" I slowly shook my head. "Fine, then I'll explain it to you, plain and simple. You're stressing out Oikawa. He really cares about you, and he wants to be close to you, but you don't seem to want that. He holds himself back for _your_ sake because he doesn't want to make _you_ feel like you're going through the same relationship you did before. It's taking a toll on him."

There was a small clatter on the table. Iwaizumi had his phone laying out, flipping through buttons and, eventually, messages. From Oikawa.

_ I'm perfectly fine, Iwachan, don't freak out on me. _

_ Well... yeah, I would rather be cuddling with her rather just standing or sitting next to her. Hell, holding hands would be better. _

_ Don't get the wrong idea! I'm fine. I don't want her to think I'm someone I'm not. _

_ Huh? Not acting like myself? What are you talking about? I always act like myself, Iwachan. _

Iwaizumi flipped down a couple days later, some texts sent from as late as midnight.

_ Maybe she doesn't like me... but she asked me out, right? That means she's got to, at least a little... _

_ But if she still sees her ex when she looks at me... I doubt she cares that much. _

_ Iwachan? Are you awake? Sorry to bug you. I... I just woke up soaked in tears lol. _

_ It'll get better as time goes on. I'm sure of it. _

Then it skipped to the morning, when Iwaizumi joined the conversation.

_ No, no, I'm certain! She's just got to warm up to it. I'll wait. _

_ Yeah, I know about Sugawara. But that doesn't mean anything. I'm not Mr. Refreshing. _

_ Would you stop demonizing Yoruchan here? She hasn't done anything wrong. I'm just overthinking it all. _

_... I know what happened between her and Sugawara, alright? You don't need to remind me. It doesn't matter. Sugawara is not the problem here. Her ex is. _

"See," Iwaizumi blurted, "he's dumb as dust, too." He tucked his phone away. "Oikawa is so blinded by the idea that you're not doing anything wrong. Now, let me tell you this, since I realize you're probably too dumb to be doing any of this shit on purpose.

"Give him a little freedom."

I stared at him silently, a bit confused as to where he was going with this. "You're controlling the _fuck_ out of him, Ikari, even if you don't realize it. He's so worried about every little thing he does now, even if it has absolutely nothing to do with you. He keeps simultaneously unfocusing on everything while overworking himself. Also, if you're wondering why he's not here with me, that would be because he decided that he was going to sit outside and wait for Matsukawa and Hanamaki while sitting in the pouring rain. He's probably sitting by himself right now. Oikawa usually becomes rather solemn and introverted when he's distressed. I know you've seen him angry, and he's blunt when he's angry. But he's silent when he's heartbroken."

My gut twisted. Maybe I hadn't thought this through. I was so concerned about making sure that I was satisfied that I barely even tried to care for Oikawa in the process. He really does worry about me a lot, doesn't he? He even was able to notice that I had panicked earlier and truly didn't want to order just a bag of potato chips. And what have I done in return? Absolutely nothing. "I think he's probably worried that you didn't just go to the bathroom and that you ditched us. I didn't think so, and I was right, but I wasn't able to convince him that I was," explained Iwaizumi.

"... I don't know what to do," I breathed.

"Well, step one, get your ass back over to him and apologize. Step two, maybe step out of your comfort zone a little bit. I can tell you, if I was in Oikawa's shoes, I would've probably dumped you by now. Not against you, but holy shit, I would not be able to stand a relationship like this. I'm not even in it and I'm stressed."

"You're stressed?"

"Of course I am. Oikawa's being his typical asshole self and you're being complicated as hell. Since you're both on the same level of ignorance, _I'm_ caught in the middle fixing all of your messes."

"You don't have to, though..."

"If I didn't, Oikawa would hurt himself. I mean, almost every other time you two have been _alone_ alone, there's been anger and tears shed, so, yeah."

I held a silence. Did we really argue that often? I didn't think we did...

Iwaizumi sighed. "I think you should go talk to him now. If you don't, I worry he'll do something irrational by himself, unless Hanamaki and Matsukawa have found him by now, which, I _highly_ doubt." He rose from his seat. "You're _not_ doing this on purpose, right?"

"No! I wouldn't dream of doing anything to hurt someone..." My eyes fixated on the table. "But... I just... I don't know if I'd be able to just change so easily..."

"Well, of course not, no one can. But you're not even making an attempt to," Iwaizumi complained. "I don't see what your problem is, anyway. Weren't you practically dating half of Karasuno beforehand?"

"No," I answered firmly. "The only one I could have even been considered 'dating' was Suga, but it never was something we made official because I was always thinking about Oikawa instead. So Suga called it off."

"So I still don't get it," Iwaizumi continued, now seeming more bewildered than angry. "If you were stuck on Oikawa _while_ with Sugawara, but now you can't do anything with Oikawa... what's the issue?"

The silence hung in the banging noise of the rain falling onto the roof. Iwaizumi pressed the issue with a wordless grunt, eyebrows raised. I forced a slight glance, but merely shifted in place, still not speaking a single word. I didn't know where to start. Then again, I didn't know when I first told Oikawa, either, did I? I guess have no choice but to unsheath the blunt knife again. I held my mouth open for a moment, then closed it for another brief moment. The rain echoed over my words once they finally slipped out.

"What?" Iwaizumi urged.

"Oikawa," I repeated. "He reminds me of my ex-boyfriend. He has this whole time."

Iwaizumi seemed a bit startled, as if he didn't know about this at all. I wasn't surprised Oikawa hadn't said a single thing about this. Why would he? He already had so much on his plate: to keep reminding himself of that would be torture. Of course, I'm sure it slipped his mind every once in a while, but there's a different pain that comes with confessing what disaster you know is the truth.

"Well," he began, "I can't say that's what I expected to hear. If anything, that honestly makes me even more confused. If you've thought that the whole time, then how'd it get this far in the first place?"

"That's what I don't know," I whispered. He hummed a confused grunt, seating himself down again. "I don't know what to do," I changed.

Iwaizumi shifted in his spot as he heaved a sigh, seeming to debate what it was that he wanted to say. "The obvious is to drop it all," he claimed bluntly. I just stared at him, but Iwaizumi just raised his eyebrows as if to ask, "But am I wrong?" I bit my lip and kept silent. "That's not an option to you, is it?" Iwaizumi heaved. "Apparently it's not for Oikawa, either. Seriously, I don't understand why you two are so desperate to stay together. It seems toxic."

His words sliced my skin like a knife. If anything was toxic, it was the fear that flowed through my veins from that statement alone. "Look, what exactly do you want from Oikawa?" Iwaizumi asked. I blinked. "A friendship? Relationship? Trust? What do you want from him so badly that you can't just walk away like everyone else does?"

"I want someone to listen to me," I answered immediately. "Someone to understand me rather than make something up on the spot to try and solve my problems. Someone who helps me figure out what I have to do rather than just help me avoid what's bothering me."

"And you're telling me Kusoikawa can do that? Not Sugawara or anybody else?"

"No. Just Oikawa."

Iwaizumi stood up again. "We're going to see him," he announced. "Hope you don't mind the rain."

I wasn't greeted with a smile. I wasn't greeted with surprised eyes, nor a grateful "Yoru- _chan_!" I was greeted with silence.

He didn't even know I had walked up to him. Oikawa sat on a bench, staring at the concrete, his hair soaked and plastered to his face. I couldn't tell if water from the rain or his eyes were streaked onto his cheeks. His clothes were even soaked enough to probably weigh a ton even though he looked particularly unfazed by it. His shoes and pant cuffs were caked in mud. Despite all of the factors playing against his usual prioritized attempts at keeping his expected handsome appearance, he just sat, silent, ignorant to the fact that he looked as though he just went through a sandstorm while soaked. I wondered if it was really Oikawa I was looking at, but Iwaizumi seemed much more certain than me.

The brunet didn't look up at me as I stood there. I spoke his name, softly and hesitantly. He still didn't respond. I repeated myself. He still didn't budge.

" _Oi, Kusoikawa, your problems are not going to be solved if you sit on your ass ignoring her all day!_ " Iwaizumi snapped, which caused Oikawa to twitch in his place. His neck cranked up slowly, brown eyes dead of emotion as he scanned in front of him. They caught me for a moment. It wasn't a short moment, nor did either of us look away. We just held eye contact there, silent, the remaining mist of rain slowly dripping.

"Yoru- _san_ ," he murmured weakly, "what did you come back here for?"

Iwaizumi looked ready to pummel him, but I cut Iwaizumi off before he could say another word. "I came back to talk to you."

"But why? Didn't you leave because you didn't want to be with me anymore?"

"No, I got lost," I mumbled honestly. "I tried contacting you, but once the rain hit and I hid under a pavilion and the signal cut out. I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to worry you."

Oikawa's expression didn't change in the slightest. His eyes faltered, flickering off to the side, to Iwaizumi, and back to the ground again. "I see," he replied quietly. "Did you two find Makki or Mattsun?"

"No," Iwaizumi answered bluntly. "We didn't go looking for them."

He glanced up to Iwaizumi quickly. "... Then what have you been doing?" he asked cautiously, frightfully.

"We were talking," Iwaizumi clarified. "About you, dumbass."

Oikawa furrowed his eyebrows. "Me?"

"Yes, you." Iwaizumi elbowed me in the rib. "Ikari has something to share."

_Why switch it to me so quickly? I didn't even have time to prepare for this...!_ Nevertheless, Oikawa turned to me, his puzzled face still held. He didn't ask or say anything, he just seemed confused -- and maybe, in that puzzled expression, I saw some fear. "O... Oikawa, I... I'm sorry for how I've acted," I stumbled. "I didn't realize what I was doing -- or, not doing -- was hurting you so much. I didn't even think of it. I was being incredibly selfish and forgetting to put you and your feelings into the scenario. You're always there for me, so I need to do at least the equal in return. It's only fair."

Oikawa's expression softened. I made a quick glance to Iwaizumi, wondering if there was something I had missed. He seemed to be staring at me, asking " _And?_ " I couldn't fathom what I had forgotten, though.

"Yoru- _chan_ , you don't need to worry too hard about me, really--"

"Oh, bullshit," Iwaizumi blurted. "Oikawa, you may not realize it, but she's got far more control over you than she needs. She didn't even know. You need to even the playing field -- _she_ needs to even the playing field."

"Iwa- _chan_ , I've told you, I'm fine--"

"Look at yourself right now! How could anyone, _anyone_ , look at you and say with a straight face that you look 'fine' right now?"

Oikawa fell silent. He held his mouth shut and stared at the ground again. "What, now you're gonna pull a guilty card? Oikawa, you know that shit doesn't fly with me. You're _not_ fine, we want to _fix_ that, so _stop_ trying to deny it."

"I don't want to hurt Yoru- _chan_!" Oikawa snapped. "You _know_ that! You _both_ should know that! I wouldn't forgive myself if I was put in the same category as the people she hates because of something that I did that could have been prevented!"

"So, that means you'll push yourself away from her for your sake even though you _both_ want to be closer to each other? Are you a fucking idiot?" Iwaizumi retorted.

"If she's fine, _I'm_ fine, Iwa- _chan_!"

"Oikawa," I blurted. They both stopped. "I'm not fine," I clarified. Oikawa looked shocked, frozen in place. "I'm not fine because _you're_ not fine." His fear subsided as he seemed to slink back. "I don't want you to think for even a second that I would be fine knowing you're torturing yourself emotionally for my sake. I only want you to do something for me if it doesn't take a significant toll on you."

Oikawa, surprising to me, frowned, his jaw dropping open to speak without a single word coming out. He bit his lip and gazed off to the side before repeating the same thing over again. "Yoru- _chan_ , I... I don't... I understand what you're saying, but at the same time, I don't want you to take a bullet just for me to be happy, either. Then neither of us will be happy. Yet, there... doesn't seem to be a logical middle ground here, either, and I don't know what to do."

"Ikari," Iwaizumi began. "You mentioned Oikawa reminded you of your ex. Why is that?"

"Why?" I gaped. "He... when I first met Oikawa, he tipped me off as similar to him. Like, his flirtatiousness. His lack of keeping boundaries. His unending teasing and obsession with getting a picture with me. I couldn't stand it, and I didn't really get why other than it was annoying at first. Then at one point it just... clicked. And I was met with so many horrible memories that I..." I shook my head and finished, "can't stand."

Iwaizumi raised his eyebrow and turned to Oikawa. "You know about this?"

Oikawa shrugged. "The basics of it."

"Anything about the memories?"

He blinked. "No. I didn't force her to say anything about that. I didn't see why she would need to."

Iwaizumi pursed his lips. "There. The problem. Right here. You haven't said a damn thing to him about what is it that's actually bothering you, have you? Besides just 'You remind me of my ex-boyfriend.' That doesn't solve shit. You need to actually tell him what happened that traumatizes you so damn much, and, hey, maybe you'll relieve some stress in the process. If you don't say anything, then how the hell is anyone, not just Oikawa, supposed to know what to do around you that doesn't end up triggering the memory? Or, at least try to fix the emotion behind it."

I didn't think of that, or maybe it's just that I didn't want to. I've been trying my hardest to push away these memories and delete them but they keep resurfacing the more I try to delete them. I don't even have to be around Oikawa for them to bother me. I just have to see something even remotely similar for it to come back and resurface. I glanced to Oikawa, who seemed eagar and willing to listen. Iwaizumi stood there for a moment or so before he announced he'd leave us alone to discuss. "It's not my business," he declared, "so there's no point in listening. I'll respect Ikari's privacy. I'll keep a lookout for Matsukawa and Hanamaki instead."

So Oikawa and I were left to ourselves. This could either go horribly wrong or borderline perfectly. It was hard to guess at this point. He shifted from his spot, straightening his slouched position and offering me to sit next to him. The seat was still incredibly soaked, but I figured it would be rude not to sit next to him. He seemed to make an effort not to touch me.

"So," he began calmly. "What exactly happened to you?"

I took a moment. Where do I begin? I ask myself once again. Today is so repetitive, like the first day we met is getting replayed. The only difference is that, now, we both know each other much better. Or, so we thought, anyway. Maybe we don't know each other at all. Despite conversations back and forth for the past five months, we hadn't been able to meet face-to-face very often. Maybe this was also a playing factor and something we should fix.

But as for my past... I didn't even know what to say.

"He didn't read me well," I revealed. "I would say by nature that I was fine, but I wasn't. Maybe it was my fault, too, since I would repeat myself when he asked if I really was fine. I was telling myself I would be. But I just felt gross and it was harder and harder to hold an innocent image of myself."

"What weren't you fine with?" he asked.

"... anything," I muttered. "I couldn't hold eye contact without forcing myself to. Kissing was disgusting. I couldn't stand when he touched me. He... I..." It was held in my throat, a lump of embarassment that I was choking on. I didn't want to remember these things. Why was I being forced to? "I... I'm sorry, I really can't talk about this... I hate it... I hate it so much..."

"If you don't mind me asking," whispered Oikawa, "why is it so traumatic? I'm sorry, I don't want to make you uncomfortable... you already are... I just... I want to help you, but I don't have any idea as to how."

"No, it's fine..."

"Really?"

"I'll tell you," I finalized.

"He didn't rape you or anything, did he?"

"No, it wasn't like that," I heaved, thankful that it truthfully hadn't gone that far. "He just... I wished he hadn't been so dependant on an extremely intimate and sexual relationship. I was too quick with it myself. In all honesty, I didn't want to do much more than what we'd done in the first date. But he just wanted to push it further and further... I didn't want to make him feel bad so I just went with it... so things got out of hand. How far it actually went probably seems pathetic in comparison to how far things actually went... but... god, I can't stand it, I really can't!"

"I'm sorry! Don't push yourself to the point where you get so distressed," Oikawa cautioned. 

"You don't have to apologize," I breathed. "I need to get this off of my chest." I took a short sigh. "I kept thinking to myself, 'I'll get used to it,' or, 'This is normal, I shouldn't be so disgusted.' I even went so low to think, 'This isn't for me. It's for him.' I objectified myself and forgot I was even a person. I forgot to consider my own feelings, and when voiding them no longer worked, they burst out and I ran away like a coward, not explaining a single word. I didn't even know why at the time. I thought I ran away for nothing. So then I just felt even worse. It's a snowball effect; the mountain hasn't ended, either."

"... I'm sorry again, but... how far did he push you?" Oikawa murmured. "I really don't want to press the topic, but at the same time, I don't want to mimic his mistakes."

I opened my mouth to confess it, fully ready to, but fell short of doing it. I cringed my face, staring at the ground. The few people still at the park were walking through the puddles filling into the waved concrete. I watched as their shoes splashed as they stormed along. A vague touch brushed my hand; I jolted and it retreated. My attention slid over to Oikawa, who seemed to be staring at the ground no differently than I had been. I took a silent deep breath, finally confessing, "He sent me a lot of things I didn't want to see. Whether it be pictures of himself only in underwear, sexual text messages that were way off topic, or extremely indecent sexts, he didn't care. He thought I didn't care because I didn't have the courage to tell him to stop. And then, when we met in person, it was the same kind of thing. He would touch me however he wanted -- my chest, butt, torso, crotch -- and I never said no. He would kiss me and I tried to mimic it in order to make it work out but I just was making myself feel worse and worse because I was forcing myself into things I didn't want to do. I couldn't stop it, so I just ran away instead."

It had all flown off of my tongue. I just let it roll off, ignoring what it was that I had actually been saying. As I finished it, though, I didn't feel any less stressed and felt even more embarrassed than I already had been. I glanced to Oikawa briefly, hoping he had heard me, because I don't think I was up to repeating myself. It was hard enough to say it the first time: I mean, I hadn't even been able to piece this together and explain it when it was a problem that needed to be solved in the first place, so there was little reason for me to find it any more comfortable to describe. It turned out, after all, that Oikawa had heard me, and was mildly shocked by what I had said. His face morphed as his raised eyebrows narrowed down into a grimace. I almost thought he had been angry with me for saying something wrong. But that wouldn't have made sense.

"What a douchebag," he sneered. "He did all that? And he didn't even notice for a second that something was wrong?"

I pursed my lips for a moment. "He did... just towards the end of it all. But he didn't say more than 'Are you okay?' and when I told him I was, he threw it aside for the most part. I guess he didn't seem particularly happy himself..."

"Oh, who cares if he was happy or not?" Oikawa snapped. "If he saw something was wrong, he should have tried to solve it right away, not just toss it to the side and hope it sorts itself out. It doesn't even make any sense for him to do that. He's lucky he never met me, or I'd strangle him myself!"

"Oikawa, you're starting to sound like Iwaizumi," I laughed. He pouted, denying the accusation.

"Say, Yoru- _chan_ ," he chirped, "I haven't heard you laugh like that in a while. Have I finally made my way into your heart?"

"Shut up, dumbass," I retorted, lightly punching his arm. He whined on cue, but silenced himself when I added, "You've been there the whole time."

He blinked away his fake tears, deadpan with bewilderment. I was worried I hadn't said the right thing. But his lips curled into a smile that cracked through his cheeks and pulled so tightly against the corners of his mouth that I thought he might hurt himself. " _Yoru-_ chan _!_ " he exclaimed in a breathy tone, throwing himself into a hug around me. "I've never, ever, heard you, _anyone_ , say something so meaningful to me; do you know how happy I am right now? More happy than when you first made me smile! You know, when you said, 'You're passionate. It makes me feel just as passionate!' I thought that day beat out any other one I could ever have, but I was so clearly wrong!"

I was shocked to have his arms around me, but my heart pounded in my chest. Was it in fear, like all the times before, or was it truly in affection? I wasn't quite sure. But I think, just maybe, that it was the latter... yet, at the same time, I couldn't find myself embracing him in return.

Immediately, Oikawa pushed himself back, seemingly startled at his own actions. "Ah -- oh -- I'm sorry, I said I wouldn't do anything without asking first -- please don't be mad at me."

I blinked.

What an unnatural thing for him to say.

Maybe it wasn't, maybe I didn't know him well enough.

But it didn't sit right with me.

"I'm not mad," I answered truthfully. "Please don't feel like you have to hold yourself to that all the time. I don't want you to fight yourself for my sake."

Oikawa held his breath for a few short seconds, as if he was scanning me for some sort of lie. "You're the one who came up with the rule," he clarified, "but you're okay with completely dismissing it?"

"Well, I mean," I breathed, "not completely. I just don't want you to go against everything you care about in order to support me. That's not very equal to me. I shouldn't be the one in supreme control like that, it's as if I'm running a dictatorship. Instead, we should both have input. Some things should be asked, but others can be acted on. We should both have the right to say no to anything, too."

His hand met my cheek, brushing it with the back of his fingers. I didn't move them. "Is this okay with you?" Oikawa whispered. He didn't seem to wait for a reply, instead scanning me for any form of denial. I nodded. His fingertips slid back and brushed the back of my neck, combing through my hairline. If he hadn't been so ginger with the touch, I may not have shivered; he slightly shrunk back his hand, but slipped his fingers back into my hair once I met his eyes. Oikawa pulled me a bit closer to him, so softly and slowly that I almost didn't notice it. There was a smirk toying at his lips. "I'd like to say you're more comfortable around me, huh? That's good to know."

I tried to think of some kind of witty insult, but nothing was coming to my head. I just had my attention focused onto his eyes. They seemed to somehow wipe away a lot of my worries -- eech, what a cliché thing to say, isn't it?

I moved my hand up to his hair, sopping and sticking to his head like a wet mop. He seemed taken aback for a moment, but relaxed once I slicked his hair back onto his head. "There," I said, content. "Your hair was covering your eyes. I couldn't see them very well."

His stiffness melted into a smile. My God, that smile of his. It really did send my heart racing when I saw it. Not his daily smile either, the joker one that spelled out how he was up to no good. The real one. The affectionate one. The one I was exclusively allowed to see.

"I want to hear you say it," he whispered. I raised an eyebrow. "I'll give you a kiss if you say it."

"Say what?" I asked.

"I think you know. And if you don't, I'll be crushed."

"I'm really not that smart, Oikawa, don't put that much pressure on me."

He chuckled. "I know you know what it is," he told me. "You've come close to saying today already."

Come close to saying it?

Oh.

I know what he means.

What a dorky request. Only natural for someone like Trashy-kawa to ask. Nevertheless, I could feel a smile crawling up my face without my control. It was cute. What he said. So incredibly stupid, but cute.

But isn't that Tooru Oikawa in summary, anyway?

"I love you," I breathed.

It was barely a second: a second for a very short smile, one filled with compassion that I didn't know a milisecond could hold, and for our lips to finally meet again. No, I can't say it felt wholly right, but it didn't make my stomach churn and I didn't feel any need to pull away. I just absorbed it, and I didn't feel like I was forced to be there. It was gentle, soft; relaxing, even. His lips were as delicate as an angel food cake, tasting remarkably sweet. My mind was clear for once during a kiss, to the point where I could take in the beauty of it rather than contemplate the faults. I didn't feel obligated to do anything, and slowly, it didn't feel very awkward at all.

It felt cold when he pulled back. "Sorry," he apologized, "I'm sure you were just getting into that. But we're still in public, so there's not a whole lot else we can do."

"No, Oikawa, I'm fine. It was perfect," I breathed.

"You think so? Aw, I feel so honored!" he teased. "I didn't want to be rough with you since you're really not apt to it, so I tried my best to be gentle instead. I guess it worked out just fine!" His hand that was still combing the ends of my hair slid up to the top of my scalp, quickly pulling me into a hug with my head resting against his chest. Curse him for being tall. There's no way I could balance my head on his shoulder, even ignoring the fact that he's now locked me in place by resting his chin on my skull. "I don't know if you realize how happy I am today. I'm ready to weep with joy, Yoru- _chan_ , I'm so happy. Knowing you're so much more comfortable around me makes me so relieved. Also, if we ever happen to see that boy, point him out to me and I'll be sure to punch him in the face on your behalf."

"Oikawa," I started.

"Mhm?"

"You're still soaking wet, you know."

"Well, if you're complaining about it this late, then you're already wet and it doesn't matter whether or not you're hugging me. Besides, it's still raining anyway."

"Barely."

"Barely means it's still raining."

The argument was cut short by a sudden wolf whistle. Oikawa shifted, then jerking back to a stiff sitting position as he propped me upright and away from him. "Makki! What the hell was that for?"

"I was getting bored watching," the strawberry blond answered nonchalantly.

"Bored watching?" Oikawa repeated, panicked. "How long have you been standing there?"

"I mean, a while. Not sure exactly. But you're both kinda in public, Oikawa, so I'm not sure what you expected." He had a soda cup with him now, so I guess he'd gotten something to eat. He sipped from the straw. "Oh, also, the rollar coaster was pretty damn fun, you should ride it before we leave."

"You know I don't like rollar coasters," groaned Oikawa. "Where's Mattsun and Iwa- _chan_?"

"You don't like rollar coasters? And we call you our volleyball captain," shamed Hanamaki. "And I dunno where they are. I was eating with Matsukawa earlier and then Iwaizumi showed up, said he'd been talking to you, and while those two were talking, I walked back from where Iwaizumi came from and _bam_ found an instant make-out scene. They're probably in the same spot as before but who the hell knows." He sipped more of his drink. Oikawa didn't seem impressed.

"I think it's just best we leave at this point," Oikawa sighed. "There's not a whole lot left to do, anyway."

"Ooh, the Playboy of Seijoh himself planning to do his dirty work?" Hanamaki provoked. I narrowed my gaze.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, but Oikawa talked over me.

"How many times do I have to tell you that's a rumor, Hanamaki?"

"I know it is, haha, chill out. I'm just messing with you. I know you're not like that." But Oikawa rolled his eyes anyway. I turned to him, confused. He pushed away the topic with the wave of his hand, as if trying to dismiss the worry about the statement. It didn't dismiss anything. It just created more confusion.

"You're still stuck on that rumor, aren't you?" Oikawa asked. The other three had left. Now he was walking me home. I still couldn't fathom how he read me so easily. I merely nodded in response, triggering a sigh from him. "Don't worry about it, seriously. You know rumors are just nasty things people make up in order to level the playing ground of the whole social hierarchy nonsense. Isn't there one Karasuno kid everyone says has been in high school for five years? He had a baby face as a first year. That rumor only sprung up late last year when he grew that goatee. See, they're just nonsense."

"But usually they have a reason as to why they exist," I mumbled. "Asahi has his scruffy beard and looks pretty muscular for his age. So there's gotta be a reason that you've got that name tacked to you..."

"Oh, I see what you're saying." He pursed his lips and debated, glancing off into the distance passed the road to our right. "Well, I think it was started by an ex-girlfriend of mine a while ago. But the rumor didn't get very far and wasn't spread out passed Seijoh. She probably did it as her form of revenge against me for breaking up with her. She said that I would flirt with and date a bunch of girls from different schools, sleep with them, and then leave without saying a word to them ever again. Pretty gross rumor. But like I said, it didn't get very far, and it is very, _very_ far from the truth. I'd never do that to somebody."

I twisted my expression. "That's disgusting."

"I know, isn't it?" He shook his head and whispered from behind his palm. "There's a reason she's my _ex_ -girlfriend."

I pondered. "You seem very casual about this," I noted.

"Am I supposed to sound serious? It doesn't really bother me. It doesn't mean anything to me. I think you should know my priorities lie in volleyball." There was a pause. "And you, of course."

"Oh, wow, you had to think about that. I feel so special."

"Sh, sh! I didn't mean to! I didn't think before I spoke," he cried apologetically.

I pondered a bit more. "You know, you seem different right now," I commented.

"What makes you say that? Is it because I'm being really 'casual,' like you said before?" Oikawa furrowed his eyebrows. "I'm confused why you're questioning me so much now. Did I do something wrong? Is there something in my teeth?"

Why would something in your teeth bother me? "You're acting suspicious," I finalized.

"Huh? How so?"

"The way you're talking and acting. It's unlike you. I know you're egocentric and love talking about yourself, but you're taĺking so casually it's as if you're trying to cover something up. Is that story you told me even true?"

There wasn't an immediate response. Instead, the question was held in the tense atmosphere, Oikawa not saying a word as his eyes darted from the sky to the road. He heaved a quaint sigh. "Okay, I'll admit, I manipulated it a little bit," he confessed, "but I'm afraid you'll not trust me anymore if I tell you the whole story."

"The only reason I wouldn't trust you anymore is because you just lied to me."

He frowned, guilt in his eyes. "Well... I'll just say she didn't pull that story out of thin air."

I narrowed my gaze. "You're saying you slept with her and never spoke with her again after that?"

Oikawa had puckered lips, as if he'd eaten a sour grape. "Not exactly," he murmured.

"Then what did you do?"

"In short? I let my newfound popularity get to my head," he blurted. I didn't know what he meant by that. "It was my first year of high school. In junior high, I wasn't all that popular, just that one kid who was obsessed with sports. But come high school, I was suddenly very popular with girls, which had never happened to me before. So through that year I ended with, ah... more than a few girlfriends in and out. Then, the last one I had that year, she, well, she was determined to keep me after finding out my reputation. And since I don't think a single one of those relationships was based on any real form of love, I grew bored pretty quickly into it. But I was way too scared to tell her off. Instead, I ended up temporarily going out with a girl from another school at the same time... things got out of hand, and much like you did, I panicked and ran away without actually going to solve the problem. I broke up with my girlfriend, and when she found out I had cheated on her, the rumor sprung. But don't tell anyone I said this to you, okay? I'm really not particularly proud of it."

I squinted. "That's fucked up, Oikawa."

"I know, I told you I'm not proud of it! Don't beat me when I'm already wounded! Iwaizumi already gave me a lecture about how much of a total dick I was _when_ it happened, I don't need one again two years later."

"I swear, if you do something like that to me, it'll end up worse than a petty rumor."

He didn't seem fazed. "I doubt that. You're like a little baby bird, Yoru- _chan_! I doubt you could hurt a fly."

"Yeah, but I've got two volleyball teams' worth of people to back me up, as well. Plus you have to watch your ass for Iwaizumi- _san_."

His unfazed expression remained, but his color drained from his face. "Ah, you know what, you have a point," he stuttered. "Thank you for reminding me."

"I don't want to be cornered to threaten you, but in all seriousness, that is extremely fucked up."

"I know, thank you for repeating it. Could we drop it now? It really bothers me to talk about it."

"Mn," I mumbled, "I guess we both have first years in high school that we regret, then, don't we? It's ironic how they were so similar, too, yet we're so opposite. Maybe that's just me."

A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth, but he didn't answer me. The sky was starting to get dark at this point: a little bit of orange lit up a little under half the sky, the other side decorated in a blackish blue. Funny, the sky was the colors of Karasuno. I wondered why. Why? It's just the colors of the sky. This isn't some book where colors symbolize something when I see them. Then again, who said it can't? And here I am, talking in circles to myself. I suppose I did miss talking with the Karasuno team. I didn't talk to them as much outside of practice as I used to, not ever since that final tournament and the win against Shiratorizawa. Hinata was still my friend, but in reality, I talked to Oikawa a lot more often. Maybe the sky was Karasuno in order to remind me that I should talk to them more. I mean, after all, they will be here for me a lot longer. It's inevitable. Oikawa's a third year in a different school; he'll graduate in a few months, and who knows when I'll see him again after that. Who knows if I can attend his graduation -- will it be the same day as Karasuno's? Then what will I do?

His hand brushed mine ever so slightly. I thought it was by accident at first, but then it happened again. And again. And again. After the fifth time, he latched his finger on mine, wrapping together our littlest fingers as if we were making a promise. "Yoru- _chan_ , I'm going to tell you something. Make a promise to you," he started, "and I hope that you don't want to turn it down."

"I'd rather not cut off my pinky," I replied, gesturing to our weaved hands. He smiled playfully.

"I want you to be my one and only from here on out," he declared. "I know it's ballsy to say, but I mean it. And you don't have to cut off your pinky." He took a deep breath. "I know we argue... a lot... and sometimes we don't really click. But I really do care about you, more than I have anyone else. So I want to stay with you for as long as fate lets us. Are you okay with that?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"I don't know, you seem kinda... hmm... apathetic? to things like this, so I figured I'd ask."

"You're a dumbass," I stated.

"What did I say wrong this time?" he panicked, his hand thrown up in surrender.

"Just because I seem apathetic doesn't mean I don't care about you, you know. Didn't we solve this already today? I really do care about you Oikawa, it's just difficult for me to express it properly."

He pouted. "I guess we did go over it. Differently, though. Because our solution ended more like this."

His free hand met my chin very quickly, grasping it gently as he tipped my head up and pulled me up a little closer to him. He leaned down into me, our lips meeting for the second time that day. It was almost a perfect replica of the kiss from before: soft, delicate, sweet, gentle, and, somehow, just that little bit of relaxing. It, however, was even shorter than last time, and he pulled away from me without much warning. In a second, he was standing straight, agitatedly rubbing the back of his neck. I furrowed my gaze. "Ah, hum, don't hurt me for saying this but... it hurts to bend down for that long since you're so much shorter than me," Oikawa murmured.

"What, but it wasn't bad before?"

"We were sitting before! And the first time we kissed _you_ pulled away almost immediately! So it's not my fault!"

"Well, maybe if you weren't so tall this wouldn't be an issue."

"Ehh? Yoru- _chan_ , that's genetics! I can't change that! Maybe _you_ shouldn't be so short!"

"You're a dumbass."

"Stop insulting me, Yoru- _chan_ , you're hurting my pride!"

"You've got a pretty big ego, I'm sure I'm not hurting a thing."

"Yoru- _chan_!"

I couldn't help but laugh. After a second or so, I realized what house we had conveniently stopped in front of for the brief kiss. I scanned the small front yard, not a car in sight. The windows were closed and the curtains were drawn. I heaved a sigh. "It's a good thing my parents aren't home," I announced. Oikawa blinked, then followed my attention to the house behind him.

"Oh, that's your house? You should have said something."

Funny. History repeated itself again. This stance, this position, this setting, this scenario: all of it was borderline the same as last time, the same as what happened just after Hinata's jaw was broken. The same words had been spoken earlier today, and at the same time, the opposite ones were said only moments ago. This time, in this time loop, I wouldn't be losing someone. In fact, I'm doing the contrary: solidifying a relationship. And it felt a whole hell of a lot better than seperating for a first and final time.

"Oikawa- _san_ ," I started.

"Ew, gross, don't address me so formally."

I grimaced. "Oikawa- _kun_?"

He seemed to still cringe. "What happened to just 'Oikawa'?"

"You can call me 'Yoru- _chan_ ' but I can't call you anything besides 'Oikawa'?"

"Why not call me _senpai_?"

"Nice try," I complained. He pouted. "Besides, isn't that _more_ formal than - _san_? I don't get what you want here."

"Fine, fine," he said, ignoring me as he dismissed my argument. "I'll let you call me Tooru. How about that?"

"Tooru...- _kun_?"

"Why the - _kun_...? It makes me seem like I'm younger than you."

"Well, you act like it, so I think that's close enough."

"Hey, come on, I'm not _that_ immature!"

"But you acknowledge that you're immature at the same time?"

"Mhm, isn't that mature of me?"

"Not when you put it like that."

"Yoru- _chan_!" he whined.

"Tooru- _kun_!" I mocked.

"Stop calling me that!"

"Only when you stop calling me 'Yoru- _chan_ ,'" I decided. Oikawa did not seem enthused with the idea. Nevertheless, his hand lost its grip on merely my pinky, replacing it with a full grasp of my hand, weaving our fingers together playfully. He still had a mild pout on his face. "You're so stupid that it's cute," I blurted.

His pout turned to a puzzled look. "Cute...?" he questioned. "That doesn't make any sense."

"I'm going to miss you," I continued.

"H-huh? Yoru- _chan_ , what are you talking about?"

"When you graduate," I blurted. "I'm going to miss you. I'm gonna miss you so much, you don't have any idea. It's already difficult as it is. I only get to see you once a week. Now there's only a few months left of school for you."

"There's a whole half a year left, Yoru- _chan_ , don't worry too much about it right now." He squeezed my hand gingerly. "Besides, who says there's anything wrong with meeting up while I'm in university? It'll all work out, Yoru- _chan_ , I can promise you that much. Just put a _little_ faith in me. I will never leave you in the dust."

I gripped his hand back, almost immediately throwing myself into his embrace. His slight stumble led me to believe that he'd been startled, but even so, his arm still wrapped around my shoulders and kept me close. "I don't even want to say goodbye today," I confessed. "I know it sounds so dumb and cliché, but..."

"It doesn't sound dumb or cliché," Oikawa replied, almost laughing. "I'm grateful to hear you say that. I'm grateful to hear you say this all. I know I joked earlier about you being number two in comparison to volleyball earlier, but I actually believed you thought I was a second priority in your mind, that there was something else there that you were more concerned about, even after we went through and solved things earlier today. Hearing you say you don't want to see me leave... god, it's just so cute! I love it so much." He nuzzled his nose into my hair, pecking the top of my head hastily. "I love you so much, Yoru- _chan_ , and it makes me overjoyed to know that you feel the same way."

My face was half-buried in his chest. "Dumbass," I mumbled.

"Hey! Don't kill the mood! I'm just saying something nice. You could say something nice, too, y'know, my pride is in need of it." Oikawa pushed me back from the hug; I suddenly felt cold and resisted the force to shiver. Quickly, he pecked my lips one last time for the day.

"I think I have to head home now," Oikawa whispered. "The sun's down... oh, hey, look at the sky! You can see way more stars here than in the dead center of Sendai."

I looked up. There was only a small few. "I never thought we could see that many at all," I added.

"No, not really, but I can't see any of them from where I live. It's really depressing. Oh, and over there, that one that looks like an incredibly bright star? It's Venus. It's not blinking, so it's a planet, not a star. Stars flicker since they're constantly reacting and have flares that explode every once in a while. And then -- hey, right there! Yoru- _chan_ , look, look! There's a shooting star! Ahh, it's so pretty!"

Sure enough, right above us was a shooting star, a quick flash of light passing by in colors I wasn't able to commit to memory quick enough. "Did you make a wish? I did," Oikawa asked.

"What did you wish for?"

"Yoru- _chan_ , that's not how the game works! It won't come true if I tell you what I wished for. And I don't want to lose you, so I'm not telling you what it is."

I wanted to be mad, but then I thought for a second about what he had said. "You're so stupid," I declared. "But I guess I wished for the same thing."

"You better have," he teased. Oikawa's mouth curved into a smile, pecking my lips once more. "We'll meet up again soon, okay? I promise. I don't think I can stand being too far away from you for very long, either. I don't want to leave you here now, honestly. If only I could take you home with me! But I don't think it would work out." He pecked my lips again. "I'm sorry, I can't resist it. I'll stop that now." He sounded upset with himself, but he was still grinning like a young boy in a candy store. "Soon. I promise."

"The longer you stay, the more painful it is to watch you leave, you know," I complained.

"I'm sorry for not wanting to leave you, geez. Might as well be on my way, then." He attempted to sound uncaring, but that smile was still burned into him. He took a deep breath, reluctantly letting go of my hand. He met my gaze very desperately, seeming to take something in. He then looked lost in thought, even as he started to step away from where I was, focused exclusively on me.

"What is it?" I asked.

"One... one more goodbye kiss?" He asked cautiously.

I sighed. "You're having difficultly with this whole 'we'll meet up in a couple of days thing' today."

"I can't help it! This is the first time you've let me in your personal space since that first kiss we had. I want to make the most of it."

"I'll still be around in a couple of days." He stared at me with pleading eyes. "You've kissed me a lot today, haven't you?" His expression became more and more desperate, like I was the babysitter for that boy in the candy store, or, the one with the money to buy the candy. "I'm not going to say anything different just because you're looking at me like that." And to top it all of, his plea morphed into puppy eyes of guilt. "Goddammit, Oikawa, fine."

And so he kissed me one last time that day.

I only didn't want to have that last moment with him today as a kiss because I knew it would have made me even more upset than I had been before. And sure enough, now it really hurt to see him walk away, that smile permanently tattooed to his face. I loved that smile so much. It was so carefree, so joyful. It was unlike his mischievous smile, his playful smile. It was the one I could see and the one I ignited. If there's anything I didn't want to lose, it was that smile.

I feel like this is what Sugawara had meant, that day when he had tried to explain to me what love was. I didn't feel like all I had with Oikawa was a relationship built on intimacy. I didn't want that kind of constant attention from him that wiped away reality. I was conscious of reality when I was with him, and it was a good reality, a kind I was particularly unfamiliar with. I just hoped that I wouldn't go and end up disappointing him. Then again, with someone as stupid as Oikawa, I don't think he was all that hard to please.

I made my way back to my front door. I did not weep. I didn't look back, I didn't run back. I merely opened the front door, and entered it.

I had made a new beginning today, in the same place where not one, but two stories had met their ultimate close. Maybe it was the same story to tell: a flirtatious boy with a malleable heart, now connected to me in a relationship that I would have never dreamed of before. But I was willing to believe that because today, it was a light in the darkness, that this one would end far less tragically than the other two had before.

* fin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's the end!  
> Thanks so much to anyone who took the time to read this!


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